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March 19, 2006

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The Authoress clued me into this silly drama entitled Mommy Bloggers vs. Mom Bloggers. Hahahaha. They would absolutely hate this blog. Additionally, this lady seems to have a clue about it all. Thank goodness. ... [Read More]

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I think the real problem with being called a mommy blogger, is that those who do not have children assume we no longer have anything in common. And let's face it, Motherhood gives you a wider perspective, and I think it makes us more open and aware of other's viewpoints and opinions. We're bigger and better.

It's the same thing that happens in your social circle: Once you have children, the childless people become less interested in hanging around you, and you begin to navigate toward people with kids.

I missed the debate til now. I don't see what all the flap is about...
Mary mom to many

Really, I don't care what people want to call moms who blog. Those of us who enjoy blogging, whether it be about mom stuff or other stuff, we should just do what makes us happy. To hell with all the labeling bullXXXX!

I didn't think it was a 'war' as much as the simple fact I don't like being called Mommy by anyone other than my kid.

It sounds dismissive and patronizing.

It's fine if anyone wants to be called 'Mommy' in whatever context they choose, it just makes my skin crawl.

No judgement, no war, just personal preference.

I didn't even know that yet another divisive debate was going on about this either!
I have to say I do shy away from the label mommyblog too, but because of this: I feel that by labeling my blog a mommyblog, I would be advertising it as one in which I mostly blogged about my life as a mother, daily life with kids, etc., as most mommybloggers do. And that isn't really what I want to blog about all the time. Do I blog about my kid? Sometimes, sure, she IS a big part of my life and headspace, of course. But I also love that online I can leave my house for a bit, and go talk to other people. Some of them are mommybloggers, and I love to share experiences with the mommies I find there. Some of them are not. So I like to leave my blog unlabeled and open to whatever I feel like talking about on any given day. I'm a librarian and sometimes blog about that, too, btu I don't call it a librarian blog either. So I'm just a blogger, and mom or mommy or librarian, or whatever else I am is beside the point.

You rock. I'll be back.

i'm just trying to keep my head above water.

If pressed, I'd say mama's where its at.

oh [wo]man I was warned that the blogoverse was clique-y when I signed on but this is ridiculous. I mean I love Foucault as much as the next guy but still.

regardless, this dissection of our language around motherhood don't scare me. i'll take anything that says I don't have to be one-size-fits all breeding machine.

nice post -- though my dear, no one ever benefits from applique sweaters.

That's the thing about labels -they are never productive - I write - I hope people nod along and say wow me too or gee, i never thought of that - beyond that, it's all gravy...

good post, K - i had no idea this was even an issue!

I'm with mama_tulip, i had no idea. For me it's not even worth thinking about. Bigger and better things.

Excellent post though!

PS If you all want to continue the discussion of this topic, feel free to post here or visit:

http://www.contestformoms.com/2006/03/are-you-mom-blogger-or-mommy-blogger.html

BA ~ I'll keep the one where you tell me how cool I am. I enjoy the ego stroking. And how did you know - my next post is going to be about vaginal warts? :)

OOPS, yep, its a dupe. Please feel free to delete whichever you find to be the lesser amusing of the two.

Wow, color me clueless. I really had no idea this kind of petty, divisive bullshit was going on in the blogosphere. But then again, I'm still a little dazed from my stint as Purveyor of all things bitchy (Webmistress to a group of 7,000 women). Women Are Crazy. Good crazy and bad crazy and in between crazy.

As Groucho Marx said..."I don't want to belong to any group that would have me as a member."

Screw 'Em. Your blog is cool and fun to read. It could be about genital warts for all I care. But then I suppose the anal warts people would be all up in arms eh?

(this may or may not be a duplicate entry. I think my first might have been eaten by blog gremlins.)

My blog is boring (it's just basically an outlet/hobby for me), my kids drive me crazy (most of the time), my marriage isn't perfect (although we are still in love!). I try to keep up with the laundry, grocery shopping, field trips, carpooling and church and I also work the graveyard shift at Starbucks - so what am I? I work when everyone else sleeps. I think I'm just confused (and tired!) Thanks for the info and all the reading. I enjoyed clicking on the other sites and getting different view, too!

Well I take myself so seriously that it's Mrs. Mommyblogger to you MU! ;-)

I never understand what the big whoop is over these things. Are the Dad Bloggers having a fucking cow over Dad or Daddy blogging?

I think it boils down to this - either you're boring or you're not. If you're blogging about ass warts or child raising it doesn't matter, as long as it's interesting reading.

People need to stop being such douches.

Oh MY FREAKING GOD! Mom? Mommy? Mother-fucker? WHO CARES? Blogging is fun! It's a love letter for mom/mommy's/sociopaths/blahblah/whocares/whatevers to write to their children, themselves or their online readers. It's a freaking web journal.

"Let's all classify ourselves and each other and wear buttons with our names and a short definition of what kind of mom we are."

Um. Let's not.

My blog, however dry and boring, focuses on what is important in my life. I am pregnant and a will be a mom, so my blog focuses on that. I'm proud of who I am and my life. Having children, being pregnant, and balancing these things with LIFE is a huge accomplishment. Being truthful about how you're feeling is an even bigger one. Those are the blogs I like: honest, self-reflective, and no-holds-barred.

Kristin,

I think you have done a fabulous job of summing up the paradoxes that women throw at one another. I have recently reclaimed "Mommy Blogger" for myself during my post about the post partum depression I had. I am a mommyblogger, cause I worked hard to get to this place. However, Mothering is not all cake and crumpets.

What I worry about ( and avoid) is women who project what I feel is an unrealistic view of motherhood. I want to stand out and say "YOU! WOMAN! You will hate you child. You will fight someone to the death for your child and you will feel both of these things in the span of 30 seconds."

When we leave no room for the nuances of our experiences as mothers or as women, then we do deprive ourselves of an important touchstone in our personal development. A friend once told me that reading my blog - and blogs like mine helped her by realizing that "I'm not the only person in the world who adores and resents her kids at the same time!"

(PS MU - you fall into the "extraordinary" in my book LOL)

The blogosphere is like high school.

It is very cliquish…there is the “popular” crowd (which unfortunately in the blogosphere is dominated by men) then there are all the “other” groups that clan together, with an us vs them mentality.

The Band vs the Choir vs Drama Club vs Debaters.

Mommy Bloggers vs Mom Bloggers vs Parent Bloggers vs I-have-children-but-don’t-call-me any-of those-things blogs.

I blog because I love to write. Experts say to write well, you should write what you know. I know family. I know pain. I know humor.

Like or dislike a blog for what it says. If it is filled with “My kids are the greatest and I found this lovely new toaster cover that only cost $300” and that kind of writing makes you want to puke, then read something else. There are indeed an incredible amount of bloggers out here, some of them are horrid, some are extraordinary. Spend less time categorizing and complaining, more time enjoying.

Peace and joy to all from the old mother hippie blogger. LOL

Oh, isn't that the truth Izzy! The best laid plans always get all screwed up once you become a mother, a mom, a mommy, a mama, or whatever.
labels suck when they're used to categorize people in a judgemental way. truth of the matter, which I beleive is the purpose of this post...we ARE all on the same team. Imagine what we could accomplish as a community of mothers if we would all supported one another as such and put an end to this mother-judegment nonsense! #1 on my list: boot George W out and get some kick-ass mama in there! who's with me?

and by the way, i look pretty hot in my minivan! : )

I hate labels. I just call myself a blogger and leave it at that.

At this point, I'm happy to be called mom, mommy or, when I give the Dominos delivery guy a big tip, 'fine mama.'

(And what's with all the minivan-hatin, people?)

Sing it, Sister...
Of these: "make-up, clean underwear, and matching socks"
I consider getting two out of three on, applied etc... a successful outing.

I am a 'baby mama' blogger.

I'm with most everyone who says making a distinction is just a way to snark at whatever kind of blog you don't like. I'm mama, but my blog is mommymatic, so I reckon that makes me a mommy blogger. Whatever. I figure people will read if they want, and if they don't, I don't have to deal with haters, so yay for me. If someone wants to read Redbook and listen to freakin Bill OReilly on the minivan's satellite radio and then blog about it and call herself a mommy blogger, that's OK. We can share the title, and there's room for all. It's a BLOG, not an identity!!

Mrs. Davis ~ I'm glad you posted that.

I personally didn't realize there was a distinction between mom and mommy blogs (in terms of moniker)-but I certainly note a difference in the writing.

It's one thing if mom'my' bloggers (of the above described kind) write for their own families, enjoyment, etc... more power to 'em, BUT if you want people to read, enjoy, and comment, I believe you need to offer either interesting and/or diverse commentary AND/OR something funny.

I don't know if it's the content in particular but really how it's addressed.

I've read some great parenting blogs (ahem) that talk about poop, piss, and yak, but it's funny and I can relate.

I've tried to respond to this three times now, but keep deleting because I feel like I need to choose my words very carefully on this topic.

First off, it's a little disturbing to me how many people are commenting that they either didn't realize there was such a distinction, of don't identify particularly with either of these two labels, when most of those same women are part of a webring (CHBM) that clearly defines itself as "mom" not "mommy" according to what Kristen has described. I would put myself and my blog very squarely in the "mom" camp. I've said before that I don't care for the kind of blogs that Kristen describes as "mommy" blogs, and I'll stand by that. The main reason I don't like reading them is that their blogs/writing are very much lacking any sense of humor. This doesn't mean that I think I'm better than them - just different (although I will definitely watch what I write to make sure I don't take a condescending tone).

Secondly, the fact that there is a distinction between these two types of blogs doesn't necessarily mean there is a war going on. Yes, as women we can and should stick together and not be catty; but we also can and should recognize and respectfully acknowledge the differences between us.

Well, I am a mom to one child, mommy to another and my 3rd calls me momma, so I wouldn't begin to know where to put myself... I do blog about my kids, but I also blog about lots of other things... like the perv at Jack in the Box last Sat. night...

Honestly, I think it is all just another stereotype. For some reason, the world hates the "Soccer mom" because they love to hate what they dont understand. I am not a soccer mom. My daughters not even two and I'm a little unconventional but I truly believe that this day and age women are becoming far more independant and want to be feminine but strong and they look at the soccer mom as living their life for somebody else.

I don't yet know where my motherhood future lies.

Wow, I had no idea all this was going on in the blog world. I make it a point not to get caught up in all that BS. You are whoever you want to be - mom, mommy or bitch with a baby. I think I am the latter!!!

What gets me is this sudden need for labels on everyone. There's this whole mom blogger versus mommy blogger thing, there's the new queen bee versus follower mom versus floater mom debacle.

Why I would suddenly start labeling msyelf at age 34 simply b/c I've utilized my uterus, I have no idea.

Do I blog? Check
Do I blog about my child? Check
Do I post pictures of my child? Check
Do I think my child is the greatest (most of the time)? Check.
Do I write about other things, besides my child? Check, Check, Check.
Am I a Mommy(Mom, Mama, Ma) who blogs? Check-a-rooni

Now, if this makes me wrong, then I don't want to be right. Yes, I hate the stigma that being a "Mommy Blogger" carries but I also hate that I have stretch marks. However, it all comes with the Mommy territory. I still think I'm rockin' it with my low-waisted - thong wearing - cute highlighted hairdo - cool music on the radio (instead of Wiggles)- self. Only now I have a cool little person who accompanies me as my co-pilot and partner in crime.

And I prefer to refer to myself as "Bitch with an Attitude AND a Baby."

I've been called much, much worse.

I agree with you that it's not worth while to argue about it. Who really cares, after all? If someone wants to call me a mommy blog or a parenting blog or a California blog or whatever, who am I to care? Mommy blog is only a derogatory term because the people who are called that resent it.

Another excellent, thought-provoking post. Have I told you how cool you are, Kristen?

And Mom101 is right: there is the same thing in the bookworld, with "chicklit," "momlit," and "henlit" looked upon less favorably (usually by critics, sometimes by readers) than more "literary" women writers. Maybe I'm being simplistic, but I rarely see male writers like Dean Koontz or Tom Clancy called the "fluffy beach-read counterparts" of more "serious" writers like Thomas Pynchon or Philip Roth.

I'm a mommy/mom blogger or whatever and proud of it! I honestly didn't know there was a real difference and still don't care. People need to get a life and stop worrying about the mommy blog wars! That's ridiculous! There is so much more to worry about in the world...

One would think that as moms we would all come together and get over this "high school" BS!

The low risers are bad for the baby rolls too. I'm all about the "just below the waist" ones - but since I lost my ass during childbirth - I still have to wear a *gulp* BELT with those too.

They make thongs with little messages now... I forget the company. Ass something or other. You could get some of those!

I write on the internet.

That makes me a blogger.

I'm a mom.

If that makes me a mommy/mom/parenting... blogger, then I'm guilty as charged.

I'm a mommy/mom/un-mom/uber-mom/BITCH WITH BABY. I tend to refer to myself as Mommy, but I think that that's more of a reminder to myself of what I've become - someone with a baby who now has pet names for her breasts (and not in the kinky way).

All of which is to second the gist of your post - who cares?

(Have discovered, BTW, that rockin' the low-risers can be a hazard in play group - this discovered when I was hunched over the playmat with WonderBaby and a herd of baby boys and was treated to a toddle-by wedging, courtesy a passing three-year old who obviously couldn't resist the lure of visible mommy thong, er, underpants... way to feel like a dirty mother...)

I like parenting blogger too...

Let's face it - I put myself in another BE category so that I wouldn't get "lumped" together with the other "mommy" blogs - so there is certainly a stigma.

I didn't realize, however, that there was a huge disdain for the term.

Now back to crying because my sitter isn't coming today. DAMN.

Enh. The whole thing is just a recycled argument like the "Slacker Mom" vs "Uber Mom" debate from last year. Some people feel the need to label and look for rifts that really aren't there, IMO. When I'm reading a blog I look for good writing and some laughs. I don't care if it was written by a PTA member or an AA member. I figure if I could have a conversation with that person and wonder where the last 3 hours went, it's all good.

My two cents:

I think that the term "mommyblogger" implicitly demeans the craft, same as "chicklit" or "momoir." There are some fucking FANTASTIC writers out there, and blogs just happen to be their medium. As such, I want to see them get the respect they deserve. If that means changing the genre name, so be it.

Personally, I've never called myself a mommyblogger, maybe because my daughter isn't yet old enough to call me mommy. Or maybe just because it sounds silly when it rolls off my tongue. Or maybe because I'm just not yet successful enough to deliver it with the appropriate amount of irony. Dooce can do it. Me, not so much.

I'm with weirdgirl: parenting blogs sounds just fine. But I'll settle for momblogs.

Whoops, I think that was four cents.

This Mommy war is driving me nuts (I keep meaning to blog about it!). I hate the fact that women HAVE to label each other, cut each other down, and be at "war". If you want to wear an apron, I am not going to say a word, You want to work and be a mom, great! But do not judge me for my choices, because I am happy with my choices!! You make some excellent points sorry for being so bitter!

Anyone who is taking up the mommy war, should find a better use of their time. I'd rather focus my efforts on being a well rounded individual. Yes, a mommy but also so much more.

I'm with you. As a new blogger, I was very aware of mommy blog backlash. But, as you know, life is short, and sometimes tragic. I decided I didn't give a flying shit what anyone else thought. And became a blogging mama who talks about her kids, husband and whatever else, but talks about them proudly. To anyone who doesn't like it, turn the computer off, and go stuff yourself in a snowbank. There are too many other things in life that are important out there to concern yourself with, than worrying if you are a mommy or a mom blogger.

I am both, as well as a bitch with no baby, and to all others out there, who worry about this, shame on you!

I get irritated by the whole mommy wars things and all the mommy/mom/bitch with kids sub-labels that are out there. They are all just excuses to pass judgement, in my opinion. Who gives a crap? I like certain people regardless of what their roles are in life -- when they are genuine and kind. I could have 1000 things in common with another mom and not like her because I don't care for the way she treats other people. Demographic distinctions and labels are just cowardly ways of making the world more black and white than it needs to be.

Over the weekend I got snarked by a blogger who clearly doesn't have kids and thought my blog to be a waste of internet space because I post pics of my daughter. Which makes your post all the more timely.

I've never cared about labels. In fact, I've called myself a mommy blogger. Hell, it's in my title: A Mommy Story.

I'm nowhere near the description of a mommy blogger, though. Yes, I write about my daughter, but I do wear mid-rise jeans (not low - too chubby for that), v-neck t-shirts, and I can't cook worth a damn, I don't have a minivan, and I hate those women's magazines out there. While my blog does focus on Cordy, I am more than just a mom to her.

So yeah, I totally agree that people should find other fights to pick and stop trying to divide up the moms of the world into cliques with labels. Unity is needed more than ever with all of these "Mommy Wars" ideas being pushed by the media.

I'm so clueless. I didn't know it was "bad" to call someone a Mommy Blogger. In the grand scheme of things, it's really not that big of a deal.

Couldn't agree with you more! And we changed it to a drinking contest, not a bake off. :-) I think that's a better idea, n'est-ce pas?

Sigh. I know what you mean in your post, but as I approach my due date, I guess my blog *does* revolve around my soon to arrive baby, my husband, and my life. I guess it is kind of a "dear diary/events of my life" blog, but does that make it any less of a blog? Maybe I don't - and won't - ever get a large readership, but I still like blogging to put my thoughts out there.

I can tell you this, though - I'll never, ever wear high waisted jeans or drive a minivan. And is it okay that when people ask me what I'm looking forward to the most after giving birth is not holding my baby, but smoking a cigarette?

"So, call me mom, mommy, or bitch with a baby. We’re way stronger as a unified group."

Amen. Again.

Pass the Cool Whip Pie.

You know how I feel about this. Until recently, I was mistakenly calling the blogs I read (and write) parenting blogs. How misinformed could I be?!

Are there any MILF blogs? How about a "Not your Mother's blog"?

I have never really paid much attention to labels in my life. My blog contains posts about my children, my family, and my life. Therefore I would have to say that as a Mommy Blogger or a Mom Blogger I'm guilty as charged. As Izzy said, I'm proud to be both.

I really don't pay much attention to all that stuff. No matter where you go in life there will be people who think they are better than you or above you in some way. I just say I'm a mom (or mommy)and a blogger and proud of both. Am I other things? Of course. Do I expect certain people to ever "get" that little factoid. Not really. I just ignore them.

BUT there is this chick that lives in my city that has a popular technology blog and she frequently makes "mommy blogger" cracks. But she's like 25 and obviously has no children. When she does, I fully expect that she WILL blog about them. She just doesn't know it yet.

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