Dear Pimp Daddies (as stated on your back windshield):
I realize that perhaps you had some urgent business at Marilyn's Cottage, home of the only Mississippi State baby cheerleader uniforms in town, which led you to leave your car running, with windows rolled down, almost nearly blocking in my car. Maybe you were unable to see the diagonal white lines and 14 other cars parked within them. I'm the first to admit that vision loss happens to the best of us.
And while I appreciate you sharing your very kickin' rap grooves, particular the lovely bass beats, with the entire state of Mississippi, I think that perhaps you might have considered actually parking in a real spot. I know the cheerleading uniforms can be a bit overwhelming and might take more than the 5 minutes you planned on spending perusing the various pom poms and letterman tops, however, what you didn't realize (I'm thinking due to your excitement over the two-piece burgundy number with silver and white wristlets) was that you nearly parked me in.
While I did think about trying to find you, I didn't feel like wandering around in 95 degree weather with a toddler on my hip. I even considered just backing right into your car or better, driving it around the block and leaving it in another spot, legally parked, of course. However, I figured that might be called "stealing," and not feeling the desire for a visit to the big house today, I decided against it.
So, rather than damage my own car or reputation for that matter, I wanted to let you know that after I squeaked by your car (due to my amazing driving prowess), I was indeed the one who rolled up your windows and locked your car doors.
Based on the appearance of your car and the questionable contents, I have a feeling you didn't have a hard time breaking in re-entering your vehicle. And honestly, I hope that it caused you just enough of an inconvenience to never ever do that again, particularly to a new mother with PMS, a cranky toddler, and a very very bad hair day.
Deepest Regards,
Motherhood Uncensored
I would have been way too scared to do that. You're my hero.
Posted by: Becki | April 28, 2006 at 09:50 PM
I just found your blog and I think I love you...
Posted by: Jessica | April 27, 2006 at 06:13 PM
dont mess with mrs. mississippi. dammit.
rawk on sista.
Posted by: stella | April 25, 2006 at 04:27 PM
Maybe if I had read this post I would have realized you're from Mississippi.
I love that you did that.
Posted by: Carolyn | April 25, 2006 at 03:36 PM
Awesome. That would have happened only in my imagination.
Posted by: abogada | April 24, 2006 at 01:58 PM
Such wicked goodness. The things you teach us Kristen! I wish I could have seen the face of that particular princess when she saw her car. Too damned funny!
Posted by: Redneck mommy | April 23, 2006 at 01:27 PM
You are my new blogger girl-crush!
Posted by: Trina | April 22, 2006 at 10:48 PM
OMG - too funny!!!
Posted by: lizriz | April 22, 2006 at 07:11 PM
i would be way too chicken to do that.
you give me courage!
Posted by: Mommy off the Record | April 22, 2006 at 12:57 PM
And I thought my revenge story was classic. You are awesome, that is so freaking funny. I hope they were robbing a store and then got caught because of what you did.
Posted by: mrsfortune | April 22, 2006 at 12:51 PM
I was going to say, in response to your question at my post about what t-shirt you should do for yourself, that it should be 'Patrick Dempsey is my Bitch.' Now, however, I'm thinking that it should be more along the lines of 'Ain't No Punk Ass Bitches Messin' with this Bad Mutha.'
This truly, truly is Bad Mutha-hood at its finest.
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | April 22, 2006 at 08:51 AM
Did you DO that?!?! Did you REALLY DO THAT!
LOLOLOLOLLLLLL!!!!!!!
Oh! Oh! I hope they were scooping on the sales girl and were going to impress her by swaying out to the car, jumping in, and peeling away.
You are too much, lol!
Posted by: jozet | April 22, 2006 at 02:18 AM
Fan-FUCKING-tastic!!!! If I ever find myself in a similar situation, I'm totally gonna do that.
Super MOM!
Posted by: Daily Piglet | April 22, 2006 at 01:23 AM
OMG! That is hilarious! I don't think I could ever do anything like that!
Posted by: Petite Mommy | April 21, 2006 at 08:44 PM
How did you not lurk by the entrance to see their reaction?
You fully rawk the petty revenge.
Posted by: kittenpie | April 21, 2006 at 06:39 PM
You just officially made my day. That is the best!! I would have loved to drive around the corner to spy on their reaction.
Posted by: Sunshine Scribe | April 21, 2006 at 05:50 PM
did that really happen??? Oh MY GOD, I am sure it did and you wrote that so well. You go girl!!!! I love it.
Posted by: jodes | April 21, 2006 at 04:38 PM
ROFLMAO...
please oh please tell me the car was still running???!!!!
Posted by: Rebecca | April 21, 2006 at 03:49 PM
That is hilarious.
Posted by: Amy | April 21, 2006 at 03:46 PM
OMG I wish I had the guts to do something like that! You are my hero!
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | April 21, 2006 at 03:19 PM
No. Fucking. Way.
Dude. Pimp Daddies do not drive Crown Vics. Old people and COPS drive Crown Vics. What a fucking poser.
Posted by: Julie | April 21, 2006 at 03:19 PM
Good for you! You have bigger cojones than me- I'd just complain loudly to anyone listening, but not do a damn thing about it.
We actually live in a quite urbanized area, and EVERY NIGHT when I try to sleep, I can hear them on the highway- BUMP BUMP BUMP. It shakes my windows- literally. Leah sleeps through it- and her dad snores through it- or breathes loudly in my ear through it- and me? I seethe while tossing and turning. Just when I think I can sleep- BUMP BUMP BUMP again.
Don't get me wrong- I LOVE hip/hop and R&B music- but NOT AT 1AM!
I'm glad someone put one of them in thier place!
Posted by: Kristen | April 21, 2006 at 03:08 PM
You are my hero. Too freaking funny. I thougt I commented once already, but I think it was eaten.
Posted by: Melissa | April 21, 2006 at 03:03 PM
OMG---you are my hero!!!!!
Posted by: Jaime | April 21, 2006 at 03:01 PM
OH NO YOU DINT!
That's awesome. Just yesterday, I was passing a guy in his car, radio blaring, and said (loudly) to the baby as we passed, "isn't that nice of the nice man to share his crappy music with everyone on the street? We like sharing, don't we!"
You have balls enough for the lot of us, K.
Posted by: Mom101 | April 21, 2006 at 02:43 PM
That cracks-my-ass up! Way to go!
Posted by: Jennifer | April 21, 2006 at 02:41 PM
Sweet. I wish I'd seen their reactions. I'm sure it included some remarks similar to "What the f**K, s**t, motherf****r. Dang." Not necessarily in that order.
Posted by: Kristen | April 21, 2006 at 02:23 PM
You kick some serious mama-ass!
You're my new mom-hero, gutsy girl.
Posted by: tracey | April 21, 2006 at 02:22 PM
HA! Good for you!
Posted by: Chag | April 21, 2006 at 02:20 PM
Ahh a girl after my own heart, though I probably would have parked around teh corner and taken camera phone pictures of them trying to get back into the car - but i'm a bitch like that BWHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by: fidget | April 21, 2006 at 01:33 PM
Did you really roll up his windows and lock the door? You are my hero. Too fucking funny. "Pimp Daddies". HAHAHAHHA
Posted by: Melissa | April 21, 2006 at 01:23 PM
you left a big gob of spit on the steering wheel didn't you? huh? huh?
very funny!
Posted by: joy | April 21, 2006 at 01:13 PM
Yes, the car was TOTALLY running and it felt good.
Very good.
Posted by: Kristen | April 21, 2006 at 01:06 PM
*snort* I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when they came out to find their locked car running.
Posted by: mama_tulip | April 21, 2006 at 01:00 PM
Oh no you di'n't! You are AWESOME, woman!
Posted by: Noelle | April 21, 2006 at 12:10 PM
A kindred spirit, indeed. That is SO what I would have done :)
Posted by: Izzy | April 21, 2006 at 11:52 AM
And I bet as you were doing it, your first thought was "I'm SO blogging this!"
Freaking love you, woman! ROFL
Posted by: Chase | April 21, 2006 at 11:34 AM
So that's what happened to my car... :)
Posted by: zygote daddy | April 21, 2006 at 11:31 AM
That is the reason I woke up this morning, to read this post. I only wish I could think that stuff up when something along those lines happens to me. Alas, I probably would have just cursed at them under my breath so my Little Bald Doctor wouldn't have heard and repeated what I said. I agree with Patti that, had I been clever enough to think of such a thing, I would have found somewhere down the street to sit and watch the fun.
Posted by: Andrea | April 21, 2006 at 11:28 AM
Brilliant!
Posted by: Kristi | April 21, 2006 at 11:27 AM
Nice. Way more gutsy that I would have been.
Posted by: nonlineargirl | April 21, 2006 at 11:18 AM
Fabulous!
Posted by: Amanda S. | April 21, 2006 at 11:14 AM
That. Was. Awesome!
Posted by: Eden | April 21, 2006 at 11:10 AM
I fucking adore you.
Posted by: Hill | April 21, 2006 at 11:07 AM
"I was indeed the one who rolled up your windows and locked your car doors."
You didn't!!! OMG! That is priceless!
Posted by: Pattie (Domesticator) | April 21, 2006 at 11:01 AM
LOL!
I choked on my coffee when I got to the rolling up the windows part. Ha! Very cool.
Being me, I think I would've hung around somewhere to watch the fun when he got back to his car.
Posted by: J. | April 21, 2006 at 10:50 AM
Wow! That's awesome. I would never have had the guts to roll up her windows and lock her doors. I would have been afraid she'd think I was breaking into her car or something!
I hope her keys were in there... That'll teach her..
Posted by: Undercover Angel | April 21, 2006 at 10:47 AM
Yeay!!!!!!!
I LOVE this post. You are so very sassy, funny and smart. You are SO the crazy/hip in the blogging mama's!
Posted by: Lisa B | April 21, 2006 at 10:41 AM
That. Is. AWESOME.
Kristen, you TOTALLY ROCK! (but I knew that already.) I'm getting your first drink at BlogHer, just for that story.
Posted by: Nancy | April 21, 2006 at 10:30 AM
Actually, I was going to get a Cool Mom Picks shirt and my hair done just in case the Enquirer called. I have no shame. At least when it comes to self promotion :)
Posted by: Kristen | April 19, 2006 at 08:17 AM
You go girl. You empower mamas everywhere. And isn't it sweet you know there is no way on hell he'll be reading your blog? Whew!
Posted by: kvetch blogger | April 19, 2006 at 08:14 AM