A Tribute to Mothers of the Southern Persuasion

If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time (like 2 seconds even) you’ll realize that I live in Mississippi, and I really really love it. I mean, who doesn’t love the driving 25 in a 55 zone behind a carful of teenagers, the sweet smell of sweat and urine at the local Sunflower (think a poor excuse for a Piggly Wiggly) and being called “maam” at least four times a day.  Simply marvelous, right?

All kidding aside, the South does get a pretty bad rap, especially here at MU, so I thought in honor of Mother’s Day and my participation in the corresponding celebratory Bloggect, I’d point out the brilliant mothering techniques exhibited by certain mothers of the South.

Ingenuity: Why the hell did I spend 52.7 hours trying to figure out all possible nasty playground derivations of my kid’s moniker?  What I should have done was just choose one of the crazy names as HER actual name and pretend like it was really cool – like Hays, Wells, Briggs, Sims, and Buchanan (a girl).

Compromise: Instead of going to battle with my kid about eating their veggies and candy bars, I should just deep fry them. It seems to work well around here.

Creativity: Kids speak really early down here. I just met a 5 month old that can say “Bye-bye.” Granted, it sounds like “bah-bah” to me, but thanks to the sweetass Southern accent, the kid is a genius.

Safety: Considering how ugly bright shirts and identification bands are, I’m thinking that the large hair bow the size of my daughter’s head coupled with a matching polka-dot trapeze pillowcase pinafore (I shit you not) is a great way for me to keep an eye on her in the crowd.

Diversity: Other than a few Latino and Asian business owners, diversity is hard to come by. But not for the mothers in my mommy-n-me music class who said they were venturing away from their Baptist church to *gasp* visit the Methodists. Way to cross the line, ladies.

Unity: Just when you thought the mommy wars were peaking, I overheard a few Southern moms discussing the “horrible and terrible” southern accent of American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler. At first, I was confused. But, then I got it – moms banding together. Makes perfect sense.

So, Happy Mother’s Day my Southern moms of My Town, Mississippi. No matter how annoying you are, I must admit, you have a way of making me look like shining star. And for that, I thank you. Yes maam I do.

Comments

[Daily Piglet]

I am Southern born and bred, and I would not want to live in Mississpi.

I used to be ashamed to tell people that I was raised in the South but after living in New England (CT and MA) for a year, I embrace my Southern-ess. Many times, I am my husband's Southern to English translator. And sometimes, if it's a very thick southern drawl my ears bleed.

The area that I live in is a HUGE melting pot of transplanted Northerners. Very rarely on the playground do I meet fellow Southerners.

[CroutonBoy]

Very, very funny. I'll never forget a guy I worked with (briefly) from Mississippi who explained that the difference between Mississippi and Alabama could be summarized in the length of the pronunciation of the following word:

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck"

[Anne Glamore]

In our parts, milk has 2 syllables.

"Mee-ulk."

This is priceless!

[misfithausfrau]

That.Was.Awesome.

[jozet]

Hey! I'm from the South and I take offense....

Just kidding. I'm from northern Appalachia. It's good to know that there are other people out there to tease besides me and my yonko ways. ;-)

Signed,

MaryAnne Anne-Marie Dolores Guziewiczkiwicz

[Busy Mom]

I forgot all about Sunflower! We used to have them here. Wait, I'm a Tennessean, I should say, "We use ta hay-uv them thar sto's hee-yur."

[Mom101]

I have an inlaw from the south and I don't know if your part of the south is like her part of the south, but all the children have like eighteen names. And apparently you can't just use the first one. You have to actually say, "Florence-Jo-Clarkson, how are you today?" And that's not even counting the last name.

[Kristi]

Hey, I really like the new look at Cool Mom Picks! Great job.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Karen ~

YOU ROCK. Those are it baby. Check out the url people.

[Lucinda]

All this talk of your town really reminds me of the three hellish years I spent in Columbia, SC.

[Christina]

Wow, visiting the Methodists, eh?

Growing up in small town Ohio, different churches competed against each other. Being Presbyterian was good - it meant you got out of church 15 min. before the Baptists and beat them to the local restaurants for lunch. :)

Way too funny! The deep south scares me sometimes!

[Karen]

Polka-dot pillowcase dress, for sale right here!

http://tinyurl.com/k6rba

[Kara]

heh heh. That was awesome. I'm gonna go and kiss the good 'ol Massachusetts dirt outside my door now.

[Nancy]

I do love the southern accents, though. They're like honey on the tongue. And ma'am -- what's wrong with ma'am? (I don't mind it much as long as it's used with respect -- in fact I chose that name to represent the working me so that I could portray how I *like* to be treated in a work environment.)

LOL at the name thing -- at various times in my life I knew guys named Ashley and Finley, both southern born and bred. And the girls all had guys' names, like Parker.

It's amazing all the cultural differences even in parts of the same state. When I lived in SE Virginia all the women I worked with wore frilly, floral dresses and skirts to work. I felt funny in my simple, neutral clothes. Guess I'm a city girl at heart.

[Melissa]

Holy shit, visit the methodists. Never have I head of such a thing.

HAHAHAHAHA, to freaking funny.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I'll see if I can get a pic of the pillowcase pinafores. They run rampant in these parts.

[Arwen]

You forgot at six months the baby can san Grandma, it is pronounced Mawh Mawh, but again, another sign of genius.

[Lisa B]

Heehee. Love it. Never been to Mississippi but you always make me feel like I ain't missin' out on nothin'.

[J's Mommy]

How long have you lived in Mississippi (I can't type that without singing it)?

[Carolyn]

Have you developed a drawl at all from moving to the South? I spent a week in Tennessee over college spring break and returned to the Northeast talking like Forest Gump.

Please take a picture of the hair bows and pinafores for us.

[Kristen]

I'm a snotty east coast Bitch myself- Jersey girl born and bred- and Italian at that. Moving to Florida has made me realize - Holy shit, Florida is in the south! I always KNEW where FL was, but never really put 2 and 2 together until I got here. Now I realize- I can't understand half the people here, and I'm waaay to pale. I'm off to learn southern ghetto ebonics and tan myself like leather.

[nonlineargirl]

Ha, you are doing nothing to challenge my coastal superiority complex. ('cause there are no hicks or loons in Oregon, no ma'am.)

[mama_tulip]

Polka-dot pillowcase pinnafores, eh? Dang. The best you get up here is a kid running through the trailer park with a mullet wearing a flour sac. You've got The Great White North beat. ;)

[urbanchildbride]

So funny! The idea of Southern-accented baby-talk cracks me up.

[mothergoosemouse]

Dude, I love you.

My three months in Biloxi - against my will - was enough to convince me that there is no fucking way I will ever move down south. My apologies to the cool moms down there (I know there must be a few besides K), but like Karen, I am a snotty east coast beeyotch at heart.

[Her Bad Mother]

You mean that Methodists roam freely in Mississippi? Can they sit at the front of the bus?

I joke. I've never even met a Methodist. We don't have them in Canada.

;)

[Pattie]

OK Kristen, you aren't helping me right now! I am a "Yankee" from the Northeast who is relocating to the South in about 6 weeks...

[tracey]

Ah yes, there's always a silver- lining.
Sometimes.

[Redneck mommy]

Ever thought about working in the tourism industry? Because everytime I read your description of this state, I have to restrain myself from making Mississippi our next vacation destination.

Sounds like me and my hubs could have a blast laughing our asses off! Thanks for the giggles, Maam.

[Hill]

I actually quite miss the "ma'am"s and "sir"s of the South. Of course, when you say it here (in England) people actually do look at me as though I've a huge American flag protruding directly from my arse.

((sigh))

"Visiting the Methodists" LMFAO, girl.

[Karen]

Ummm, not to hijack your comments or anything, but have I mentioned *cough, cough* that I saw Garrison Keillor live for the show with Emmy Lou?

I do give folks from MN some credit due to the fact that a certain segment of the population has a sense of humor about themselves!

[fidget]

visit the methodists! BWHAHAHA you sound like Garrison Keeler... Tell me i'm not the only one excited about The Praire Home OCmpanion movie...

[Karen]

Oooooohhhhhhh. I have to admit to being one of those terrible East Coast-centric people; I thought moving from NYC to MN was bad, but MS is definitely on the list of places that I will never live.

*shivers in appreciation of the horror*

[Motherhooduncensored]

PM ~ Kentucky is like New England compared to MS. It's bbbbbbbbbbbad here.

Krista ~ I moved here for work - met huz here who is an air force pilot and we are here until we get moved by the military.

Kelly ~ Yikes.

[Kelly]

That does sound crazy. But here in the Upper Midwest we have our own type of craziness. Every time I go outside the house (we live on an intersection of two alleys in the city) or to any store, I hear moms calling their kids M-F-ers and threatening to beat their M-F-ing asses. That does a lot to boost my confidense as a parent.

[Petite Mommy]

I'm a Southern Mommy..not a Southern Mississippi Mommy but I guess Kentucky is close enough. I think we are a little different..LOL... We are hillbillys!

Although I was born & raised here and live here, I still don't act the part. I'm not your stereotypical Southerner except for the accent & being polite.

Funny post :)

[Jaime]

Thats hysterical! And oh so true!

[krista]

You actually have a category on your site called "why mississipi sucks" ?

Hilarious.

Are you totally settled in Mississippi? Or does your husband's work mean that you move often?