While I know a few of you get a chuckle out of my uncensored rants on kid leashes, sex talk, and other "unspeakables," you don't fool me. I know why you are here.
You can't believe I live in Mississippi and you can't believe how crazy it is.
Sure, I write rather entertaining posts on my mother's journey to China, how moms are really training to be secret agents, and parenting in general. But for the most part, I feel like people know me as the college professor suffering through her lonely days in the Deep South.
Sounds so dramatic. And yet, it's fairly accurate.
And while Mississippi certainly has its fair share of quirks, like misquitos, pimento cheese sandwiches (and yes, they taste as bad as they sound), and some really bad hairdos, I have to admit that its been pretty good to me.
I mean, I started a college undergraduate program, wrote a book, met my husband, and had my daughter. And hell. Look at my blog. Just from bitching about a state with way too many 's'es. Okay. Maybe there's more. But still. Admit it. You love the Mississippi cracks.
And while I have suffered through various forms of racism, some really bad meals, and several conversations where I had no clue what people were saying, I have to realize that there are some good things to be remembered.
But don't worry. I'm not getting all sappy on you.
I'm just reminiscing before I kiss Mississippi's stinky, anti-green, red-loving, porkrind and chitlin eating, slow driving, bad accent, ignorant fool ASS GOODBYE.
Because in a few months (or maybe sooner), I will no longer be a New Jersey transplant. That's right. I will once again be a NJ/PA/DE resident (not sure yet). It seems that the Air Force, after trying to send us to North Dakota and then keeping us here indefinitely, has finally approved our early leave request. And so WE ARE OUT.
Let me say it again.
WE ARE LEAVING MISSISSIPPI!
And sure, part of me realizes that my blogging career has been largely based on my life in Mississippi and I'm a little worried.
What will I blog about? Will anyone read me when I'm complaining about my too-hot soy mocha at Starbucks? Or that I had to sit in traffic for 2 hours just to go 35 miles? Or that my soft pretzel salt got stuck in my teeth and I had to go to the dentist? Or that my plethora of friends through me a baby shower and I farted. In public.
UGH. That's just doesn't sound as fun as the "black n' white prom," "free shave and enema" offer at the hospital, and deep fried pickles.
I mean, will you still love me if I'm in Philly?
But then I realized (for various very long reasons that have to do with money and the air force) I have to live with my in-laws for awhile. Yes, those in-laws.
So, I'll have more than enough blog fodder... so long as I don't have to pay too much for my wireless, computer time, and babysitting. How much do grandparents charge these days?
Shameful and hateful. Apparently, courtesy and good manners were not a part of your home training.
Oh, and it is spelled mosquito. William Faulkner and Eudora Welty probably know how to spell correctly, but then again, they are real writers.
Posted by: scott | June 18, 2009 at 03:04 PM
Woo Hoo! Welcome back. I'm sure there will be no lack of blogging targets here in Philadelphia. I'm excited about your return.
Posted by: Carolyn | August 03, 2006 at 04:35 PM
Oh! Oh! Oh! The excitememt of having Motherhood Uncensored in Philly is almost more than I can take!!! Congrats on getting out... you can cling to the sweetness of leaving whilst at the in-laws [esp. since you won't be able to draw strength from Jack or Jim right now:)].
Posted by: Susan | July 27, 2006 at 10:15 PM
hey! that's so exciting! i didn't have any idea you were getting sprung! congrats!
Posted by: kyra | July 27, 2006 at 09:50 PM
Philadelphia?! I live in Philadelphia. There is much blog fodder here and a few sensible people too. Including me, on alternate Tuesdays. Inside scoop on all child-friendly locations within a ten mile radius? I'm your crazed mother-blog-stranger to call.
Really. You can. Good luck with the move.
Posted by: Stuntmother | July 27, 2006 at 08:28 AM
Yay!! Happy moving and, when you're driven to drink, just repeat ad nauseum: the in-laws thing is only temporary...
(good luck!)
Posted by: Jenn | July 26, 2006 at 04:08 PM
Okay, but . . .I grew up in Delaware, and it's not all that. Perhaps compared to Mississippi, though? The water ice, though--that's a pretty good reason to go back. You have to pronounce it wuhdah ice, though.
Posted by: Amy | July 26, 2006 at 12:24 PM
Congratulations on getting out. Sounds like things are really looking up for you (except for the in-laws part that is).
Posted by: macboudica | July 26, 2006 at 12:17 PM
I will probably even read you more...since I was born in Philly...lived in Delaware until 6th grade...and then spent my days in Ocean City, NJ until I graduated in 90 and came out West!!!
Have a REALLLLL Philly cheesesteak for me...REALLLLL friggin pizza and go stick your toe in the Atlantic for me...PUH-LEEZ!!!!
Posted by: Jen | July 26, 2006 at 11:19 AM
although i live in DC now, i am from near MS -- ie tennessee, another state w. multiple consonants in quick succession. i love some things abt where i am from (although i can sympathize w. your tribulations). however - re the knock on pimento cheese, i have to say you just have not had a good one. bec they are to die for.
Posted by: csuebee | July 26, 2006 at 11:14 AM
Ooooh, the inlaws though?
Kinda like out of the frying pan, into the fire.
*wink*
Posted by: J. | July 26, 2006 at 09:50 AM
Oh, this is such great news. Are they going to give you your medal of honor at the border as you leave? You deserve it. I CANNOT IMAGINE.
What I'm wondering is how did you respond when you found out?
CONGRATS!
Posted by: Stephanie A. | July 25, 2006 at 11:27 PM
Yay! you're getting out! Yay!
Ugh, living with the in-laws. I sympathize sweetie. I am only just now starting to like my own sister-in-law again.
Posted by: Andrea | July 25, 2006 at 11:03 PM
Seriously, what else could be going on in your life right now? So many good wishes for you and your family. I think it's great that you are coming "back home" sorta.
Posted by: Stacy | July 25, 2006 at 09:28 PM
But whatever will all the Mississippi-loving blog readers have to say about this? Who will they get mad at now?
Man, you just ruin stuff for everyone with all your happiness, don't you.
Posted by: Mom101 | July 25, 2006 at 08:34 PM
Dang, Kristen. What other earth-shattering news can you spring on us? Here's to adventure! Best of luck as you plan your move.
Posted by: Asha | July 25, 2006 at 07:25 PM
Two days of good news! I suppose tomorrow you're going to tell us you won the lottery.
Still waiting to hear what's in a maternitini....
Posted by: Kim | July 25, 2006 at 06:53 PM
You're so much more than Mississippi ;) Here's to the dirty north!
Posted by: Binky | July 25, 2006 at 06:02 PM
PHILLY!
We have family outside of Philly! WE GO THERE!
Short of you coming to Canada, Philly's the best place possible.
You know what this means, don't you? Double ginger-ales for you this weekend, sweetie! We're celebrating double!
(Are you wishing that I would use more exclamation points?
!!!!!!)
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | July 25, 2006 at 05:09 PM
Can't wait to see where you'll end up. I live in PA in the outskirts of Philly and work in Wilmington, DE. My in-laws are all in South Jersey.
I do find lots to blog about, although mine is no where near as funny as yours.
Congratulations on being able to come back to civilization.
Posted by: Heather | July 25, 2006 at 05:05 PM
Recently found your blog and you crack my shit up! Love it
Congrats on the bun in the oven and the move out of Mississippi.
I just had to fly to MS 2 wks ago for work and it was awful. The food, ugh, the hair and lack of fashion sense. My new boss is in MS and I don't heart my new boss. I say run away from that state as fast as you can!!!!
Posted by: MommyMe | July 25, 2006 at 04:59 PM
I'm so happy for you! Glad that you are able to get out of there finally!
Posted by: Mommy off the Record | July 25, 2006 at 04:58 PM
Hey you could go live with MY parents instead? How does that sound? (Not so good, I know). Anyway, all I can think of is when I get back for a visit we are so getting together in person. If my parents knew about my blog I would send them to meet you in my place. I think you are going to be about 27 seconds from where I grew up. We will have much to discuss! Plus now you have to teach Q about Butterscotch Krimpets!
Posted by: Kvetch | July 25, 2006 at 04:33 PM
pregnant and leaving mississippi! things are looking up!
Posted by: krista | July 25, 2006 at 04:25 PM
I'm so glad for you that you're going back east! My boyfriend will be jealous because he hates FL and wants to be in Jersey- but I don't want to go back (Jersey girl at heart, but loving the FL sunshine!). Oh and he farted when we were looking at an apartment a few weeks ago- in front of the realtor! LOL.
Here's looking forward to the posts about the in laws!!!
Posted by: Kristen | July 25, 2006 at 04:03 PM
The only thing better than reading this blog is listening to you tell this stuff in person.
Complete with the fullest, most contagious laugh that anyone at BlogHer will have ever heard.
It's going to be so good to have you home, K.
Posted by: BFF | July 25, 2006 at 03:54 PM
Dam two congradulations in two days. Yea for leaving Mississippi. I am so happy for you. And yes, I will still read your blog. No worries.
Posted by: Melissa | July 25, 2006 at 03:25 PM
Hey! Massachusetts has just as many "S"s as Mississippi... move up here, we've got loads to bitch about.
Congratulations on your twofold fabulous news! You will, of course, have fodder wherever you go just by virtue of being you.
(By the way. We live with my mother... not even my "inlaws"... and I tell you, I have since been put on Prozac and still have reached the end of my rapidly fraying rope, so good luck to you with THAT situation...sounds like you'll need it. On the other hand, maybe you can get a Brazilian without chancing a stint in the pokey. That sounded really pornographic...but I didn't mean it to. Don't let the baby read that.)
Posted by: karyn | July 25, 2006 at 03:18 PM
There are stupid people (and things) everywhere. I'm sure you'll find plenty to mock no matter where you end up. Congratulations!
Posted by: Chag | July 25, 2006 at 02:56 PM
So you will be trading pimento sandwiches for Scrapple?
If you get transferred to Dover AFB, you will have PLENTY of blog fodder. Same people, different accent. But Tax Free Shopping. As if.
(former Dover Girl here)
Posted by: Michele | July 25, 2006 at 02:56 PM
My husband (from DE) says water ice too... It's quite a silly name for it. To the person who asked for an explanation, around these parts (MO) we call is shaved ice. Like a slushee type thing.
Also, I love fried pickes, but only if they are spears.
Posted by: Emily | July 25, 2006 at 02:50 PM
YAY!! Movin back over into my neck of the woods! Buh-live me, NJ and Pennsyltucky has plenty to complain...err I mean...blog about.
Posted by: Maniacal | July 25, 2006 at 02:42 PM
Just wait until you can't get a pimento cheese sandwich and then you'll miss it.
Congrats on your move!
Posted by: Jenny | July 25, 2006 at 02:21 PM
Two awesome news! Happy for you! Although I only got to read your blog recently, I'm totally hooked! So no matter where you'll go...I know the materials will be just great!
Posted by: Waya | July 25, 2006 at 02:20 PM
Hooray for more good news! Now you can be Motherhood Uncensored "Now with Brotherly Love."
I somehow think I'll still flashback to images of you when I call out for my daughter to start listening to me by the count of three. One Mississippi, Two Mississippi...
Posted by: something blue | July 25, 2006 at 02:15 PM
Wow! You finally get to leave. I'm thinking blogging from North Dakota would have been interesting. I'm glad you get to live someplace you like but I feel sorry for you about having to live with the in-laws. Hopefully it wont be for too long.
Posted by: petite mommy | July 25, 2006 at 02:14 PM
I will read you no matter where you end up...though it may have been pretty funny to read about life in the Dakotas!!!! :) AND since you will be in the Philly area, I can call you a "regional neighbor" and we can botch about our long 20 mile drives that take 4 hours together!!!
Posted by: Jaime | July 25, 2006 at 02:10 PM
Whoo! Congrats!
I guess I'm too late to send you a link to this book that I found while looking through the Dewey Donation System's Amazon wish lists:
"The Mississippi Chinese: Between Black and White."
Posted by: Lady M | July 25, 2006 at 02:09 PM
WOW! I can hear that lovely Philly accent now. "Wooder" ice, indeed.
I was going to say it's a week of good news, until I got to the part about the in-laws. Uh, good luck with that.
Posted by: Mayberry | July 25, 2006 at 02:09 PM
Personally, I don't know how you survived Mississippi as long as you have. Having lived in VA and OH (both of which I deem incredibly southern)- I want to go back north! People walk at a normal pace instead of walking as s.l.o.w. as possible. People eat normal food - i.e. no pickled animal parts.
Congrats on the move - but good luck with the in-laws. I couldn't do it. :P
Posted by: Bri | July 25, 2006 at 01:58 PM
Glory hallelujah! I know how hard it can be to get the hell out of Mississippi (and to get out of the service in general - they put a Stop Loss on me only a few weeks before I was scheduled to start terminal leave.) and I'm glad you've made it.
Here's to the next step, for all four of you!
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | July 25, 2006 at 01:47 PM
1. Pimento cheese does not taste bad. It is one of the best sandwiches ever as long as it is homemade.
2. Fried Pickles are delicious as long as they are chips and not spears.
3. I live in Alabama and was raised in Arkansas.
4. Please don't hurt me.
Posted by: Mrs. CPA | July 25, 2006 at 01:44 PM
Where in Mississippi are you? Keesler? Columbus? I was stationed at both in my Air Force days. Ugh. Two very long years.
Posted by: Karl | July 25, 2006 at 01:39 PM
I feel your pain. I have lived in the 3 most backassward states in the USA (MS, GA, and now SC). In fact, I am happy to report that these places have had no lasting effect on me, the way I speak, or my education. I do fear for my sons though. Congrats on moving, and the new baby! I hope you enjoy your frigid winters!
Posted by: Mama C | July 25, 2006 at 01:33 PM
Very happy for you, and I have no doubts whatsoever that you'll be the same freakin' hilarious writer no matter where you are. :) And hey, you might not be the only Asian in the room anymore! Yay! ;)
Posted by: daddy in a strange land | July 25, 2006 at 01:28 PM
What the f...? A new baby, moving out of your hell hole. Life's changing in all these ways to make you, gulp, happy. *Really* happy. Not sure if that's good for us in bloglandia. If not miserable, will you keep up the snark? The wit? The porn writing?
Oh wait, you're living with the in-laws. You will be miserable.
As Tim Gunn says, carry on.
Posted by: Fizzle | July 25, 2006 at 01:21 PM
Can you explain "water ice"? Is there any other kind?
And also, I love Philly, and know two bloggers who live there, plus they have cheesesteak. I bet the Moms there are really nice and will invite you on playdates too!
Two pieces of good news from you this week. Most excellent, indeed.
Posted by: Elizabeth | July 25, 2006 at 01:12 PM
Well aren't you just full of surprises. First, you are pregnant and now you are moving. Congrats to you! I know you hate it "down here." Eeeeek, living with the in-laws???
Posted by: Silly Hily | July 25, 2006 at 01:10 PM
Hurray! And don't you mean "wooder ice?"
Posted by: Lori | July 25, 2006 at 01:01 PM
whoo hoo! i am SO glad to hear this--it's long overdue. So Philly?? I am utterly jealous, but really really pleased for you:)
Posted by: joy | July 25, 2006 at 12:56 PM
Holy shit...you're leaving. Woo hoo!
Posted by: mamatulip | July 25, 2006 at 12:55 PM
Woohoo! We can't wait to have you home!
Goodbye Mississippi! Hello east coast! :)
We hope to see you soon!
Posted by: JChase | July 25, 2006 at 12:54 PM
Also, I forgot to mention that I know a GREAT bikini waxer in the Philly area!
Posted by: Amy Jo | July 25, 2006 at 12:39 PM
We just moved from Philly to the deep south of Georgia and your blog has helped me realize that it's not me, it's them. Good luck, and once you get there be sure and have a cheesesteak for me, ok? From Geno's.
Posted by: Amy Jo | July 25, 2006 at 12:38 PM
YAY for you!!!! I'm so excited you're getting out of there!! We shall do a happy dance this weekend!
Posted by: Chase | July 25, 2006 at 12:20 PM
I'm sure you'll have no shortage of blog material wherever you live. Although North Dakota may have gotten old kind of fast (it's flat, it's cold, there's NO ONE around for miles).
Hope it all comes together quickly so you can be settled in your new location (and done with your in-laws) by the time your due date rolls around!
Posted by: Mrs. Davis | July 25, 2006 at 12:14 PM
Well, at least your next town isn't likely to outlaw Brazilian bikini waxes.
Congratulations on your move, and have yourself a party. I'm sure everyone will keep reading you!
=:+[]
Posted by: Damselfly | July 25, 2006 at 11:54 AM