Pick Your Battles... With the In-Laws, That Is

Updated below!

We do our fair share of online shopping. When your choices are limited to a small mall (JCPenney and Sears on either end), Walmart, and a "boutique" with the word Fashion in the title but absolutely NOTHING fashionable in it, you resort to the interweb. And since we know the internet quite well, our parents ask us to order things for them.

That's really never a good thing and we should know better. But, I guess we just like to get shat upon (and I like good blog fodder), so we do it.

The huz ordered a few golf items for my FIL and emailed him the total upon his request. He rounded down and told my FIL "just make it $100."

HA. HAHAHAHAHA. Remember. This is the FIL who charged us for groceries when we were staying with them at the holidays, half of the huge gigantic baby christening cake, and a few small items I asked him to pick up for me at Walmart that totaled $17.42. Granted they give us each $500 worth of Christmas gifts each year and a $150 anklet for my birthday. But damnit, an extra pound of out-of-season grapes will send them over the edge.

So, I was not surprised when I found out the FIL told my husband that he shouldn't have to pay for shipping and that he was subtracting $29 since he didn't get a father's day gift. (Like why not $20 - why $29?).

Hold on. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This coming from the "no gift just a card is fine" people. I'm sure you just take back $29 for your imaginary "I deserve a gift" gift.

And so, $60 was the counteroffer.

Will we take it? Probably. Because really, it's not about the money for us. It's the fact that we're related to them. And we're carrying on those crazy genes.

Update: In Q's lovely birthday package, complete with video of said FIL and MIL sending a personal birthday message that I can't wait to view and three party hats - because I guess they don't think we have paper party hats in Mississippi, was an envelope with...

$65! Woohoo.

However, the extra fiver is for Quinlan, as per instructions.

Ha.

Comments

[Stacy]

It sounds like our in-laws have that same crazy gene. I call it the “cheap” gene. Unfortunately, my hubby has inherited it to some degree. I still have hope that the hubby may be semi-trainable, but with the in-laws there’s no hope. They’re like old dogs. You just have to accept it. You cannot teach them new tricks.

[Dabbling Mum]

I think I'd just tell father in law, it is going to cost, $XXX, when we receive check in hand, we'll order your stuff.

Just imagine, $40 drop every order, ordering once a month, that would be $480 per year that you are eating. Know what you can do with that kind of money and kids?

I hope they appreciate the love you share them.

[Izzy]

Holy crap! I hope your huz and Q didn't inherit the "el cheapo grande" gene from those people.

[Silly Hily]

I know your answer to my question would be, "B!tch, I wish," but oh my lourdy...You have GOT to be kidding me! Seriously?
Wow.

[Pattie]

I cannot believe you had to pay for groceries when you stayed with them. that is pretty bad! And if the FIL wanted the golf clubs, he should have paid the money for shipping...Jeez!Next time they visit, I would say:
Ok That's $20 for your share of the electricity
$10 towards the water you used
and $10000000 to put up with it!

[Amy]

Oh man, do I know what you mean. My MIL lives in a million-dollar Virginia home and often wants to go halfsies on checks when we eat together at diners. I cannot for the life of me understand it.

I keep my mouth shut every time.

[Lotta]

That's just nuts!

[Mrs. Chicky]

Sometimes I think people should take more time to date their future in-laws than their future spouse. At least that way they'll know what they're really in for.

You, my friend, seem to have pulled the short in-law straw. But it could be worse, oh yes, it could be much worse.

[mothergoosemouse]

OMFG.

And I thought my FIL was a cheap bastard.

Oooops, did I really write that?

[Lisa B]

My in-laws are a bit strange with money too. So I know how that is.

[Nancy]

NO HE DIDN'T. Whoa.

Can you tell them you're not ordering more unless they provide a credit card number? I know, it's not about the money, but geez.

[Mom101]

This is one of the most insane inlaw stories I've ever read. He deducted money for shipping?? He CHARGED YOU for groceries over Xmas?

I think sometimes people forget that the most valuable thing is the relationship. Is that ever really worth the price of grapes?

[Kristen]

The charging is kind of funny - except that's what they do when we stay with them - so I just don't feel right meeting crazy with crazy.

I prefer the more demure approach.

Telling them to fuck off.

In an email, of course.

Did I mention that they bought me a $150 anklet for my birthday. Which I didn't like - and so instead of just letting me exchange it - he gave me $100 - not the actual amount for the anklet (-$50 for not liking gift).

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

And seriously, I didn't need anything.

[zygote daddy]

Jesus fucking Christ. That really takes the cake. Way worse than that aluminum foil thing you mentioned a few weeks ago...

My only experience with that level of tightwaddedness is my father asking me to fill up the tank in his car if I borrow it when visiting home. His car whose 25-gallon tank is ALWAYS empty when I borrow it. His car that gets 14 mpg and only takes premium. In that $4-a-gallon wonderland called the SF Bay Area. Doesn't he know that together, d.w. and I earn in a year what he earns in a week? *sigh*

[Melissa]

I love MetroDad's advice. Sorry, but I just saw that. And charge for phone calls too.

[Melissa]

A counter offer...I love it. Too funny. What crazy ass people. I am starting to think that my family is really normal.

[Stacy]

Oh man and I thought my in-laws were bad. One time my MIL was watching my niece and decided she needed a haircut so she did it herself with a pair of dull kitchen scissors. I'm sure you can imagine how my SIL felt when she picked up her daughter.

[Black Belt Mama]

And just because I don't feel like a total idiot yet, sorry for the double post, er, make that triple.

[Black Belt Mama]

He sounds like a real piece of work. I feel for you. $29 for shipping???

[Black Belt Mama]

He sounds like a real piece of work. I feel for you.

[Christina]

I'm with Latte Man, tell them they have to pay an electricity usage fee and ISP fee for your services.

Damn, I'm so mad for you I can't even laugh at this! Maybe this would be more funny if I didn't understand it oh so well. We're currently in serious financial hardship until the husband's new job starts, and dude, if someone tried that on us right now, I'd give them the riot act.

I do hope you teach them to order their own stuff off the internet, or you really will have to start charging a consulting fee.

[Michelle]

You reminded me that I still haven't mailed my dad's father's day gift! He requested a certain brand of beef jerky that he can only find where I live. :)

[Carrie]

Ah yes, the crazy genes. My hubs and I have a pact. He won't turn into his asshole-self centered dad and I won't turn into my midlife crisis having, let's ditch everyone Mom. Fair enough, I suppose.

I can't believe how trivial some people can be!

[Andrea]

Yeah, if that were me, I would get angry instead of amused, do not pass Go, do not collect $29. Then I would stomp around my house, yelling about their tightassedness, hollering at my husband that they're "his" and he deal with it. Then I would take it in the pocketbook and swear never to order another thing on the internet for them again. And then, to their faces, I would sweetly offer to show them how to place their own orders online. Then I'd think about blogging about it, only to realize I made a rule for myself never to hurt feelings of family members online. Then I'd try to laugh. You're so lucky you skipped a good chunk of those steps.

[katbliss]

Huh, and I thought my in-laws lived in lala land!

[Sunshine Scribe]

Oh. my. god. If I wasn't laughing I'd be yelling. Can hardly believe this. Gotta love the inlaws (or not)

[Her Bad Mother]

This had me laughing so hard that I peed a little bit.

I've been there, tho' not with the in-laws. Another relative of mine, who shall remain nameless because I am a little bit afraid of her and suspect that she may be omniscient, tends to this sort of asshat accounting. Once bought me a gift - in advance of my wedding - and presented it with the statement 'this is your wedding present.' Six months later - no joke - says she needs the exact value of the gift back from me. $39.95 please, because that item wasn't really a "gift." Says that the wedding present is still pending, she had wanted to buy me something else.

It's still pending.

[mamatulip]

Yeah. Because a card is *never* enough, even when they say it is. And they'll make you pay.

[C. Delia]

Ouch...this hurts. I don't even know what I'd do with this one. Hope this isn't the "tip of the iceberg" with the folks...but, I'm about to hit your archives to find out!

[Latte Man]

I would next time charge(But I am a cynical bastard):

A. An Electricity Usage Fee
B. An Internet Access Fee
C. A Financial Transfer fee
(I am assuming you used YOUR credit card)
D. Father's Day Gift Surcharge

[VirtualSprite]

Wow. That's... wow. I've heard of some crazy things, but that's almost clinical. $29? Man. Good luck, girl.

[J.]

Wow.
So next time, you're going to say your ISP cut you off, right?
Sheesh.

[Rock the Cradle]

That is just...so...

I don't know what it is. Besides warped. You have my sympathy.

[something blue]

That's what scares me the most... Their genes are in my children. Diluted - thank the heavens.

[Charli]

Its a little bit sad that though we want to fight it and expect fairness from EVERYONE ELSE that we just come to do whatever it is we have to do to make the in-laws happy. It gets to the point where its just easier to suck it up and ignore it than to make a big deal of their lack of manners. Atleast you get to vent on your blog. I am too scared to yet, as I am not sure that the MIL reads it or not. It is a shame, though because the fodder they create for me is astonishing. I mean WOW. In order for my MIL to win her SSI settlement (she has lupus) she had to have her lawyer prove that she had a MENTAL DISEASE!!! Ya, that right! I really should send that lawyer a fruit basket or something...

[petite mommy]

I don't buy anything for anybody online anymore because I know the same thing would happen to us. LOL!

[Beth]

Holy! I would have told hubby to round UP! lol! That sucks!

[joy]

dear LORD that is TIGHT. (shaking head in disbelief).
only good side--excellent story-telling fodder. keep a log, lady.

[Damselfly]

Oy. Maybe it's time your in-laws learned to shop for themselves online.

[jozet]

wwwwwwwwWWWWHHHHAATTTTT?!

That's a flavor of nuts I just ain't heard of before!

Jeepers criminee!

Pffft. Tell him that you were only planning on spending $14.50 on his stinking gift, so don't look for anything come Christmas. Or Count Olaf's Day.

[Kristen]

That is seriously hilarious (for us to read, but I'm sure not for you to experience)- deducted $29 because he "didn't get a Father's Day Gift." Amazing. Apparantly he was owed something that costs $29 exactly?

[MetroDad]

I think you need to start charging the In-Laws whenever they want to see their grandchild. I'm thinking that $29 per visit sounds pretty fair.

[Jezer]

No WAY!!! I'd totally round UP next time.

And yeah, we have one of those malls, with the Sears at one end and Penney's at the other. Sucks.

[Kvetch]

I'm hearing the Three Stooges. THE NEYRVE!! But you're right, we do it because they are family and because it just easier that way.