Come Shake Your Big Rumpus

If you thought I was the queen of uncensored (or maybe just its bastard child), then you apparently haven't met Ayun Halliday, mother, author, and creator of the East Village Inky (a sort of zine on crack of the really good tasty kind). Her book The Big Rumpus, previously released in the US, is now being released in the UK as Mama Lama Ding Dong and I'm part of her 31 blogs in 31 days whirlwind tour. I'm beyond flattered and teeming with excitement. I've had to edit for exclamation points about 3 times.

And so, I decided that aside from telling you how wonderfully fabulous her book is and how much you should buy it right now because if you don't you're crazy and a hater of cute little babies (okay, so I'm laying it on thick, but you get the point), my readers would love to hear her dish on all things controversial.

Hooray for hot topics that tend to piss at least 4 people off and make for really mean comments that I get to delete but then they write posts on their blogs and send me traffic and so it doesn't really matter anyway.

Let's face it. Ayun has never been afraid to say what's on her mind and dare I say has drummed up a bit of controversy of her own?

So, throughout the day, I'll be running Ayun's thoughts on a few fun things we seem to love to talk about here at Motherhood Uncensored. So visit often and comment much. And if you don't want to buy her book after reading this shit, you're Ebenezer Scrooge or better, Cruella DeVille.

Let's Talk Mommy Wars

This is that phenomena whereby the media attempts, and alas, often succeeds in pitting we mothers against each other, yes? I hate it. In the early days of my maternal experience, I occasionally fell prey to it, and I know there’s certainly no shortage of Amazon customer reviewers and blog commenters who say I propagate it, which may be true, but I assure you, it was and is unintentional. The thing to know is that it is more often than not intentional when it comes out of the big megaphone.

 

Here’s proof: an editor of a large-circulation, monthly, mainstream parenting magazine, called me up and invited me to write half of a point-counterpoint article, which she described as breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding. She knew, as does anyone who reads my mother-oriented stuff, that I am, or more accurately, was an ardent breast-feeder, nursed ‘em both well into toddlerhood, publicly, proudly.

That said, five or so years in the maternal trenches had introduced me to all sorts of wonderful mothers who did things differently than I did titty-wise, some by choice, some not. I wasn’t too keen on drawing lines in the sand, especially in such a generalized, public forum. The editor, sensing this, quickly let it slip that another writer was already on deck to write the pro-bottlefeeding portion of the article, and that this writer considered public breastfeeding to be “disgusting”. Hmm. I suggested that I would be willing to write the other half of an article if I could focus on confronting these sorts of nasty cultural assumptions about breastfeeding. “Sounds great!” the editor said, and I was very glad to hear it, as they pay more than just about anybody and I was all like, ooh, I’m a big freelance writer now, y’all! So we banged out the details regarding deadlines and word count and as we were saying goodbye, she chirped, “And feel free to really knock the bottle feeders!” Which was the end of my interest in writing that article, though I’m sure she had no trouble finding somebody to say yes.

 

The sad thing is, that person probably was a first-time mother, whose baby was maybe two or three months old, who hadn’t met many other mothers and who was desperate for both confirmation that her choices were the best ones, and an opportunity to demonstrate that she was more than just someone’s mom. Someone in a position to be hoodwinked by an agenda that has much more to do with increasing circulation than supporting mothers. Let’s watch each other’s backs and resist that sort of shit.

Comments

[Her Bad Mother]

Good good good good for you (and for us) that you turned that down. Sure, someone else would have taken it on, and taken it on badly, probably, but the more that we can stand up for choice and RESPECT, the better.

Having just posted on the end of breastfeeding, for us, I'm feeling a bit raw about the topic, and would want to stomp on the feet of anyone who would blast boob OR bottle...

[Nancy]

These posts have been great, Ayun, but this one is my favorite. I am glad you turned down the article -- we mothers do not need encouragement to knock one another down over different parenting choices.

[Jennifer]

Amen sister! As both a working mother who was physically unable to breastfeed, I've often felt the cold shoulder of the stay-at-home, breastfeeding mom at the PTA meetings.

The decisions we each make to achieve the same goals (healthy, happy well-adjusted children) should not be under fire.

[Mom101]

Great, Ayun! SO important for mothers to know that their parenting choices can be as much influenced by circulation-hungry editors as by actual facts. You are titty wise indeed. (heh)

[The Zero Boss]

Thanks for featuring Ayun. She was one of our first guest authors on Blogging for Books, and is one of my favorite authors bar none. She's also a great performer, and a delight to see at a public appearance.

[Andrea]

So glad you turned that article down. I didn't breast feed because I had a breast reduction before I got married which rendered my milk production null and void. But I will argue until I'm blue in the face that a woman should be able to breast feed when her baby's hungry. Period. In public. I do think it should be done with as much discretion as possible, but a friend of mine pointed out that as babies grow, they will pull shirts and nursing bras out of the way to get to the milk, not caring if they're flashing people in public, so discretion can be difficult. I think a lot of this Mommy Wars crap could be resolved if the women perpetuating it (and media pushing the wars) would just try to remember that what works for one family doesn't work for every family.

I'll be checking back today for more. Thanks, Kristen, for doing this!