Call Me Sensitive. I Don't Really Care.

I admit to being fairly sensitive. Okay. Very sensitive. I've watched my fair share of decent horror true crime murder shows and while I have a pretty strong stomach, it's really not my genre of choice. I'll take a "You've Got Mail" over "Seven" any day. But now, after having a kid, I'm a regular television ratings specialist. And while I might be the biggest party pooper that ever lived, I can barely make it through any show that shows the harm, abuse, or worse death of any living thing (except maybe a snake or mosquito).

With that said, I'm pretty sure the whole television/movie ratings system is bogus. It's pretty easy to figure that out if you watch almost any Disney movie. I just don't get how a movie with the death of a parent and/or an animal can be rated G (for Go ahead and scare the shit out of my kid). My husband brought home Brother Bear upon the Blockbuster lady's recommendation and within minutes, a guy fell off a cliff to his death and then another guy killed a bear.

WEEEEE! Great stuff.

If you watch various kid-friendly shows (which I'm sure we all have at one point or another) you've probably noticed. Even the Muppets has Miss Piggy smacking the crap out of Kermit. And while that might be petty (and God I love the muppets), my 2-year-old gets slightly disconcerted every time it happens.

So, am I just being sensitive? I mean, we don't hit ever or yell (at least in front of her) in our house. So, how do I explain all this to a 2-year old? And what do you do other than view all movies ahead of time? Do we just use these situations as teaching moments (which, is slightly near impossible with a 2-year-old who throws a tantrum when she sees someone else wearing "her" shirt)?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not so naive to think that when she's 13 she won't be hanging out at a friend's house sneaking her TRL, MTV crap shows, and whatever else is on by then. And I'm certainly not the "don't ever show them so they'll never know" type person. But a part of me really thinks that we've become jaded to violence (physical, emotional, verbal...), and apparently to little baby dolls clad in padded bras and leopard print underwear.

Are we so used to seeing this shit that we just let it go? Hell. I just threw out a perfectly brand new shirt yesterday because it said "You can't make PRINCESS without ESPN." Perhaps that's a bit overboard, but I'm feeling a little, shall we say, activated these days. And really, where do you draw the line? It's one thing for my daughter to want to wear a dress-up dress and dance around, but a whole other one if she wants to play with plastic dolls with ridiculously large boobies and a waist the size of Nicole Ritchie.

So call me crazy, but I'd rather her see two people going at it than them beating the shit out of each other.

Talk to me.

--

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Comments

[Robina]

Hey there. Just stumbled across your blog and my, you certainly have a following, don't you? Your entries are so very funny, and true. Just the kind I love to read and I will be back for me!

Good luck at the in-laws. When is your baby due?

[merry mama]

I thought about this all the way to Wal-Mart and back and (I hope shopping there doesn't automatically disqualify me from this discussion) it's pregnancy. I despise any type of conflict when I am pregnant for up to six months or a year afterwards. Must be some type of protective mechanism. Go with your soul

[Amy]

The only video my 3 yr old son can watch without getting emotionally worked up is BIL's engagement video, our wedding video, or home videos of our assorted birthdays. :D
Anything else, even TV soaps where people have arguements are too intense for him - he closes his ears with his hands which is a signal that he is scared. I think I'll just let him handle things when he is ready.

[Amy]

The only video my 3 yr old son can watch without getting emotionally worked up is BIL's engagement video, our wedding video, or home videos of our assorted birthdays. :D
Anything else, even TV soaps where people have arguements are too intense for him - he closes his ears with his hands which is a signal that he is scared. I think I'll just let him handle things when he is ready.

[Cynthia Samuels]

I am so with you! I admit that while raising our kids I was very "free market place of ideas" and pretty free with information. Since the TV was in our room that was easier than it is for some.
Even so, when I saw two couples on FRIENDS, each of whom had slept with one of the OTHER couple, fighting over the one condom in the apartment at !!!!8PM!!!! allegedly family TV time - I was really pissed. No matter how you feel about the timing or appropriateness of exposing kids to various realities, that hour should be reasonably "safe" for parenting philosophies across the board. A show about a group of friends who have almost all slept with one another (no matter how charming the show and cast may be) is a real blow to parenting when it airs at 8PM.

[Katie]

There's an interesting article on this in today's yahoo uk news http://uk.news.yahoo.com/12092006/325/junk-culture-killing-childhood.html Worth knowing others around the world feel the same about this!

[Karen Rani]

I don't blame you one bit.

[emma]

I think the baby Bratz dressed in lingerie and the padded bras for eight year olds are just plain wrong.

And as for violence in movies and cartoons, the easiest thing is to just unplug the TV and watch DVDs. Although, that said, I occasionally let my six year old watch an adult movie which has a few adult issues but little violence. I think she gets the thing about 'they are just pretending. They are actors. This isn't real.' I mean, at some point they will understand that this is just entertainment. At least, my six year old seems to.

[Lindsay]

Oh honey, you ain't seen nothing til you've gone to a "glitz" baby pageant. Talk about wanting to hurl. Seriously.

Look at these pictures:

http://www.totalnockouts.com/TKO%20Winner%20Circle/TKOWinnersCircleHome.htm

[Mrs. Davis]

The Disney movies with parents (especially mothers) dying baffles me. We didn't try Disney movies until our older son was three, I think. And then only on DVD, so we could fast forward through any iffy parts. Now that he's 6, he's seen parts of Harry Potter, parts of Star Wars, and some others. My husband and I used to despise Disney, but we have gotten to know more of the good things they have going on in their shows (like Higglytown Heroes).

I detest Sponge Bob, although my husband lets him watch sometimes. I swear it's made for high 19-year-olds, not for little kids.

As for the Muppets, the Muppet Movies are great for little kids (IMHO, save for a couple scenes), but the Muppet Show is not for toddlers or pre-schoolers (again MHO).

[Kris]

The other day, I went shopping for pajamas for my 2 year old. I passed the girls' section. What did I find? Training bras with CUTIE stitched across it. And padded on top of it. Training bras. What.

I do think that we are (and have become) so jaded as you said that we dismiss this stuff as commonplace. Most of us.

Training bras with CUTIE should not be commonplace. Those frickin Bratz dolls...oh god, don't get me started.

I rarely let my girl watch any of the new cartoons/tv, etc. I have stuck with Muppets, sesame street, mr rogers-things I know will be okay...and fairly safe.

This is surely a hot topic. Want to write so much more....

[FishyGirl]

I have a 6 year old girl, 5 year old boy, and a 2 year old girl. I let them watch tv and movies, but I ALWAYS watch the movies first to decide if they can see them and handle them. Each kid has a different threshold for what they can handle. Here, we have Noggin, occasional disney channel (when they do the little kid stuff - playhouse disney - but not the other stuff), sprout, and occasional Nick Jr. (again the little kid stuff). Then we also do Jimmy Neutron and Avatar for the older kids. But that's it. No Spongebob. No Fairly Oddparents. Disney Movies only after I've watched them. My kids have learned the phrase "It's not appropriate for kids your age" so well that they chastise their friends sometimes, and even DH when he sits down and puts on military channel or something (I love hearing "Daddy - that's not propriate!"). I don't even try to watch anything for me while they're around, unless it's food network - that's pretty tame. It's gotten a lot harder now that Trout is in public school - she is exposed to so much that I don't want her to be, but because of how we've handled tv and movies here at home, she knows where we stand, and so far isn't afraid to stand up for that. So I think we're doing an okay job so far. We'll deal with higher rated movies on a case-by-case basis later, but at least we've had some experience with some of it (Harry Potter 1 is okay, the others aren't; they've seen Ghostbusters with us and thought it was hysterical; we are planning a family movie night with the original Superman movies later this week, after I've had a chance to review them again since it's been at least 15 years since I last saw them) and I think we're giving them enough exposure where they won't be totally ostracized or stick out too much with their peers, yet it is done with us, with "teaching moments" and discussions about situations coming from us. I hope this is laying the right foundation for the future.

Clothing? Don't get me started. Maybe I'll blog about that someday in the near future.

[jennifer]

Sensitive? I can't watch the movies my teens watch, my daughter is addicted to 24, Prison Break, and movies that are way too intense - even reruns of Titanic the other night - once the water started rising, I left the room. I thought it was menopause...hormones making me extra sensitive, or too much meditation. You go girl, screen the TV/movies while you can.
jenn

[Maddmomma]

Baby Einstein. Great stuff, even for a two year old. My 21 month old son loves them. Some of the newer ones also teach sign language, which is something we have enjoyed learning along with him.

[Bobita]

With you 100% on this, Sistah!

My son, at age 3, walked out of the theater during Finding Nemo. Because the sharks scared the livin' Bah-Jesus out of him! That's right...he walked out. I had to scramble to catch up with him before he made it to the parking lot!!

Until recently, we have never watched anything more than Baby Einstein, Winnie the Pooh the Noggin TV channel and a few PBS shows. I figure the rest is just for scaring the (here it comes again...) BAH-JESUS out of kids!

[Melissa]

loving your page: no kids yet, but have been horrified w/ the movies, tv, crap. So I've been stocking up on CareBears ("lets talk about our feelings"... what happened to that?!) since it's out on DVD now, My Little Ponies, etc.. I don't really see a single thing on today that I would want a neice/nephew or (god forbid, when I finally have one) my own kid to watch.

[dear wife]

well ZD and I have discussed this a lot since we were raised exactly opposite. I was very restricted in what I was allowed to watch and he had no restrictions. We are trying to find a middle ground. I think it is most important to tailor it to our kid. If something your kid is watching is disturbing them, it is time for it to start. Violence is the big one for me. Language and sex not so much and unfourtunately the ratings system does not feel the same as me. Of course you never know what that disturbing thing will be for your child, for me it was fairy tales. My mom read me The Little Mermaid (the Hans Christen Anderson, not Disney) and it really freaked me out. Also just not letting them have something does make an impression. I was not allowed to play with Barbies and I was told it was because they objectified women. Of course I did not understand then, but hearing that from a young age helped me understand how women should be treated.

[Angie]

My mother used to say that Walt Disney hated children. That's why all his cartoons are so horrifying. There's another word for violence in movies--hate. And you're right--little kids don't even understand righteous indignation. I'm not sure they should. . .

as for sensuality in movies, media, etc., it's no better. First they're playing with bratz dolls, the next thing, you're fighting to keep your 6 year old's belly covered all the fricking time.

[Andrea]

I just want to know who the hell is making the decisions on kid's toys and tv these days and ARE THEY EVEN PARENTS??? There's not a mother or father I know who likes the trash on the market that passes for kid fare. I can only hope that in the future, the people in charge of research and development in the toy market get a clue or get fired and replaced.

[Jenni]

Got a two year old, too. Right now I don't have much of an opinion on tv shows with respects to violence in cartoons and children's programming, but I am pretty appalled at the level of sexual innuendo in most programming. Anyway, I am posting my comment really to share that there's a banker at my local bank named: Phylyp!

[Tonia]

I think no matter who you talk to you are going to get a different view on TV watching and children. I am a big TV and movie person and since college I have always enjoyed TV as background noise. I have definitely cut back on that since having Rece(20 months) but the TV is still on sometimes, with us very rarely actually watching something. But I have never put him down in front of the TV with a show or movie. I think that if you totally ban it especially for a very extended period of time it will become something of extreme interest. I will not be against him watching a movie or occasional show once he is a little older and actually has the attention span to do that, but I will always go by my viewing first and not rating systems. I am not against anything specific because I will be there for questions and explanations. I was not restricted very much in what I watched and my mom was always very open with questions. My husband on the other hand was banned from R movies until he was 17(the recommended age) and every chance he got he watched an R movie without his parents around. So if he had questions, he couldn't even ask because he would get in trouble. As of right now although the TV is on sometimes Rece would choose to go outside any day of the week before choosing to stay inside for any reason.

[Christina]

I admit that Cordy probably watches too much TV, but at least the programs are age appropriate and have no violence in them. (We're on Noggin all day.) Sure, I would love to watch something other than Oobi and Blue's Clues and Backyardigans nonstop, but during the day, if the TV is on, it has to be appropriate for her. I can Tivo things I want to watch and save them for when she's asleep.

When I dropped Cordy off at my friend's house today, her 2 year old was watching the movie Spiderman. He loves this movie and wants to watch it over and over, but I didn't realize she lets him watch it when Cordy is there. I would really prefer that they didn't watch it, because there is a lot of fighting and gun shots and explosions.

I watched Cordy as she was staring at the screen before I left, and I could tell it was making an impression on her. I worry about exactly what she's learning watching it.

[TB]

I have this big plan that I know will end up not working out in reality, but I'm thinking no TV at all for the first five years. Maybe the occasionally age appropriate video, but no TV.
I'm like you and violence/bad and sad stuff really effects me. but I also figure kids don't really need to be exposed to any additional commercial messages. They're going to get enough as it is. We'll see how long this lasts in real life though ;o)

[TB]

I have this big plan that I know will end up not working out in reality, but I'm thinking no TV at all for the first five years. Maybe the occasionally age appropriate video, but no TV.
I'm like you and violence/bad and sad stuff really effects me. but I also figure kids don't really need to be exposed to any additional commercial messages. They're going to get enough as it is. We'll see how long this lasts in real life though ;o)

[GIRL'S GONE CHILD]

A. I would rather my kid watch sex than most of what's on TV. In fact I have no problem with introducing him to sex at a young age and making sure he knows it's "OKAY to be sexual." Call me euro but once you make it "no big deal" it becomes a non-issue.

B. I played with barbies as a child and never thought when I was playing with them that I needed to look like a barbie. It was simply a doll to have fun with. Mind you, I don't have daughters.

C. My main issue is not exposing Archer to television. TV is worse than what's on it. I don't want him watching TV because TV is for the lazy and that is ONE THING I will be over-sensitive about. Sloth. Maybe because growing I was allowed to watch one hour of TV a week so we read books and used our imaginations to entertain and stimulate.

I think TV is poison, reserved for special occasions and late night when baby is alseep.

[Plain Jane Mom]

Here's the thing. When they're older, kids are for sure going to watch things we'd rather they didn't. Do things we disapprove of and so on. But they need to know what we, their parents believe.

I feel the same way you do about kids movies. Brother Bear is terrifying and we don't watch it. I thought SpongeBob would be great, but it had clearly been a long time since I had seen it myself, so that's out as well.

I feel the same way about toy guns. I don't let my boys have them. They don't get to play "shooting games" at home. They don't get to pretend their sticks are guns.

But of course they're going to play these games when I'm not around. And they'll have friends whose parents do let them play with toy guns. BUT here's my point (finally, right?) they will know that I disapprove of it.

And I just have to hope like hell that that is enough.

[Kathy Bliss]

I totally understand... we unplugged our satellite two years ago and only have a tv to watch the occasional video. A couple months ago we rented the first season of "24," and I was afraid of every little noise in the night after watching it.

I realized how desensitized I had become when we had TV from the daily barrage of violence. (Not just from TV shows, but also from the news!) But now that I have been without for so long, a simple TV show scared the shit out of me!!!

[wordgirl]

I'm the worst kind of sensitive. The type who is but thinks she's not. In other news, thanks for the tip on Imperfect Parent blogging. I got picked (among others). My first post is up: "...with my fingers on the handle".

[Sunshine Scribe]

I SO hear this.

I too fall in the "sensitive" camp.

You raise such an important point about the prevelance of violence and abuse in alll forms stems partially from the de-sensitization that has resulted from media and other systemic things in society.

Ooops ... I let my activist voice out again.

[Maniacal]

My brother, who's going to college for Communication, recently did a big paper on this. How a little bit of sex gets an immediate R rating, but violence gets past the boards every time.

He used the Team America movie. They had problems with it even being rated R due to the puppet sex (which have the private parts of a barbie doll), but meanwhile they are blowing up puppets, and there is a scene with a cat eating a puppet alive with the use of ketchup that is truly disturbing....apparently THAT is ok?!?!? I'm withya, makes NO sense!

[jennP]

I hear ya... my daughter (4.5) will hardly even watch Disney movies. She enjoys "Treehouse" which a no commercial channel with NO violence whatsoever (Canadian). However my nephew gets to watch anything, he is 6. He watches ALL the Disney/Pixar movies, Pokemon, Rescue Heroes, etc.. and that's basically all he enjoys doing (tv that is). When he gets together with other kids, his fun is bothering people, teasing them, getting a laugh out of that. He behaves according to what he sees on tv. In movies and tv shows, it seems they always have cartoons teasing other cartoons and getting a laugh out of it, getting a laugh out of peoples bad luck, or stuff like that. I am pretty sure a lot of his social behaviour comes from too much tv, plus the stuff they have in kids movies nowadays! So I simply put my foot down when people visit, no tv other that Treehouse IF the tv is on at all. My daughter enjoys human interaction MUCH more than tv.
I agree with you, i am also very sensitive to ANY movie now.. if a child gets hurt or dies or loses his parents , i just start crying. So needless to say, I hardly watch ANY tv now (other than treehouse of course!)

[wookie]

Personally, I've been aiming to show my kid zero Disney (and I do mean zero) and I tend to slant her viewing towards the stuff I watched as a kid. Goonies. Star Wars. Muppets. Ghost Busters. Superman.

Movies that I know where the violence is or isn't. Where there isn't so much f*cking profanity (she hears enough of that when I drive). Movies that usually have a clear good guy and bad guy and the bad guys go to jail and the good guys win. And the people being violent to one another isn't there for laughs (so not a lot of Looney Tunes, no Simpsons, no matter how funny I think they are).

She's four. And it bothers her when Miss Piggy slaps people around. And we've "discussed it" and come to the conclusion that it is a very bad way for her to treat other people and that is why everyone is scared of her. I never thought my family would have a "teaching moment" but honest, that's the way it happened.

You get tired of Joe and Steve and Elmo after awhile, and most of whats on for school-age kids is complete garbage.

[Mother]

Here's a thought...

Are those old cartoons not as bad because they were fairly extremist? I mean, my daughter freaked out watching tom and jerry, however, I imagine older kids could discriminate.

However, now, extreme has really become the norm.

And I'm not for the padded bras - but if you think about it what's more common - women in padded bras or people getting the shit kicked out of them. I mean, what do you see more on the street everyday?

So, how do we decide what's ridiculous? I mean, I think it's pretty ridiculous for either - however, how do we say "well THIS is okay to watch" but I would never...

Just thinking out loud here.

[Amanda]

I dont think you are being overly sensitive.
I let my boys watch all the cartoons. Think back to what we had growing up. Elmer Fudd always wanted to shoot the rabbit. The bugs bunny & friends were always blowing things up or hitting each other over the head and I'm pretty sure it had No effect on me whatsoever. I think it has alot to do with how you parent and how you answer their questions about this if they have any.

I dont let my child watch MTV or wrestling shows or any movie not meant for children most of the time but he(my 5.5 year old) has seen some PG movies such as Happy Gilmore. I dont feel like I'm being a bad parent for letting him watch it.
Oh, and I just bought a Bratz doll as a birthday gift. Not because I liked it but that was what my niece asked for. I tried to find a more tame one, the birthday doll.

I think alot of this stuff comes down to how you parent and how your kids see you react and what has been put in your head from your parents.

[Izzy]

I'm with ya... I see the world through different, and much more discriminating eyes since becoming a mother and I spend, sadly, way too much time trying to find things that are not inappropriate for my kids.

And forget the damn dolls...if I EVER see an actual six year old wearing one of those padded bras they're now selling at Target in Australia, someone better call 911 as my brain is probably going to explode from working overtime trying to figure out WHY someone would buy it for them. WTF?????

[mothergoosemouse]

I think you're reading your daughter's cues and measuring them against your own comfort levels. All of our kids are different, and all of us are sensitive to different issues.

But no kid should be wearing a size 6x padded bra.

[Angela]

Great topic! I'm always amazed at fellow parents and the inappropriate things they let their children watch. My husband and I went to watch Talledega Nights(hilarious!!) and there were families present with their young children, some who were as young as 4 or 5???!!

I know it has a PG rating (completely inappropriate!!) the movie was filled with offensive language, sexual innuendo and groping, but come on, most people should know by now that a movie with Will Ferrell usually has some crass humour.

Another Stupid Parent award went to the family with their 3 boys ranging in age from 6 to 13 at the R-rated movie, 8 Mile, with Eminem, we were sitting behind them, they told their youngest to put his hands over his eyes during one of the sex scenes(I'm not kidding), uh, hello, how about putting his hands over his ears during the whole profanity laced movie???!!!
Unfortunately, I could go on with other examples...

Thank you for giving me the forum to rant--love your blog!

[Michele]

I admit it. I am appaled by alot of what passes for kid fare these days. I know being a parent (I still snicker) makes me more senstive but I am starting to feel downright Presbyterian when I pay attention to the amount of violence and sex that my kids are exposed to just when I watch the morning news (Philly, murder USA).

Dont even get me started on cartoons. Crap, crap and more crap.

And regarding those Bratz dolls, I am just really, really happy I have boys. And yes, I plan on stereotyping and sticking with cars, trucks, balls and blocks for them. Which pretty much guarantees that one of them will want a doll. sigh.... Well, there's always a Cabbage Patch. they still make those dont they? Or are they in thongs and S&M gear now?

[Mark]

I hear you, but I also look back and remember the cartoons we grew up on, and they were very violent.
But we also had Andy Griffin shows, so maybe there was more balance.
Our four year old watches Sesame Street, and lives for musicals (Signing in the Rain, Brigadoon, and the Cheetah Girls, hard to beat the old musicals)

[Stephanie A.]

You're not at all sensitive. I completely agree with you about exposing our children to violence unnecessarily. Just this morning I was giving my son his asthma treatment and I wanted to calm him down so I turned on the tv to see what "kid shows" were showing. Let's see, there was a cartoon called "Jackie Chan" and it had guys beating the tar out of each other. Uh, no. Then there was some show with kids using guns to shoot slime or something at each other. Again, no. We settled on some squirrel in space thing. Whatever.

What's really funny, though, is that during the 70's and 80's when the big fear was "kidnapping" I used to think, "This is what I'm going to do when I get kidnapped." Not IF, but WHEN. I seriously thought that it was the norm to get kidnapped, figured it would happen to me eventually, and really feared it. So, yeah, I'm sure that there are a lot of kids out there who think that at some point their realities will be 1) getting shot, 2) fighting the big fight with Jackie Chan, 3) having big boobs, small waist and wearing animal print bikinis to school. Aim high, kids, aim high!

[Kelly]

I'm a *big* fan of Hayao Miyazaki films (anime, very kid friendly in our opinion) because at least when there's any type of "learning moment" you can put it into a cultural context and teach a larger lesson than "Miss Piggy is just like that". They're all very "love the earth" too (well, most of them).

I started worrying about what my son sees on the tele recently when he started pretend talking on his phone with phrases we never use "Hey buddy!" and slamming down the phone to hang it up (we have cordless, they don't slam). While watching Little Einsteins they mentioned the word "happy" and, despite not understanding what it means it's his new favourite word. He heard it once and started repeating it! SO IMPRESSIONABLE!

So where does that leave us as parents? How do we teach our kids that Nichole Ritchie is an unfortunate young woman with a lot of health and mental issues and shouldn't be idolized? How do we teach the kids that Bratz are dressed inappropriately and no, you don't need a little RC car to drive around in or a leopard print bikini? My parents always said one of the best things to do is to know your kid's friends. If the tele is your kid's friend (and who's isn't?) then I guess we do have to know what they're watching and keep control of what influences them.

I think the good thing is that as long as you keep talking about what you feel is important for them to know - your opinions on doll body shapes or violence - then it should help your kids to understand what's appropriate. Like those drug/smoking commercials say: they're never too young to start talking about it.

[Mrs. Chicky]

I'm first? Whee! Oh the pressure.

I don't think you're sensitive. I think you're a concerned parent. I've always wondered just how much those Disney people (and the rest of the children's cartoon producers) are trying to get away with. Messages. Blah, blah, blah. I'm still traumatized over the passing of Bambi's mom.