Lest You Forgot I Was Living With My In-Laws

Have you forgotten? I mean, with all this talk about foreskins I imagine you were a bit distracted from my living situation. But I, however, am far from it, my friends. Although, right now I'm too busy worried that my father-in-law will dig through the nasty trash to find his one shitty old pot buried at the bottom wrapped in 14 plastic bags thanks to yours truly who burned the crap out of it two days ago.

Yes. I can't figure out their burners and I tarred it and tossed it.

And then totally pretended I hadn't seen it when he was looking furiously for it.

I'm a bitch. I know.

But I figure it's pay back - particularly for times like today when my father-in-law pointed out to me that a co-worked adopted a "little colored boy" to which I politely replied "they don't say that anymore."

Um. Maybe at Klu Klux Klan meetings or something. But seriously?

And then he says "well, I still do" to which I replied "well, don't say it out loud then because I don't want my daughter to hear it, thank you very much."

Urgh.

Moving on.

I really don't have any issues leaving my daughter with my in-laws. Sort of like nature, desperation calls - as do the 2-hour midwife visits. And so, I leave my wee babe in their hands. I figure they go through the trash, and they fold my underwear in fours (I didn't even really know that was possible), their obsessions should serve them well as babysitters, right?

But apparently feeding the dog about four bones a day and a rawhide is much easier than giving my daughter a healthy snack and some type of beverage over a 2.5 hour span.

Yeah.

Try a ghost marshmallow tweety thing.

And air.

Good old air to drink.

I discovered this after I asked her what she had for a snack when she woke up and she said "ghost candy" followed quickly by "I want juice mommy" about 14 times. I mean, how do you politely tell someone (someone who has children) to remember to FEED YOUR CHILD?

Sometimes I'm amazed that my husband is still alive and doesn't enjoy setting small animals on fire.

But no worries. I shall prevail.

Unless they find that damn pot.

And then I'm screwed.

Comments

[R]

my mil and everyone else in her family use te "N" word along with describing people as "Jews" and when I asked her and them to stop saying such slurs around my son- they reply by saying "we dont mean it in a racist way"! They are so ignorant, hateful and stupid that sometimes I wish we moved 3000 miles away from this racist bunch so that our children can grow up the way I want to raise them.

[Jillian]

I feel so bad for you! I am in kind of the same situation. My father in-law moved in with us alsmost 3 years ago when I was pregnant with my first child. From that point on he has been playing my husband against me. Hes not a racist, but I think he might be racist againt women. He treats me like a maid and NEVER chips in towards the household chores. This man is only 53 years old and still works. I do not see any reason why he has to be living with us, he makes enough money to get his own place, but refuses to do so. My husband and I fight about this probably on a daily basis and he told me that he would not kick his dad out. I am now contemplating leaving myself since the man will not budge! oh, BTW, the whole time he has lived with us, I have never seen him TAKE A BATH! And my husband lets him cuddle and kiss my sons! I just about puke in my mouth ever time! What do I do? Any suggestions? We are looking to buy a bigger home soon and I do not want him coming along! It would be a different story if he actually was old and needed assistance, but the fact of the matter is he doesnt! There is way more to my story,I could go on forever, but I wont...LOL! PLEASE HELP, I NEED ADVICE! thanks for letting me get this off my chest...feels good :)

[R]

I live with my in laws too and I have been wanting to move out since I got married a year ago. They go over my head with anything that has to do with my son. Only ask my husband for permission whatever. He doesnt even listen to me instead his mother. And they constantly use the N word instead of colored here. I've also heard a cousin come over and refer to my sons eyes as half chinky eyes. I am really starting to despise everyone around here. Today I went up to one of their cats and threw a shoe at them becasue that nasty feline was on top of my baby's changing pad.

[Gretta]

:( They suck.

[sweatpantsmom]

Kristen, I can so relate to this. My father-in-law once told me that my parents, and all Japanese-Americans, were put into internment camps during WWII FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, and that in a way they were LUCKY to have been PROTECTED IN THIS WAY. I hit the roof.

I wish I could say that he's improved over the years, but I think he's just gotten better at keeping things to himself.

[Hippie Mama]

My in-laws fold my underwear in fours too! They've stayed with us and us with them on several occassions. My mother-in-law still happily does my husband's laundry. I try to keep my stuff out of it, but you know, a pair on panties will get thrown in there...and then will be presented to me. In fours.

[Maniacal]

I hate when people say racial words such as that. Even in front of ME, let alone my daughter. That's rough. Yea, how does one kinda just mention that in passing. I guess ya know maybe when they are in the room and she asks for something to drink or eat you can say out loud:

You mean you EAT AND DRINK?!?!? Like every couple of HOURS!! NO WAY!!!!!

[Jan]

My in-laws have long since passed on but your entry took me back to the early days of our marriage when we lived with them for a month. My husband wiped oily car parts on a hand towel(!!!!) and I trashed it but yes my MiL got it out and scrubbed it and left it folded on our bed.
In reply to 'coloured people' I always answer "oh yeah, what colour are they?"

[jessica]

I am living with my in-laws so I know exactly how you feel. My mother in-law is a pack-rat. She has rooms just full off stuff. Stuff that cost hundreds of dollars and has never been open, so right now the house is full of clutter while we build the addition. Well anyways it was my father in-laws birthday and at noon on the day I am told that 20 to 30 people will be over and that I need to make shepards pie, plus bake a birthday cake( which I said I would do, chocolate w/ peanutbutter frosting yum)plus clean the house, not to mention take care of my four kids and still try to unpack alll our stuff and find somewhere for it. To make a long story short my soon to be sister inlaw decides without asking me to send over her two kids, so that she can make another shepards pie to go along with mine, and she can't do it with her kids, So not only do I have my four I also have her two and a cake to make , a dinner to cook, and a house to clean. Is that fair i wanted to rip out her eyes. Am I in the wrong. The children are young 7 and 4 the 4 year old is not the best behaved and when they are here I end up having to take care of them. What should I say to her to fix this? I need help please.

[Mary Tsao]

I think your post proves there's no such thing as free babysitting.

Oh, family. They're always freaks, aren't they?

[Izzy]

Tell him to buy a new damn pot with the $60 he hijacked from you!

[Lauri]

I am totally laughing my ass off! This is the first time I have ever seen your blog, and I am dying laughing...I can so totally relate to everything...except about living with in-laws. I don't know how you do it!

And so what? We both have college degrees we aren't using to stay home with our kids and blog...and NOT being 'Mother of the Year'. I say "fuck 'em"! You are definitely entertaining thousands of other moms out there who are in the same situation...and doing a damn good job of it!

[Kristen]

Mommydoesitall- LMFAO.

[Lisa B]

I've had to remind my HUSBAND to feed our child... Felt compelled to do so AFTER I once left our son in his care and he FORGOT TO FEED HIM over a SIX HOUR TIME PERIOD. (ANd that was like 4 years ago. And no, I'm not bitter... Who am I kidding? Yes, I am!)

I have thought the same thoughts before. Once my mil gave my son, who was a year months at the time, a big chunk of raw carrot. And later on she told me. And I said, "You really shouldn't feed him carrots. He can choke on them." And she said, "Yeah, I know. He choked on it today." I wanted to strangle her!

[cmd027]

Not that it's really weighing heavily on your mind, but, when you burn the hell out of a pot/pan, all you have to do is put 1-2 used dryer sheets in it and fill it with water. After a few hours, the nasty charred and blackend bits just lift away from the surface.

[crunchy carpets]

Ooooh your inlaw posts give me the shivers every single time.....

I don't know how you do it.. I really don't.

[InterstellarLass]

HA HA! I love that you threw the pot out! Awesome! Ghost candy...sounds like my grandfather. Demented.

[the weirdgirl]

I occasionally have to remind my parents to change my son's diapers. They've "forgotten" until he's leaked and they're covered in pee. You'd think that would be reminder enough, right? The first time it happened!

I'm laying it down to being old and forgetful. At least they feed him.

[Kris H.]

Didn't read all the comments, so someone else may have said this already...Dig that pot out when they aren't looking and take it to a dumpster!!!

[Jess R]

Oh dear...hang in there. It sounds like a trying situation, one that would break a lesser woman. *hugs*

[you da mom]

you are a strong woman! i don't even allow in-law visits that exceed 4 hours! get em in and get em out is my motto.

[Jen]

I think I would have found some way to smuggle the pot out with the midwife visit!

[Kristen]

Ask her if she can fold your underwear into a bird or maybe a duck perhaps? Now THAT would be fun.

[Petite Mommy]

yeah. Forgetting to feed your grandchild is just WRONG. But it happens. I know that for sure. :(

I sure hope things change around there or you get out quicker. Hugs your way.

[Fizzle]

Lord. Someone. Please. Help them.

Or rescue you.

btw, url has changed to la-urbanita.blogspot.com!

[joy]

jeezuz that sounds rough. i mean, grandparents are a bit prone to plying the candy--it's their job--but nothing to drink? i guess next time, you need to leave the prepped sippy cup in full view or something.

[Kristen]

No worries, Suebob. I'm buying them another one.

And it was old and c-rappy.

Promise.

[Reba]

My brother had the same problems with his in-laws. His son would be dropped off in the morning with extra clothes, snacks, and a packed lunch. More often than not when my sister-in-law would pick him up later that day, his snack and lunch were untouched. They couldn't believe it and after a while they made other babysitting arrangements.

[Suebob]

As someone who is preternaturally attached to her cookware, I have to throw a little sympathy your FIL's way. If someone threw out one of my pots, I would notice instantly and be WAAAAAY pissed if they threw it in the trash, hid it from me, and didn't offer to replace it.

Still doesn't make up for being a racist.

[CharmingDriver]

Sometimes it's hard to imagine that we aren't sharing the same in-laws (actually my FIL is a gem - MIL is ...prone to calling me cracker when she thinks I can't hear her). Our baby is still in the hospital and I finally had to give her the boot back to the East Coast - that much crazy is just too much to imagine living with.

[carrie]

Oh god, what would they give her if it weren't close to Halloween and those evil Peeps weren't everywhere??

Stick to your story about the pot. They deserve it.

[MsPrufrock]

My in-laws frequently use the word "coloured" as well as other more...insulting words. They add "fellow" or "gentleman" at the end, thinking that balances the racism. I've told my husband that the conversation with them about avoiding terms like "coloured" and the like must happen soon, so that will be fun.

I think they would remember to feed my kid, though the feeding would likely consist of chips and kool-aid. Much like the use of "coloured", they would probably see nothing wrong with that.

[dear wife]

Yeah the whole non feeding issue is one of my concerns about leaving the zygote with my MIL. ZD has stories about how she would feed them spaghetti with ketchup because it was too much work to go the grocery store. Also she never eats herself, like one piece of toast for the entire day.

[karyn]

Dude, are our families RELATED?

I so totally freaking hear you on every count here. Every one.

[Country Mouse]

My ex (in the days before he was my ex) has been known to do that, too — the not-feeding thing, that is. "Well, he didn't tell me he was hungry," was his response. Dude. Kid didn't talk yet. You had to ask him if he wanted something to eat, and he'd either light up with delight or shake his head no. (Or, if you were me, he would bite you gently to let you know you hadn't offered him any food and he was hungry. But only if you were me.)

[FishyGirl]

Oh, honey, I feel for you, I really do. I couldn't live with my in-laws again, ever. My FIL is currently pissed at me as this decree prevents my husband from pooling resources with my in-laws to buy another piece of property that he will neglect because he has to take care of my MIL. Yeah, I'd end up taking care of her, along with the current three kids under age 8 plus the baby due any day now, while he went out and tried to play gentleman farmer at age 60.

The feeding thing? My in-laws have pulled that one, too - when asked they said "But we didn't know what we were allowed to feed her" - anything she'll eat is fine, duh, especially after 4 hours or so. Just wait til they do the old all day in the same diaper thing.

Sorry, Kristen, I don't know how you take it - I'd probably have whacked 'em both over the head with the pot by now.

[Melissa]

And air, gotta love that air. Next time, leave her snack out on the counter , show it too them and leave a sticky on it, please give to Q at whatever o'clock. What a bunch of morons. 4 times huh? I don't even know anyone who folds undearwear at all.

[Ruth Dynamite]

You are very funny - pregnant, livin' with the in-laws, musing about the snip snip, contemplating bigotry and collegiate post-assessment...

you're A-OK in my book. Just wanted you to know. Hang in there!

[Karen Rani]

Seriously - you gotta come over here and live with me. I even share the internets with ya. :)
Plus, I make the BEST baked nachos EVA.
Take care of yourself and stay away from pot. Ha ha ha!
Karen
xo

[Sara]

You are so not a bitch. If they weren't crazy bigots, you wouldn't have hid the pot from them. Heck, if they were sweet, caring, responsible caregivers you probably would have already bought them a new one!

But the drink/food thing...that's ridiculous. Maybe you'll just have to attach a sippy cup to her wrist next time. You don't think they're doing it on purpose to try to prevent you from asking them again, do you? I mean, are they evil or just idiots?

[jennster]

i am laughing my fucking ass off at the burning of the pot and burying it in the garbage.. LMFAO! i love that you did that. HAHAHHAHA!

the rest of the post makes me want to rip my hair out. good god, how long are you there for?

[Mom101]

They get more nuts with every day, don't they. Or do we just have a better understanding of their nuttiness with each day?

Perhaps you need to remind your fil that his granddaughter is 1/4 "colored." I wonder if that would change anything.

[mothergoosemouse]

My in-laws are nowhere near as insane as yours, and yet I still sometimes wonder how my husband emerged from his family (as the baby of the family, no less).

I wonder if she asked THEM for something to drink (and they ignored/refused?), and so waited until you came home?

Regardless, that's weird. And bothersome.

[Melissa]

Leave food out for her next time. Nothing says, "I'll leave my kid with you, but I don't think you know what you're doing" like doing it for them. Though I suppose they're unlikely to pick up on your clever subtlety.

[Binky]

Oh, the kind of pot that you cook on! I wasn't sure for a minute... ;)

[jaelithe]

My husband, who is in most regards a very good father, has forgotten to feed his own son more than once when I've left the two of them alone together for a more than two hours without explicit instructions concerning what to feed the boy and when.

He has gotten much better recently, though, and I don't think it's happened at all in the past several months. This is probably because I really guilt-tripped him the couple of times it happened ;) Not sure that would work with the in-laws.

I really don't understand how people forget to feed small children, but from what I've seen around the blog neighborhood, apparently it's a fairly common affliction.

I suppose you'll just have to leave them a list of instructions every time you go out. I know, one more thing to think of, right?