Maybe I'm Not So Bad at This After All

I know I've written many a post about the challenges of motherhood.

Okay. More like the "knock-down-drag-me-down-a-road-half-naked-with-poop-on-my-hand" challenges of motherhood.

It's hard. It's not fun. It can suck. A LOT.

And for various reasons, I've taken it upon myself to share my crazy stories of motherhood with you. Maybe it's so you'll laugh and then I won't feel so bad. Or maybe it's because I have no shame. Or maybe it's because I want people to not be afraid when they feel like they can't do it, or that they suck, or that their kids hate them, or that they should have kept the condom ON.

You get my drift.

I'm not sure how to measure success as a parent. Maybe when they're 25 and they have a job and they don't live in your house and they don't have genital warts you've done well. You can brag to the neighbors "My kid makes his own money and he's STD free!"

Victory is mine!

But with a 2-year old? How do you know? Let's face it. No one's offering me a crown and sash (or anything remotely congratulatory) around these parts.

Certainly those moms with kids that run them ragged, climbing on chairs at 10 months and screaming bloody murder at the supermarket are doing their best just like the moms with a quiet kid who reads books and doesn't eat her playdough. And just because your 2-year-old can sing the National Anthem in Portuguese and mine can only eat her toe jam with her eyes closed says nothing about my parenting ability at this point in time (just that I might want to feed her real food).

For lack of anything more substantial, I think it's just a feeling you have. When you look at your kid for that split second and you realize she's alive, breathing, and smiling. And that everything you've done for however long you've been doing it has paid off. It's those moments that are sometimes fleeting and hard to catch that tell me YOU DONE GOOD.

So make sure you tell yourself the same, moms and dads.You'll be wiping shit off the walls soon enough. Enjoy those tiny moments in time (maybe when they're sleeping, alone, in their own room and bed, after you just read to them and didn't have to lay with them for 45 minutes until they fell asleep or they are pooping on the potty and you don't have to wipe gobs of poop of their stinky yet still cute little asses) where the world is telling you that you've done good too. Sure. It's nice to bask in the glory that is the community of tub-poopers, wrestler-like tantrum throwers, and sore vaginas.

But sometimes it's nice to hear "You're doing a great job with your kid," isn't it? Because there are no Perfect Parenting awards or ROFL mothering awards. It's just us writing our stories hoping that someone will relate and feel better about themselves, and in that, we'll feel pretty okay too.

--

This isn't an award, but you can certainly make someone feel really good by nominating them. Plus they can win prizes! Check it out.

Comments

[Tonia]

Boy, it is like you just took that out of my own mind. How do you know you are doing good with a 2 year old that isn't really talking and the only thing he likes to do with his toys is throw them and eat them?

[domestic slackstress]

Exactly. There is almost nothing that I won't write about on my blog. I believe the more we crazy mamas bare, the more other mamas will relate and perhaps feel a sense of relief that they aren't accidentally getting their fingers smeared in pea green poo during the millionth diaper change of the day or whatevever BS they are currently stuck in like quicksand times ten. Ya know? I love your style. At the risk of sounding like a high school dork signing a year book, don't change a thing. Stay cool. Fo sho.

[Her Bad Mother]

I needed to read this today. I really did.

Thanks.

[merry mama]

Funny you should mention poo. I've been having my own pay back for a self-congratulation that came just a little too soon. It must be something in the wind...

[Allison]

Your honesty is just wonderful. You are a successful parent.

[girlnextdoor2345]

Funny thing, I just (egad) finished posting about wiping a poopy bum. Although I have gone through the 'finger painting' stage, I have no intentions of either thinking about that or posting about it. Oh and I think in addition to mothering awards, there should also be wifey awards for those of us who have to deal with the big babies.

[Anne Glamore]

My oldest is begging me to take him to Target so 1) we can finally get him some glasses (he broke his months ago) AND
2) he can show me the exact underwear he wears. I've made 3 trips and have yet to get it right.

These are sorta the basics, and I'm screwing it up.

(He does wear contacts, though-- he's not walking around blind).

[JailDiet]

In regards to the "you've done good when your kids don't have genital warts and make money..." With all the HPV buzz going around lately, I hear that 70% of people walking around have it...So, my point is, choose another STD because by the time your daughter grows up, the world will be infested and you'll feel like a failure. Or, maybe just get her the HPV vaccination now at the age of 2 to be sure it takes and you can consider yourself successful! Oh, by the way, you're already successful at being a mom...

[Robina]

You ARE an excellent mother, and the fact you are able to write about REAL motherhood, and put to words what all of us think and feel is such an accomplishment. There are mothers who never admit they get shit on their hands, they wish their kids would go away for a while, they want their kid to sleep in their own bed, they are tired of being CLUNG to. Yea, I call my 3 year old a cling on. There are just times we need to be ALONE and be who WE are as women, not mothers. That's not too much to ask. And if our kids are healthy, growing and happy, I think we have all accomplishment something worthy of an "I DID IT" award, no matter how small. Nothing makes you feel more special as a mother than to hear someone else say, "you have such a smart, sweet little girl".

And under the circumstances in which you live at the present, you deserve the biggest award of all!

[Damselfly]

This post came at the best time. So congratulate yourself, because last night I had a "I'm a terrible mother" night -- not for anything I've done, but for the thoughts I think and the sometimes-joyless feelings I have on days when my baby just won't stop crying and fussing, and he won't sleep. Thoughts like "Is this what I signed up for?!" So, you're doing a great job.

[Mammacheryl]

Wow, I really needed that. Thanks for the awesome post. It's an instant classic. I think I'm going to start a ROFL Parent around for my playgroup.

[creative-type dad]

What? No perfect parent award....

That changes everything.

[Awesome Mom]

I get the best feelings when Evan's doctors take the time to tell me that I am being a good mother. It makes things so much easier to know that they have confidence in me even when I often don't.

[Karen Rani]

Now stop.

Think for a moment about all the children who don't have parents like you. They might have parents who neglect, parents who beat them, parents who call them vile names and swear at them.

I think about those kids every single weekday when I walk Thomas to school through a neighbourhood chock full of those children.
(I blogged about it here if you're interested and the project will begin in the spring: http://tinyurl.com/g2mql)

I see the spirit in them still, and wonder if it will be crushed completely soon. I watch their mothers/fathers/mother's boyfriends scream and swear at them, haul them off by an arm or the hood of their jackets, slap them on their heads and sometimes worse.

You don't need an award Kristen. Your award is knowing your children (even though one is still brewing) are safe, happy, cared for, and most of all? LOVED.
I know you KNOW that. I'm sorry if I jumped up on a soapbox, it's just I get slapped with that reality every damn day and sometimes I want to shake all the good moms and say, "give yourselves some credit," because you're rockin' out some great parenting.
Karen
xoxo

[Binkytown]

Yes! Yes! Yes! I laughed and I feel better. Thank you! (Victory!)

[mrsfortune]

Hmm. Can't say I've had one of those moments yet but I sense one coming! Sometime soon. But I think that it's a damn shame there are no ROFL Mothering Awards. I've sure as hell read a lot of ROFL mothering stories, a few of them yours. :-) Maybe I'll start a new award.

[Occidental Girl]

Yes! Exactly.

I'm having an "I'm a Terrible Mother" kind of week. My child wants to do the opposite of whatever I suggest. It's infuriating. My husband is so busy at work, he doesn't want to hear about it. He wants to (I think) but his suggestion of "just discipline the child...it's easy!" isn't so helpful.

Other mothers are the only ones who get it. Who relate to the endless complaining because it's a tough job that is endlessly changing, requiring the flexibility of a Cirque du Soleil performer - if not physically but mentally - and the learning curve of a city dweller cast on Survivor.

Tough does not begin to cover it.

I appreciate your honesty, your humor, and your compassion. They're the reasons I come back and read.

Camaraderie. Thank you!