Two straight hours of decent contractions, a loss of appetite (even for Chick-Fil-A #1), and 10 glorious minutes of watching Dutch and Wood's Flick'r Pool as a slide show with my daughter asking "What's the little girl doing" for every frame (all that was missing was the Sarah McLachlan soundtrack) and you'd think I'd have a baby in my arms.
Seriously you guys, you might want to put a warning on that thing -- "May cause weepy large pregnant woman to collapse in a sea of tears."
But no. Alas. I'm still here.
And to make matters even more awkward, my husband and his mother are not speaking. Yes, just when I thought it couldn't get more bizarre, apparently they had a huge knock-em-down fight on Tuesday night and are refusing to engage in any verbal interaction.
I'm actually surprised that it has taken this long. My MIL berates everyone (except me and Quinlan) on a daily basis. My father-in-law deals with it by getting blasted (for good reason) so it doesn't bother him.
Hell. It wouldn't bother me if I was jacked up on 14 beers a night.
But my sober husband being told he's an idiot, stupid, moronic, and just plain dumb for making two scratches in the driveway? Well, that was it.
And so the speaking has halted. She stays upstairs, he stays downstairs, and I just run the stairs to try to get labor started.
Granted, it's a helluvalot quieter around this place.
So, tonight I'm off to sip some wine (sure, call me Rachel Weisz), stimulate my nipples with a breast pump or what I like to call "Johnny Depp's Electric Fingers" (now if that's not Friday Night Fun then what is, I ask?) and try to come up with a better name for my baby than "boy."
In the mean time, go read and vote. And enter my baby pool.
I called my son Boy-o for 4 days. bite-my-cookie.blogspot.com had a boys name list that was good, I'll try to track it.
thinking of you. obviously.
Posted by: mo-wo | January 15, 2007 at 02:43 AM
Good luck! I would want to go into labor just to be away from the craziness in your house!
Posted by: A Elliot | January 14, 2007 at 10:05 AM
I know how frustrating the waiting game is...especially as it is so recent here! I'll tell you what, though...just keep thinking he travels easier this way! I know the last 4 weeks after Kade was born, I have been building muscles up carrying the carrier and chasing the 3 year old all at the same time. Makes me remember how much easier it was chasing a toddler with pelvic pain!
Posted by: Becky Brahma | January 14, 2007 at 10:01 AM
This baby will come when it comes. I'm not saying the waiting's easy on you.
I am new to your blog, so I figured, you must be on the last days of waiting. Man..I hate and love those days.
Can't have anymore. I'd been neutered? nuh! spayed? well, whatever it is. I am done. :)
Wish you easy birth and family which will make it easy for your wait.
Posted by: Shoshana | January 14, 2007 at 12:30 AM
I think that "Johnny Depps' Electric Fingers" is a GREAT name for a boy!
Consider that my vote.
Posted by: Mom101 | January 13, 2007 at 10:26 PM
Maybe this will mean that you and the fam will move out of the in-law's soon? But, first things first - may your labor be swift and (relatively) painless!
Posted by: Irene | January 13, 2007 at 04:57 PM
C'mon, let's have this baby already! Go, go, go! I'm guessing you're birthing... riiiight... NOW!
Posted by: Johnathan | January 13, 2007 at 04:01 PM
My 2nd one (little boy) was just born on Wednesday! We came home yesterday and all is well. I carried him longer than my first as well, but I will say the labor was MUCH easier! 3 Hours this time instead of the 14 last time :) And my epidural didn't wear off this time! Wishing you a fast delivery!
Posted by: GrouchoandMarx | January 13, 2007 at 02:13 PM
OMG OMG. Anytime now...wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Posted by: tracey | January 13, 2007 at 11:22 AM
My 2nd baby was due 3/25 but we heard nary a peep out of him and eventually my benevolent OBGYN evicted the little sucker over a week later. 2nd baby! Supposed to be faster! Sooner! But no.
I say be comfortable as much as you can as long as you can... and if you can manage it, try to get yourself dilated to 3cm so you can walk in that hospital and get an epidural immediately.
Johnny Depp's Electric Fingers (too effing funny) might help with that. In fact... say. What model # is that pump? Hm...
Posted by: karyn | January 13, 2007 at 08:51 AM
Wow. Um, good luck? (Get out of the house?) :) We're rootin' for ya!
Posted by: daddy in a strange land | January 13, 2007 at 04:07 AM
Kristen,
For the love of merciful God, start twisting your nipples!! My "baby pool" pick is the 13th...so, I need you to twist the nipples hard and often, woman...or force yourself on Mr. Motherhood. He needs to get busy, in a very serious way!! Make him MEAN IT, girl!!!!
Come on, girl. Have that baby!!
And by all means...get that epidural going!!
**You are on my mind...I'm sending out "uterine contraction" vibes all the way from Washington. But you have to trust me...start twisting!! I had baby #3 because I twisted. I swear to God! I twisted those bastard-nipples until my baby crowned!! Now, get to work!!**
Posted by: Bobita | January 12, 2007 at 11:42 PM
you are way stronger than i! i would have seriously moved out had i had to deal with my MIL for more than two hours at a time during my pregnancy.
Posted by: you da mom! | January 12, 2007 at 10:05 PM
Good luck, Kristen! How exciting!
Your Friday night actually seems more exciting than mine...at least you'll be getting nipple stimulation!
Posted by: Jennifer | January 12, 2007 at 09:44 PM
My addiction to Chik-Fil-A is well-documented. I truly can't think of any circumstance under which I'd turn it down. Why aren't you at the hospital?
And how in the hell do you SCRATCH a driveway? It's not a freaking pool table.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | January 12, 2007 at 09:34 PM
You have to hold it for another week. I think my pool date is the 19th. Ok? Pretty please? I'll buy you a ChickfilA
Posted by: Suebob | January 12, 2007 at 09:30 PM
I was able to enjoy a chick-fil-a this afternoon, however, I refused the hand churned milkshake.
I know. I'm nutty.
Posted by: Kristen | January 12, 2007 at 08:45 PM
What kind of kid are you having, anyway??! I protest this child of yours, making you lose your appetite for even Chick-Fil-A. I mean COME ON, KID! It's CHICK-FIL-A!!!!!
Posted by: Chase | January 12, 2007 at 08:26 PM
oooh - excitement!! AND calm in the house! How perfect is that?
We'll be thinking of you - here's to a quick and easy go of it :D
Posted by: Jenn | January 12, 2007 at 08:20 PM
Oh wow- this is the first time I have felt this wave of excitement- it's gonna happen!!! You'll be motherhood x2 uncensored.
Holy cow.
(Yes I realize that this has already sunk in for YOU like, um, 8 months ago or whatever, but I am merely a blog reader, it takes me much longer for it to really hit me)
I can't believe I haven't even knit the little guy something.
Hmmm.... Where is my Debbie Bliss for Babies book...
Posted by: krista | January 12, 2007 at 07:35 PM
Typo. I can't believe I called you Kirstin instead of Kristen. So sorry about that -- I didn't think I was *that* distracted, but I guess I am. Forgive me?
Posted by: whymommy | January 12, 2007 at 07:33 PM
I am SOOOOOOOOOO with you Kirstin. After my false labor on Christmas Day, we didn't hear anything from our munchkin-to-be until yesterday. Since then, searing back pain and what may be early back labor has sent me back to the doctor and TOMORROW I'm going to be induced. It's like a mercy labor, I think, but I'll take it however it comes at this point! Best of luck to you -- maybe we'll both deliver this weekend!!!
Posted by: whymommy | January 12, 2007 at 07:32 PM
"Johnny Depp's Electric Fingers", eh? Sounds like a wild time to me.
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | January 12, 2007 at 06:38 PM
Well, enjoy your Friday night, Kristen :)
Posted by: laura | January 12, 2007 at 06:19 PM
You're on your way! Eventually, anyway. Good luck! Can't wait to hear the good news. :)
Posted by: Suburban Turmoil | January 12, 2007 at 06:14 PM
Here's to quick and easy labor! (Hurry up little nephew...we all want to meet you!)
Posted by: JChase | January 12, 2007 at 05:58 PM
Boy? Sounds um neat. Better that than Junior in my book. Maybe once you see him it will hit you, happened that way for me with Nata. Course she was supposed to be a boy...so you have a girl name as a back up right? Right?
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. I hope whenever it happens, it's nice and quit and painlessss....well as painless as possible.
Posted by: Issa | January 12, 2007 at 05:39 PM