You Try Riding in a Car with a Screaming Toddler

I think it was Dutch that started the initial debate about dvd players in cars many months ago over at Blogging Baby. Of course, I can't seem to find his original post that, in true Dutch fashion, brought out the darkest side of many BB readers (which really doesn't take that much these days).

The debate about kids and television is just another of the 5,000 other things we all never really thought about until we had kids. Apparently television for kids under two is bad. Unless it's a monkey puppet dancing to Bach? Or a big yellow bird and his formerly imaginary friend?

Who knows?

My daughter never really watched television until maybe a year ago. And she still probably watches more than I'd like -- mostly PBS and a few Playhouse Disney shows. The Baby Einstein stuff never did much for her and so we didn't introduce television until I needed to get a shower more than twice a week. Seriously, it had nothing to do with the educational value of it; it was purely selfish on my part.

I'm all for folks who think television is evil and dvds are crack for babies. However, don't sit next to me on the bus because I know you haven't showered in a few days.

Heh.

But seriously, I'm sort of on the "it's fine in moderation and it's not totally evil unless you're showing your kid a Bratz dvd" side of the argument.

But then you get to the DVD in cars debate, which, totally unbeknownst to me is a huge deal. Who knew? Personally, we don't have one, and I don't foresee myself getting a car with a dvd player in them. I know that there's the argument that we were kids and we had to entertain ourselves without movies and damn that's why I love Moby Dick so much and I got a 1350 on my SATs.

Okay. Not really. But whatever happened to occupying your time with weird road trip games, Old Maid, and asking your parents "are we there yet" in 14 different languages?

Maybe for the older kid set dvds in cars could be considered lazy parenting. I will say the drive from Mississippi to Pennsylvania was made a lot easier thanks to my computer (read: player of Lady and the Tramp) at the tail ends of both days of driving. When sleep and food and candy did not cut it, the DVD player did.

I know. I'm evil. But that's just what we had to do.

And so, I'm curious. How do you feel about the issue?

Check out the show notes, click here to subscribe to my feed, or here to learn how to listen (and subscribe) via iTunes! We're talking about MILFs next week -- so stay tuned!

(646) 915-8634

Comments

[Nita Stelling]

If your family spends a lot of time on the road, then I guess a DVD player would be helpful in keeping everyone busy during trips. I don't think it's lazy parenting at all, since parents who hold the wheel should always keep their focus on the road and nowhere else. Kids might get dizzy after watching a full-length movie, though.

[Lauren Allard]

My daughter is 21 months old. She has screamed and cried in the car ever since she was born. She absolutely HATES being restrained (she's very active)... Needless to say, I have tried sitting with her, giving her toys and snacks, playing music, singing to her, talking to her, etc... Nothing works very long before she screaming and tugging at her car seat straps again. It really drives me nuts sometimes. I know the AAP tells parents not to let children that young watch tv, but honestly, when she is watching a movie, she learns so much! She constantly is telling me about what she's watching. So, I think it just depends on the kid. We are about to go on a 15 hour road trip in a few weeks and I don't feel guilty at all about bringing our DVD player. She's miserable without it.

[Melissa Parlaman (Graco Contributor)]

I am all for it. i leased a Volvo SUV & it didn't have the integrated DVD players so i paid to have them installed. my 3-year-old looks forward to riding in the car because she can watch her favorite movies & I love the wonderful peace & quiet so I can rock out to my music.

[kim]

Here's my dilemma...my 2 year old twins HATE riding in the car. It's constant screeching, moaning, whining, complaining...it's awful! Hubby is TOTALLY against the idea of a DVD player, but he's got the patience of a gnat, so when the kids start the complaining ritual, he gets tense, angry, and desperate. I handle the stress a little better, but the distractions created by our howler monkeys make for unsafe driving. I've used that argument, but to no avail. Why won't he just submit and agree to the DVD player???? Life would be so much easier for everyone involved!!!!

[am]

Holy crap, are you kidding me? This is a non-issue for me and anyone that thinks dvd's in cars are evil has never driven more than an hour with children or maybe they just have much better behaved children and are much better parents than yours truly. Anyone heard of jet-blue? Their success is in part due to tv screens at a every seat so that you can pass the excruciating time spent nailed down to an airplane seat with something to do. Or perhaps those who strongly oppose dvd's should contact their lawmakers about banning these because people should learn to entertain themselves in more productive ways, i.e. Sartre or Shakespeare (no mindless chic lit allowed). Seriously, traveling when strapped down sucks and anything to make the time go by faster is FINE by me..at any age.

[peekay]

Try bringing the DVD player into a restaurant, my husband and i actually had an awesome dinner while our 19 month old watched ELMO. sanity, here i come!!

[sarah]

We have one that we used only once on our only long car trip. It was a two day drive north and the kids were 4 & 3 and unable/unwilling to play I-spy etc, and it was a lifesaver. Now - it's shelved until the next annual road trip.

[Amy]

We have a portable one that we use for long trips (ie, over an hour or 2).

Yes, we survived without them as kids--but we were also unencumbered by seatbelts (let alone car seats) as we rumbled down the road in my mom's Buick. We were free to sit on the floorboards, lie down on the seat of the car, build Barbie a tent out of the blankets we brought along, and so forth. To me, that creates a totally different situation than today's travel, where the kids have to stay put in their seats or boosters the whole darn time. Boredom comes a lot faster when you've only got a few inches to wiggle and you're not even allowed to kick the seat in front of you for entertainment.

[Caroline]

We have a DVD player in our van. It was used very sparingly the first year we owned, only when we left town for trips basically. But, then we moved 500 miles away, and spent a week house hunting, and weeks driving past our soon to be home watching it being built, and my toddler would nap for hours in the van because the tiny apartment we were renting was abysmal, so we became quite addicted to whiling away the hours watching movies in the van while I became accustomed to our new town. I've moved before, bought houses before, had at least one of our two children with me while we did that, but haivng the DVD player made everything much smoother. And, now, we're back to our occasional use again.

I say they can be a definite asset. Used all the time for no particular reason, they're no good, but used in moderation (or even recklessly for short periods of time) they're lifesaving!

[Mama22Boys]

I'm not ashamed to admit that I have a DVD player in my car. Whatever keeps the boys from screaming their heads off and it doesn't hurt them has my vote.

[Heather]

Alright, so I'm late to comment here but we do have a DVD player in the car and we only use it on long trips. That said, we are military and live far away from all family so we travel quite a bit just so the kids can know their grandparents. On a long trip, makes for a sanity saver for all of us and anyone who disagrees can come and ride with my 2 and 3 year olds for 6 hours to visit my MIL....just having to go see her is enough to make me pull my hair out let alone kids who are bored out of their minds.

[motherofbun]

They are great on long flights too!

[Maddmomma]

We have a dvd player in the car. While we don't use it every day, it is really nice for those days when the husband and I want to actually have a conversation not interrupted by the screaming from the backseat.

[Awesome Mom]

DVD players are great when needed. My son has spent a lot of time in the hospital and our portable DVD player kept him entertained when he was not supposed to be moving much. We also use this DVD player for long car trips. I would never pop in a movie for short trips around town or anything like that but when the kids are bored of watching the cars out the window a movie is a sanity saver. Moderation is the key to TV.

[Karly]

We just received a portable DVD player as a gift a couple months ago and I must admit that I was more excited than the two kids. Emma HATES riding in the car. She screams the whole time. Now, even if we are only going to be in the car 15 minutes, I turn her DVD on and PEACE AND QUIET. Does that make me a bad mom? I'm keeping her entertained, she's happy, I'm happy, its a peaceful ride. Bring on the TV.

[Jenn]

oh, duh. Please ignore my last comment - I am a little stunned today. We'll blame the full moon. :P

Just listening to the wrap up of the radio show - first time I've been able to make - and thoroughly enjoyed!

[jodi]

I'm so sorry. I have no idea what happened.

but, my point was, my kid hates the car, has always hated the car, and you "parent the child you have."

http://jodifur.blogspot.com/2006/11/things-you-said-you-would-never-do.html

[Jenn]

wait, what?? nursing a tiny baby?? now you're going to make me go back through your archives and find the post I missed, because I apparently missed it.

a very belated and big congrats, babe!

[Tifany]

I have a 3.5 yr old and 4.5 yr old and have a tv in the car for long trips. I'm a single mom and when I take the kids to visit my family, it's a good 12 hours in the car. They can watch a movie if they get restless and it makes the trips much much easier. They don't expect to watch it the entire trip and they use their imaginations a good chunk of the time to keep busy.

They typically don't get to watch tv if I'm just driving them to school or around town, but I do have a rare bad day where I just need quiet and they won't stop fighting. That's happened maybe three times in an entire year, so I don't feel too guilty.

[lena]

You had me at vino.

Fab topic. I'll be listening!

[Alicia]

I wish I had a DVD player in my car. I would use it for those quick trips to the grocery store. My three little boys are rambunctious. Every car ride we take, no matter how small, not only pushes my nerves to the limit but we literally risk our lives. I guess I am just not good at multitasking. Keeping my kids in their seats, keeping them from beating each other, and keeping my eyes on the road and my hands on the steering wheel requires more skill, eyes, and arms than I am equipped with. I also scream at my kids in the car which I know is terrible parenting but what can I do? I think it’s time to install a DVD player. As for road trips not even a DVD player would save me from insanity, maybe in another few years.

[Wendy]

There was no way in hell I was going to evacuate without one. I would like to meet the person that can survive a 14 hour car ride in bummper to bumper traffic from New Orleans to Houston.

Our daughter only watches a movie when we are going to be in the car for a road trip. She doesnt watch it everytime we are in the car, although, it might be nice to listen to the radio instead of her million and one questions. Like everything else moderation, please.

[karyn]

I think pretty much anything that is going to enable you to do your job as a parent and leave you NOT wanting to open a vein or drive your kids to a Safe Haven Location at the end of the day is okay.

It depends on so much. So. Much.

We all know some days in that car are okay and it's fun and lovely and other days we have to really work hard at not driving our three ton killing machine into the brick wall on the side of a ginormous(preferably non-occupied) building just to stop the insanity, to MAKE PEOPLE SHUT THE HELL UP.

Do what you gotta do, I say.

[NtycnBoricua]

I have also debated about this at my blog (http://ntycnboricua.blogspot.com/2006/11/babies-shouldnt-watch-tv.html) and I feel that tv is ok as long as it's in moderation. I can see DVD players in the car as a lifesaver for long trips, but ridiculous for a short trip to the grocery store. It just depends.

http://ntycnboricua.blogspot.com

[Kristen]

I think anything in moderation is okay. TV helps my sanity and I don't care what they say- Leah has learned a TON from her videos. I teach her plenty- but Elmo is the reason for a LOT of stuff she learned earlier than normal.

[FishyGirl]

We don't have a portable DVD or car player yet, but with 4 kids under the age of 8, it will be required before the next road trip. We did a 19 hour road trip this past spring when we had only 3, and the GameBoy with some preschool games was my ace in the hole. Worked great, except - fighting over it and monitoring who had what game for what amount of time was awful. They are too young for most stupid car games and books only go so far when you can't read yet, and music is good to a point. It would have been nice to have DVD in the bag of tricks. That said, our GameBoy only comes out for long road trips (over 2 hours), and the DVD would be the same.

My kids watch TV, and I monitor it like crazy. I only let them watch channels like noggin and sprout or nickelodeon when Nick Jr. is on, so I can minimize commercial exposure. I will not do "grownup" tv unless it is something innocuous like food network or DIY or something - my oldest loves "Flip that house" and I love that she loves to watch it with me. But no news until after all kids are in bed. Thanks in part to TV and noggin, my 2 year old has the vocabulary of a 5 year old and can tell you that a 5 sided shape is a pentagon, and has known her other shapes since she was about 15 months - I lack the patience for the repetition necessary to have taught her that all by myself that early. TV can be a useful tool if used properly.

[mama snee]

My 14-month old watches no broadcast television, and occasionally watches Baby Einstein World Animals, or some snippets online at www.yogabbagabba.com or www.uptoten.com in a separate window when I need to check email.

If I could afford a DVD player in the car, I absolutely would do it. I know my brother and I had to entertain ourselves in the car, but I'm not sure that means that's better. We were also completely miserable a lot of the time. And I know my parents were. I'm pretty sure that if most of the parents thirty years ago had the DVD option, they would've jumped on it. And if they'd had safer car seats and high chairs, they probably would've jumped on that, too. They probably would have found out the sex of their babies. If they would've known not to feed us peanut butter as babies, they probably wouldn't have. I can't tell you how many times my mother has said, "wow, if only we'd had one of these when you were little..."

No, we didn't have all of the fun entertainment that's available now, and it can certainly be misused. I'm not saying that parking your kid in front of a repeating Barbie Gets Her Nails Done DVD is the way to go, but I don't know that grumbling about "when I was a kid..." is appropriate, either. Are we also going to get bent out of shape about those damn hippies with their long hair and rock n' roll? Everything we had as kids was once new and scary and controversial. Same with DVDs.

[Robina]

I drove from San Francisco to Ft. Benning Georgia when my boys were 3 and 1 1/2. It was JUST ME! I dover 14 hours a day, with stops at McDonalds or some park so they could play for an hour. It was PURE HELL! I had these kid tapes that we played over, and over, and over again. Yea, I know every word to "The Wheels on the Bus", My Little Rooster", "Blue" (a dog, a good 'ole dog" "Yellow Rose of Texas", and a lot more. By the time I hit New Mexico I could have killed someone for a dvd player in the car. Now THAT is evilness. But hell fire, by the time I got to Atlanta, I collapsed in my bed and cried for two hours straight while those boys climbed the walls and destroyed the hotel room. I was a Zombie. Do you have any idea how many times you have to pull over to let a 3 year old pee? GEEZ! And how many times do you have yell at your kids to sit down, don't eat the crayon, quit sticking your brother with the pencil, quit throwing books at the back of my head, etc, before you have a melt down?

[Stacey]

I just completed 2 19 hour road trips (each over 2 days) with my 3 & 4 year old. Portable DVD players ROCK!!!! We only put it in when the drive is over 3 hours. DH & i listen to books on tape. The kids aren't interested yet but when they are we'll switch to them. I wonder if audiobooks are tools of Satan as well? they have no visual component though, so maybe not.

I read in the car when I was a child & my brother amused himself 'not touching' me & puting his feet on my side of the car. My parents would have killed for DVD player or hand held video game for him on those 9 hour long drives to the beach. I would have as well.

[Sheila]

I think kids should learn to entertain themselves, so DVDs in the car are not a good idea. Of course, it's easy to say when you don't have four screaming bambinos in your minivan on an 8-hour roadtrip! My sister-in-law said she'd never get the DVD players for her minivan, but eventually broke down. I got to sit in the back with all the kids, and there was a tantrum anyway because one kid didn't get his own screen. So I guess the meltdowns are going to happen no matter what when the kids are tired and cranky from a long trip.

[Redneck mommy]

At first I was diametrically opposed to DVD players in cars. I scoffed and acted superior when I learned my sister in law had stooped to such entertainment when she had to take her two kids on a 14 hour road trip.

Hell, I had three kids, and I would never need such tools of satan to get my kids to behave....

Blah, blah, blah.

Then I attempted a mere 8 hour drive with my darling children. (When I still had all three...)

Four hours into the drive the buggers were fighting, whining, and just plain driving me crazy. My parenting skills just weren't up to the task of roadtrips and staying sane.

We haven't attempted any such trip since Bug flew away, but you can be damn sure that when we do, I will buy, borrow,beg or steal a portable dvd player to entertain the masses.

Road games are fun, books rock, but this mommy enjoys quiet too!

[Paula]

The Impling does this very impressive impersonation of Regan, from the Exorcist, whenever we drive in the car for any time over, say, 15 minutes. Unless she projectiles all over me while I'm strapping her in, of course.

I don't see a future DVD player in our car. She wouldn't be able to see the screen for the vomit anyway.

Here's what the AAP has to say about TV & Toddlers:

http://www.aap.org/family/tv1.htm

I think my last shower was 2, 3 days ago?

Oh never mind.

[mothergoosemouse]

Ooooh, this is going to be a good radio show....

Don't have one in the car. Probably won't get one. Have brought laptop/DVDs on plane trips. Frankly, in the interest of preserving my own sanity, we keep our arses parked here at home. If somebody wants to see me or my kids, THEY can get on a plane or drive 12 hours.

Ahem. A little defensive there. Sorry.

[Much More Than A Mom]

I'm not a huge fan, but we'll probably get one when our kid(s) are older. I feel better about movies than broadcast TV, what with the Bratz commercials and all. Heh. Fast food commercials also really irk me, and pharmaceuticals. Who the hell goes to the dr. and asks for a drug they saw on TV?

[Amy]

I do not believe they showed the entire hanging on the news, you have to hunt the internet for the amateur footage from someone's cell phone for the ACTUAL hanging, just for the record (forgive me if I am wrong, but in Canada, with US coverage available on TV, all footage shows up to a certain point and then cuts out before the deed). Also, chidren of any age should be supervised and should not have been able to put any type of rope around anyone's neck, not a fault of the TV. ANY news program should not be viewed by children, you may not think they understand it, but they do. Children have a word base of at least 200 words by the time they are one year old, they just (sometimes) are unable to vocalize the words. Do you want baby's first word to be "murder?" I hate hearing about murders, rapes, etc, why should I have to explain it to my children at this point?

We don't have a car, so I don't have a portable DVD player, but the kids do have a TV and DVD player, and video games in their room. They have to "borrow" them from the "library" (living room), so everything is censored, and honestly, how many times do I need to watch Pooh's Grand Adventure before my brain seeps out of my ears??!! Yes, they have a freaking TV in their room so I can keep my sanity. Oh well.

[katbliss]

Don't have a TV in the car, but can definetly understand the need for one. When we were kids (this is dating me a bit...) we didn't wear seatbelts (and no such thing as car seats!) so we played all over the car during long trips.

Now our kids are strapped in so tight that they can't even switch butt cheeks. If they need a distraction for long trips, so be it.

[Kristin]

I love TV.

Bring it on.

[Shannon - PHAT Mommy]

I love TV. I praise DVDs. As long as I'm monitoring what my kids are seeing, I have absolutely no problem with it. My kids and I have learned a lot from TV. As another commenter mentioned, adults don't generally want to sit and do the same thing for 6 hours straight, so why do we expect kids to? Offering children a little diversion in the form of a DVD during a long trip seems harmless. In fact, I'd even go so far to say as that it would enhance safety because your children are occupied and still instead of distracting you with whining, asking you to pass them back food/drinks/toys, or hitting each other.

[Petite Mommy]

We have a DVD player for the car specifically for very long trips since we travel alot but no other times. We've had the portable dvd player for around 2.5 years and have only used it on about 4 trips in those few years. On trips shorter than 3 hours, we play music, play I spy, sing songs, play counting cars,etc. It's fun. I do not think tv is evil. Its the responsibility of the parent to decide what and how much a child watches and sometimes we, as mothers, have to do other things such as shower and tv works sometiems. My son is 2.5 and watches tv less an hour twice per week mainly because he is not interested. My nearly 6 year old would watch it all day if I let him.

[cagey]

Here's the thing - when I fly overseas, I usually watch the inflight movie. Actually, come to think of it, when I flew to Europe the last time, all the passengers had access to their own little sets and we could pick from a variety of tv shows and movies. As much as I love to read, I can't read for 8 hours straight (or to Pakistan, which was a 24+ hour trip. Egads.) Why would I expect a kid on a long car trip to not get to watch something?

Currently, we have no need for a DVD player because we don't do roadtrips, we only fly right now. However, if we started taking roadtrips, I would not rule one out. A friend of mine who frequently travels back to her parents' and in-laws' homes on 6+ hour trips put it succinctly - the DVD player is only ONE piece of the entertainment puzzle.

Older folks who poo-poo DVD players are probably just jealous and besides, it's really easy to claim you wouldn't have bought something for your kids that didn't even EXIST back in your Parenting Time. These are probably the same folks that claim their kids never cried, never threw tantrums and were potty trained by 12 months. Bah humbug.

Where I get a tad disgusted with DVD players is when I see people driving around town doing errands and their kids are watching TV. I think that is a little ridiculous.

[PunditMom]

Portable DVD players are a God-send for airplane trips across the country! I can manage several hours in the car with tunes, and "Oh, look, more horsies!" But, trapped on a 737 with nothing but clouds to look at at no snacks? I'm totally fine with a few hours of The Parent Trap or Jasmine!

[Andrea]

Ok. I agree with K on the whole need TV for shower thing. I also agree that for LONG car rides, having a DVD players is kinda nice. I have one in my vehicle. It wasn't something I chose, the truck just came with it. We don't use it for anything local. We only use it for when we go up north which is 4+ hours. We are very on top of which movies our son gets to watch. Pretty much Lady and the Tramp, Bambi or Dumbo. We drive in the evening and car games don't always cut it.

[chris]

We don't have one, nor do I ever forsee the possibility of getting one. I just don't understand why people think think their kids need to be plugged in all the time.

Maybe if I were going to drive to California with all my kids I'd think about borrowing one, but the people who have them because their child can't be in a car for a ride to the grocery store, that I don't understand.

[whymommy]

DVDs in cars? No way, not for my kid. We take him on 16 hour trips to Grandma's hosue without much difficulty, and I just can't imagine the whining that would ensue if TV were available for part of the trip and not others. Seriously, once you're equipped, it's got to be hard to justify allowing it in the morning but not at night, one movie but not two, etc.

Granted my kid's only two, but we pass the time talking, singing, playing with small toys, drawing on his etch-a-sketch, looking out the window for dump trucks and scoops, reading, and just plain quiet time. Works for us.

[Mom101]

And Katie - what kind of cracked out parent allows her young child to watch the hanging of Saddam? Good lord, TV is not to blame here. Idiotic parenting is.

[Mom101]

It's true.

I have not showered for two days.

[Kate]

DVDs in cars is a little extreme. I can see for long road trips (like ones over 6 hours), but I see kids watching these things in the car for short trips to soccer games. That's a little much. What ever happened to small talk with your kids?

[Sunshinescribe]

I have been living under a rock because I was completely unaware of the controversy!

We don't have one in the car and I doubt we'll get one. Mostly because I am cheap but also because my guy isn't that into TV.

BUT we did borrow one for a long cross country trip last year. And we wouldn't have survived without it. So I am definately not opposed.

[jen]

We don't have one permanently installed in our van, but we have a portable one that mysteriously appears any time we have to drive to Iowa. That's the only time it shows up-- a 14 hour drive would make us all nuts. Family harmony trumps all else. Our kids are a bit too young for stupid car games, but as they get older and better travelers, and the DVD player croaks, then we'll go without.

[Eliza]

oh I would love one of these in our car, especially for road trips. When we travel it is always for 9 hours at a time, these little things would definitely come in handy.

[mamatulip]

Oliver does not do well in the carseat for any length of time. We went away this past weekend and the drive up was pretty bad. Both Dave and I were talking about getting a DVD player for the van -- something I've never really felt the need for until now.

[Mrs. Chicky]

I haven't had the need for one yet, but I'm fairly certain if a long road trip were in my future I would not hesitate to purchase a portable DVD player. I'm willing to live with the label of Bad Parent to avoid snapping at my child for whining because she is uncomfortable and bored. I wouldn't pull the thing out as soon as we left the driveway, but I sure would have it in my bag of tricks, ready to pull out if necessary.

[Mike]

We have one of the portable DVD players that we take out to the car when we go somewhere over an hour away. Anything shorter than that and we just listen to music and play with toys. If we tried using it during the trips to the store, we would get yelled at when we stopped and had to turn off the show.

[katie]

Now this is an issue which I also wonder about. I don't know whether they mentioned this on the news in the US but apparently a young boy was playing with his sister after watching the hanging of Saddam and decided to reenact the whole thing... Unfortunately, the sister was not able summon help in time and he suffocated. It's a tragedy and there is no question that tv was to blame in this case. I always thought it was ok to let kids watch tv supervised, explaining things along the way (such as f.e. Batman's flying abilities being only a thing of fiction bla bla. But what about the above-mentioned situation? We don't watch much tv in my house, but we do follow the news, sometimes keeping them on as background tv. How am I to know when my child is actually viewing what they air? I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand any of it, but I think that's all the more reason for my keeping her away from the tv, or better yet - switching the damn thing OFF! And hoooray for stupid car games I say!