Motherhood Uncensored... Once a Jew?

I've always thought there was something to this whole concept of reincarnation. Granted I'm not so much for this whole "I'm coming back as a large Jersey cow" thing, but I've always believed that we were all someone else at one point in time. You know -- old souls, relatives that have passed...

Or in our case, old Jewish ladies.

Considering my 100% Chinese mother is a card carrying member of Jews for Jesus and the only Asian non-Jewish woman I know who can make a mean Matzoh-Ball soup, I don't think I'm that far off. In fact, the first guy she dated after my dad died was an 82 year old Jewish man who owned a deli and played for the 1940-something Israeli soccer team. And she owns a menorah.

Enough said.

Now, you won't see me chowing down on Gefilte fish anytime soon, but I do have fairly authentic usage of the word "oy" to which I extend to other sayings like "oya boya." When I lived in Mississippi, someone keyed "dirty jew" onto my car. And I tend to make up exclamations like "holy basmoyka" -- a Russian Jew, perhaps?

But lately, my daughter has been taking the Tezpishti with her unique and very Jewish sounding names of her "friends." There's Biza and Giza (bee-zah and gee-zah, the evil Jewish step-sister Barbies), Ho-ha and Schroda (the Jewish hooker and her aunt/pimp), and Kinsa and Quo-sha (the two missing Jewish Disney Princesses).

C'mon. You have to admit. "Schroda" does have a pretty nice ring to it.

And my favorite part of all of this, aside from inserting my own name in the Adam Sandler song, is that the very idea that we might have been Jews in a past life would totally piss off my in-laws. That in itself is worth celebrating.

Mazeltov!

So who were you or your kids in a past life?

Comments

[gunfighter]

How about this?

I'm black, my wife is white, we are Lutherans.

Our daughter, who is 8, wants to name the dog we are getting, Channukah... and she owns a Menorah.

[DDM]

Well, I was apparently a very awful person in a previous life, judging by my luck of late.
My son, was most certainly an Orca whale. He is mostly non-verbal and he expresses himself with the most AWFUL, ear bleed inducing sound I've ever heard. We live near Puget Sound and when he makes that sound, I often expect to hear a reply from a very large water mammal.

[Amy]

I absolutely believe I died on the Titanic. When they found it and were running those robot cameras through, I totally knew what was coming around the next corner - and Holy Shit! when they found that little jewelry box and pulled out a charm or necklace that said 'Amy"...well, that just sealed it.

[mrsmogul]

we lived in a Jewish neighborhood in Queens and MY MOM used to place a Menorah at the window!! WITH our XMAS tree inside! Heck I know more about jewish stuff than CHINESE stuff LOL

[Kelly (A Child Is Born)]

I definitely think I got some kind of Latina past-life thing going on. I have somewhat of a fixation on literature by Oscar Hijuelos and Christina Garcia. I love Mexican food, regardless of the gastric repercussions, and oh yeah, all the sexual fantasies staring Oscar de la Hoya, Jimmy Smits, Esai Morales, and Mark Consuelos (usually one at a time) all add up to a past life in someplace a bit more exciting than Pennsylvania: someplace where cigar smoke permeated the air, mangoes hung from every tree, and the music of Celia Cruz danced on the wind.

The kids? Well they were darling little angels in their past lives as well. (Heh heh.)

[Tiffany]

We were definitely Irish peasants in a past life. I'm all about the booze and potatoes...and the kid and I certainly have that erratic temper thing down pat.

[joy]

i've been saying "oy" lots and lots lately too. i blame mom 101. i'll now be adding oya boya too, because i like the ring to it.

my son calls all his friends "Pisha." no clue why!

[jaelithe]

BFF, maybe in a past life your cooking just made all your kids nauseous ;)

(I must have had the same problem because I was very nauseous during my pregnancy.)

I am not even sure I believe in past lives, but I think my son was a WWII fighter pilot in his past life. Because that is what he wanted to be for Halloween when he was only a year and a half old. He pointed to a costume in a catalog that didn't have any pictures of a plane or anything near it and said, "Pilot." And I couldn't fathom how he would know that old-fashioned garb was a pilot's costume. I wasn't letting him watch much TV at that age.

I didn't buy the pilot costume from the catalog, but I did make one myself. He was very particular that it should have a parachute. (Again-- parachute? How did he know what that was?)

Also, the first representational drawing he ever drew was of an airplane, and he was very serious about telling me what it was.

[mothergoosemouse]

Stacey tells me that I'm an honorary Jew, given all of my supposedly Jewish preclusions. And since she's the only Jew in town, I consider it a compliment.

[Mel (Mama! Mama!)]

posting again to add....you should see the google add links that come up with this post...would I like to buy Messianic products from Israel? Do I want to take Jewish studies in New York? I eat bagels, does that count?

[heidi - molly's mama]

Funny post! I must have been a Catholic, because even though I'm a pagan Unitarisn Universalist, at times of stress or worry I am compelled to cross myself. I also have a small rosary collection, but that is easily explainable by my love of shiny beads:)

Shalom!

[Mel (Mama! Mama!)]

I can't imagine who I could have been in a past life, because I don't even recognize the person I am in this one! I wake up all the time wondering...who's life is this, becuase it sure can't be mine!
I mean, it's a good life but not exactly where I would have pictured myself being had you asked my eighteen year old self.
I think I am going to have to go with Jersey cow for the future though. Moo.

[TB]

I used to think I was a southern belle who lived on a plantation in a past life, then I realized I had been reading too many romance novels. These days I don't think so much about who I used to be as who I want to come back as. I want to be one of my cats. They have the best life ever. Eat, sleep, occasionally bathe. That's the life for me.

[halfmama]

I am Asian and believe I was an old Jewish lady once also. I think all Asians have a little bit of Jewish in them. Actually, I just recently wrote about one of my favorite Asian/Jewish blended products: Soy Vay Marinades. (Try it. It's good shit.)

Love your blog and REALLY love to read about your in-laws. They are awesome. Truly awesome.

[Woman with Kids]

Obviously, Boy 1 was a beserker in another life. Not sure about Boy 2 and I, although after eating nearly an entire bag of potato chips on my own, that cow thing is looking good.

[InterstellarLass]

My husband is convinced that he's got a Jewish family member somewhere in the line. A recent family death and subsequent genealogy search have only reinforced his suspicions. He's got the neuroses down pat though. On some days he could put Woody Allen to the test.

[karyn]

From the manner in which my life is hurtling, (downward), I am paying for sins in a past life. We're talking Mussolini Past Life here. So I guess I was bad, even if I can't prove I was ACTUALLY Mussolini.

As to my kids... I don't know. Was there a real-life RainMain upon whom the character was based? Because that'd be J. And W... I don't know. Some big honkin' wall of a guy.

I'm all verklempt just thinking of it. And shvitzing. Not bad for a Shiksa, yeh?

[Karen]

I'm fairly certain I was an old Jersey Cow.
*moo*

[Mom101]

I knew I loved you right away, fellow M.O.T.

(If you know what that stands for you're DEFINITELY a Jew.)

[penelopeto]

Yes, but did your Jewish mother clip an article out of the Jewish News for you entitled, Blogging Is a Sin?

[BFF]

Even though my first child is still in utero...

Based on the way I've been feeling, I'd have to say that she was someone very. mean.

Very mean and bad.*

*(don't call Child Protective Services, folks. I'm kidding.) Mostly.