My Crotch Thanks You Britney Spears

Thanks to years of intensive ballet training, I didn't hit puberty until I was about 16. Little did I know how lucky I was. I used to pray for pubic hair and boobs on a nightly basis -- you know, since Jesus is apparently in charge of those things -- that and high SAT scores. Girls can be fucking brutal and on a daily basis I'd get mocked for not having to wear deoderant and my need for nothing but a bra of bandaids (and even then that was pushing it).

And so, when that first pubic hair came in, I cried. Seriously. I wrote a whole page about it in my journal.

But after 14,598 of them (just an estimation) come in and require fairly regular maintenance that becomes extremely difficult while pregnant, I'm pretty much ready to say goodbye.

I'm really not a hairy person overall, although my husband tells me that I'm pretty hairy for an Asian -- which really just pisses me off and only indicates his past history with Asian girls or what I call his "Magical Not So Mystery Tour of Asia Major."

But thanks to pregnancy hormones, the hair is there -- particularly in places where it wasn't before. And considering for the last two months of my pregnancy I could not see it (and refused to have anyone style it for me) and now I don't have much time to engage in crotch couture, it's getting a bit out of hand.

So, I decided to get the hell rid of them. All of them.

Little did I know the task at hand. I must have looked like a demented Edward Scissorhands, except the end product was -- well -- you know *whispers* skinned cat like -- which can I say -- is not as hot as I had hoped it would be.

Maybe it would have been somewhat sexy if it didn't require a combination of scissors, razor, and clippers, plus ridiculous positions and a hand mirror, and then a dustpan, broom, and shop vac. By the time I had finished, I think all the hair grew back in again. And you still sort of have to go with the grain in order to get that desired feel as opposed to the what the other direction gets you --  what I'm calling "my grandad's two-day old beard scratch."

I do admit that overall it feels way better (hell, I dropped an underpants size) and I'm much less likely to catch small animals and gnomes who would have likely gotten tangled up in there, but I totally fear the upkeep.

So seriously people, how exactly to you get all the bits and pieces? And waxing. Dare I even attempt to get a wax?

--

And so it may not catch pubic gnomes (damn those little bastards), but it does catch other stuff fairly well. Click here to see what the hell I'm talking about.

Comments

[Jen]

I always thought that if you ended up having an epidural for a C section/natural-ish birth, they should throw in a Brazilian for free. Let's face it- it will be the only time in your life that you won't feel a darn thing, so you may as well get it done! Stops all that annoying post-partum discharge getting you all gunked up, too!

Mind you, it wouldn't be such a huge bonus for your spouse/partner - as it probably would have grown back by the time you're even CONSIDERING letting him anywhere near your nether regions!

[boredburbsmom]

Brazilian is the best, however, you must have a large, hairy middle-eastern woman doing the job in order for you to feel less humiliated. They understand hairiness (but obviously don't care about themselves and think you are a moron to pay them that much $$$) and you certainly do not want to run into someone who has scene your most intimate parts on a girls night out! I only treat myself during the summer months as it is $$$ and my husband doesn't deserve the other 9 months of the year.

[someone]

i shave the like top bit.. dont go near the bottom bit haha :| dont really like my 'nether regions' but im not a very hairy person anyways so im ok!

x

[Angela]

Please send me name of place to go where I can have this done, it will be my first time and I am a little nervous! Thanks!

[Angela]

Please send me name of place to go where I can have this done, it will be my first time and I am a little nervous! Thanks!

[Shannon]

O.k., I know I'm nowhere near the response time for this post as I'm reading some of your old stuff. Too funny!

I'd love to hear the take on the men that groom "down there." My husband trims and shaves the brothers and it is so much more inviting to not have a hair sandwich. Women frequently talk about their grooming, guys not so much. A word to folks that read this.......guys need to groom too! Shannon

[Dan]

Kelly, from March 4, 2007 I have been searching for awhile now for a good waxer in St. Louis, MO could you please e-mail me the contact info?

Thanks,
Dan

[Asain Skin Care]

There is a quite expensive permanent hair removal method by laser ..forget waxing..it sort of grow back.

[Niecy]

...This blog has had me on the floor rolling with laughter. Garden gnomes? Waxing your ass?!! Some of you are some BRAVE ladies! I must say, I am au naturale down there and would never entertain the idea of waxing..And let me tell you, there would be snowball fights in hell before I let someone else do it! Pain threshold: zero. A little scissor trimming keeps it from becoming scary - but basicly it's just healthier in my book.

[kindabiz]

Honestly, i have been reading and yet have not been able to decide what to tell my wife !!

she wants to remove her hair from her butt crack ... but she wont shave ... so can she use Nair Hair Remover Cream in her butt crack ?

and when the hair grows back again, is the hair regrowth coarse and thicker ?

would honestly appreciate yr advises.

[Lysa with a Y]

I am all for technology -- laser hair removal is a godsend. I had it done in two whacks of six sessions, expensive at first but I think of all the $$ I saved at the waxer and I'd gladly do it again (if I had to). I used to Brazilian wax all the time.

[Krisco]

Um, errr...I'm such a dork. But I seem to vaguely recall something about hygeine and the pubs being an effective barrier for keeping germs and other miscellani out....Am I the only one who recalls this from some prehistoric class somewhere? Are all the "clean" gals getting just a ton of vaginal infections? (Or does this piece of "fact" go the route of men going blind after certain activities....)

[Alyce]

Who knew that a conversation about pubic hair would turn into bashing and accusations? Mom101: I am like a gd jungle down there and my sex life is great. My libido is strong and my husband is lucky. I have a whole lot of reasons why I don't shave/wax/depilate, but they are all personal and completely lacking in judgement of anyone else who does differently.
Mamaloo, I appreciate your honesty given that it flies in the face of popular opinion (popular on this blog anyway).
I spent last night at a reading of the Vagina Monologues as part of a V-day celebration. Timely post, Kristen.

[Dana]

-deep breath- Okay. I can't even BELIEVE I'm admitting this.

I let my husband shave me. I just don't have the patience to do it myself, nor the hand-eye coordination to shave without cutting of my labia.

I know that sounds gross, but I'm being honest.

I just get the razor and super sensitive nether region shaving cream and let him do the work. He's very careful about the job and he's never complained.

You all will think I'm odd, I know, but seriously. He can get all the nooks and crannies that I'm too afraid to touch with a sharp thing!

[chichimama]

Ok, I am so out of the body hair trimming loop. I didn't even know that so many folks deal with the "hair down there." I put my swim suit and shave the bits that show during the summer.

I am feeling so granola crunchy right now. And also running off to the nearest waxing salon to get waxed just as soon as I can get over my certainty that yanking all those hairs out has gotta hurt like nobody's business...

[MammaLoves]

Gotta go with the Brazillian!!

Hair grows back more slowly and after the first couple of times you totally don't care about having someone all in your stuff.

Just started waxing my legs and I think I love that even more!!!

[TB]

Up until a few months ago I shaved mine completely for years whenever I shaved my legs. It's much more hygenic, as you mentioned, it's easier to maintain and you never have to worry about unsightly stubble. Suddenly, I can't see the area at all anymore. I have no idea what's going on down there when I'm in the shower and I just avert my eyes when I'm naked in front of the mirror since I can't reach it anyway. It's going to be quite a surprise to everyone when I'm in labor in a few weeks. Yikes.

[Amy]

WAX IT! I got my first brazilian a little over a year ago and I love it... it's a little pricey but worth it if you can spare the dough. And my esthetician is like a therapist, we gab the whole time about anything and EVERYTHING... nothing is too personal when she's asking you to hold your ass cheeks apart! And the pain? not bad at all... seriously, you've given birth twice... it won't even be a blip on the radar!

[Lauren]

Dammit, my cover is blown!
The best part of a Brazilian is the "modesty towel," which is rendered completely useless when the waxer lady gets going.
I heard they charge more for men!

[sinsamantha]

I really dont get all thease "ive got a kid, i dont have a time for grooming down there"
Ive got two boys. Both of them under 5. yet i still find time to shave, leave a little strip, bleach, then dye the hair pink.

[Kristen]

OOOOOOH you get paper panties?

Shit. Can I live blog my first brazilian wax?

Who's in???

[Kristen]

Admit it T -- you are the national spokesperson for NAIR.

(And seriously, they should be banging down my door for an endorsement LMAO).

Hair Down There? Pure Genius. I should give it a try.

[M&Co.]

Have you checked out http://hairdownthere.com/?

[Kelly]

OMG.

You slayed me with this one. I had all kinds of Motherhood Uncensored images floating in my head.

I tried to do the exact same thing while I was hugely pregnant. I gave up. my hands just wouldn't reach down there, and the view I gave myself of my insanely overgrown bush hidden under the ginormous belly and the stretch-marked thighs, I just decided to give up and try again after birth.

I use clippers, and I am hairy. You said you're hairy for an Asian woman. Well...I am hairy for an Italian, so you know I'm goddamed hairy. I use an epilady on my legs, because I'd have to shave them every five hours to keep up, but there is no way I would ever get a brazilian. I am against torture when it comes to myself, but hey, the more power to you if you want to go bare!

As long as I keep it trimmed, my husband doesn't need a million candle-power flashlight and a machete to find my girl bits, and we're both happy!

[Kyla]

These comments are HILARIOUS!!!!

[Redneck Mommy]

I am not "Pimping Nair!!"

Sheesh!!

Any gentle chemical hair remover would do! If you don't do like HBM and rub it all over your damn labia!

Sheesh...you'd think a girl would be careful around her pink parts. They are the keys to the universe you know...

I still say pay a waxer. Nothing more fun than a stranger giving you paper panties and telling you to spread em...

[mamaloo, the doula]

When I think of genital grooming, I think of technology, cleanliness and management. For me, leaving my bush as it was intended to grow feels far more sexual, primal and lusty.

I mean to make no accusations, as I didn't before, but I am speaking of my own feelings on the matter.

I don't feel like I need to enhance my sexuality any further than it already is. And I think my husband would agree, it's already rather intense (Kristin, from one of your podcasts, my husband, too, has a weaker libido than I do, and I too find that if I let him fall asleep for a while, he's often more refreshed for sex).

I used to groom, on occasion, as a single woman. I used to groom my eyebrows and unfailingly shave arms and pits and occasionally groom the pink bits. All in all, I decided I just didn't like altering me that much and I certainly grew to have a life so darned busy that this unending grooming became a time waster for me and not a fun one.

Perhaps my prepubescent comment was a tad pejorative. I apologize. But, I am really surprised at the pervasiveness of genital grooming in our society. I realise this post didn't intend to be a dissertation on the subject, but I just find the whole issue so odd and I'd love to understand it better.

And, if I may offer of my own recent moment of non/grooming humiliation: I recently asked my husband to lather up with lotion my back half. I'm pregnant and live in Canada where there is little moisture to be had so I'm itchy like frakking crazy.

So, I lie, appropriately propped, on the bed and my husband begins to liberally lather up my back and legs and butt. I cocked one leg up a little to avoid some compression of my uterus that was becoming painful and I guess my asshole became visible (something my generous rump usually keeps well hidden!). "Oh my gawd," my normally unflappable husband exclaims, "You've got all kinds of long black hairs around your asshole!"

Yes, that was good for the old pregnant self esteem!

[Vicky]

Wax it. It's what I gave up to be a WAHM with less income. I miss it so. When I was pregnant my waxer wouldn't do it anymore so my husband took over. He used to say during it, NEVER doubt that I love you, I just waxed your ass! Oh yes, that needs to be done too. It's the lesser of the two pains as well.

Now that I'm far less in the money, I Surgi Cream that junk off. It works almost as well, but ah, don't go near the ass crack. OUCH!

[Izzy]

Asshole bleaching? For real?

Ouch! That makes my 'roids hurt just thinking about it.

[Jerri Ann]

Shave it, wax it or nair it...but do it in the shape of a heart...that'll really get your man's blood flowing!

[Kristen]

Yes. Truly good girls don't ass bleach.

And welcome Karrie -- just so long as your sharpei doesn't chew on my sofa.

[-Princess Shin-]

I don't think I'll ever go for a wax. Its scary. I have tried shaving before but after that it grew so itchy and rough that I..

Don't like.

I think I shall just let it be! =)

[Meena]

It was only recently I learned about all the different ways women do upkeep down there. I was a bit shocked at first. I honestly never thought to do it. But then my mom confirmed that I was really hairy (saw me when I was trying to birth my first) and nothing like your mom to make you feel self-conscious (but then again, I was 9 months pg, so yes, I was hairy!!!).

I might be really bold and get a bikini wax, but no ass bleaching - good girls don't ass bleach. ;-)

[Andi]

I had to stop shaving pits and legs because of ingrown hairs. My sweetie doesn't care and never liked the "in between stage". If money were no object, I would totally get laser hair removal. But in the interim, I've just made peace with the pubes. My real, can't-deal-with-it problem is nipple whiskers. PCOS sucks...

[Kate]

I must say that it's wonderful and so refreshing to run into a truly refined mommy blogger. Rarely is true delicacy exhibited suchly- like a flower, I say!

Seriously, I loved your post. I clicked on it through whatever-it's-called "blogfest" or whatever, and now I just HAVE to find out what mominatrix is. It sounds absolutely hilarous.

I have been guilty of totally forgetting to even trim (heck, I'm always just proud that I am remembering to wear a bathing suit - I'm a Californian.), but it sure looks more ... human ... with a bit of grooming, esp. with the bathing suit.

I LOVED the gnome remarks. Funniest thing I've read in a long time. thanks!

[Mom101]

I'm noticing a correlation between women who are offended by grooming, and women who don't seem to like having sex that often.

Good Mominatrix post!

[Angi]

I understand where you are coming from. I am a mix of some many peoples and I am WAY hairy. I wax my eyebrows ALOT, but the jungle down below, will I shave that. I am not too cool with the idea of hot wax near my vajayjay. So, I totally get it. Believe me!

[Denise C.]

Wow. I don't shave. Uh uh. Nope. I am raw and uncut. Bushy. Au natural. Earthy. I'm not that hairy anyway. I'm sporting a little goatee, if you will. Rather stylish, I think.

Go 'head with your shop vac, Kristen. When you come up with a successful formula for a smooth coochie, let us know.

Oh, and I thought Mamaloo's comment was very insightful. The day I bleach my ass is the day I've found enough time to clean my entire house from top to bottom and I have some leftover bleach.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

OMG this is hilarious!

I have a cord-free rechargeable razor that does the trick. Sort of like a small pair of hedge clippers. The finished look is more 'sphinx cat' than 'Playboy playmate', but at least I don't have to endure hot wax in the most sensitive of areas. Thankfully I'm not too hairy either so not a huge issue.

[karrie]

Heh.

I pretty much leave things alone, but when they get unruly, I trim them. More than you need to know abt a random person who surfed over from Plain Jane, but after pregnancy and a c-section, things look pretty strange down there if totally bare.

I'll see your hairless cat and raise it a shar-pei.

[Her Bad Mother]

Oh, my god, I just saw that T. is pimping Nair. DON'T. And, remind me to tell you the story, one day, of how I chemically burned my labia.

[Her Bad Mother]

The waxing of the nether regions by small middle-aged women in lab coats is one of the greater indignities of the feminine existence - nothing like sticking your naked ass in the air so that a total stranger can stick-and-rip hot wax for the sweet taste of pain coupled with humiliation.

[Kristen]

Oh Lauren now we all know it. You are NOT a nice girl.

HAHA.

:)

[Lauren]

I do the Brazilian thing, shaving gives me awful razor burn. It was unpleasant the first time, but gets easier.
I'm trying very very hard to ignore Amy...must.not.feed.trolls...

[Tiger]

I swear, that posts and these comments are making me laugh so hard I could cry!

I shave... occasionally. Tried waxing once. Was NOT FUN! Now, I just trim it short and hope for the best.

Besides, when you shave it and it grows back in, you have to walk like you're wearing a diaper for 4 days... Not attractive or sexy!

[Jess]

I shave. My girlfriends and I affectionatly call it "bare floors", instead of the preverbial carpet reference. The keep up is a PIA but after a while you get used to it. I am scared to death to wax. Doing my eyebrows brings tears to my eyes as it is. I can not imagine what it would do if I got hot wax near my lady parts.

[ali]

two words that will forever change your life:

brazilian. wax.

you will NOt be sorry.

[Jess]

I shave. My girlfriends and I affectionatly call it "bare floors", instead of the preverbial carpet reference. The keep up is a PIA but after a while you get used to it. I am scared to death to wax. Doing my eyebrows brings tears to my eyes as it is. I can not imagine what it would do if I got hot wax near my lady parts.

[Jennifer]

Ha ha ha ha!!!! This is one of the greatest posts and comments section evah!!!!!

I'm from the Midwest, as are MANY friends and we all, repeat WE ALL shave or wax the pubes. We are all also very nice girls. Catholic, too.

Personally, I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too afraid of waxing. I shave every single day, it's no big deal. Big deal the first time, but not now that it's maintained.

[Jesicah]

Shaving's not bad, as long as you keep it up and are relatively gentle. I'm not particularly careful shaving my legs, so when I transferred to the *ahem* other area, I had to rethink my shaving technique.
To the woman from the Midwest, I'm from the Midwest too, and I know lots of perfectly nice girls who get waxed or take other steps to get rid of pubes. Mainly because we like to wear bathing suits come summertime, and we all know that an unkempt lady garden can be way too apparent through a bikini bottom.

[Kate]

Apparantly there are loads of people in this world who are much more braver than me - I wouldn't go near hot wax! It's always a little too itchy for me to shave the whole thing.

Good thing my husband hasn't read your post, he's been trying to convince me to go bald for years.

[BFF]

Bleaching assholes?

Are people really bleaching their assholes?

I betcha that Kristen's *toothpaste* will bleach your asshole, real good.

[Audrey]

It's all about waxing -- that's the only way to get it all gone. Plus, you get to writhe in agony while someone else takes care of it...and then it's over and it's great. And, if you keep up with it, you'll find the hair coming back thinner and that you need less maintenance.

I had an appointment scheduled to do just that a few weeks ago, but since I'm pregnant, my husband freaked out about having anything done "down there." Since we really should save the money, I didn't argue and simply cancelled. I will, however, be scheduling an appointment soon, since I can't groom myself down there and something must be done! :)

[Angie in Texas]

this has got to be the funniest comments section on the internet right now . . . heehee!

i had a trimming accident a while back and had to shave the whole thing. it was definitely a different feeling . . . when i can, i'll try waxing for summer - 'cause nothing says sexy like razorburn in a bikini! :-)

[Cat]

This reminded me of a funny story about a friend. Rushing to an appt with her OB, she grabbed what she thought was feminine spray to freshen up. She was 8 months along so she wasn't able to see what she'd actually sprayed.

(had the same OB through 4 pregnancies so there was a long standing rapport)

Doc lifts the sheet and said, "It's a nice touch but you really didn't have to decorate for me."

Turned out she accidentally grabbed her children's Halloween glitter hair spray on accident.

[Sarah]

I was about 16 or 17 when I hit puberty too, although I think that was 50% sports and 50% heredity. Anyway, I was so unaccustomed to pubic hair that I started shaving from the get-go, which at the time seemed reasonable until I found out how incredibly itchy it would be to grow the hair back and how annoying the upkeep could be. I tried a Nair type product once or twice and didn't like the results, so now I pretty much shave as regularly as I have time for. I don't always get every hair, and sometimes actually miss a spot for up to a couple weeks, but in general things are taken care of. And Boyfriend seems to like everything alright. I find that if I keep up with the shaving, it looks better too. I'm less likely to get ingrown hairs or for the skin to get blotchy looking.

As far as waxing goes, I did it once and once only. It was a huge mistake. I went to a really nice spa that offered an extremely expensive wax. I hadn't seen Boyfriend in two months and I'd heard great things about the spa, so I went.

And yes, when they waxed, they really did TEAR ME between the labia. I know that sounds weird, but apparently it happens every now and then. They refunded me, apologized profusely, and let me go. The next couple weeks of pain have always stayed in my head as a warning that if I'm going to get rid of my hair, I should do it all by myself. I scarred from that tear. Ugh.

[melissa]

I can't wait for this post to be followed up with the YAEEEOWIE itchy reality of the grow-back. No matter how you upkeep it, it's impossible to keep those hairs from growing back and it's itchy, itchy, itchy. Not to mention that having hair down there keeps you from, you know, rubbing against the fabric of your clothing which can lead to your peices getting irritated and causing UTI or yeast infestions.

I am a big fan of the brazillian bikini wax: it's easier to pay for someone else to do it (more embarrassing, yes, and just as painful, but it's inflicted torture vs. self-inflicted torture: should the world end in ice or fire?)

I think as with everything with women: maintenance is a cycle. After a few months of this type of upkeep you'll be happy to spend a few months with a more shaggy lower doo. But your post is ironic because just this weekend I had a trimming oops and decided to just shave the whole thing off, too. It'll be great... for a week or two. But the daily itch of growback.. yeowwwch!

[Redneck Mommy]

I tried waxing myself a few weeks ago...I'm just starting to walk normal again now...I blogged about it a few weeks back if you are interested in the gory details.

I wouldn't recommend a home wax kit. Go with a pro if you want to wax...so worth the embarassment of publicly spreading the legs.

If that's not your cup of tea...try the Nair stuff. Lasts a tad longer than regular shaving and you don't get ingrowns...

And I'm a bushy girl. I know what I'm talking about...

[Plain Jane Mom]

One word: Flowbee.

[Rachel]

Nair Vanilla Smoothie Bikini Hair removal creme. It doesn't have the horrible chemical smell, it doesn't burn, and it's fairly effective. I always wind up doing a bit of clean up with a razor (though I suppose a second application would work too), and it doesn't itch like shaving does growing back in. I have had allergic reactions to waxing (professional and at home) other areas in the past and I am not about to try it down there for fear of a bad reaction. But the Nair stuff- no problems.

[Occidental_Girl]

I hate the hair down there, mostly because of the catch-basin effect.

I would wax, but I once had a bikini wax that left me crying, I don't think I could handle a Brazilian. Maybe it was the wax person, maybe it's my pain tolerance which is very, very, very low.

Instead, I use scissors and a trimmer. It is okay once you get in a routine and do it once a week or so, but shaving is too itchy for me and the wax tried to kill me so that's what I do.

[Mom101]

Wow, mamaloo - looking prepubescent? That's a pretty big accusation there. Is shaving our armpits about looking like little girls too or is that one somehow different?

I'm sure there are plenty of reasons women enjoy feeling (emphasis on feeling) well-groomed to varying degrees particularly after an experience that obliterates our sexuality.

This is a personal choice, one that doesn't affect you in the least, and to condemn someone for making it, well...that just irks me a bit as you can tell.

[Melissa R. Garrett]

Uh . . . I'm laughing way too hard to form a single coherant thought and actually say something even remotely witty. Hardee Har Har!!

[Kristen]

I have no desire to look prepubescent. In fact, I think it' sort of sexist (and surprising coming from Ina Mae -- or maybe not) to assume that women who shave their cootchies do it for their spouses, don't you think?

Basically, I was sick of the lovely post partum discharge getting stuck in my pubic hair, if you must know.

So I got rid of it. I imagine other folks will echo that sentiment.

[mamaloo, the doula]

I'm among the "who cares" crowd. I have far better things to think about, frankly. Like, will my son fall asleep early enough so that I can put him in his own bed and will my husband been untired enough and will I feel unhormonal enough to actually coordinate having sex at all tonight?

I was lucky enough to meet and talk with Ina May Gaskin, last year, and she had a funny talk about how North America gets it's sexual culture cues from the porn inductry: removing pubes, bleaching anuses, augmenting boobs... All of it seems like so much wasted mental and physical energy. And, as a women, I gotta wonder about why so many of us desire to look prepubescent.

[Mrs. Chicky]

I was considering aging gracefully (you know, letting it all go white) then I thought better of it. But I have yet to get up the courage to go completely bare. This post? Might convince me to grow old gracefully.

[BFF]

AHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAA!

I'm still laughing about the 'nice girls have pubes.'

*wiping tears*

I have honestly NEVER heard that one before...not even in Catholic school!

[MissBehave]

I shave.. I leave a tiny landing strip. When I can see down there, that is. I'm 34 weeks pregnant so I get my husband to "help" ;)

[Mel]

You shaved it? All? I am not a waxer. I can't bring myself to spread 'em for some strange lady. But I have only shaved it ALL once. After a couple of days...the itching! Oh, the itching!

[GIRL'S GONE CHILD]

I'm been shaving since I first started growing hair. I've never in my life had pubes. I have a serious pube-phobia... long story. Anyway... And I'm pretty sure I've commented on your similar post about this, I shave it all. With a razor. I've never had the "itchy" bumps. I did cut my asshole once but ONLY ONCE!

Anyway... as a shaver, my advice is to start slow... and don't be afraid to get in there.

And keep it up. (I shave every time I shave my legs and pits.) Godspeed.

[mad muthas]

i don't normally do this, but i'm going to attempt to insert a link to a post i did a while ago that, in turn, links to a uk forum called mumsnet - it contains far more first ... er ... hand experience than, frankly, you would ever want on the care and maintenance of the lady garden during pregnancy, including waxing and one sad tale of how a woman glued herself closed with hot wax! hmm - not sure how to do this.

also, i can't link to the exact post, only the archive page its on - i'm crap at this - but scroll down, if you will to 'i blame gwyneth'.
phew - i'm exhausted now ...

no - that doesn't seem to have worked - well, it was september 06.

[Jennifer]

If you want it all off, the only way to go is waxing. It's best to have it done professionally, but in a bind you can wax most of it and tweeze/SilkEpil the rest. I've heard it itches like a mofo growing back after a shave. You poor thing!

[Crunchy Carpets]

Whilst attempting a bit of clean up down there, I tried Nair.
I got a bit carried away and ended up denuded.
It was actually nice. Didn't even sting and stayed smooth for a fair bit too.
I am afraid to try the experiment again.

[FENICLE]

The other day my son walked in on me "trimming" and asked why I was cutting my hair down there. I had nightmares of him proclaiming to his pre-k class that "My mom cuts her own hair on her pee-pee!"

All this up-keep reminded me of a website I saw a while back that actually sells products to dye the hair (if you keep it around). Especially those women who experience gray hair (which I didn't know happened down there!).
http://www.bettybeauty.com

[Mom101]

Oh my God, you did not take it all off with a razor, did you? Please tell me you didn't. Next time - waxing. I'll hook you up with Olga in NYC. Promise it only stings for a second...

Have you told your husband lately that he's pretty douchey for a white guy?

[ME]

I got lasered....they even give you this numbing creme stuff first which you don't even get w/ waxing. Pretty perminent-a few come back but it's NOTHING even close to what it used to be...and I am fairly....ahem...hair endowed

[Jenn]

crotch gnomes!! bahahahaha! that's already got me developing several crotch gnome theories...

oh, and electric beard trimmer. please! I can't even get my brows waxed (though I do) without losing it. I can't fathom getting any wax in *that* vicinity...

[MetroDad]

As usual, I'm the only man commenting on one of your privates posts, K. But I thought I'd take the opportunity to pimp out my good friend, The Doctor (pfrankmd.com) He's the king of laser hair removal in NYC. Seriously. Next time you're in town, go see him and tell him I sent you. He'll hook you up. Everyone swears by it.

Ok...I'll be leaving now.

[mayberry]

Believe me. Waxing is totally worth it. Yes it hurts a little but you've dealt with worse. It's over so quickly and it lasts for weeks.

[Kristen]

Well, I could see them all over the white tile bathroom floor, so I'll take that as a good sign.

If I had been really thinking, I should have done it in my in-laws' bathroom.

HEH.

[mothergoosemouse]

You have a shop vac? Can I borrow it?

The real question is whether you found any gray hairs on the kitty.

[Karly]

Go for the Brazilian! Only instead of waxing, get sugared. Its similar to wax, but its not hot so no chance of burns and its supposed to hurt way less. I've never been waxed before, so I can't compare the two. But, if sugaring hurts less than waxing, then waxing must hurt like a mofo.

That tip from Much More Than A Mom about the point..oh, I'm doing that next time! That part makes me cry. Pop a tylenol before you go and you'll be fine.

Its totally worth it. It grows back in nice and soft and you won't even mind being hairy for a lil bit cuz its more like a fuzzy little bunny instead of wiry curly nasty hair. :) TMI?

[Christina]

I trim with scissors, although I've now reached the point in pregnancy where I can't see it to trim anymore.

Last time I was pregnant, I made my husband help trim. I'll probably ask him to do it again. I just need to make sure I ask him on a night when I'm willing to have sex, since staring at my girly parts usually turns him on.

[Kelly]

When there's more "us time" my hubby and I use the clippers on each other, otherwise I shave when it starts getting too long for me. I have to, it's a hygiene issue for me and I feel icky if they get too long. Waiting for my bits to heal post-partum was torture!

[melissa b.]

I'm with the concept of women not having to alter themselves in any way...HOWEVER, I am a product of this culture and thus I have the desire for the lady parts to be groomed.

I have extremely sensitive skin and a lovely inheritence of hair and I had used to just take beard trimmers to it all, leaving a fine, shortness I could live with.

And then, I went for it. A few friends of mine had heard of a great waxer. We went to her en masse and she is fabulous.

If you go for a brazilian/sphinx/whatever wax, go to a person you have heard about positively. I can't stress this enough. FIND SOMEONE GOOD. Our waxer is quick, as painless as possible, and the results are always good.

I cheated on her one time and THAT will never happen again! Too much pain, it was ridiculous this pain, and she left broken off hairs. It was horrible. Never again will I stray!

If anyone is in St. Louis and wants a good waxer, I know the secret woman!

[viciusrumours]

It could be worse...during my last pregnancy I became so upset with the whole pubic hair situation that I took drastic measures....Nair anyone?

The resulting chemical burns to my nether regions taught me a valuable lesson, either pay someone to do it for you, or put up with it until the baby is born.

[karyn]

Wax! Augh! No!

Electric beard trimmer - easy peasy. Take an Intuition Razor to any tricky bits which might elude you. I refuse to use a handmirror, and relied on touch.

Further, do it on or over a big towel so you can just empty it in the trash, save yourself the annoying cleanup.

Does feel kind of cool at first, no?

[FishyGirl]

I can't help with the problem because I am too lazy and fearful of pain to do anything except go au naturale, but I wanted to say this is one of the funniest threads I've seen - garden gnomes? Awesome.

[Amy]

I'm all about the Brazilian. It definitely isn't itchy and there aren't any red bumps and when it does grow back in, it's not sharp. Waxing rocks.

[Amy]

I think the real question at hand is why are wives and mothers and REAL women taking hygiene tips from porn stars and strippers? Seriously. They're not known for being clean, exactly, now are they?

I mean, if the area is getting a lot of traffic, maybe waxing becomes necessary... But the one time in three weeks that my husband and I manage to quietly sneak one in while the baby is sleeping and I'm not too sore or tired to give a damn (I'm 8 months pregnant and have an 18 month old), well, he can deal with the hair God gave me. I don't WANT to look like a stripper or a porn star, and I'll bet my OB would think I was a total slut if I showed up for the birth waxed.

Maybe it's because I'm in the midwest, but I don't know ANYONE who has waxed. It's Just Not Done. Nice girls have pubes.

[metro mama]

Waxing fucking hurts. The only time I tried it was when I was 8 months pregnant and couldn't see or reach down there myself. Afterwards, I wondered why I even bothered--the only folks who saw it for the next eight months were doctors and nurses (no McDreamys by the way--he's not even worth it anyway).

Try an electric beard trimmer.

[mamatulip]

I prefer hardwood myself, and yeah, the upkeep sucks. I'm fucking blind without my glasses, so I'm used to a pretty spotty job, and so is Dave. I'm way, way too scared to get any sort of wax done, but I have to say that it's probably the best way to go.

[motherbumper]

Waxing is the only way. Brazilian in the summertime and whatever I'm in the mood for in the colder months. Seriously, it is so much better because the regrowth isn't.. isn't... well for lack of a better word: isn't so damn itchy. Because nothing says sexy like having to scratch that kinda of itch. No seriously, it doesn't look sexy at all.

[JailDiet]

gnomes in your pubes?

so that's where they've been hiding! now, where are the gnomes going to live?

don't send them over here!

[Much More Than A Mom]

I'm all about the Brazilian wax. I get "my girl" to leave just a tiny bit at the "point" because it hurts like a son of a bitch there with all the hair growing in different directions, and then I cut that short or shave it once. (Whoa, tmi!) I had my last one about a week before delivering Rylan. Now I can't get any free time to go do it, but I will again soon. Razors suck. Waxing yourself? Dangerous business. I say pay a pro.

I remember the first time I went...I actually said to the girl "So, do you put wax in the pink?" She laughed at me and said something to the effect of "Yep, now spread 'em and pull this part up."

Ah, the things we do...