You Can Call me Divooce

If Heather got fired for her blog, I think I might get divorced over mine. That would make me "divooced," right?

Lately my husband has taken it upon himself to google me and read "all my libel and slander that the masses are eating up like big cows in a grass field."

Okay. So I made the last part up, but he did say "libel and slander." Apparently the blogosphere is only hearing one side of the story and that it's my behavior that makes him act like a complete and total asshat.

Two wrongs make a right, didn't you know?

I've got resentment towards him from ages ago -- when I was crying, depressed, and stressed everyday over my spirited baby and he did nothing but stay out later, turn down sex, and drive some other drunk woman's kids home at 3am. That I didn't speak up about having to plan a wedding two months after having my daughter and that I had to buy another wedding dress because I couldn't fit into my original one. That I let his mom barrelass me with my own wedding plans.

I was post-partum. I was dealing with a difficult baby. I should have spoken up. I should have gotten help. I'm partially at fault. This I know.

But he should have been there too. He should have grabbed me by my boot straps and picked me up when I needed it. He should have fended off his mother. He should have always had my back. But he couldn't do it. And I'm still pissed because he never said he was sorry for dropping the ball. 

And now it's back to the same -- reminding me to close the shower curtain, asking me countless times what I'm doing on the computer. Reminding me that his parents think I'm ungrateful and that they know how much I don't like them, even though I've never said anything remotely offensive, mean, or disrespectful to them no matter how many fucking times they deserved to hear it. And telling me that even though he's not working, it's his choice to not work, so I'm still the stay-at-home-parent who's a "domestic zero" (admittedly, I'm a lousy housekeeper but hardly the slob I'm portrayed to be).

Of course that was in response to something I called him after I found his selfish load of laundry in the washer, so it's my fault, not his.

It's been rough times over here at Casa de In-laws. If you ask me why I haven't moved, it's certainly not because I'm a glutton for punishment. It just turns out that my husband got a fantastic job (hopefully), and we're waiting to find out when he leaves for training for that. And then when he'll leave for training for the Guard. And if I'll go with him or find an apartment here. And what we'll do with the dogs. And what we'll do about our health insurance that we don't have (except for our kids).

And whether I'll be checking myself into a psychiatric unit before the end of next week.

My blog is my outlet, where I can air my grievances in peace, and say how I feel without censorship. It might be one sided but that's because it's my blog. It's always been that way and always will be. I truly believe we all need that in some aspect of our lives.

And so, maybe I'll get divooced.

But at the rate I'm going, it might not be such a bad thing.

Comments

[52 Faces]

Hallelujah! This post and its comments have given me something therapy never could - the affirmation that other people have sh*t-ass relationships too! I am so sick of bloggers who are married to "the most wonderful, sexiest husband who is perfect and too good for me". That last one I actually read this week.

THANK YOU!

[Bah]

Oh my fuggin gah. A man using a sports analogy to tell a woman how to express herself? C'mon, is this a gag? That's too friggin stereotypical to be real.

[karrie]

Good for you for writing so honestly. I used to share a blog with my husband--drove me nuts--and went I first started my own, I wrote several entries about how rough things were. I would like to write more, but things are a bit better now and I simply lack the courage/strength/whatever to fight over it.

A lot of people find me via searches like 'I hate my husband postpartum'. Nice, huh?

[dutch]

this blog is a phenomenon. look at these comments. what must terrify him more than anything is not the purported libel, but the fact that you have this huge community of people, all with an opinion.

[Manic Mom]

Sounds kinda sucky over there.

[Matt]

Sorry, K - I meant the peer's spouses. Let's all hope you don't have bigamy to worry about, too!

[jonniker]

I'm late here, and I'm so sorry because this is way out of date.

I don't envy you your situation, and I do think it's awful and stressful and hot damn, you have a lot to complain about, and you have every right to do that. It's just that...you use your first and last name and your picture, and truthfully, there is always the very real possibility that your husband's friends would find this, your inlaws' friends, and yes, even your inlaws.

And personally, I don't think that's very fair. Not fair to them, because yes, you are being really ruthless, even though it's probably deserved on their part, but further, it's not fair to you, because the day they *do* find out, as your husband did, instead of being able to realize the issues that they do actually have, all they'll do is have a shitload of ammunition to go after you instead, for what *you* did (publicly embarrass them, etc., and while again, what you're saying might be true, it would be embarrassing for them or their friends to read this, it's hard not to admit that)

Sarcastic Journalist is right. I guess you just have to sit back and think, is it worth it?

[Ashlea]

I did'nt read through the other comments, so if i am being redundant, sorry! Anyway, i can completely relate...except that we have 4 to your 2 children. But the military thing, the living with the in-laws thing....Doing it, with about as much grace as i can muster.
I have to say, that under the pressure of not having ones self (which, lets face it, is easy to lose in another womans home) blogging is cheaper than therapy and smarter too. It comes complete with friends and feedback of women who have btdt. And as a woman who is there and doing that my advice is to wait it out. I know that sounds impossible some times, and of course i dont know your realtionship, but try to imagine the people you were before kids, before the in-laws....You know? the real "you-guys"? Chances are those people are just tired, stressed and need a home of their own. But that they are still there!
And since when do most men get why women need to have an outlet for our feelings, thoughts, emotions? They still can't figure out why we all go to the bathroom together.
Signed, a virtual stranger in a similar reality.

[K]

Matt ~

I think you're spot on, for the most part, however, my huz's spouses? there are more? Do share.

:)

[Matt]

I (a sucky ole man) actually have been reading you for awhile and happen to agree with most of what you write about your huz. I almost commented at the time concerning your posts disclosing his "libido" issues. So here's my shekel's worth -

Girls, girls, girls - we should be more supportive of you, we often don't get how isolated and alone you feel after childbirth and Kristen has some of the worst asshat IL's ever created - but you should know by bow - we're very sensitive about any discussion which suggests we might be failing in the "manly" department. And we're REALLY sensitive to any public outing of same. It strikes at the core of our own self-image.

In this area, I think Kristen let her bitterness and sense of betrayal cloud some common sense thought (which, despite her strongly emotional writing, she rarely does). Remember what her husband's job is, who his peers were/are - a pretty testosterone-driven professional group.

I think Robert is prety much FOS, but he is right about one thing - there is no anonymity when one discloses the level of detail that Kristen has about herself and her family. It is a logical assumption that one of The Huz's spouses or a former student/peer who knows him or the old lady next door has discovered her blog.

All of this is not to say Kristen doesn't have the right to put what she wants out here. And I enjoy reading it both for the content and the obvious quality of the writing. I'm just saying that, for a man, there is nothing more likely to put him on the defensive and make him bull-headed and blind to his own transgressions than a public dissing on his sexual capability/capacity.

[PunditMom]

Whatever you do, we're with you.

I know that sounds pretty weird coming from someone you've never even met (and, as a married person, I acknowledge there are usually two sides to every story), but you will know if and when the time is right for a "divooce." I did with husband number one --- took me a long time, but when I knew, I knew. And with my current husband, who is not perfect, I know in my heart that we'll be together 'til the end, even tho' there are days when we piss each other off!

Here are some hugs - ooooo.

[Elena]

can I ever relate. The DH reads my blog occasionally. Has NEVER ONCE given me a compliment on it, although he has to know what it means to me as I have kept it going in the face of his strong opposition. Deliberately picks out things to take offense at (You said on your blog that you missed your high school boyfriend! Um, no, I used the way a girl fees about her high school boyfriend AS A METAPHOR for the way I feel about my blog, YOU ASSHAT, DOES HAVING A PENIS SOMEHOW MAKE THAT INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO YOU? APPARENTLY SO! WHY DON'T YOU HACK YOUR OWN NUTS OFF AND CHEW ON THEM FOR A WHILE?)
anyway, the whole point is, I feel your pain, Kirsten. And not just because I won the pink Nintendo DS and the BrainAge game. let's get rid of the guys and live together. plenty of room in my backyard for the bodies. I'm absolutely positive that the Adger police force has no crime scene investigation equipment whatsoever. we'll just wear gloves and we'll be golden.

[hollibobolli]

Honestly, I'm not jealous that you're in this situation - but I'm jealous that you have the freedom to be in this situation. Every single member of my family and my husband's family - and my aunts, uncles, their children - everyone uses my blog as some sort of meeting of the minds - including my attorneys, and the "other side." And basically it's all come down to either censorship or me lashing out - or everyone waiting to see what I'm going to do to prove that I'm insane, incompetent, unworthy of their child, unfit, etc..

If there is some secret to keeping everyone from using your blog as the town center - let me know.

I have zero advice on the relationship crap. My husband might find it and his mother would come kill me. And he would probably watch.

uh - kidding.

[karyn]

Okay , seriously? Are you and I living THE SAME freaking life, but you got the looks and the brains and I got... um... oh right, the broad ass and freckles?

Because holy effing crap, Kristen, this blog could have been mine. Yowza.

Girl, I am so here for you. For all the good that does you, right?

[Beth]

Domestic zero. That kind of says it all. It has nothing to do with your blogging and yet he said it, to your face, to hurt you, when he is neither providing for you nor helping you around the house, or so it sounds.

My mom and dad got divorced when I was a toddler and my brother an infant. It was for many reasons, including the fact that as my mother said, "I just didn't want a third child instead of a husband."

[suzanne]

My husband thinks I blog too much, too often, too deep. TOO EVERYTHING...

and I don't even cuss on mine.

:)

[mox]

I started a blog to vent about this kind of stuff, complaining about my husband, complaining about how crappy breastfeeding was (painful). The thing of it is, when I was in the middle of the worst of it, I was so so hormonal and irrational, my husband was taking an onslaught of craziness from me, and he was being equally a dickhead, I was dying to talk to someone about it. It would have alleviated some of that pressure that makes you feel like you're about to implode from the sleep deprivation, and the constant adrenaline from hearing your newborn sigh a little too heavily and you thinking that it's his last gasp as he succumbs to sids. I tried to talk to my sister about how infuriating it was that my husband's soccer schedule remained completely intact during the colicky first months and I was left alone to deal with most/all of the crying. I couldn't figure out why all my friend's husbands were staying up all night to feed their babies, at least once in a while. Mine didn't. Mine usually lost all the comparison battles, but what ended up happening is that after many talks of separation and even the big D, we were both too exhausted to act on any of our threats of leaving. I started to realize, sloowly, that he pulled his weight even though I was getting no sleep. He did the cooking and cleaning, even though it didn't seem like it as I gazed out at the household with bleary eyes and desperately tired mind. I wish I had found an outlet back then, a year ago, to hash some of this stuff out. The only reason your in-laws would find out about your blog is if your huz lets it leak. It sounds like yours needs to grow up a little and these men, sometimes they do get there to the grown up side.

[Mom101]

Wait, you mean a blog is one-sided? It's not objective journalism? I'm shocked, shocked.

I hope this becomes the impetus for you two to figure out either how to work things out...or how to work things out. I'm sorry it's causing you pain. But you know it's not about the blog. It's about the relationship. Fix the latter and amazingly, the former is no longer an issue.

[sarcastic journalist]

As someone who has been fired for her job and had the family find out, I do feel for you.

I don't know how many times, however, I can stress to people who are reading these comments that PEOPLE WILL FIND WHAT YOU WRITE, EVEN IF YOU ARE ANONYMOUS. PLEASE DO NOT FIND OUT THE HARD WAY.

I am confused, however, about how the name calling and threats (on both sides) will help this situation. Anonymous or not, it doesn't matter. Words are words and they hurt.

Blogs come and go, but google is forever. Please don't let words on a computer screen ruin everything you have.

[Suburban Turmoil]

Okay, so seriously? He just found out about your blog? That pretty much says it all. Dude, he's not part of your life, anyway if he was so dense that he didn't know about something that obviously means so much to you.
That said, get over your postpartumness before making any big decisions. I say that as a fellow postpartum-er who is spending at least 15 minutes of every day bawling over something lame.
Good luck. If he was holding up his end of the bargain, he wouldn't have to worry about what you were writing about. My husband doesn't worry about what I'll write about him. My mom does. Hmm, I wonder why.

[Jenn]

I am so sorry for the shit you are going through. I hate that you are in such a bad place. If I can do anything, please let me know. And that includes berating his sorry ass.

[happily anonymous]

Blogging is a great outlet...whether one sided or not. I've been divorced for many years and I have to put up with my ex...whom I never write about...hunting down my blog and being a pain in the ass. (I just started a new blog because of that kind of crap) It just seems like an invasion of privacy to me. Best of luck to you.

[Jenny]

K - I'm so sorry that you're dealing with all this stress and unhappiness. Wishing you peace.

[Stefanie]

I'm so sorry. I didn't bother to read the comments. I think you should divorce his sorry ass. It sounds like a fucking high school relationship on his end. What are you getting? It's not a marriage and you are too beautiful and hilarious and insightful to have to put up with so much bullshit. Be a single mom of two kids and marry some super cool jew (they are the best and smartest) who loves you and the kids. Wow, am I opinionated or what? I just know it must be terribly hard and you must be making a shit load of excuses to yourself for the way he treats you. but come on. No man that loves you ever ever ever fucking comments on your weight.

[Mom on Coffee]

While I wouldn't air marital problems in a public forum such as this, I certainly won't knock you for doing so. For me, I just feel like I should put the energy into working on the marriage instead of putting the energy towards bitching about it. But, if this is working for you, thats what is important. My only worry, if you do get divooced, be prepared for all of this to make its way into court. Could make a tough situation even tougher...

Best of Luck!

[Daisy]

I, too, started a blog for therapy and venting. No advice from this end -- just a sincere wish for good luck. You deserve it.

[joy]

agh shit. i was worried this might happen, K. (sigh...)

(hugs to ya)

[Kyla]

That sucks. I hope things lighten up soon.

[fairly odd mother]

The whole "domestic zero" comment really sticks in my craw. If he can say this to you, I can only imagine what else he says. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.

[Kelly]

Man, just how much does one woman have to deal with?

Sorry Kristen, for your continued stressors, on top of the fact that you're entirely postpartum and exhausted.

Wishing you something cheerful...

[Kristin]

Ok - my 2 cents... the first few years of my marriage, when my boys were just babies, were among the loneliest of my life... it takes time to find the rhythm of your marriage and to make it work... yes, your husband sounds like a total asshole right now, but I bet he isn't or you wouldn't be with him in the first place... you come across as way too smart and way too accomplished to fall for a true jerk...

Tell him to get his own blog.

[Jaime]

My Hubby know about my blog and every once in awhile he checks in on it. But he would rather ignore it. Mainly because he thinks is stupid. I blog because I want to and I read other blogs to know I am not alone.

Honestly, I censor myself on my blog because it is public to my friends and family. I admire that you can let it all out here on MU.

Sometimes things have to hit rock bottom to get any better. I hope this is what happens for you!

[BlogWhore]

being 'outted' has put me into marital counseling.

consider yourself lucky.

[Chrissy]

Some men are just clueless!(*cough*robert*cough*)
Good luck.

[Chrissy]

Some men are just clueless!(*cough*robert*cough*)
Good luck.

[MetroDad]

You know, marriage is hard enough when your spouse is a kind, considerate person. I can't imagine what it's like when he/she is so self-centered as to be blinded by the realities of the relationship. Good luck, Kristin. Hope the move and some change do you good!

[Beth B]

I am sorry for your struggles. I send lots of suppport and strength your way...... Being a mom is tough enough....

[klo]

dude - your. husband. SUCKS.

I'm sorry, but he is lame, lame, lame. divorce makes me sad, and I would hate to see your family broken up, but that man is a disaster.

and isn't that the point? who cares what's in/not in your blog?

[Andria]

OMG. I think we're married to the same person. We have the same laundry thing going on. WTF? Good luck.

[Robert Paulson]

@ Dawn @ 8:45,

You're right - some people don't get it. You know how this blog entry said something about "Divooce"? Y'know how the word "Dooce" came to be part of our lexicon? It was when someone was blogging about stuff and she thought it was anonymous. Turned out it wasn't. Turned out she got fired for it.

Assuming the half-Asian half-Caucasian woman pictured on every page of this blog is in fact the author - there is a point where the number of readers in her local area will make it very likely that she will be recognized (maybe it's already happened). The distance between that and total disclosure will be short.

Then the shit will really hit the turbine engine. The black, tarry stools of a newborn will have nothing on what'll be spread all over the walls of that household.

Hmm... That gives me pause. How anonymous does Kristen really want to be if she posts her picture everywhere? Looks to me like anonymity is the opposite of her goal.

[vesper]

thanks for your honesty. it sucks to always feel monitored by everyone around you.

i'm going through divorce after being married for about six years. i have a son. things have been hard, but they're a hell of a lot better than they were. and...i'm free.

[Christy]

How exactly can you be a domestic zero when you're not actually living in your own domicile? If he's not working and not parenting, a little help around the house would probably be nice. As far as the computer, it looks a bit like paid work to me. I hope things are better soon, and I imagine living in your own home will be a tremendous help.

[Kristina]

When we lived with my in-laws I was pregnant and on bedrest with hyperemisis so you can imagine the crap that I went through. I understnad the resentment you can feel towards someone when they seem to abandon you emotionally. You need to vent. That is why we blog. Somethings are said out of anger and they can be thoughtless, but still, they are your feelings at the moment.

And this is to your hubby- you know your wife's feelings now. It is your job to help her. She is your family now. She and your two kids are your priority. Not your parents. Not yourself. Your family unit comes first. If her words are hurtful it is because there is some truth there...some fear that maybe you did drop the ball. Don't bash her. Hug her. And work it out. You owe it to your family!

[tori]

Divooce is a clever term. My husband doesn't know about my blog, but it's all stuff he knows I feel anyway. Good luck with this! I totally understand. Sometimes it is hard to be married to someone who makes you feel lonely.

[Binky]

From one domestically-challenged, undersexed woman to another: I hear ya.

Hmm, that's not very comforting, is it?

[Beth]

OMG! Is your husband black? Are we married to the same freakin man? cuz the man you just described.....I'M MARRIED TO HIM!!!!! Help me!!

Mine is a selfish jerk who ONLY WASHED HIS OWN CLOTHES or ONLY FOLDS HIS OWN CLOTHES....ya, the list goes on and on.

I have been reading you for a while and I think you are great. you are dealing with a bunch of stress(in laws) right now that NO woman should ever have to deal with. Hang in there. Guys are assholes...that's the plain and simple truth...and if they're not, then they're gay. which doesn't sound so bad to me right now.

[Dawn]

Wow... some people just don't *get* it.

You haven't exactly posted your address or your inlaws names and images on here. They're still ANONYMOUS TO US. So where is the harm in Kristen bitching about their ridiculousness? As I said before, EVERYONE needs an outlet.

[Robert Paulson]

Hi Kristen,

It's true, I'm not a longtime reader. But I have been reading for about a month, having followed a link from a link from a link to get here.

And I'm not saying I don't want to read - I've heard it said that people watch Nascar for the crashes. This one is looking like it's headed for the wall at 190 mph, and we're getting narration from the driver!

As for the crapping, I have to call you on your contradiction - in once sentence you say you aren't crapping, but in the next it's a "two-way street". By 2-way street, do you mean I can find "myungratefuldaughterinlaw.com" somewhere? 'Cause if I can't, it's still one-way.

A guy analogy would be this - if you're on the football team and talk to the public about something that was supposed to stay "in house", you shouldn't be surprised when three teammates show up to duct tape you to the showers, turn on the cold water, then leave. Or duct tape you to a goal post, naked. Or other things that usually involve duct tape.

You appear to be taking "in house" information public. I'd check your inlaws house for rolls of duct tape. Maybe the hanging bras was a shot across the bow and you didn't know it.

And I know you say you haven't said a single thing to be rude to your inlaws, but for all the bitching about them here, do you really think in real life you can expect to pull off being a sweet, supportive daughter-in-law? My father-in-law and I have an unspoken arrangement - he agrees to not be a prick, and I agree to not break him over my knee. Every once in awhile we come close to a breach in the agreement. But I don't blog about it. I like the arrangement, and don't want to have to explain to my wife why her father is in two pieces on the floor.

So you're little boy has a big wanker and they noticed. So what? What dad wouldn't think a well-hung son isn't cool? I'm sure that same pride would go back a generation to grandpop, too. So long as the carpet isn't chafing his johnson, it all seems good.

So yeah, I'll keep reading. It's entertaining. But you should also bear in mind that when you do this publicly in a blog, you offer yourself up to both support and criticism. You can't get famous for writing unpublished Word docs, but you can't be criticized for it, either.

[InterstellarLass]

There's a difference between being ungrateful and being walked on. I would probably have to be on strong doses of something to live with my (ex)in-laws.

He should back you up 100%. He has a responsibility to his family...his wife and children. Cut the apron strings.

[Johnathan]

What an opportunity he missed. He totally should have read everything you wrote backwards and forwards (and in the process re-acquaint himself with your passion and humor and strength) and use it as a guide to learn where he was being insensitive without letting you know he had read it. THEN he could have fixed his mistakes and have the story of his amazing transformation broadcast by you to your astonished readers (not to mention fixing a misfiring family life). He had the brass ring practically in his hand. I'm sorry for both of you he didn't grab it.

[Dawn]

Men. They suck. Especially men and their mamas. (Southern men are even worse LOL)

let me know how much worse you could make his world if you didn't have this blog to vent to. Would he bitch if you only had a diary?

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this ON TOP OF everything else. I understand the whole "I just had a baby, people - f*ck off!!!" too, trust me! :)

If blogging is what keeps what sanity you have left, as it is for so many of us, then keep it real and honest and if he can't deal... then yeah, he needs to find his own outlet.

I, too, hope you can escape soon.

[Oh, The Joys]

My grandfather always used to say, "Never let FACTS get in the way of a good story." Just tell the hubs it's a STORY blog.

[Bon]

i'm with mamatulip...tell him he can have his litany of complaints over at his own blog.

and in the meantime, nobody's a domestic zero. does he really want all of us to come over and kick his ass?

[wickedstepmama]

Oh hon. ::offers hugs:: I'm so sorry. I hope it doesn't come to divooce. Moreover, I hope he gets his ass in gear and starts recognizing what it means to be a parent. Regardless of who is the woman and who is the man, or who stays at home and who works, spouses are *partners*. He needs to have your back.

Forgive the audacity (and the fact that I'm a new reader and haven't made it through all of your old entries yet), but could you get him into marital counseling?

You know, the crappy side effect of people finally recognizing post partum depression is the fact that it gives asshats an excuse to blame their wives for their own bad behavior.

Good luck, hon.

[cce]

My Better Half actually set up my blog b/c while you're a domestic zero I'm a technological retard. Now he might regret it b/c I did name it Madmarriage and I do dish about his snoring and farting and, occasionally, the thanklessness of our kids. Now, a month in, he's stopped reading it altogether which suits me just fine but I'm left wondering is it worse to have your husband mad at you about his appearances on your blog or worse that he doesn't care to read it and find out what you think about him and life and everything else that matters to you? Maybe this is sort of like therapy for you two. At least he takes time out to sit down and read your rants. I think it might be worse to be ignored.

[mamatulip]

A domestic zero? *blink, blink*

Tell him to get his own blog.

[Jennifer]

My father-in-law lives upstairs from me. My husband lives over an hour away and comes home on weekends. I feel your pain. What has helped me is setting a deadline. Come September, I should be moving with our son and we will all be living together in a brand-new rented apartment we can hopefully afford. Just having a future date in mind has helped me tremendously. You are doing remarkably considering your daughter, the new baby, your in-laws, their weirdness, etc.

[mel]

Ugh, Kristen. I'm sorry. Marriage is work enough without it being complicated by living with the inlaws. I have lived with both my mom and my mother-in-law. I know how it adds pressure. Makes you react in ways you may not have reacted otherwise. Fuses are short. Stress is compounded. The sooner you get out of there the better. In the mean time, hopefully your husband will do as many other wise commentors have suggested and use what you have written as a means to better understanding your needs. I can see how he would feel a bit betrayed and attacked by what he has read (even if he knows it is true)...but hopefully, he can see it for what it really is...venting....the frustration of a woman who needs her spouse to step up and be a supportive PARTNER. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Heidi]

He seriously called you a "domestic zero?"

Did you respond with something along the lines of "Oh, hello Pot, I'm Kettle?"

WTF is his deal?

[Sue]

Boy, that Robert Paulson is a barrel of laughs, ain't he??

I appreciate your honesty. You are a tough woman. Other people's mileage may vary.

[CrankMama]

Men who don't take care of their wives after their wives (or girlfriends or partners) have THEIR children need to apologize.

My relationship broke up over JUST this sort of unforgivable behavior.

I'm just sayin

[Vicky]

Marriage, Motherhood and Life are all a series of waves and troughs. I am a divorced Mom of an almost 12 year old daughter, and I am about to get married again (yikes!) (I know that I have been to this movie before and saw the ending and yet am trusting the producer enough to be willing to see the sequel.) Whether you decide to stick it out, divooce, remain undecided, we all have your back...all will be okay.

I will state to certain posters that this forum is to remain judgment-free.

K - from my humble part of the blog world...great post, honesty, ownership and comeback. Thank you.

[Andi]

Wow. When I was reading your blog the other day, I was going to ask if your husband/in-laws knew how they were portrayed in your blog. I think you're incredibly brave (and funny). I am terrified to write as honestly in mine, lest it end in divooce...

[K]

Robert -- Clearly I'm not crapping on my family. Just my in-laws.

And it's obvious you haven't read my blog for any longer than 2 secs. Because you'll realize that the crapping is not a one way street. Ownership is to be had.

And this is my word document. I just choose to hit publish and not delete.

And you choose to read.

[Mrs. Chicken]

My husband and I have a gentlemen's agreement that he won't read it. And honestly, I only rarely post about him anymore.

But as for your husband ... he had to know this was out there. You make no bones about how you feel. I imagine seeing himself from your perspective in black and white was a bit jarring.

That said, you have the right to your feelings. And from what you share with us, they appear valid. You are right; he should pull you up by your bootstraps. He is your helpmate, and that means something.

Mr. Chicken and I have our differences, but he grabbed me by the shoulders and braced me against the wind during my darkest times. I wish the same for you.

Wishing I could help, but at least I can say that I hope things get better for you soon.

[Robert Paulson]

To all those who are airing their private relationship dirty laundry in the most public of places, yeah, I think you're putting your relationship in jeopardy.

For all of Dooce's public examples of spectacularly bad judgement, she clearly has defined the boundaries of her blog; what she will share with strangers and what she will not. There is deprecation on her blog, but it's almost always the self variety and never directed at family members. Your husband might be a prick, but if he is and you're still with him? Totally your fault.

Don't crap all over your family in this public fashion - they haven't taken out newspaper ads describing what a bitch you are, so it seems only fair that you not go into detail of the level of assholedom they've achieved.

If you just need to bitch, open a Word document, write away, then delete it when you're done.

[Redneck Mommy]

Yikes, your hubs sounds like he was talking to my mother and got the idea of calling our writing libel and slander...

Sheesh.

I agree with BFF. He can get his own blog if he chooses. Or better yet, have him guest on one of your podcasts.

For the most part, my own hubs has been fairly supportive about the blogging thing. But after the kid died, he's just happy I'm not bouncing off the padded walls.

He does get mad when I talk about our sex life, but thankfully he's been out of town for EVER now and thus there has been no sex to post about or argue over.

Wait a sec...not thankfully...I'd rather get some and fight about it than not.

Good luck with your hubs. May the Force be With you.

[Elizabeth]

Because he was "choosing" not to work, that made you still the only stay at home parent? What the hell kind of logic is that? The effed up kind, if you ask me.

Kristen, you deserve to be happy. And your daughter is learning how a husband should treat his wife by watching you and your husband interact. Your husband doesn't like what you are writing on his blog because he doesn't want to face the truth. You have to do what you need to be happy and fulfilled. I don't know what else to say except how can your husband NOT see how terrific you are???

[FENICLE]

He actually called you a domestic zero? Dude, I'd so be so be washing all his whites with something red!!!

[K]

Actually, my huz has always known about my blog... just only recently decided to read it.

The thing is, he knows about everything I say on here...

[Tonia]

You said your first child is spirited. Are there any resources you used that you would recommend?

[Amanda]

I suppose he had to find it, eventually.

Of course it's one sided... duh. But, as it's the side he should be hearing, anyway, perhaps he should have a seat and take it in.

As Kelly said, he could get pissed at it and blame everything on you (sounds like what he's already doing), or he could actually listen to where you're coming from and get a feel for what you need.

[nutmeg]

Cheat on him!

[mothergoosemouse]

I think the key statement is: "He should have always had my back."

We all go through tough times, but pretending they don't exist (and abandoning the team approach that is so crucial to marriage) is not the way to handle them. I don't personally know him, but from everything you've said, he seems to be very good at sweeping the tough stuff under the rug.

Furthermore, he doesn't seem to be particularly supportive of your efforts to translate blogging into a business (or rather, businessES). He may not be able to share your vision, but why can't he share your enthusiasm? Why can't he be proud of you?

I understand his antsiness around his parents - I remember being that way with Kyle around my own Academy-grad dad, who is very particular about certain things. But nagging you is not fair. If what you're doing (or not doing) upsets his parents, let them say so to you. And then you can mention the bras hanging from the light fixture. It works both ways.

I want you to be happy together - all four of you - but maybe it's gone too far. Not what you've written here, but how you've steeled yourself to pursue your dreams and make yourself happy - even without his support and involvement.

Always here if you need me.

[SuburbanOblivion]

This my dear is why my husband doesn't know about my blog.

[canape]

Blogs are, as honest as we are in them, only one side. The people who read them generally side with the author, leaving the subject matter rather ganged up upon in the comment section sometimes.

We all need our place to vent. We all need support too.

When I'm blogging, I try to remember that words are hard to take back. If you weigh the need to vent with the amount of hurt it might cause someone and are comfortable with the possible outcomes, then I think you are doing just fine.

Regardless, asshat is still the best ugly name ever. And instead of googling you, perhaps he should try talking with you.

Damn. I've joined in the ganging. It's just too easy after reading all that to give out a hell yeah.

[Stefania/CityMama]

No matter how far away I am, I am here for you. Hope it works out however it's supposed to. Hugs to you.

[JailDiet]

Yikes.
My blog's the same thing--an outlet. I vent--a lot. And recently had the "libel and slander" thing as well-so much so I removed a post.

It's my words and thoughts. And oh well people, suck it up and deal with it. As I've said before, if someone in my fam reads my blog, they are free to (as everyone is) but I would like them to be adult about it and keep their yapping trap shut.

Your huz should think about doing the same. Besides, I'm sure he's a pretty great guy. It's not like you (an amazing woman) wouldn't have two children with him if he wasn't. I feel your frustration and we love you all the more for expressing that!

[BFF]

Divooced.

Do you need a lawyer for a divooce or can you do it over the internet?

I can't get over the fact that he's JUST NOW googling your ass.

As far as I'm concerned there are two things:

1) I don't think it's libel or slander unless it's false, right? Isn't all this shit just public record? lol.

2) If he wants someone to hear his (*hem*) version of what happens, he can get his own blog.

I'm not going to write the possible titles.

In case he's reading. lmao.

[Kelly]

He should be supporting, not criticizing. Domestic zero?! Did he actually say that?!

As for your blog, damn straight that it's yours to say what you please on. Would he rather you say these things out loud to him and his parents? I think not. If he were smrt, he'd use your blog to see where your head's at and how he could help you and make your relationship stronger.

[Anne Glamore]

Setting aside the other stuff for a moment, it's a spouse's job to stick up for the other spouse and tell his or her parents to back off. The marital relationship takes precedence over the parental one.

Otherwise, you're not united, as your hubby has shown.

I'm only refereeing that part. Career, laundry-- you need a better counselor than me for that!

[crazedparent]

hoping things get better sooner than soon.

[Mrs. Chicky]

Divooce. I like it. The term, not all the mess that goes with it.

Be strong.

[Nancy]

Divooce -- great term. You should trademark it and make gobs of money from the proceeds.

I'm so sorry to hear that things have been rough. And I'm not going to say anything else other than this: I am here for you if there's anything at all that I can do.

[Jennifer]

I haven't quite grasped the phenomenon of husband's caring about our blogs. Mine is thoroughly confused, annoyed, and paranoid about mine.

I certainly hope this doesn't lead to a divooce (very clever, by the way).

Fingers are crossed that you'll soon be able to move out from the in-laws.