Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Any More [insert your own synonym for FUCKED UP]

My father-in-law walked in on us having sex.

Full on naked white asses high up in the air and he walks right in.

I'm still bathing in lysol and refusing to leave my room.

Now before you barf on your screen or shriek "You're actually having sex with a man that points out the wrong spatula?," let me explain a few things.

A. I like sex and I hadn't gotten it in awhile.

B. I offered to smack my husband with the wrong spatula and he was cool with that.

C - Z. The door to our bedroom was totally closed and he didn't fucking knock and he was probably blasted and he was looking for the toilet paper that was in our bedroom but he didn't fucking knock and my husband cursed at him and I wanted to hide and I couldn't stop laughing because I was incredibly embarrassed and he totally saw our naked asses because they were 2 feet from the door because it's a tiny room and now you're thinking "shit, what kind of sex were they having" and I think he probably kind of was thinking that too and that's probably the skeeviest part of it all and we're not moving until the end of the month so thank God for broadband because I'm never leaving my room.

Ever.

Comments

[fe08]

aw! that one happened to me also.. here's my story:

All of our roomate were so eager for us to have a baby. Unfortunately, my MIL is sleeping with us on the same room because there were no place anymore. so, one of our roomate insisted that we "sleep" in their room because they thought me and my husband needed some "privacy".
after lights out, me and my husband started "sleeping" after a couple of minutes, we then heard footsteps, then the door of the room creaked open.. then we heard "what whas that?" then slammed the door.
my husband asked who was that.. i told him.. ITS UR MOTHER.
after that, we couldn't "sleep" anymore.. flashes of my MIL's astonished face kept on coming back to my head..

i just couldn't believe that she would peek on us like that! Everybody in the house knew that we're going to "sleep" in that room! ARGH!

[Nina]

My wife and I (we are a lesbian couple) were making love one night when my sister in law walked in on us. We had been expecting her much earlier in the evening and when she did not arrive we just thought she would turn up the following day so we went to bed. My wife is deaf so naturally did not hear Carol come into the house and I was so lost in one great, delicious g-spot orgasm that you could have demolished the house around me and I would not have known or cared. Carol used her key to let herself in and wandered up to the bedroom. When I am about to come I go very quiet, as though all my energies are focused to one fine little point, then when I come it all rushes out, literally ! Carol walked in just as I let out. Fortunately the stream I squirted out shot clear of her head and shoulders and just hit the door frame. Talk about timing ! Fortunately Carol is an easy going woman and immediately saw the funny side of it and we all had a good laugh, and thanked our good fortune that it had not been my mother.

[Naughty Boy]

He wanted to walk in I say.

[Csara]

LMFAO - that was so hilarious....and gross. Sucks for you. :)

[TB]

Holy God. I know the end of the month can't come soon enough. Thank god he was drunk is all I'm saying.

[**Crystal**]

This post was hilarious.

And at the same time, I'm horrified for you. HORRIFIED. I would probably die. This is when I'm glad that we never live near parents.

[BOSSY]

Bossy leaves you alone for two seconds and look what happens! Next time Bossy is leaving you alone for two whole minutes!

[Her Bad Mother]

Let's just say that he was stone-assed drunk and couldn't possibly remember what he saw and then we can all sleep better, okay?

[Amanda]

I can't be the only hoping you at least got to orgasm first!! I think the only thing worse than the embarrassment of being walked in on is the resulting frustration of not being able to continue.

Sorry, hun! But, you have to admit, it's kinda funny. In a "Wow, I'm glad that wasn't me" kind of way.

[GIRL'S GONE CHILD]

My dad once walked in on me having sex. I was in high school. He said, "woops! sorry, kids" and walked right out. It was horrible. We didn't emerge until the next morning where my father was waiting downstairs with coffee, bagels and lox. He wanted to make it *less* awkward. Oy vey.

I'm sending you vibes of solidarity, my sister.

[crunchy]

I will send you food packages so you can stay in there..and good thing that the toilet paper is in there already!!!

Snort.

[FENICLE]

Holy Mary Mother of GOD!!!!

You poor poor thing. Did he even notice you were engaged in the act?

[mothergoosemouse]

I've been trying NOT to imagine being in your place, but now Margalit gave me something entirely new and disgusting to try not to imagine.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Holy moley, that is about the most horrifying thing I've read all day. So sorry.

[Devan]

oh, that's bad. That's really bad.

[prescott]

At least he didn't walk in on just you with your cone.

[Sarah (In the Trenches of Mommyhood)]

Totally frickin hilarious. You poor thing.

[karyn]

Sweet merciful crap.

What did he SAY?
What did he DO?
What did YOU and the HUZ do?

Holy fucking shit.

Oh girl. Yeah. I'd stay in my room too. Oh Kristen. *hugs*

[jaelithe]

Okay, I need to know what the FIL said/did in response. (I feel I need to know this. However, clearly you don't actually need to tell me. Heh.)

As far as I can tell, the only appropriate response to such a situation would be to dash back out the door immediately, shut it, and say, "Sorry!" from the other side. But somehow I have a feeling this didn't happen . . .

[jennster]

LMFAO. omg... LOL.. sorry, but dammit! it's funny cause it didn't happen to ME

[Heather]

Honestly, without knocking? Come on! Who does that!

[Jessica]

I'm thinking that might have put an end to him slapping you on the butt as you walk by... No?

[Jen M.]

I am now in the fetal position in empathetic horror.

[Carolyn]

hi-LAR-i-ous!! I'd get an efficiency hotel room for the remainder of my time there, rather than stay one more second in that house!! How awful and embarrassing! And funny.

[Lara]

at least he didn't try to join in...

hrm... did that cross the lines of appropriate commenting? :-P

[Lori]

ohmygod. that is so hilarious and horrifying at the same time- "uh, sorry lookin for tp" what a jackass.

[Jacquie]

So when you said it beat the bra story I NEVER dreamt this was the post to be! I feel for ya!

[Mrs. Chicky]

Eww! I think if I were in your position (not literally, of course, because my white ass is currently fully clothed) I'd have to leave the country and change my name.

[maggie]

Oof. My FIL would have had a heart attack on the spot, from mortification. So sorry, do stay in your room with the broadband.

[FishyGirl]

See, my husband is the kind who, when we were living with his parents BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED, one afternoon, bright sunny day, his sister just home from school, picked me up, slung me across his shoulder, and announced to his parents, sister, and GRANDMOTHER that "We're going to go have sex now!" and then couldn't figure out why I was writhing and screaming in protest.

Hope therapy works for you.

[Anita]

LMAO!! Damn! I am thinking what the hell kind of sex *were* the two of you having!

Am I the only one who thinks that FIL TOTALLY deserved to be mooned?? From my standpoint, HE should be more embarrased than you. I mean, after all it's just rude as hell to barge into a room without knocking. I say hold your head up high at the dinner table and tell the world that you 'got some!' Who knows, maybe you guys taught him a new trick. hee hee.

[margalit]

I agree with all the others. At least you didn't walk in on THEM doing the bedtime mambo. That would have been life altering.

Having been in this position myself as a very young woman, my first thought was "At least you're married." But still and all, gross. Let me know if you need food shipped in.

[Bobita~]

Just...oh my god. I'm soooo sorry.

[Pattie]

OMG....I would run away from home *LOL*

[Wendy]

I am so sorry. That is funny, gross and traumatizing all rolled into one.

Would you like some food shipped to you? Or maybe some libations?

[Jennifer]

Hey, at least you didn't walk in on THEM having sex. Now that would be gross.

I'm sure that FIL will forget he ever saw anything...

[Jan]

Oh, just....EEK!

[Binkytown]

Oh.My.God.

At least you know it can't get any worse?! Right?!

[jen]

Wow. You managed to top the other hellish stories. How much longer til you're paroled again?

[Dana]

Didn't your FIL apologize or anything?

Ugh. If it's any consolation, wouldn't it be worse to walk in on the sin-laws having sex?

I don't even want to think about it.

I can only imagine what the MIL is thinking.

[Phoenix]

I'm so laughing at this. Sorry, but I can't help it. Although I read through the sex lines and caught that you're moving soon and you got some. So basically it was a good weekend?

[Redneck Mommy]

Hands down, that is worse than when my stoned-on-nyquil nine year old son walked in on the hubs and me doing some sexercise.

Well, take heart. You just put a little 'spring' in his, um, step.

Wink, wink.

[jen]

hahaha.
the bonus is - he already knows you have sex since you have kids. now he just has evidence.

[Tiger Babble]

OMG I can't imagine!!!!!!!!!!! I think I would just die... absolutely curl up and die.

You must be mortified!!!!

We'll send you meals and presents via carrier pigeon since you won't be leaving your room.

[Amy H]

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I just can't imagine the horror. That really, really sucks.

[Kat]

OMG how embarassing! You poor thing! I don't think i'd leave my room either!

[Susan]

Oh dear. My condolences.

[Melissa]

OMG Kristen!

What was your FIL thinking?
Has your hubby talked wiht him since? and yes, I am too interested, how do you see 2 naked butts at one time during sex? Details please!

[Mark]

I think were going to need pics to get a full understanding

[Jennifer]

At least you weren't in there going at it on your own. That would have been worse. That's actually the only thing I can think of that would have been worse.

[CapeBuffalo]

why would he look in your room for toilet paper of all things?

and i am completely mortified on your behalf.

[Dawn]

hey, at least you got some LOL

That's probably what the fIL was thinking lol

[the new girl]

Ahhh--
I bet you never thought that you'd look back FONDLY on the days of hanging bras and fully-clothed-ass-slaps on the way to the bathroom, eh?

You better get out of there quick--I can't imagine what he'd have to do to top this one.
lmfao.

Naked white asses,indeed.

[Cynthia Samuels]

I can't imagine. Can't. Can't. The only person it was probably worse for was your husband. Men and their fathers. Agh.
My suggestion is to get "right back on the horse' before you move. Ditch the ghosts while you're still in that house. Oh Kristen what a bummer.

[Amy Jo Momma]

Oh my heck. Good luck in recovery.

[Amy]

And again you top the latest "My ILs did this!" post. HOW do you do it?

Your FIL CREEPS ME THE FUCK OUT. Who walks in to someone ELSES room no matter WHAT ffs! It's not like you haven't been living there for months!!! After the embarassment wears off, I'd rip that guy a new f*ing hole!

[Cheryl]

O.M.G. I'm once again grateful that my inlaws are two thousand miles away and we only see them maybe once a year. And when we go and visit them at Christmas time, there will be no sex being had. To insure that something like Your Hell doesn't occur, I may request separate bedrooms. And for the record, I am still pondering the age-old question of... what kind of sex WERE you having anyway?

[Mama K]

nooooooooo!!!!!

well at least you got an awesome blog post out of it (hehe) but I can't even imagine the embarassment. ew.

[chelle]

Dude you need to move out of that house!

[Paige]

Um, ew. Of course if my father in law walked in on us, he'd probably say "Whatcha doin'?" and then continue to chat.

[Karen]

THAT is fucking hilarious. What was his reaction - did he stand there a sec, or duck and cover?

[Woman with Kids]

Is it wrong that now I'm thinking, "Well, what kind of sex *were* they having?"

I'm sure Dominos can deliver to your room, at least for another month.

[Wyliekat]

Oh, dear sweet Jeebus with a cheese sandwich. NOT okay . . .