Mother-in-Crocs or Crocs-in-Law?

If this wasn't indication enough that Crocs should be banned from this universe, look what I found when I came home the other day:

No they're not mine, silly. How shall I refer to them? Mother-in-Frocs? Frocs-in-law? Either way, they are so ugly I wouldn't even kill a bug with them. 

Thanks to your votes, my feet shall remain crocless. And really, yours should too. Because any shoe that meets the following criteria should never see the sole of your foot:

1) Has a kid's version and is only cute on them

2) Is ugly but soooooooooooooo comfortable

3) Won't ever see the light of day because you're embarrassed to wear them outside of your *finger quotes* garden *finger quotes.*

4) Is owned by my mother-in-law

And so to offer assistance to those of you who just can't say no, I'm starting a Croc Exchange. No one will ever say I never give back, damnit.

Send me your crocs or frocs or better, your frocs-in-law and I'll send you or your child a limited edition Fadiddle Keep the Duck shirt (or another cool fantastic adult-oriented one that I promise you will love that you can email me about and I will tell you and you'll ship your croc-o-shits faster than you could accidentally steal a duck).

And I will put them to good use, take pictures, and link your blog.

Good pictures. With cute small children, dogs, and barbies (don't ask. just send me your crocs and you'll see). And then Gunfighter will blast them to pieces with a shotgun. How HOT is that?

Who's going to be first? Seriously. C'mon.

Comments

[Laura Lu]

ok, but I gots to say - I'm an old lady mom - don't ask how old, just older than you - and I wear fugly dansko clogs. Just because they are good for your feet and kinda ugly doesn't make 'em bad. Don't be an old-mom hater! I can't help it if I can't walk in those cutie-pie shoes!
Actually, danskos have a certain swedish librarian charm about them, and you could use them as a weapon, if you needed to.

[green]

this is true crocs are made from a material called croslite which is not biodegradable recyclable or even easily destructable so we will be stuck with mountains of crocs long after we want them anymore. not to mention how ridiculously ugly they are.... come on people where is your taste.

[crocseeeeewwwww]

crocs are horrible they are thr fugliest shoe since the ugg boots. these tacky foam shoes are not only bad for you but can cause injury there are at least 10 documented cases where evil crocs have melted on or got stuck in escalators and injured children some even had to have their toes amputated. These shoes offer no arch support and orthopedic doc with any sense does't endorse them. they are also not bio degradable so along with all other things we have done to our planet we will be leaving our children a monster pile of disgusting tacky foam clown shoes to stare at forever. lucky them. for verifivation of these facts and more atrocities commited by crocs simply visit ihatecrocs.com

[dana]

Okay you busted me. I don't really wear them in the "garden". I put them on when my husband wants to have the Dutch Woman fantasy sex.

Heh.

[Tiger]

I am very HAPPY and PROUD to say that I DO NOT have a pair of those god-awful plastic monstrosities.

I am tempted to go buy a pair and send them to you though... ;-)

[Jennifer W]

LOL I hate crocs, and since I read your post it cracked me up to see someone on a message board bragging about finding a coupon code saving her...$7.50 PER PAIR! LMBO!!!! I totally thought of you.

[Amy]

My mom wouldn't let me have jelly shoes. Maybe that's why I let my daughter wear crocs. heh

Shout-out to you, Kristen, at my blog! W00t!

[Lady M]

A Gunfighter/Motherhood Uncensored joint project? This is too good to be missed! I always want to buy Crocs new just to send to you.

[The Bumbling Bees]

send me your address and ill send you my FUGLY crocs. and boy do i have another pair of shoes you should take a look at that are just as FUGLY.They are called Sloggers look em up youll be moritfied :) cant wait for the ducky shirt :)

[Her Bad Mother]

What if I sent you my Uggs?

[crazylady]

yeah but how many of you owned Jelly shoes in the 80's?
thought so

[FENICLE]

You keep the duck ~ I'll keep my crocs!

[Niihaus]

Damn. For the first time in my life I wish I had a pair. Of crocs that is.

[BOSSY]

You practically make Bossy want to purchase a pair just so she can send them off to you.

[CJ]

Crocs should be outlawed for adults. I do admit my kids each have a pair, and they are great for the pool or messing around in the backyard, but I cringe when I see a big 'ol pink pair on a grown woman. I don't care how comfortable they are, they are UGLY!

[bitsy parker]

Thank God there are other people who hate Crocs. They are the bane of my existence!

Happily, I am unable to send you Crocs, be PROUDLY, no one in my family owns them.

[Amy]

I'll send you my crocs. Where do I send them (free t-shirt! swwwweeeeettttt!)

[Mom101]

This kills me - not just because you're hilarious as always - but because my mom's cousin does this with his wife. If she buys shoes he hates he'll buy them off her. Of course they cost him a lot more than a tee shirt...she's smart that way.

[Lara]

seeing as how i would never EVER own a pair of crocs, i'm going to take your croc exchange as an opportunity to rid my friends of this fashion nightmare. i'll just sneak into their houses at night and take all their crocs. soon, you'll have a whole shipment!

*cue maniacal laughter here*

[LawyerMama]

I sooo want to see the video of Gunfighter blasting them.

But I have no crocs to send. Darn it! And I want that shirt!

[Phoenix]

If I buy a pair and send them to you, will you video tape what happens to them? That'd be funny.

I don't own any though. And yes those ones your MIL bought are FUGLY!

[Jen]

I will say it loud and proud, WE OWN NO CROCS. Six people in the fam, and not a single Croc to be found. But then, I'm not known for my sensible footwear. I think they look heinous on any foot, woman or child.

You want comfort? Get a pair of Borns or Simple shoes. Crocs remind me of my days living in the deep south when my girlfriend and I would go sit in a Walmart parking lot and take bets on how many women in housecoats and slippers we could see. Double points if said woman was accompanied by a skinny man in a wifebeater tank top. Good times.

[nutmeg]

If you get a red pair, size six let me know. We can work out a deal.

[binkytown]

No way. They are really are comfortable and I swear to god, I don't know how it's possible but they make my calves look sexy. I'm keeping 'em. I might just buy another pair.

[fidget]

Send me your addy, I got a pair of black knock off Crocks that I paid 3.99 for. I wore them out of desperation while I was pregnant and my feet morphed into an elephant like foot / hoof.

[The Pumkin Patch]

WE LOVEEEEEEEE OUR CROCS!!! We all have 2 pair. The thong sandals are great. They are a big deal around here, almost everyone wears them. Its all about finding the right color and style for you. The mary janes are adorable.

[JailDiet]

What's NOT sexy about these beige grey plasticy holey slipper sandals?

I don't get it...

(While I'm glad that I can't participate--I don't own crocs--this is the time I wish I did.)

In winter can we move on to UGGs and have an UGG exchange. I saw another person wearing a bright green pair in the middle of 90 degree weather.

Almost...almost as sexy as this pair you've got pictured.

[mommiebear2]

As much fun as this sounds, and Id love me a free t-shirt - my son loves his way too much!!

[Dawn]

lol damn, I'd love to be a part of it, but I seriously don't have any of my OWN To send. and I am NOT going to part with the lovelies that my daughter owns because, ya know... finding a pair of matching shoes to wear out in the "yard"... priceless!

But I cannot WAIT to see the results of this! LOL

[Woman with Kids]

I'm tempted to go buy some just to send in... Large rubber shoes? Not on my feet.

[Mrs. Chicken]

You'll never get my Crocs. To paraphrase, you'll have to pry them from my dead, cold hands.

You know I heart you, but you're wrong this time! :)

ps - my hubs has those crocs in blue. Very hip.

[Keri]

Ok - so I have a pair of black and pink I could send to you. As long as you take note that I REALLY don't wear them anymore and only had them b/c of some mental lapse in judgement?

[Amy Jo]

Now I almost wish I owned a pair of these god awful things just so I could play along.

We went to baby loves disco over the weekend and there were more than a handful of parents there wearing crocs. I wanted to cry for them.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

I now WISH I had Crocs just so I could send them to you. And, how is it that your MIL found the ugliest Crocs on the planet and bought them?

[Lisa]

Makes me wish I had kept those ugly things! No, not really.

[Kristen]

Heather -

Just let them accidentally FALL into your stroller.

[Heather]

Hell,I want to go buy a pair of crocs just to send them in to you so I can play too! But then, nahhhh. I have so few moral principles anyway that I feel compelled to hold onto the one principle that I will NOT buy crocs.

[Kristen]

oooh. A shotgun?! I'll add it to the croc of prizes.

heh.

[Gunfighter]

Kristen,

Being the kind of guy who loves to help out, I'll add to your offer.

If someone sends you their Crocs (O Lord, how I hate them!) You can send them the keep the duck shirt... but if you take the picture, and then send the Crocs to me. I'll blast them with a shotgun and post the pics as well.

This could be fun.