If I Was Being Truly Hurtful, I'd Write Mean (Yet Totally True) Things About Them On My Blog (Oh Wait... I Already Do)

When I forwarded our mail from the sin-laws, I did myself as an individual and my husband (different name) as a family.

Apparently the Post Office took that as being the huz's entire family.

Whoops.

I was politely informed by my father-in-law via email a few days after we had moved that he had spoken with the post office and it was fixed.

But it's the post office. I should have known better. And so I've gotten a piece of two of their mail every other day. I figured they were stragglers. I didn't go through them. I put them aside since he said he had taken care of it. And I sent them back priority mail last week. No big deal.

But then, I got this email:

Kristen, the last three days we have been jumping through hoop trying to find out why
we aren't getting any mail practically bills. Of course we now know it's all
coming your way. I don't know why you just couldn't e-mail or pick up the
telephone to tell us. You have a keen knack of hurting us.

Now I admit that I could have called or emailed. But to be honest, I was busy. I'm alone with two children under three all day long trying to unpack a house. I'm feeling overwhelmed. My son has been sick. And not sleeping.

And he put my shoes ON my bed. And smacked my ass. And walked in on me having sex.

So, the motivation for me to call him and politely tell him that I have some of his mail just didn't pop into my mind. Mind you, I get no pleasure from holding onto their mail. Burning it? Perhaps.

Now contrary to a few folks' analysis of me and this situation, I'm fairly torn. I vascillate from being grateful for having been allowed to live there for free, and then pissed about all their stupid antics.

So I've spent the last few days trying to think up a worthy response.

You''ve got a keen knack at being a drunk asshole. Let's call it even.

or

If I was really hurtful, I would have torn it up.

or

I think you meant "hoops."

But, I've decided to take the Maria Von Trapp approach. So in the last set of mail I sent back to them today, I included a note for my mother-in-law.

I'm very sorry about your mail. Drew has been sick all week and I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed. Make sure to tell [FIL] thanks so much for his email. His kind, supportive words were really touching.

Yeah. I really am going soft.

Comments

[dancing dragon]

I've visited your blog a few times from Lara's and other's sites, but this post has me hooked. Your reply is wonderful. And seriously, it works much better in many ways than any comeback. I'm reminded of a good book I read, "How to Win Friends and Influence People", by Dale Carnegie.

It is interesting how what people say to others is a reflection of themselves. You can substitute "I" for "you", and vice-versa, in several of those sentences.

[Gillian]

No, I am just falling down laughing that the jerk is probably reading and re-reading his sent mail trying to figure out how you thought he was being kind and how he failed to flail your soul to shredded wheat. You can almost hear the 'So There!' as he his his send key.

He thought he was being so sharp and cruel with his smarmy sarcasm. I almost wish you could send him a little thank you card telling him you never realized how sensitive he was and thanks for his empathetic support.

Yowzer what a piece of work.

[fe08]

Nice one! I so loovee your response! just wish i can do that.
my MIL is living with us and she's just a "denial queen!" heard her telling our neighbors how unlucky she was to have a DIL like me. when i told my husband about it, he told his mom and guess what his mom said... she said, "it's not her (me), im talking about. it's the husband of ur sister." yeah right!

[Jen M]

Okay - JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH how the hell does it hurt them to not have their mail for a few days? How? Mental note: Do not let a stick wedge its way up my ass when I am a mother-in-law someday.

[Ginny]

I did that the first time we moved & my MIL got SO mad at me! Then again she always hated me for stealing her baby away. Thankfully they are no longer in our lives!

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Kill 'em with kindness----awesome! His email is really kind of shocking.

[Ute]

Oh my gosh, awesome response. I love it. :)

[Devan]

I'm sure it was such a mystery where their bills went. Where did they think their mail was going - Santa Claus?
They talked to the USPS so they knew there was a problem. Yet, they blamed it on you. Nice.

[Bitchy Mom]

I don't know how you control yourself... I would really have a hard time saying anything civil to them.

Honestly, I have the same problems with my mother in law.

I really REALLY want to tell her off, but I am keeping my mouth shut and acting sweet as pie. It's the "nice Christian thing to do" my mother tells me... *sigh*

[Sara]

This is so weird...hurtful? I agree with everyone that especially with these crazy folks the high road is probably the best route, but wow, seriously, they should be kissing your butt for sending the mail at all. I mean with your two kids, new house, new city...they should be glad they get it EVER!

[Melissa P.]

Loved your response!
You go girl.

[Kristen]

I don't think it was soft- I like that she has no idea that she is basically passing on to him that you think he's an asshole without her even knowing it. Awesome. And I'm sorry I missed the ass smacking his walking in on you!

[Heather]

I love your response. Those subtle digs are the best.

[Assertagirl]

That "hurts" them? Weirdness. I like how you handled it a lot.

[Sandi]

My MIL was very much like that...and the bad news? She lived to be 98!

I tried to ignore, I tried kiiing with kindness, i stayed away as much as possible.

Nothing ever changed my feelings about her!
But she did raise a good son!!

[MsRebecca]

I'm so glad I don't have a b(itch)i.l. anymore, she made my skin crawl, my son is terrified to kiss her mole infested cheeks and she is a hateful beast.. actually she was in the car when my ex dropped genius boy off last weekend and had the hateful nerve to holler out the window,, "Heeyyy Rebecca how are you?!" all cheerful and forced, I grabbed genius boys arm, pulled him close to me and buried my face in his neck without an ounce of response.. slammed my door and smirked to myself for the next hour..

[Mrs. Chicky]

You did the right thing, you took the high road. You can always curse him out in your head. Or on the internet. Oh wait, you do that already. ;)

[nikoline]

"You''ve got a keen knack at being a drunk asshole. Let's call it even."

Thank you. Those lines provided me with the first honest-to-goodness laugh I've had all day. As such, your humor makes even my own life seem somehow less irritating...

[Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You]

well, maybe it really was only 1 hoop? LOL

Seriously, if you wanted to hurt them, you'd have tossed them, like I would have. You really can't escape, can you? LOL

[Christina]

How did you manage to live with these people for so long? Sheesh, they think they're perfect, don't they?

Love the response. Wonder if they can detect sarcasm? I doubt it.

[radmama]

What sweet people. Why did you ever leave? :-P

[zellmer]

Loved your sarcastic ending. It's always the best way to tell someone to fuck off, in disguise. And it sounds like they're not sophisticated enough to get it anyway.

[BOSSY]

And by 'Zordy' Bossy clearly meant "Lordy". It's so easy to confuse the 'Z' and the "L" like that, especially at opposite ends of the keyboard as they are...

[BOSSY]

Zordy, where would Bossy be without her Sinlaw chuckles?

[LawyerMama]

Ouch. He's quite the ass, isn't he? But I love your response!

[mothergoosemouse]

I wish I was confident that you'd win in the end. Seems there's no winning with these people.

However, I agree with your response. High road rarely causes regrets.

[Manic Mommy]

Good for the high road.

I would think about sending them every piece of junk mail you receive from now until the day you die.

[JayMonster]

I'm really impressed. The words I would have used to convey my thoughts could not have been printed here, as they most certainly would have been considered "too uncouth" by some :)

[Jennifer]

Kill em. With kindness, of course.

[TB]

Yeah, kill them with kindness. And then throw their mail in the recyling bin.

[Kelly]

'A keen knack for hurting us...'

Christ. Your response couldn't have been better, after that bullshit.

[Dawn]

I love the response. So sweet! (yet not :) )

[dana]

What did your husband say? Please tell me he didn't defend them.

Ugh. I can't stand those people and I didn't even have to live with them. I'm so glad you moved far away from them.

[PunditMom]

I agree with Mom-101. I can relate on a certain level, though. My mom thought I was being mean and inconsiderate to her when I wrote a tribute to my grandmother (after her death) on my blog. Apparently, I wasn't trying to honor her, I was setting out to hurt my mother because apparently I have a "knack" for that!

[justmylife]

I have a mother in law like that, we live right behind them ( feels like it anyway), you have my sympathy!!! I think you gave me an idea for my blog, it could take years to list all the snide remarks she's made to me!!

[justmylife]

I have a mother in law like that, we live right behind them ( feels like it anyway), you have my sympathy!!! I think you gave me an idea for my blog, it could take years to list all the snide remarks she's made to me!!

[Michele]

At least they deal with you directly. My inlaws do it on the passive agressive down-low, through my husband, telling him not to say anything to me, but knowing he will. Which was their intent anyway.
Why didnt I listen when my friend told me to pick my inlaws as carefully as I picked my spouse?

[MetroDad]

What an asshole. Nice to have some sympathy for the mother of his grandchildren. Your response was awesome.

[Gina]

What a snotty email. I'd have a hard time biting my tongue too. DH's father rubs me the wrong way too. DH and he do NOT get along (FIL is a drunk.) I find myself giving him little jabs every time he says something ignorant.

To bad you can't pick your in-laws!

[Kristen]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Monica. Now that is a good one.

[Monica]

You are way too nice. I would have written "deceased," stuck it back in the mailbox for the postal service to return, then leave everyone highly confused as to why they don't have power anymore.

[Mrs. Chicken]

I agree with Mom 101. Kill 'em with kindness. You rose above their muck, and I know how much that must have taken.

Good on you!

[ImpostorMom]

I love it! That is the perfect amount of kindness with a thinly veiled "Thanks for being a jackass" comment there at the end.

[Jackie]

Great response! Killing them with kindness is always the best.
Hope little Drew is feeling better soon and you get through everything with your sanity intact!

[GHD]

Good for you. I have a hard time taking the higher ground with my in-laws. I agree with Mom-101. You did the right thing.

[Joel]

It's almost impossible to offer an apology these days without a "but" stuck in there somewhere.

[b*babbler]

Love the response!

[Mom101]

I love it. Kill 'em with kindness, baby. You can only win in the end.