Okay. For the Love of Bras. Redux With More Prizes

Adrienne, Nicole, and Jenine -- You won some bras, girls!

Is this really necessary? I mean honestly. Can it get any worse?

Yes. Those are my bras.

Yes. That is the kitchen.

No. I did not hang them there.

--

You got it people. I'm giving away BRAS. BWWWWAAHAHAHAHA.

Playtex is offering some fantastic bras up to my beloved Motherhood Uncensored readers. Three lucky readers will win TWO bras each (one 18-hour bra, and one Secrets bra)!

And I won't even include my father-in-law on this one.

Now, since I'm nursing, I'm wearing nursing bras, but since my son doesn't breastfeed anywhere but at home, I'm actually wearing REAL bras again -- mainly because nursing bras don't do so much for the lifting of the breasts.

I have to say these bras are great, and while I'm not an 18-hour bra wearer, it can't hurt to have one in your arsenal of bras! Plus I've got terrible slanty shoulders and the secrets bra actually stays up on my shoulders without me having to constantly put them back up. And that's important since I live in Atlanta and I could be fined for exposed straps.

And Playtex has this cool online bra fitter named Roz who will help you find the perfect bra.

So leave me a comment and I'll pick three winners at random. Feel free to share your good bra stories. Embarrassing ones are always fun. I'll be updating the posts with the winners on the day after, so check back to see if you've won. (One comment per person per day please)

Hooray for boobs and bras!

Comments

[Wendy]

Maybe they were drying after they lovingly handwashed them for you???

[MsGudy2Shoes]

Oooh, a comment! I need bras so much. Wearing a DDD, and just finishing nursing my almost 2 year old. . . yeah, I need them bad! Go Playtex!

[The Feminist Breeder]

I'm in Atlanta right now too! I'm staying at the Westin Buckhead on business. When I booked this trip pre-pregnancy, I thought I'd get here and hit the town.... then the first trimester struck, and so far the only thing I've done since I've been in your (presumably beautiful) city is order room service, sleep, and blog.

Yaaay Atlanta.

[Vicky]

I am an unusual and hard-to-find size, 34 D. This size I am sure is easy to find in such places as La Perla…for all those gals who have augmented their tiny figures. No hate there - just some envy. However, La Perla (and other similar lingerie stores) do not have bras that will get MY “girls” to toe the line (or underwire) and STAY IN PLACE. The bras are lovely and delicate. But they are just meant for pretty rather than practical.

I just happen to have a small rib cage and a large rack, which needs / craves support. I did breastfeed my daughter for the first 22 months of her life, which I am sure did NOT assist the “girls” in casting their “orbs” northward. So when I do find my size in a store (be it Bloomies or “Tar-zgey”), I try it on. If it fits, I BUY it. This retail practice results in me having only 2 to 5 wearable bras at any given time. They tend to become overworn….giving and loose. And I have an unfortunate habit of using the extra material and flesh.

With those caveats in mind, I present the following story:

Just the other day, I was undressing in front of my husband. We were alone in the house, and I thought a slow strip-tease was in order. Not an obvious one mind you, just enough to get him salivating.

We were talking about our respective jobs and he was memorized as I continued to elucidate the finer points of my work day while attempting to shimmy out of my work clothes. I suggested a joint shower to him as I stood there, in all of my nude glory and began to turn…indicating that he should follow me into the shower. He began to laugh and point (I assure you, this was NOT the response I was hoping for.) I looked down. Stuck to one breast was a dime and to the other was a pencil. (No, this was not an attempt at the ill-conceived and well-known pencil test.) I had simply tucked these items, at some point during the day INTO MY BRA. There they had stayed, much to the enjoyment of my adolescent fun loving husband.

Apparently, I need a new bra. One that fits me and does not fit office supplies or any other stick-to-me sundry items.

[Julie]

La Leche League just came out with a push-up nursing bra! I LOVE it! It looks just like my old underwire/foam form bras but even better becuase it opens for feedings. Just thought I'd share - it was the best $30 I've spent on myself in a long time. There is a website on the tag: lllibras.com (I bought at a nursing supply store)

[Stephanie]

show me yours and i will show u mine.

[Brianna]

I love this picture and the story. I laugh out loud whenever I revisit that post (even the 1000th time).

For me, all of my breast modesty disappeared once I had my son. This became rather apparent when my husband's best friend came to visit when my son was 2 weeks old. I was still new to the breastfeeding thing, and tended to run around without a top in my house because I was too nervous that my clumsy self would not be able to whip out my boobs whenever my son opened his mouth to scream. Luckily, my husband's best friend (who was female) had a baby about a year later, and has since realized that my behavior was not so weird for an anxious first time mom.

[LizB]

I have a great (embarassing) bra story -- and a piece of advice, too. Don't wear your sexy push-up bra bowling! On one of our bowling dates, I wore a hot mama bra to impress that man of mine. He was trying to teach me the proper stance, and how to release the ball so that it will curve and slam the pocket. Well, when I released the ball, the bra released one of my boobs. Yep, it popped right over the top of the push up bra. So there I am with one perky and one dangly, feeling mortified. I don't even want to describe how I discreetly tucked it back in. :::gulp:::

Hey, maybe this experience explains why I am still a terrible bowler!

[amanda]

Ugh, I have been a pull-and-tuck nursing mom, meaning I use regular bras and just hoss the cup out of the way and then yank ot back up. To say that my bras are in bad shape would be a gross understatement. Then again, with a third on the way I can't guarantee I won't ravage any new bras that might come my way, but still, a girl's gotta dream.

[kris]

I don't have any particularly good bra stories.

Except the time I was at a Barenaked Ladies concert and was picking cheese from Kraft Macaroni and Cheese out of my bra and off of my boobs for a good week afterwords.

[Amy]

eehhhh...no good bra stories.

But when you have something going that requires a story about stashing used tampon applicators in strange places at your in-laws house, I am SO winning THAT one.

[carolyn]

True bra story: I was fresh out of college and teaching in a private school - senior English to kids not that much older than I. I'm teaching away - Shakespeare - when I felt a snap in the front area of my top, and then a little "flappy" feeling and I was all loosy-goosy. Yes, indeedy, my front close bra had snapped. Not just come loose, but broken. In front of the class. To this day (MANY days later) I do not know if anyone noticed or not. I felt so exposed, and embarrassed, and lots of other humiliating feelings. I'm still teaching, but now all my bras hook in the back, and I carry a sweater wherever I go!

[FENICLE]

My ladies need some support! Please enter me.

[alexa]

ooohhhh....I need new bras.

Love the blog and the in-law stories.

[carmen]

Once, whenI was nursing, I flashed the house painter - apparently, I was walking around with my shirt unbuttoned, trying to air dry, and he was outside on a ladder, and saw me through the window.

YIKES!

[Jill H.]

Secrets bra's stay up? OK, off to the mall - I have yet to find one that will stay up without gluing them to my sholders. So where does one find one of these "wonder" bras?

[Rachel]

I would love some new bras!! After nursing I only have 2 that fit, and one of those pinches so bad that I try to never wear it. :( I need help... Please...

[Lela]

Hmm, we need a no strap law here in WA. If it was warmer here we could possible be dubbed the slutty capitol of the nation.

[TB]

Well, I do live in the south where bras are pretty much optional... many of the women here don't even opt for the tanks with the shelf in them, letting their pancakes hang to their bellybuttons.
But seeing as how I've got another seven months of breastfeeding, I could use a couple of new bras.

[Angie in Texas]

once when i was still nursing the kids, i was really tired (imagine that!) . . .with two kids under 3 yo in the house, it's sometimes like that.

anyhow, the fedex guy came to make a delivery and gave me a really crazy look. i took the package, turned around, and looked down at the box to see where it was from . . . when i realized the flap was OPENED! nice. classy, huh?

[Jenn]

Dear Lord -- I am preggo with #3 and I am going to need all the help in the world to keep these boobs off the ground by the time I am done nursing this one!

[Jill]

New bras? Sure!

"Mom, what does your milk taste like?"
"I don't know, I can't taste it"
"Why not?"
"I can't reach my own breasts!...Oh, yes, actually I can...."

[Cathy]

I would LOVE some new bras - my boobs keep changing sizes and I can't keep up.

[Catizhere]

I don't have any funny stories, but I'm cracking up over some of these!!

[Sarah]

Here's my comment.....what if you don't really need a bra...after breastfeeding 3 kids they have been reduced to a cow utter (let me give you a visual...bend over and take a look....long and skinny almost able to fit perfectly into a champagne flute) So if these bras you are giving away can fix the problem Please send one my way.....

[Kind of Crunchy Mama]

So you want funny bra stories? How about realizing that you have been walking around the playground with one nursing flap down. Umm yeah, talk about looking unsymmetrical.

[Adrienne]

I love your site! I laugh everyday! Sign me up, I could always use a new bra after nursing three children.

[Nicole]

It was the first time I'd gone to partner's condo - about a 5 hour bus ride since we were coming back together. I was there about a week and needed to do some laundry.

So I stuck my stuff in the laundry and went for a walk while he was working. Being in a strange town, I got lost. I eventually found my way back and his mother was there.

Keep in mind, I'd only met her the day before for the first time.

She'd gotten there, inspected the washer and thrown my stuff in the dryer (including my bra, but whatever).

And she folded them. She pulls out my bra, fondles it (in my eyes, but she was really just folding it), then hands it to me and says, "I think this is yours."

And I say, "No, that your son's." :)

And she starts howling with laughter.

[The City Gal]

The tragic part is that I even wear bras in bed, because I hate the "loose" feeling!!! Does anyone make a 24hr bra?

[Cheryll]

Oncce I was at a BBQ next to a lake, my friends and I were sitting on the edge at a pinic table. The table had started to slide a little, so my friend a very large breasted woman, threw herself and girls forward and saved the the table. She still tells the story of how she and the girls saved the day. Funny!

[Lisa]

I know I've only commented 1 or 2 times... but I love your blog!
And, I could really use new bras. Yay for bras!!

[Stacey]

After being pregant or nursing for all but one month since April of 2004, I'm finding none of my original bras fit... can we say SAG... sign me up!

[dorrie]

How about shopping for the first time for bras with your daughter? Traumatized mommy. All my dough went to her hooters instead of mine! What we do for these kids....

[justmylife]

I live in Alabama and with the tank top season here most of the year, I could use a bra or two that doesn't require me to constantly pull my shoulder strap up.

[justmylife]

I live in Alabama and with the tank top season here most of the year, I could use a bra or two that doesn't require me to constantly pull my shoulder strap up.

[Lindsay]

Pick me! Pick me! I want to know what the flesh directly below my boobs looks like again. heh...

[Janelle]

Oooh, ooo! (hand-in-the-air) Pick me!

[Advent]

You are killing me. I am rolling with tears pouring out of my eyes. I just found your site and I think it is awesome. The bras the shoes I have been there. I have a 14 month old, a 17 year old and a 13 year old. Yeah I know call me crazy but what can I say. You have got another fan of your site I will keep you on my favorites from now on.

[jodi]

Me, me, pick me please.

[Jenine]

Oh dear Lord, I need so much bra help it isn't even funny. I stopped nursing my 3rd child about a year ago and I'm STILL wearing the two nursing bras (alternating, of course!) that I bought when I was nursing my 2nd child!!!

I've tried going bra shopping. I have no idea what I'm doing, how something is supposed to fit, or how I'm supposed to measure. I've even gone to places that supposedly have "fitting experts". I'm pretty much ignored when I go in and for the 15 minutes I spend looking around in the store while simultaneously trying to wrestle my kids and keep them from pulling everything down from the racks. Maybe it's the two very loud toddlers I have with me. I guess when you have toddlers, you are in no need of bra assistance. I dunno... maybe they assume that the roll of duct tape I carry around with me for use on my little girls is what also lends the other 'girls' support. (Just KIDDING about the duct tape! I can always hope for a simple method of child restraint, right?)

[Dana]

I could use some new bras. The last time I had a fitting the lady at the store told me to bend over and lift the girls up. I didn't purchase any bras that day!!

[heathersway]

No good bra stories here unfortunately but I have recently finished with the breastfeeding so I could use a new bra or two.

[ktjrdn]

When i was in high school, I lived with my (now) husband my senior year. we did the laundry at his grandma's house. One day she brought me back a bra that had gotten left there. I was mortified!

I'm not really sure why now. it wasn't like it was his dad or anything. :)

[binkytown]

Hey- at least you have two and they are clean!

[tori]

I won't even attempt to enter this because my bra size is generally too small to even be made. I got fitted at Victoria's Secret not too long ago, and after she told me my size, she said "I don't think we sell anything that small here" because it is every woman's dream to hear her boobs are too small to need a bra.

[Caroline]

I was just about to order some new bras, too! I hope I win. My girls could use a lift.

[Wyliekat]

This is soooo not funny. Because you know what? They won't have them in my size, even if I were to be so fortunate. 34 G anyone? No? FF? F, even?

Sigh.

[Jess]

I feel for you in respect to the IL's.

[Cindy C]

I don't even know what size I wear anymore. I have gotten so lazy I only wear those pull-on, stretchy sports bra things. No wonder my girls look so terrible. Actually last week I was holding a mirror in back of myself to see my hair and realized the bras would fit better if I wore them backwards. Damn back fat.

[Divrchk]

You have some crazy in-laws. I could really use a new bra or two!

[Heather]

I tried to post a comment yesterday but the computer wheels kept on spinning and I don't know if it ever went through? Probably more divine intervention.

But I was thinking yesterday, and again today, how when you Kristen talk about free shit, the lurkers come out,huh? Very interesting observation. Very interesting.

And just so you know....when it comes to shaking your boobs, I AM the Google renowned expert by FAR.

I often wonder if this is yet another sign from the heavens that I need a better bra? Everyone coming to me for shaking boobs. Hmmm.

[ragtopday]

New bras? You mean I might not have to wear these saggy old things anymore? I am so intimidated by shopping for bras in an actual store that I.....don't. I have been wearing the same ones for waaaaaay too long! New ones would be AAA! (not that that's my bra size, mind you)

[Jessicab]

I'm still in disbelief that he actually did that. Most men I know would just leave them in the dryer.

[JenniferB]

No one messes with my underwear, but I have an SIL who routinely tries to foist her daughter's nasty, used up underwear and underwire bras on my 11 year old -- yes, you heard me -- a junior in high schools used underwear and bras are being thrown at a barely-going-through-the-beginning of-puberty 6th grader. Nasty. Every one of us deserves our OWN NEW bras and panties -- with NO ONE allowed to touch (without an invite).

[DW]

Bras! This is just the thing for me. I have two bras since I am nursing and it is a "temporary" thing... I didnt want to buy all new bras and accessories for a temporary thing. Suffice it to say I do a LOT of laundry and I only have 2 bras that fit. This nursing "temporary" thing has been going on for 7 months and I see no need to stop nursing. Maybe I should just pony up the cash to buy a new bra if I dont win... Thoughts to ponder.... Thanks!

[Katie]

New ones would be great. Mine are all stretched out from when I was nursing- 2 YEARS AGO. The only embarassing story I have involves a nursing bra not being snapped and me not knowing it. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks.

[carol]

I think you have won the Gold in the Crazy In-law Olympics.
I feel for you.

[Robyn]

And I thought my underwear drying on the radiator at my MIL's house was bad.

[jennster]

holy fucking crikies. this is hell you are living in. pure hell. and purely entertaining for all of us. lol

mother in law

[Damselfly]

Maybe we can start a fund to take you to the cleaners! We'll have a drive for quarters so you can go to a Laundromat, no FILs allowed.

[JailDiet]

I feel for you! Every Christmas my father makes me and his new wife open up matching thongs, wait, I mean G-Strings. Really racy and lacy and often glow-in-the-dark or fire-engine red.

[Kyla]

My dad was like this. He really got off on making people feel uncomfortable in subtly sexual ways. Sort of a, look how uncomfortable I can make you sicko power trip. My dad was also a pedophile. It's not normal to do things like this!

[Becky Brahma]

LMAO...FIL is nuts!!!

[Suburban Turmoil]

Whoa. There comes a point, Kristen, when you just don't care what the inlaws think anymore and you lay down the law (I'm speaking from experience here). And I think that time is NOW.

[Amy]

Sheesh - bloody pervert - your FIL
so unfunny too

[qt]

Holy balls on a blue jay those people are NUTS!

[jacquie]

WOW and I thought my in-laws were off the wall. HMMMM they have competition.

[rachel]

i bet they found out about their precious pot and this is their way of taking revenge on you.

[Tater and Tot]

I'm sorry, I just don't understand. Is there better air circulation in the kitchen? If someone were to unexpectedly stop by, would your in-laws know that this was strange and frantically hide all things inappropriate hanging in the kitchen area? Or would they invite their friends around the counter for a glass of iced tea, and tell war stories of hostile pot takeovers? I'm so confused. And scared. Very, very scared.

[mothergoosemouse]

I just showed it to Kyle, who is really quite level-headed (he balances me out in that regard).

He's seriously creeped out. And he doesn't creep out easily.

But he agrees with Liz - underwear would be worse.

[Amanda]

...wow.

Perhaps you should do your laundry in the middle of the night (at least the delicates - bras, panties, cashmere sweaters) and then tell them the laundry fairy does it now.

You know. Like the pot fairy.

[Plain Jane Mom]

Mi playroom es su bedroom. Get in the car and drive!

[Sunshine Scribe]

Oh. my. god

I feel like we should stage a stealth mission to come and rescue you from those nutty sin-laws. You are a saint. That or you did something very very bad in a past life and this is your pay-back.

[Chase]

Holy crap, woman. Ok, if you're not outta there by next month, you're moving to Texas with me. I swear I won't hang your underoos anywhere near my food prep area.

[lynsalyns]

Oh. My. Sweet. Jesus.

[Melissa]

Not even in the bathroom? They are so weird. Just shoot them and put them out of your misery. ;)

[wordgirl]

Jebus! Have you ever been given an explanation as to WHY he does this? Why is he touching your bras?

[Jennifer]

I live in Italy. Our house is small. But we have a guest room. You're welcome to it.

[Debbie K.]

I didn't have to look back...

It was your fatherinlaw!

[Kimba]

What in God's name would EVER possess someone to hang your bras anywhere? It's like some college prank gone bad!

[Audrey]

When I did a study abroad program in England, my host mother did my laundry. Now, in England, driers are a rare thing. My host parents (both in their 80s) had a laundry rack they lowered from the center of their kitchen ceiling. Imagine my utter horror to come home one day to find my array of thongs hanging from the kitchen ceiling -- and my host father asking me how comfortable they are to wear!! Mortifying, but I got used to it, as she did my laundry the rest of the semester, too...it really became a joke, but still!!! I feel your pain!

[Dana]

I have to confess that this bra thing does not surprise me and I'm embarrassed to say why.

You see...my father hangs my mothers bras in the middle of the bathroom (the one that guests use when they are over) and it's rather humiliating for me and they don't seem to care!

[Amy Jo Momma]

Your FIL is to much.

[Jen]

Whoah, you need to find a way out of that house!

[fidget]

BWHAHAHAHHAHA

i however just chocked/snarfed a sweetart while laughing

damn those things are PAINFUL once they hit your nasel cavity

HEEEEEY Idea, wait until they fall asleep and then insert sweettarts in their nostrils!

[katie]

Yeah, I'm thinking what Sara was thinking - is it just your underwear or do they hang theirs around as well? Either way - VERY WEIRD! Good thing they're not hanging over the stove!

[Plain Jane Mom]

It really seems as if they are trying to humiliate you. Consciously or not... Sorry for the downer comment, but they seem creepy and I'm sorry you are stuck there!

Good thing you are one kick-ass, tough Mo Fo!!

[Stacy]

Well, at least it's not your leucorrhoea-stained panties hanging in the kitchen for all to admire!

Crazy, pot-obsesseds in-laws! LOL!

[Anne Glamore]

Again, I can't thank you enough for sharing. Whoever said this was dunnier than a sitcom is right on the money!!

[Mom101]

Better than your underwear, right?

[average joe]

Maybe your FIL wants to open a bar like Coyote Ugly. Isnt that the one with all the bras hanging from the ceiling? And if so, does this mean you will be dancing on the table pouring shots?

[Sassy]

Ummm. Hmmmm. That's a very odd thing to do........but very funny for the rest of us...LOL!

[Her Bad Mother]

I don't even need to know the story here. The visual says it all.

Thank you. This is the only thing that I am able to read today, because MIL is breathing down my neck, but it has made all the difference.

[gretta]

what the HELL??? what the F is WRONG with them???

[Kate]

That is so wrong on so many levels. Are they trying to tell you something??

[Di]

This is so much better than any sitcom on TV!

[PunditMom]

Does Martha Stewart know about this new decorating tip?

[Bobita]

No! And I noticed that great care was taken to close the clasps on the bras, rather than just toss them over the wire of the hanger...

Run.

[Much More Than A Mom]

Oh my ~ that is truly weird.

[mothergoosemouse]

Holy shit on a shingle.

I'm sorry, K. But I am still laughing as I type. Mostly at how fugly their kitchen is.

[Sara]

SOO wrong and so creepy!! What does your MIL say about this strange obsession that your FIL has with your bras? Do hers hang in the kitchen, too, or just yours?

Can you lock your bedroom at night? Or at least put large obstacles in front of the door or does Q need to be able to come and go?

[jaelithe]

In the KITCHEN? Holy cannoli.

Wookie, I vote malicious AND weird.

You can totally live with me after I buy a house. Of course it will be a three bedroom house with three people living in it already. And also it will be in St. Louis. But I promise all lingerie will be hung to dry on a real clothes-drying rack in the basement laundry room, where it belongs.

[Kristi]

Can you just hide your dirty laundry under the bed so they can't do it?

[gigi]

In a combination of laughter and horror I start to think: Isn't it the dad who does that kind of stuff? Or was it her mother in law? Q? (just kidding on that last one.)

Either way - PECULIAR.

[Karen Rani]

Pack your things. You are officially coming to live with me, where no one in this house would be so rude to you. Oh my God.

[juliness]

Aaacckk! That is horrible. Really, REALLY funny, but horrible.

[rachel]

oh my gosh. how very, very odd.

that is just so, so, so wrong.

Don't they know you hang them to dry in the bathroom? and, um, you do it yourself. seriously.

[Suebob]

That just isn't fair. You should not make me laugh that hard before 6 a.m.

[Kelly]

I can't even imagine. Just... oh Gods!! You have my sympathy, truly!

[Jenny]

Was it meant to be mean...or was she doing you "a favor"?

[Kris H.]

OMG! I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I really do feel for you though...

My in-laws are CRAZY too!

[wookie]

Wow. Are these in-laws malicious or just really really weird?