I figured that a good way to make up for all the thousands of diapers I've donated to landfills over the last few years was to join Freecycle. Just saying I'm a member seems to absolve my past Styrofoam and plastic tampon applicator sins.
Plus, I missed getting the 140 emails from Facebook so I figured this was a better option.
Now my limited knowledge of Freecycle prior to joining was that it was a give and take sort of place where if people had leftover pipecleaners, an old pair of sneakers, or a broken fan, they could list them on the site and some pipecleaner collector or weirdo with an old sneaker fetish could pick them up from you, thus saving them from eventually becoming the nasty smog-filled air that we breathe.
You've got to figure that anything worth any major value would be sold on eBay or Craigslist. And anything not worth selling but clearly not garbage material would be donated to a local charity of some kind.
So that would leave gobs of wire hangers, some popsicle sticks, and baby food jars. Things that I would definitely throw away, but people might want. For some crazy wire hanger party or popsicle stick festival.
Hey. I don't judge.
But then I realized that not only were people giving away decent things, like bags of clothes and a record player, but people were asking for things. Apparently you can send out "Wanted" emails, you know, in case YOU are the one having a wire hanger party or popsicle stick festival.
However, that's not the case, at least here in my humble but still very busy Atlanta suburb Freecycle group. People seem to think that Freecycle is their Christmas list. That's right, their proverbial letter to Santa. Take this request:
"Wanted: Working washer and dryer. Electric hook-up preferred"
or this one
"Wanted: A working lawnmower please. In very good condition only."
Um. Okay. I'm pretty sure if someone had a working washer and dryer, or a very good lawnmower, they would be using it. Or, perhaps selling it for some money before giving it to you.
Would it be wrong to say "Why not go and buy it?" or "I have one. But I'm USING IT"?
That's me, the Freecycle troll.
Anyway, just last week the mother of all "Wanted" emails came across my email box and I just couldn't help myself.
"Wanted: I am looking for a mobile home that is free for moving thanks."
Now that is ballsy. A freaking MOBILE HOME?
So here was my response:
"Wanted: One million dollars. Large bills are fine thanks."
Okay, so it was my response in my head because you just never know when you're going to need a bag of pipecleaners or hell, a new temporary home in Little Rock, Arkansas for the next 5 months.
And you thought my moving adventures were over.