Since we're all "mano a mano" with each other about our whoo-hoos, I figured it would be okay for me to complain about yet another "thanks for having two children suckah" gift that seems to keep on giving.
It first came to me the day before I went into labor with my son and I was convinced that I was leaking amniotic fluid. I mean, clearly it had to be amniotic fluid because I don't generally just randomly pee on myself (at least without knowing).
And there was no way in hell it was what I like to call "natural lubricant."
But alas, silly old me didn't realize that when you get pregnant a few times and then pop out a kid (or two), your hormones just go into whacked out mode and you tend to overproduce the stuff.
Yes. We are all singlehandedly funding the college educations of Always workers' kids, those bastards.
Of course you could never have an over supply of the stuff when you actually need it. Like when some midwifery student is trying to find your cervix and instead you swear is fondling your pancreas. Or after 14 straight minutes of foreplay. Because we all know that's a lifetime for most of our spousal units. And yet, you're still dryer than a mouthful of sand.
It's like those mother-in-law hairs. The ones that have no earthly business on your upper thighs or above your lip but just happen to show up there unannounced and they'd be more than welcome on the the top of your head where you're rapidly losing them and could actually use them but no they're on your thighs and under your nose so you pluck them and they just won't fucking GO AWAY.
Yeah. Those ones.
But no. It happens when you're in Target in the dressing room with two kids trying on some Mossimo Supply shirt that's marked XXL yet still doesn't fit you and all of a sudden you think you just peed yourself.
So thanks to the every other day gift of wetness, every other pair of underpants becomes period or "please don't let me die caught in these things" underpants. And you get why double ply toilet paper is the bomb diggity. And you have no idea exactly when you're ovulating. Unless you're ovulating every other day of the month.
I'm just curious exactly what parenthood does to the male jingle jangles. Because my poor girl is tired and most certainly does not need anymore attention.