I Never Thought I'd Say "Yay, Little Rock!"

Edited with the outcome below

The Bisquik pancakes soaked in McDonald's (yes, you read that correctly) syrup that my son was tripping on downing when I came down from doing some work this morning was enough to put me over the edge.

But then, I overheard a conversation between my daughter and mother-in-law during bathtime that literally has me sick to my stomach.

MIL: "So, who gets mad, mommy or daddy?"

Q: "Mommy doesn't share her food with daddy!"

MIL: "Oh, well that's not very nice, is it?"

And so, for the first time EVER, I have decided that I need to confront my MIL tomorrow before heading out the door to the airport. I just haven't decided whether to let the air out of her tires as well.

--

Before my daughter woke up, I asked her the reasoning she had by asking such a question and giving such an answer. After denying it a few times, she asked "Well, what was I supposed to say?" I suppose I can't be surprised. Sucks to get caught, now doesn't it? Her tires are still in tact, because with my luck, my FIL's car wouldn't start and we'd need to take hers.

Comments

[Scout's Honor]

My husband is visiting the evil in-laws (both mother, father, and sister-in-laws). It's the MIL's 60th which I refused to go to since we have not spoken in 4 years. I did suggest my littlest go with my husband since he doesn't ever remember meeting his "Bunia." Now, I'm wondering what suggestions and questions he's being subjected to as we speak. They better not dare say anything like your MIL. I did have the forethought to tell my husband to keep him the hell away from the SIL because she's the instigating bitch in all our troubles and issues over the years. We'll see how it goes. Good luck to you and wish me luck.

[ArtGirl]

My mother-in-law, when talking to my children, refers to me as "your mean mommy."

[Hyphen Mama]

Oh, I do miss your in-law stories. Makes me sick to my stomach and think of all the nasty things my own do. UGH, this is just another reason you must stop communicating with/visiting them all together.

[Redneck Mommy]

Couldn't keep quiet over this one.

Unfackingbelievable.

How you managed to walk away with out getting violent or putting sugar in her gas tank is beyond me.

[Kara]

She is just plain evil.

[lildb]

she's just narsty, and I feel you.

yechhh.

[Mom101]

Ha, I guess TNG and I think alike.

[Mom101]

Maybe McDonald's syrup in the gas tank?

That would kill two birds with one stone.

[gwendomama]

umm...was she talking about the 'that's not very nice, is it?' comment? because what she was supposed to NOT SAY was the 'who gets mad?' part.

i know, just stating the oh so painfully obvious here. but really. does someone maybe need to point out that teensy weensy nugget of inappropriate grandparenting?

[Tracy D]

Every time I read one of your posts about the inlaws I get sick to my stomach. Why does family (and inlaws) have to be so hard? I feel for you and hope you can come to an understanding with them. Is DH on your side with these issues? Or does he defend his mama? I hope things get better with your relationship. How are they taking the news of the new baby? I am so nosy.

[canape]

Dude. Are you pregnant? Did I see that in the comments?

Dang if I missed it. That's what I get for giving birth and having to nurse 28 hours a day.

[mamatulip]

I hate it when people talk to my kids like that. Good for you for pointing out to her that you happened to overhear.

[Robin]

Oh my gosh. We have the SAME mother in law!!!!!

I feel for you. Really.

[the new girl]

You should have poured one of those packets of high fructose corn syrup right into her motherfucking gas tank.

[Kristyn]

I typically don't post, but today I have to. Who asks a little girl such questions? Talk about being passive aggressive! If she has a problem with you (and no offense, but you do make your squabbles public...and if she knows about your blog she may have some resentment), then she should talk to you. What does your husband say?

[Manic Mommy]

You key to the side of her car wouldn't prevent her from driving you to the airport.

SciFi Dad, very good.

[alicia]

Oh, and also? I'm dying to know. What was their reaction to your being pregnant again? Or do they not know yet?

[alicia]

Wow. Your MIL has no concept whatsoever of what's appropriate. But I guess that's not news.

I hope your husband is there and on side with you when you talk to her about this. She needs to know you're united, and that sort of thing will not be tolerated.

Also, toothbrush in the toilet? Such a very good idea! ;)

[FishyGirl]

Ugh, Kristen, I don't know how you put up with that. My MIL had a few run-ins before, but after a while she learned it really wasn't fun to go up against me and she stopped. Most of the time. If she acts up again, now, I just call her on it, in a warning tone, and she knows she has to knock it off or she won't see 2/3 of her grandkids again. Yes, I'm evil, but I won't have my kids messed with, or taught that messing with people like that is okay. Ugh.

I like the toothbrush in the toilet idea.

[Jill]

Q is going to need to know how to deal with the conflicting stories about your family that she's bound to hear if she still has contact with MIL. I would be sure she knows that secrets are usually bad and should usually be told. The exception is a present or happy surprise.

Any adult who asks a child to "not tell Mom or Dad" ANYTHING is setting the child up for abuse. I'm not saying that your MIL intends to abuse Q, but that Q could get used to adults telling her to keep secrets and could end up keeping a dangerous one. I think your MIL is as dangerous as she is rude, inconsiderate and obnoxious. I'd say the conversation/confrontation needs to go beyond this one bathtub chat. She needs to know that she cannot use or manipulate your children or she risks getting completely cut out of their lives.

Then let the air out of her tires.

[Jenny, Bloggess]

Her toothbrush.

In the toilet.

Now.

[Gina]

Wow - she sounds lovely. My would-be MIL does before we got married, but she was a sweet lady. Mr b has 6 older sisters, going up to 20 years older, though, so I have had my share of battles.

[S. Moore]

Ohhhh, wait, I forgot to tell you the kicker....

While visiting the MIL in VA, I went to find a craft store(and my sanity) and she took The Huz and my kids to take a family picture.

A FAMILY PICTURE!!!!!
WITHOUT ME!!!!!1
WITH MY HUZ AND KIDS!!!!!!!!

AND THE HUZ DIDN'T CALL MY CELL AND TELL ME. I FOUND OUT FROM THE KIDS!!!!!!!

WTF....

Needless to say, that visit ended 3 days early.

On second thought, FLAT THE TIRES, BUST THE WINDSHIELD & WINDOWS.

Just for all the women like us that put up with all the crap.

Do it for me...please.....I promise to bail you out of jail!!!

[S. Moore]

I think we have the same MIL, wait, is she black??? LOL...Mine is a evil witch that "rewashes" my children after I bathe them. She also makes snide little comments about my cleaning habits(or lack there of) to the children. She says crap like, "it's a wonder how you children are soo healthy with the house looking the way it does."

And the Huz does nothing about it, he says that's just how she is.

Horse Sh**, either she stops or the visits stop.

[SciFi Dad]

I know very little about your MIL, so forgive me if this isn't completely applicable.

As someone with a MIL who is the reigning queen of passive-aggressive-mixed-with-denial, I feel your pain. I've taken a very calm but firm hand with her before, and ultimately it only works one on one. If there are other people (kids, spouses) in the room, they inevitably get brought in and are forced to choose sides. Now, from the previous posts, you're alone there with them, so if I were you I'd get my FIL to take them outside to play, or maybe for ice cream or something, and then deal with it.

Be prepared for her to deny saying it. Be prepared for her to try and claim you misheard. Stick to your guns. This is ultimately a power move on her part; she is subverting your authority, either consciously or unconsciously, because she's not used to not being #1 in the kids' lives, so she's trying to remedy that by driving a wedge.

I watched my maternal grandfather disrespect my father for years, and even though they didn't think I knew, I knew it was happening, and it made me sick.

Bottom line, she needs to stop this before your kids become aware of what she does. Either that, or she needs to come to grips with never seeing them again. Put it to her clearly, and explain why you can't have her acting like that around the kids; don't make it about her, or you. (And if at all possible, maintain the quiet "I'm seething inside but I refuse to yell" voice you'd use if your kid emptied a gallon of milk onto the floor in front of you just to get a reaction.)

OK... really long comment. Sorry, but you hit a nerve (gee, ya think?)

[Motherhood Uncensored]

a) No, she's not taking me to the airport.

b) The huz always intervenes. But he's not here and quite frankly, this one is MINE.

And honestly, I'm more than happy to take this one.

[Jen]

OMG - Bisquik pancakes and McDonalds syrup - Complete Blasphamy!
Not. a. tragedy.
Atleast he got fed.

But the tub talk - that is a little weird. Atleast Q didn't say, "Oh - they fight all the time...especially about you...by the way...what does old B*tch mean?"

[LiteralDan]

I agree about not letting the air out of her tires so it doesn't keep her around any longer.

Your husband definitely needs to talk to her, as unpleasant as it may be. Any once she inevitably takes it badly, THEN you get to beat her down.

LiteralDan
http://literaldan.blogspot.com

[Melissa P.]

Nip it in the bud, NOW.
It will only continue and get worse.
Damn witch!

[gwendomama]

First of all, about the tires; is she driving you to the airport? cause then, maybe a no on that.

Second... take your stand now. In person is very nice if it won't do the Trauma to Q.

Once upon a time, a certain very catholic SIL of mine told my then three yr old daughter that 'maybe SOMEDAY, her mommy and daddy would get married and make her LEGAL!' (yes,ohyes, she did say that)
(so, our own marital union was a bit..different?...unconventional?,this doesn't even matter - we have always called each other the husband or wife)

did i digress? i did.

good luck with the woman.
wear sensible shoes.

[Cindi]

Oh.Wow.

Kristen, I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap. She's out of control.

I'm with Submommy. To usurp your authority as a parent is unacceptable.

You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow *Hugs*

[Jenn]

O.M.G! I don't know how your restrained yourself! I think I would have drowned her in the tub after you took Q out. The huz needs to be in on this one, its time he said no more to his mother. How dare she!

P.S. Don't let the air out of her tires, then she'll be there longer changing a flat!

[McMama]

UGH. Remind me to hug my MIL next time I see her.

[submommy]

Oh, and make the huz do it. He needs to take a stand and be a husband here, not a little son. Make him defend your, his WIFE'S honor and your ability as a parent.

[submommy]

Oh.My.God.

Never, ever, ever subvert you as a parent. Ever. That makes ME sick to my stomach.

Let the air out of her tires.

THEN confront her. DAMN!

[Heather]

Wow. She has major issues.

I think you need to teach Q to tell her "It's not nice to talk about other people behind their backs" or something on that order.

Or, let the air out of her tires. That works too.

[Christy]

Wow. What nerve that lady has. Good luck with your confrontation. I'm afraid that I couldn't be cool calm and collected after overhearing that.

[b]

I'd make the huz do it, but that's b/c I'm a big ol wuss. I did confront my MIL one time b/c she treated me like I was her kid in a very condescending tone in front of my kid. My heart was RACING. And she's a rational human being and was totally apologetic and awesome about it. GOOD LUCK.

[Tiffani]

Wow! Everytime I think I have it bad with my inlaws all I have to do is read here. And then I feel much, much better. I have yet to confront my MIL over anything. Although she is nowhere near as bad as yours. Good Luck. Can't wait to hear how it goes.

[Suebob]

I know this is easier said than done, but try to be curious instead of furious. You will have to put up with these ppl the rest of your life.

[Amy]

Give it to her right between the eyes. She's more than overstepped her bounds on many occasions. This latest incident just takes the cake.

[Veronica]

I like what Witchypoo said.

[Heather]

Woah. That's more than crossing the line. That's taking a flying leap over the line and never looking back. Good for you for confronting her. Don't take any crap!

[Amy]

I would've bitch slapped her. I can't wait to hear how the throw down goes tomorrow. She has it coming. Be strong, and know that the entire internet agrees with you.

[Dana]

My mother likes to plant these little "tell Mommy she needs another baby" seeds in Dawson's ears. I get so angry, but yet I don't confront her because I know she'll deny it.

I don't know what I'd do in your situation, but I agree. It's time to confront the MIL.

Now, if only I could get up the courage to yell at my own mother!

[Robin]

I have totatly been there. Been being the operative word. When my M-I-L started that crap and then directed it towards our son my husband cut off ties with them. Did I ever mention how much I love that man?

[witchypoo]

I think it's necessary to plan out what to say to her in a reasonable manner and tone. Then I think you should let the air out her tires.

[LB]

She is way over the line. I admire your restraint.

[jennchez]

do we have the same MIL? my in laws are religious fanatics they think all holidays, bdays and most other celebrations are basically evil. they are very outspoken and we have asked them MANY times not to preach to our daughter. we celebrate everything and they think we suck! anyways our daughter, shes 4, came to us and told us that grandma was telling her about the resurrection and it was scary and saying that bdays are bad ect... but here is the kicker, she told my daughter not to tell us what they had been talking about. we were furious to say the least. you definitly cant pick your family darn it :)
good luck!

[Brenna]

Holy crap. Kudos to you for not beating her down that very second. Admirable restraint, that.

[mothergoosemouse]

Over the line. Way WAY *WAY* over the line.

Give 'er hell. And keep Q away from her. Using a child to push your agenda - that's unacceptable.