Not What, But Who

I'm never one to talk up my own kids. I tend to roll my eyes at the moms that gush about their Chinese-speaking two-year-old who can do yoga and read.

Try toilet swishing. Sass-mouthing. Monster pooping. We'd knock your socks off in the quickest roll and getaway by a 13-month-old during a diaper change.

It's not to say that I don't think my kids are wonderful, talented, and incredibly gorgeous.

Hello. Look at their mother.

Heh.

But it's more that I don't necessarily want them to be known for what they can or can't do. Quinlan, the artist, Drew, the toilet swisher, and Fetus-Hathor, the brain sucker.

I want them to be known for who they are, and quite often that's very hard to communicate to someone else.

How do I really tell someone about my daughter's gentle spirit with a flair for the dramatic. Her patient heart when it comes to her unruly younger brother. Her creative mind that never stops working.

Or my son's twinkle in his eye, particularly when he is doing something he's not supposed to. And his wide, bright smile that greets me and my husband whenever we enter the room.

To some people, that's not impressive. And that won't get them into Harvard. Or make them a million dollars.

But honestly, speaking Chinese at two won't guarantee Harvard or a million dollars either.

And while nothing can guarantee happiness and personal fulfillment -- two things I desire most for my children -- I'm betting that a little less of the yoga, and perhaps, a little more focus on your child's spirit and strengths, might do them way more good than downward facing dog.

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We're collaborating with the Strengths Movement and author Jenifer Fox, hoping to spread the word about her new book and this exciting educational movement that focuses on the various strengths your children posess rather than their limitations. I hope you'll consider bragging about your own kids today (damn, it felt good), and perhaps win some of the fantastic prizes we're offering.

It's also the last day to enter an amazing giveaway from Julian & Co. Someone needs to win and by golly, why shouldn't it be you?

Comments

[caramama]

That was beautiful! I love to hear about how wonderful your kids are. You don't do it in an obnoxious braggy way, but in a way that really shows your love for your kids. Thanks for sharing that.

And I loved b's story in the comments, too!

[HMFT]

Yes yes YES.

*nodding emphatically*

[Manic Mommy]

I remember my sister teasing me about HRH's every new development saying, "it's not that it's his first time, it's like it's the first time it's ever been done."

And it's true.

My children are amazing. They all are.

[Suebob]

Sweet. I knew the way Drew handled the Red Stapler that he was pretty coordinated and strong.

[emma]

such a beautiful sentiment! To just appreciate your kids the way they are rather than to try and make them into what you think they should be.

[Kay Green, Child Safety Mom]

Your child are awesome

[Fetus Hathor The Brain Sucker]

Just you wait.

Just. You. Wait.

[mama drama]

Hey, I actually did brag about my kid in a post today - totally coincidental.

[ewe_are_here]

Well said.

[ewe_are_here]

Well said.

[Tania]

Kristin, I love this - so well put and I couldn't agree more.

[b]

You reminded me about a conversation I had with my 4 year old a week ago.

Her: Mommy, why do you love me?
Me: There is no reason, I just do.
Her: But what do I do that makes you love me?
Me: Well, I guess I love a lot of things about you, but that isn't why I love you. There isn't anything you could do to make me love you more and there isn't anything you could do to stop me from loving you.
Her: MOMMY! There is always a REASON!
Me: I love you b/c when you came into my belly my heart made a new space for love. It just happened and I just HAVE to love you.
Her: I just have to love you too lady.

Gah, I want to squeeze her tight and keep her forever when we have those talks.

[Mom101]

"Fetus-Hathor, the brain sucker."

Ha!

And how do you tell someone about all those things? You just did. Beautifully. Lucky kids. Even the toilet swisher.

[Sunshine]

I love mine to pieces too, and there are moments when its nice to brag, but I also think some of our trying moments with them are also what makes life interesting. They're not perfect 24-7, and neither am I. I'm an imperfect mom with imperfect kids, it turns out we're all perfect for each other and that's all that matters. If my kids were 100% wonderful, I think it just might be kind of boring.

[Wifey's House]

Aww. Just when I thought I was finished posting for the day, you inspired me to take part and do a little bragging of my own. Smiles!

On a side note, I know I'm late, but congrats on your pregnancy!

[Heather]

It's good to remind ourselves about all the positives in our kids...them just being them...instead of all the things that they DON'T do.

[Jolene]

I'm de-lurking today! Thank you for the post. I'm due in July with my first and I'm so happy to see that there are sane mommies out there who don't push their kids into crazy stuff so that they can brag. They just love them and cherish them. Thanks for the post and all the posts before it.

[Sarah-Jean]

My mom has been reminding me more to appreciate the things my daughter does, than to look at the other kids her age and compare.

She's 7 months old and not crawling and not talking. But she's very smart, is very aware of everything around her, and very talented with her hands and fingers. She can even pick things up with her toes. I call her "funny monkey girl". :-P

It is great to stay on the positives!

[MommyTime]

This reminds me of a story I read ages ago about a mom who was sick up to HERE with the stories of the baton-twirling spelling bee champion 8 year old who spent all day on Saturdays donating her time to caring for orphan kids -- or whatever it/she was. Anyway, the story was funnier than I'm making it sound, and the point was much like yours: "accomplishments" are not the same as substance. I'll take my little nose-picking champion butt-joker any day, as long as he keeps being genuinely sweet to his sister and thinking about others before himself at least once a day. Thanks for the great reminder!

[emma]

Well said. I think we don't do this more often because in involves stopping and thinking. Maybe even analyzing what the general strength is in the specific action. And as busy, frazzled parents, sometimes that can feel a little overwhelming.
(p.s. my "third" was twins - have you had your ultrasound yet?)

[Susanna Alonso]

Thats such a great post, beautifully written. I couldnt agree with you more.