Stay Undivorced.

I've been fairly candid about my marriage. But it's my space, and I made the decision a long time ago to use it that way.

I'm the first to admit that every story, every disagreement, and every fight has two sides.

This is mine.

That doesn't mean that I'm not at fault. I've never hinted that I'm absconded from any type of blame or responsibility when it comes to the state of my marriage.

So, instead of grabbing some edible thong, a bottle of chocolate massage oil, and some organic rose petals, I'm going to make an effort to change my bad habits. For the sake of my children, and my own health and well-being, it's time.

Let me introduce you to my new line of products that was sort of inspired by this incredibly brilliant marriage-saving tool.

No Yellers

These multi-use signs work well in any situation -- rude subway folk, inconsiderate shoppers, and even bratty little kids at the playground. If you can't say it nicely, hold up a sign that will.

No Yeller: Ass Series

Ass size and asshole customization available.

Coming Soon! No Yeller: Road Rage Special Edition

Don't Yell. Use a No Yeller! (Patent Pending, Testimonials Available Upon Request).

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And make sure to check out another questionable saver. Okay. Try savers.

Comments

[Erin Brown]

Totally cute, I need a set of those. Add "try putting the cell phone down and drive" to the road rage set. =D You are very creative and cute!

[Elizabeth]

Put me down for the whole set, please. And for the No Yellers:Driving Edition, I'd also like to suggest "It's called a TURN signal for a reason".

[Value wIT]

These should be sold in a package deal.

[Stacey]

I *love* the signs! What a great idea!

[Karl]

Excellent, when do those suckers go on sale?

[MommyTime]

These are hilarious. Excellent idea. And, this is a day late, but congratulations on your latest ambivalence. I have a little idea how you feel, as I agonize over the question of a third a lot and had a little "scare" not too long ago...and wasn't sure how I felt about it...anyway, I'm sending best wishes.

[motomama]

Wow, so handy. You can also use these in the car to flash to other drivers.

[Lotta]

I'll take two of everything.

[Tanya]

I laughed so loud when I read the "does your asshold hurt ..." that my husband called down to make sure I was okay!! SO funny!!

[Ken]

Great signs - you can assemble them in a handy fan wheel like you find with paint swatches for easy access.

[Tiffani]

Love the signs! We are cracking up over here. What shade of green is our favorite!

[Matt]

As a member of the oposite sex, I would like to point out that a sweet smile and properly used serial display of some of these (You Suck, Kiss my Ass, ...Shade of Green...) could lead to "making up". Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha!

[Kelly]

I'm pretty much head over heels in love with the second in the 'asshole' series.

[bombaygirl]

The "what shade of green..." sign should be written backwards so that the dumb jerk in the car can read it in his/her rearview mirror. Otherwise, it's no use.

[ArtGirl]

Can I get one specially made that reads, "NOT TONIGHT, HONEY" ?

[Her Bad Mother]

Kyle and I find that the middle finger works pretty well on its own.

[Jamie]

My only question is, do they come laminated as I intend to use them over and over.

[jaelithe]

I would TOTALLY buy these for my own use.

Except that my three-year-old can already read "you," "suck," "go," "to," "kiss," and "my", and I'm pretty sure he could sound out the words "hell" and "ass" . . .

(Let's just say it's a good thing the big people bookcases in this house have child-proofed doors on them.)

[HMFT]

AHAHAHAHA!! Brillllllliant!

The two things that really got me...the bright red sequin as an asshole, and the green light one. My husband's mantra at the light is always, "It doesn't GET any GREENER."

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Shouldn't there be a sign with a spatula on it?

I think I need a whole bunch of those signs. Maybe made 'G-rated' so the kids don't learn how to swear quite so young.

[Crabmommy]

you poor knocked-up prickly married creature. how dreadful those signs are. and funny. there must be something in the air. you're the second mom this week I've encountered with a third surprise baby on the way. I'm amazed that after 2 babes you still engage in what it takes to make a third. good luck, sassy lassie!

[kyra]

those are so funny!

[Sarah]

Nothing like bedazzling a sign that tells someone to kick your ass. Maybe you should see your stuff at Etsy? (Cause I'd buy some.)

[Mom101]

Very Bugs Bunny of you. You definitely need the gun that fires with a flag that says "Bang."

[Heather]

I was extremely glad to read that ass and asshole customization are available. You've really thought of everything.

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh my...

"What shade of green are you waiting for?" is my favorite. I could definitely use that one...

[Luann]

The signs are a great idea, but here in this house I'd have to scream "HEY! LOOK AT ME! HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU" first before I could hold up the sign and that kinda defeats the purpose.

[submommy]

What a fantastic craft project! :) I'll put K. to work on it right now.....

[mandy]

I love your sense of humour!

Happy Valentine's day.

[Phoenix]

I'd pay good money for that last one.

[ImpostorMom]

Ah those would come in handy. Great idea!

[Adena]

Just listened to your podcast - Wendy was FANTASTIC! What great advice! Great choice of a guest!

[christie]

crap...my kid can read! I would love to use those. Thanks for the laughs.

[the new girl]

Gotta love the glittahasshole.

Nice one.

You can use them for another 3 months. You know, until Q learns how to READ.

[misbehaving]

Actually, every story has three sides. Your side, their side, and what really happened. :)

[MamaLee]

"needs?" I obviously need COFFEE too!

[MamaLee]

LMAO!

I really needs this this morning! xoxo

[Mary]

Oh, God...it is 5:20 in the morning and I think I just woke the entire household laughing out loud!