Why Does Healthy Have to Taste Like Ass?

I have tried, for the last time, to actually enjoy something* made by Kashi. I'm drawn in by their crisp white packaging and pretty pictures of food at its most basic form. And I really do love their message.

But let's face it. Even my dogs who lick their own assholes won't touch it.

Clearly they need to stop having these outdoorspeople slash food gatherers slash kayak enthusiasts creating their recipes because let's be honest. If you were outside chasing bears and climbing ice cliffs, you'd probably eat anything too with your chalky dry mouth.

So some weird looking cereal with cat food-like bran bits and dried currants probably tastes like a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

For my taste, the true test for any healthy food is if some Pringle-slinging couch potato schmo who's been sitting on his ass for a minimum of twelve hours watching a Lifetime movie marathon thinks it's tasty.

That's my stamp of approval.

And considering I grew up stomaching my mom's own homemade extra whole extra brown extra extra rock hard rolls, then Kashi has to pretty darn terrible.

I will say that their cereal makes excellent kitty litter and I carry the granola bars in lieu of pepper spray. Aside from being about to beat someone down with it, I can force it down their throat as their mouths are overcome with complete dryness and make my getaway.

Sorry Kashi. Your seven whole grains are apparently on a mission to make me gag. And here's a challenge. Make something actually worth eating.

*I have enjoyed a Kashi waffle slathered in maple syrup, but I don't know if that actually counts.

--

Here's what you missed this week:

My take on politics

Quinlan's first experience with gum

Separation anxiety at its finest

New this week:

Oliver is here. Mom and baby are great.

New ads here at Motherhood Uncensored. Check out small business Julian & Co (more details and giveaway to follow). Au revoir Blogher Ads. (The people spoke and I listened -- so small bizzes who I will crush on and love and you promised to click on it is)

My children have exchanged illnesses. So now Quinlan is puking and coughing or po-coughing and Drew has a wicked cold, or teething, or who knows what. With a cough. What does that mean for me? 3 hours of sleep last night. Sweet!

Pick of the Week: Another bag, of course!

New Blog: Shutter Sisters

No podcast, but today is the Blog Blast (hence my diatribe on healthy food, which I do love, by the way). Check it out and you can be entered to win one of five gift cards for FREE GROCERIES.

Now back to tending to sick children. Again.

Comments

[Kristin]

Kashi? No need! Cheerios are great for you--enough fiber to inspire an earth shattering morning constitutional-- and they taste a hell of a lot better.

[Michele]

The ONLY Kashi I like is their Heart to Heart cereal - Um... In the shape of hearts. It doesn't hurt my freakin' gums to eat, and reminds me a bit of cheerios. Slightly sweet. I really like it, or to eat it dry as a snack. Cannot stand anything else of theirs though.

[sarah]

I think Kashi is delicious. And a few million people agree with me.

Maybe you should stick to the Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

[Kara]

I used to buy Kashi ceral from Henry's because I really, really want to be healthy and believed that it would bring me good things. All it brought us was an infestation of the Indian meal month that took nearly a year to rid from our house. Gross and disgusting. We will never buy Kashi again! In fact, this morning I had Cocoa Puffs. Their "whole grain" sans bugs is good enough for me!
http://priceofprocrastination.blogspot.com/2007/09/unlucky-thirteen.html
Here's photo of the lovely creatures and the buggy condo they made!

[emily]

also, the oatmeal choc. chip cookies are good....

[Kelly]

I hate everything Kashi except for the TLC granola bars- Cherry and Dark Chocolate. Just enough sweetness, but low calories, lots of fiber, and filling.

Other Kashi stuff is nasty.

[Bill]

It's not so bad if you put a bunch of Splenda on it. It tastes pretty good - kind of like styrofoam with a bunch of Splenda on it.

[Denice]

Have you tried the Go Lean Crunch? I LOVE it. Eat it every morning for breakfast. I think it's quite yummy. But then when I was growing up, the only cereals we were allowed to eat were Rice Krispies and Cheerios, and we were not allowed to put sugar on it. Ever. So I guess my Mom's plan worked, because now I can't stand sugary breakfast cereal…

[Mindi]

I actually like the Kashi Go Lean Crunch when it is mixed with some yogurt.

[Jamie]

Kashi=NASTY... In my very humble opinion. I'm on the pumpkin pie diet myself. I have managed to single handedly consume more than 8 pies starting in late October. All the while retaining my figure. So I am thinking about writing my own god damn book about it. Who's buying?

[Damselfly]

Um, I tried to like Kashi too. I really did. But ... no go.

I hope your kids get better in the next five minutes.

[Julie Pippert]

The cinnamon squares cereal is okay. I like it as a snack. But their things tend to leave me hungry too fast and don't do good things to my blood sugar level.

You want good? I know this is good because even my husband will eat it. It is High Protein Cinnamon Cereal, Target brand.

Lasts all morning, oh and is organic too.

If you want the specifics I can find a box (I think). Down here I have to store food in glass cannisters.

[merlotmom]

I don't find Kashi as disgusting as you do but I can't say I'm running to the store to buy more. I went through a phase where I ate their frozen entrees for lunch. I never had worse gas in my life!!!!! Au Revoir, Kashi.

P.S. Why Au Revoir Blog Her. I'm pretty new to this game and wondering. Thanks.

[Lynn from Organicmania.com]

Wow - you really know how to write an attention-grabbing headline! Glad you finally confessed that you do in fact love healthy food. Biodynamic food is delicious! That was my topic for the blog blast, btw.

[Lynn from Organicmania.com]

Wow! You really know how to write an attention-grabbing headline! Glad to discover that you actually do love healthy food (just not Kashi). You should check out biodynamic food - talk about delicious! (That was my topic for the blog blast, btw!)

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

Hope the kids feel better soon, and you get some sleep!

And I used to eat Kashi Go Lean cereal, but I don't remember it tasting that bad. But that was years ago. Maybe they changed it?

[Ragtopday]

Kashi cereal tastes likes tree branches (not that I've ever tried these, of course), but their frozen meals are quite yummy. Some really nice flavors and filling to boot.

[Michelle]

Hodgson Mill makes a brownie mix with milled flaxseed, and when you take it out of the oven, it smells like you just baked a big salmon. It tastes that way too. Well, until the things cool.

I say, if you're gonna eat brownies, just make the real chocolate, eggs, butter, vanilla, flour, and sugar kind and stick your face in them.

Taking junk food and trying to turn it into health food is, to me, like molesting children and trying to call it "playtime".

[janell]

I am with you - yuck, sick, and yuck again. Very helpful tip regarding the granola bars - bye bye pepper spray, hello Kashi!!

[Phoenix]

I'm all for healthy if it tastes good. Or what I feel seems healthy, you know like Natural Cheetos or baked Cheetos or whatever it is. They are to die for.

Kashi tastes like ass and I won't even try anymore.

[Rachel]

I LOVE Kashi's GoLean Chewy and Crunchy bars. My 3year old thinks the Chocolate Peanut Butter Chewy bars are candy bars- they texture is different but they are good, satisfying and taste like you are cheating when you aren't. The Crunchy ones are really really good too- kinda like a thin, crunchy rice krispie treat with chocolate and nuts (or something- bad analogy).
I have them for breakfast or "Damnit- mommy didn't feed herself lunch" snacks.

[Ask Wifey]

OK, I have to agree with Average Jane and Karen on this one. I add some raisins to Go Lean Crunch and it gets my morning going. My kids, on the other hand, think it sucks!

[mama]

kashi tastes bad beacuse of all of the omega-3's they put in it. it all tastes fishy to me. seaweedy. nasTY. and flax seed is tough to eat too.

[submommy]

Agreed on the cereal.

They make cookies that taste pretty good.

But, they're cookies.

[Michelle]

Kashi, in my opinion, is usually a waste of time. It's usually the first attempt at "eating healthy" for the person who shops at Walmart and is accustomed to eating Fruit Loops for breakfast and has just found out they have diabetes or ass cancer or something. Not that you're that person, but the world of HEALTHFUL food is so much better than the limited scope of Kashi. Some of their stuff actually tastes like ass rubbed all over a chipped-up wicker chair. Nutritious food doesn't have to be that way, and any reputable food company worth a shit knows that.

I do like Cascadian Farm a smidge, even though they sold themselves to the corporate nazi fucks like many other formerly smaller organic companies.

I like EnviroKidz. They go on sale at my local Kroger pretty frequently. It's a good brand for kids, obviously. They're gluten-free for anyone who needs that (I don't), and they donate a portion of their profit to environmental/wildlife causes. Sometimes your kids just want to eat stuff like the other kids, but you just can't stand to give them that Cocoa Puffs shit, so this is a nice alternative. Plus, it tastes better. It's a good way to train their palates not to crave trash.

Some people like Barbara's cereal too. And Nature's Path. I guess my point is that Kashi is just more widely available, but it isn't all that great, so keep your eyes peeled.

[Average Jane]

I bought the Kashi GoLean hot cereal and it does taste pretty good and promises a decent amount of protein. However, if that's all I eat for breakfast, I have a blood sugar crash of monumental proportions before lunchtime. Thus, I'm back to Power Bars for breakfast again.

[Karen]

See, I agree with you about most healthy food.

BUT, I do like GoLean Crunch. I really do. And the best part of it is that if I eat the bowl of it, I'm truly not hungry until lunchtime.

Also, try LunaBars Nutz Over Chocolate. There is a soy aftertaste, I admit, but its overall yummy. And this comes from someone who prefers to eat her own fresh-baked cookies over anything else.

[emily]

Ok- finally an area where I disagree. I really like the Go Lean Crunch, the honey almond flax granola bars, and the autumn wheat cereal. Also, there is a granola cereal I just found, cocoa beach, that is incredible. Chocolate and coconut- not low fat, but very good.

[Cori]

Kashi cereal is actually made by Kellogs so it's really debatable as to whether or not it's a healthy choice anyway, you would be just as well off eating Frosted Flakes.

I may be one of those outdoors people slash food gatherers slash kayak enthusiasts however, I can make a fairly mean Vegan dinner that is healthy and doesn't taste like ass and you’re welcome anytime for dinner. Just don't say "Where's the beef".

[feener]

i tried kashi cereal a long time ago and yes it sucked. However, I just started WW and was looking for healthy meals. I got a few of the frozen dinner meals from Kashi and they are REALLY good. I am a VERY picky eater - so this was huge for me. I did get some more of their cereal - honey flax something and it is not so bad.

i have to say i was pleasantly surprised