if i-obsess lildb took over my blog. except her hair is way cuter. and she does nails.

so i have this complex that i discovered around 11pm last night when i was feeling totally super! like normal! which these days makes me feel like i have super powers. i bet i could pee standing up after 5pm (the hour from whence on i feel like a non-disgusting terrible horrible very bad baby vessel) and i wanted to write a post, like this, sort of like an email i sent to my bff, that had no caps, and made really no sense at all, but most certainly was not "A HUMOROUS ESSAY ON MOTHERHOOD" because now i feel like if people come here and they see a post with no caps and weird random thoughts, they'll think she's trying to be jennster "oh why do people read her all the time? i can write better than that!" which at this point in time is probably true.

but then i figured it's my blog. so fuck it.

i am currently suffering from the worst fucking migraines ever in this universe. yesterday i lasted from about 11am until 2pm, where i ended up screaming back at my daughter after she rightfully told her bawling, weepish, pathetic mother to go away. this following a comment i had just made on mir's blogher post about how terribly bad spanking is.

because screaming "YOU GO AWAY" at your three-year-old who i just told to go to her room so she can't go anywhere is um, any better.

and the best part is that then i was screaming at her to stop crying because "I'M NOT MAD AT YOU I'M JUST IN PAIN SO STOP CRYING." makes total sense. 

and then i want to vomit from guilt.

so after two tylenol, my headache is gone. but the nausea is back. and i force feed myself because "HEADACHES CAN BE CAUSED BY LOW BLOOD SUGAR AND DEHYDRATION."

try "TINY HATHOR-FETUS THAT HAS DECIDED TO TORTURE ME"

(apparently that doesn't lead me to anything good on Google though, except, well now my blog)

and then 5pm rolls around and i'm free. i'm like an anti-sundowner. i can dance. i can stand on my head. i can eat disgusting papa john's pepperoni pizza and watch michael clayton like i never just spent the entire day bowled over in pain, screaming at my children, and drinking coca cola like a 15 year old.

so if this isn't motherhood, people. then damnit. i just don't know what is.

hopefully i will be back this afternoon with a picture of hathor-fetus alive and giving me the finger. and this blog will return to its rightful owner.

---

Oh and DUH. Daddy vacuums. Daddy gets a blow job. I was saying that ages ago.

--

If not Hillary, Then WHO? (Apparently Hathor-fetus has made me politically punchy)

See I couldn't even go a whole post without caps. Sigh.

Comments

[whitetrashmom]

I think that children actually hear about every 6th word we say so please don't be so hard on yourself:)

[Heather]

Yep, sometimes motherhood sucks rocks.

[debbie - i obsess]

this is all just so damn hard, this parenting. we know this, but we still need to fume about it. I need to, and I know you sure as hell need to.

I'm glad you felt good adopting a loosey-goosey style to communicate it, because it's pretty damn freeing.

[Christina]

Hope the doctor appt. goes well. Tell them all about your headaches - maybe they can give you something better to combat them. And if they try to wave you off, vomit on their shoes.

And yeah, that news story about men and chores is something most of us figured out a long time ago. Nothing more sexy than a man doing dishes.

[jennster]

lol- first of all, fucking capital letters and completely coherant thoughts are totally overrated. see. why do you NEED capitals? WHYYYYYYYYYY? well unless you're doing that. and yelling and emphasizing something so that people read it EXACTLY HOW I WOULD SAY IT. like if we were having a conversation. you know, in real life.
look what you've done.. you've made me go all wonky on you and i have no idea what my point was (do i ever have a point).. anyway, i loved your non capital letter and i understood it perfectly.

bottom line- your baby hates the sun. the end. lol

[Glennia]

I hope you are feeling better. Thanks for posting (as your usual self, complete with caps) over at MOMocrats. When I get a migraine, I can't even look at the computer, let alone write a post. Hang in there!

[PunditMom]

Go easy on yourself. At least you are brave enough to admit on your blog your not-so-perfect parenting moments. I had puh-LENTY of them when PunditGirl was that age and I still carry heavy guilt and remorse. I'm just hoping that since she was only 3 or 4, maybe she'll forget those moments when I totally lost it and screamed at her. Not that I still don't have those moments, but at least now that she's 8, I can at least try to explain why mommy is having a bad day and she's sorry.

xo