It took me only an uncanny three short weeks of having various meat products thrown at my head to figure out that my son might just not like meat.
Seriously people. It's amazing I make it through the day without a checklist. 1) Open eyes. 2) Find toilet. 3) Pee.
I've never been a huge meat lover, so I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised. Plus, he flabbergasted us all when we found him downing seaweed and tofu like it was baby crack. Of course, he is a quarter Asian to which I was chalking up his overall brilliance and propensity towards playing the violin and math equations. Silly me. Of course he'd like rice and seaweed.
So, after being hit with yet another piece of perfectly good steak, I decided that it might be time to seek out other non-animal options, especially since he has now taken to biting people (the kid needs protein and he will get it any way he can).
Flavored tofu? Sweet!
Fake chicken nuggets? Winner!
Garden burgers? Yes please!
[Consequently I was unaware that they were still making Gardenburgers available to the mass public, you know, other than that pithy salad alternative for poor vegetarians who get suckered into eating at Applebees.]
Now, while I have solved the protein issue, I'm still working hard on dairy products, which unless they come in pint form from our favorite Vermont pals Ben and Jerry, he's not so interested in either. And quite frankly, I much prefer picking up fourteen pieces of roast pork off the floor than having to scrape numerous pieces of perfectly good cheese off my leg.
He spits out American cheese like it's a large Rhodesian cockroach that's still alive. And he makes the bitter beer face when I try to give him regular yogurt as opposed to soy.
[Although apparently now soy can kill you these days, so what the hell am I supposed to do other than lock my kids in a closet and feed them boiled water and air!]
Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say my son is a vegan. Aside from being beaten up by some frail wayward vegan googler who thankfully took time to make sure I knew that the bread used in my "vegan" peanut butter and jelly recipe could possibly have honey and OH GOD THE BEES THOSE POOR BEES!, my son much prefers to chew on leather shoes rather than pleather.
And then there's the carpet fuzz, paper, and hair.
I just don't know exactly what that makes him, other than a cat.