Imposition.

If I had to guess what my daughter and mom talked about while I was gone, I could pretty much figure it out based on all the "God is Love" songs and talk about heaven that's been happening since my mom left. It's no secret to me that my mom is incredibly worried that I won't go to heaven. But now it's clear she's taken it upon herself to make sure my kids won't share my own same fate.

Hell.

Ever since I decided that fear mongering religion that marginalized specific groups of people wasn't for me (or really, when I decided I wanted to have sex without guilt), my mom has been scared for my eternal soul. She doesn't mention it as much any more, mainly because I've asked her not to do so, but she'll still indicate that she's praying for me.

It's really not that I hate religion, or don't respect folks who choose to believe in a specific faith and live it fully. It's that I don't believe religion should promote fear or hate or judgment of others. And I don't believe it should interfere with a person living a full life because God said they can't do certain things or in extreme cases, wear certain things.

I understand the role that religion plays in my own mother's life. It provided her solace after my sister died. And my father. And her boyfriend. It gives her hope, security, and peace. But I do believe that it limits her -- in her sometimes extreme interpretation, I think it stifles her experiences of life.

And that's her choice. But it doesn't need to be mine. And I don't need her to make it that way.

The truth is, I don't feel as though her dutiful prayerfulness makes God listen to her anymore than me. And I don't believe that it means that people need to worry about me, or anyone else who might be considered "a lost soul."

Is it wrong for me to feel just a little bit annoyed that she just brought "A Bible Disguised as a Storybook" to my house with her?

I have yet to figure out how religion will fit into our lives. Perhaps we will always be Easter and Christmas church goers, with our own private way of celebrating our spirituality. But I hate to think that it makes us "bad" or "wrong" or "terrible" because we're not underlining verses in our Bible, or attending church every Sunday.

I love my children with every inch of my "heathen" soul and will do everything in my power to guide them in what's good and right in the world, which may or may not include an organized religion.

Doesn't that count for something?

--

On a lighter note, check out a fun round-up of my trip to San Francisco.

Edited to add: If you live in ATL and know a cool place to do a book signing, specifically a place that a) you'd come see me at and b) that doesn't sell coffee (long story...), please drop me an email.

Comments

[ArtGirl]

That's already happened to my son. We don't go to church and his little first grade friend never misses an opportunity to tell him he's going to hell. I resent having to undo that mess and having to see my son so upset over it.

[jaelithe]

Yeah, my in-laws are convinced I am dragging my kid down to hell with me, too.

Also, in my neighborhood I am surrounded by fundies. NICE fundies, mind. I like them. But still, I am waiting uneasily for the day one of the neighbor kids calmly and politely explains to my son that his entire family is going to burn in hell because we don't go to church.

[Phoenix]

I'd be pissed if it was me. Not that her wanting to share her beliefs with her grandchildren is wrong per say, but going behind your back and doing it kinda is. And that's just not cool.

My grandma used to send us bibles and kids bible stories when we were tiny. My mom would let us have it for a day or two and then they'd vanish, along with the McDonald's toys.

[Emily]

I think you have every right to be annoyed. If it was about any subject aside from religion you would be in the right.

For example - my husband and I are very serious about not giving kids "e" numbers, artificial additives, aspartamine, etc but when I mentioned to my mum that we would want her to abide by this when she had the kids her response was "well rules are different at Grandma's house". I was like - well if they are kids won't be at grandma's house.

I see the religion debate in the same way. If its not something you want for your kids then she should hack off. If she wants to privately pray for your kids in her own time then you can't stop her but as far as I'm concerned its disrespectful and meddling for her to go against your wishes - regardless of what she believes.

[tracey]

Ahhh, religion. Sweet, sweet organized religion. You surely hear the sarcasm? I am a believer that there IS a great circle to life. But I am of the belief that the bible and other religious books were written by HUMAN BEINGS, and may or may not be the word of God. I cannot fathom that any spirit great enough to create all of the universe would really be so angry with me as to send me to hell simply because I choose to believe a different path than certain organized religions.

[Jamie E]

I am glad you are responding, I get it more now...well, at least she didn't walk in on you and the hubs during an intimate moment?? any consolation there?? lol;)

[Anonymous]

Ever noticed how Christians give Christianity such a bad name?

[Amy in Ohio]

Wow, tricky subject. You are the guiding force in your child(ren)'s life and no weekend with Grandma will change that. I don't think you're out of line for asking to be respected in your home, with your children in the priorities you've determined.

A faith-filled, spiritual child is what I shoot for. Rules and regs don't fall into it and eternal damnation isn't part of my program either.

[Johnathan]

I can't imagine why you would think your mother would respect or acknowledge the boundaries you wish to set regarding the permissible forums for her soul-saving work. I ask you to consider just how much risk would you allow your own children to subject your future grandchildren to. As long as she believes the risk is real and dire, your parental prerogative is a minor or non-issue to her.

Children are not simply the property of parents to use as they see fit. Respecting the rights of parents is not an end unto itself, but a means of safeguarding the welfare of children, a recognition that parents are usually the best equipped to judge and take care of their own children's needs. But we abrogate those rights without apology when we see real harm being done, like sexual abuse, imprisonment, etc.. Your mother feels real spiritual harm is such a likely outcome that she must take action.

Now I agree with you: she's WAY overstepping, but that's because I know the risk she fears is actually imaginary. At the root, you have a significant theological disagreement with your mother. Don't be surprised that it will cause friction.

(I didn't mean to presume to speak for you, and I apologize if I did.)

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Thanks for speaking for me, Johnathan *sarcasm*

Honestly, it's not just about eternal damnation. It could be -- but the overt effects of the visit are more evident in the now thrice and more daily conversations about what happens when you die.

It's about someone who has beliefs so deeply integrated into their own system that they don't even think that spreading their beliefs -- be it eternal damnation, stories about God, or explanations about heaven related to the passing of her boyfriend -- would be imposing.

It's one thing to walk around wearing a cross, or attend church, or hell, even read your Bible whenever and wherever you please.

But when it enters my own personal space, however that may be, particularly my parenting space, then I feel as though it's respectful to ask about it.

To me, in a way, she took advantage of an opportunity alone with my kids to preach. I'm pretty sure my daughter didn't bring up the death of her boyfriend. Nor did I bet she ask to be read the Bible stories.

It's the idea that for her, she doesn't see it as imposing. Whatever it might be -- going to heaven, going to hell, or even just talking about what happens when people die.

[Johnathan]

Kristen's mother (from what I can glean from this post) seems to think it's about eternal damnation. And I submit that the only people who'd think that respect could be more important than eternal damnation are those who believe that damnation either doesn't exist or is otherwise off the table.

Kristen has rejected (at least in action) a belief her mother deems important to her grandchildren. Consider the following with your own children. Let's say they grow up to reject your belief in, say, the equal status of women, and raise their children accordingly. Would you view that situation with equanimity? Would you try to sneak some of what you saw as essential knowledge to your grandchildren? Or would you defer out of respect?

Now consider that Kristen's mother believes the stakes to be MUCH higher.

(b, I wasn't suggesting any similarity between those three, just asking why Kristen believes she's more likely to be correct than any of them.)

[Angel]

I have been SO bothered with this issue lately; pretty cool that you decided to touch on it, too.

I was raised Christian, and I live with my Christian mother now. My ex-husband/best friend/boyfriend was raised Catholic but is really just as confused as I am. Our boys are 12 and 13, both having their next birthdays this summer, and we need reinforcement for the values we are trying to teach them. Both have an absent parent so all they have is us. We also have girls 4 & 6 together, also both having birthdays in July and September. Church does generally teach the same kind of values we have, but there are very notable exceptions, like the fact that we want our children to not only tolerate diversity of sexual preference, lifestyle choices, gender identity, religion, and so forth, but to embrace it.

I do believe in the community aspect of church, and the social support they often provide, and the fellowship of meeting with many like-minded people. But how do I take my kids to church-at least one of the kids will object strenuously-when they know I am unsure of my own beliefs. I don't exactly disbelieve, but I don't exactly believe either. Funny enough, paganism is the only religion for years I found that was in tune with what I feel in my own heart is the truth, but recently I discovered Unitarian Universalism, and I am really loving the idea of church without all the dumbing down and the rigid ideas of who belongs and what is right and wrong. The acceptance of all people, all beliefs is something I have found so lacking in other organized religions. Finally, a church I can feel GOOD about bringing my family to.

[Mom101]

I'm with b - I love the idea of approaching the various mythologies as just that.

But it seems to me like you have the right to make decisions about your own child. The same way meat might not "harm the welfare of your child," but as a vegan you would have the right to insist that your MIL not ply the kid with burgers.

As a parent, you can decide that you don't want your child exposed to Barbies or Disney or Nutrasweet or yes, even religious dogma. That's your prerogative as parent. Your mother can pray for your children all she wants. But when she teaches them something you don't want taught, a line is crossed.

It's not about religion or eternal damnation or anything else. It's about respect.

[Sara]

wow, the comments!

I feel you entirely. Let me tell you my church experience.

When I got my first son (from his drug addicted mother who was also my used to be best friend) several people in the church I attended at that time approached me about how I "couldn't" do this because he was sure to ruin my life. (he changed it tremendously but didn't ruin it) two years later I was told he could no longer come to sunday school cause he wouldn't listen. We never returned.

the church we currently attend, our pastor and worship minister had inappropriate contact (which ended up being that the worship minister (female) was seeking guidance from the pastor) someone started rumers and the leadership in the church (elders) decided to air their dirty laundry infront of a church of 6000, then had it written up in the paper and everyone assumed they had an affair even though it wasn't written as so. Then when they found out the rumors weren't true and the relationship was not sexual, the church refused to apologize, though they did offer the worship minister her job back but not the pastor. she didn't ake her job back, who could blame her?

I had big issues with that and tried to speak to the leadership about how on earth can they expect to teach forgiveness and understanding which is biblical to our children when they jump to conclusions and refuse to admit their wrong doing and guess what? They REFUSED to talk to me.

so yeah, i'm with you on the organized religion thing. It's just a bunch of sinners gathered together to pretend like they are better than they are. who needs that.

[b]

wow jonathan. her mother, benedict xvi and the ayatollah. there really is no difference to you? talk about judgmental.

[I'm Not Skippy]

I felt bad just leaving the quote from Dogma before (poignant though it is). So I came back.

Jesus spent his time with prostitutes and (shudder) tax collectors. He lived among the outcasts and loved them. He cared for the people no one cared about.

Today conservative Christians shun homosexuals, drug addicts, and women who've had abortions. . . those are the people Jesus would be with today.

Find your faith wherever you can. Most people look in the wrong place anyway.

[Sarah]

You know, I had the opposite problem with my parents. When we decided to send my kids to a Catholic school, part of the deal was that I had to agree to take them to religious services on a regular basis. Not necessarily Catholic, just church. We chose to attend the Prebyterian church that sponsers my daughter's Girl Scout troup. My daughter and I really felt welcome there, so we decided to get baptized and join. My son attends because I make him, but does not want to officially join and that's fine with me. My parents were concerned that we were getting "too involved" with the religion. As I told them, I go because I enjoy the experience, not because I buy into the dogma. My daughter feels at home there, and my son is learning how to behave in social situations. Our congregation is very welcoming, not judgemental and the concentration is really on good works and celebrating God's love. I told both my kids when they have to attend Mass at school that they should be respectful and try to find the beauty in the traditions and history of the church, even if they don't believe that the views are correct. If they can look past the politics and see how people find comfort in different traditions, hopefully they will be less judgemental adults.

[Suebob]

It doesn't matter what you believe, it matters how you behave...at least that's how I was raised. My parents raised us to be kind AND skeptical, and we came out, in order: pagan, pagan, Baptist, agnostic and new-agey Christianish. And we all get along.

I liked Bible stories as a kid but I didn't take them as fact. I am glad my parents let me choose my own path.

[Jane]

I'm proud of your mom - she is sharing something really important to her with someone she loves.

Now it's your job as a mom to discuss this with your daughter and help her be objective about it all - and make her own decisions.

[Lara]

i'm a catholic, and my faith is very important in my life. that said, there are a whole lot of other *catholics* in the world who probably think i'm going to hell, not to mention all the folks of other religions who think i'm just plain wrong.

i have no advice for you about your mom, but if you end up in hell, i'll be right there with you. we should do cocktails or something.

[Johnathan]

In case it wasn't obvious, I completely agree that your mother's desire to protect your children's souls should not trump your parental privileges. But that's not because I (or you, I assume) think parental privileges are more important than your children's welfare (which is why I brought up poisoning). It's because your children's welfare is not actually threatened.

Why I believe that is obvious: I don't believe in God, an afterlife, heaven, hell, etc.. Why _you_ believe your children's welfare isn't actually threatened is less obvious to me. You think God exists (and maybe even eternal souls?), but your mother's concerns are misplaced? Why do you think your vision of God is more likely to be correct than your mother's? Or Benedict XVI, or Ayatollah Ali Khamenei for that matter? How certain are you, and is that a risk you're willing to take?

[Melissa P.]

There is probably nothing wrong with your children learning all sides of it. But, the death part can be frightening to most children.
Perhaps, you can read the book with Q. and see how she reacts to it?

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Down with religions that control through fear and guilt. I'm right with you that these types of religions are limiting.

I always find it funny how certain religions are so judging and then try to cover it with the word "love". I'm sorry, worrying that someone may go to hell is an implied judgment.

I think it is disrespectful for your mom to disregard your religious ideas. But on the other hand, you will have more influence on your daughter than she will and she probably didn't teach her anything about God that she wouldn't pick up in a Christian-dominated society anyway.

(it would still tick me off though)

[submommy]

Kristen - just as a quick response - is your Mom focusing on the death aspect of the Bible and Jesus? Because I agree that at three - Q. just isn't going to get it. When K. was three, we just talked about being kind and doing nice things for people and used her 'Beginner's Bible' as a resource. You absolutely should be the one to filter what you think they are prepared to hear. Your mom should get permission from you. :)

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Honestly, poisoning a child on this earth and the fate of someone's eternal soul = that's a pretty big leap in my personal opinion.

It's illegal to poison a child. It's certainly not illegal to preach to your grandchild. It is, however, respectful to ask the parent if it's cool to discuss a dying boyfriend and how he's gone to heaven. Or ask if I've discussed it with her. I'm pretty sure my daughter wasn't asking all about the death of Poppy Bill. And I'm also pretty sure my mom used it as an opportunity to preach.

Do I really care that my daughter is now asking me 4 times a day if you can talk when you die and if you can walk when you die when I have already discussed the passing of my mom's boyfriend with her in full detail?

Not really. In the long scheme of things, it will be fine. And I'm happy to talk about those things with her.

I don't even REALLY care that she's obsessed with the bible stories.

It's all a matter of principle and respect. If my daughter wants to read those stories, then I will most certainly NOT say NO to her.

In fact, we'll probably be sending her to a Catholic preschool this Fall based on our options. Do I care that she might have to go to Mass and learn about *gasp* the Virgin Mary. NO WAY.

But it's on MY terms. Not anyone else's.

[mothergoosemouse]

I've been mulling this over for a few hours. I can see Johnathan's point, and I realize that your mother's intentions are good. She loves her grandchildren, and she loves you.

I still think that it's not her place to impart beliefs to your children that you don't share, just like it's not her place to supersede your rules in your home.

[Scout's Honor]

As long as she doesn't push it, a bible story here or there won't hurt. Look it as fiction. They'll need all these references when they start reading literature in high school and college, or else they'll be clueless. See it as an educational tool, and add your two cents.

I was raised Mormon and am agnostic. My husband was raised Catholic and is interested in Buddhism. We keep meaning to check out universalist churches as well.

I want to believe in something/someone who does not judge. Who loves everyone--no matter their sexual oreintation of faith.

By the way, we've sort of avoided religion altogether and now my eight yera old told me she doesn't believe in God. But she believe sin the tooth fairy and Santa. It's terrible, I know. My parents love us, but I am sure they think I am going straight to hell--especially since my eldest is older than my marriage.

Good luck.

[Maternal Mirth]

It seems like a lot of us have different opinions than our parents concerning religion. When my mom (who really is a WONDERFUL, amazing woman) starts in on all-things-bible-related, I just tell her "Hey mom, I gotta go! We are sacrificing a live chicken tonight and it just got loose! Feathers everywhere!!!"

[Melanie]

About the storybook, I agree, try treating it as just another story. A springboard for discussion.

This year around Christmas I asked my stepmom, a very spiritual and religious Anglican, for a storybook of bible stories for Cameron. I think that was the last thing she expected. I made it clear, gently, that I want Cameron to know about the stories, though made it clear also that I'm not into religion. I didn't go to church with them, but allowed them to bring Cameron (hey, gave me a morning off!).

Anyway. We have the book. And though he's only two, we do read select stories, and I treat them the same way as I treat fantastical stories like Where the Wild Things Are and Curious George. I hope to teach him to question and think.

[Angela in Ohio]

Another vote for Unitarians! Seriously, you sound like you might just be one and don't know it.

[Mamikaze]

I know that feeling. My parents are fervently trying to spare my daughters', niece's and nephew's immortal soul. I think they are steeped with guilt because the religiosity didn't stick to my siblings nor I. My husband and I did the church thing for a few years but we're not convinced it's th true path any longer. I even taught at a Christian school for a few years.
When my daughter brings up godstuff, we let her go with it. we have decided it is better to let her explore her own path. I don't want to discount my family's beliefs. It is just not for me at this point in my life. Organized religion has failed me more times than it has helped. at the same time I don't want my girls to be jaded and cynical as I have become lately. It's a hard place to be.

[Johnathan]

If you know what you believe, why not just tell them that? Or if you don't know what you believe yet, you should figure it out. It's not that hard.

Even if you're not sure, tell them you're not sure. Just be careful not to tell them one thing while acting another, or that lesson will trump any other you might try to teach then.

If your mother honestly thinks her grandchildren's eternal souls are imperiled, why would you expect her to just sit back and do nothing out of respect for your position as their mother? I assume you would intervene if you thought your child was poisoning your grandchild.

And no, your wishes and intentions don't count for anything here, no more than wishing that poison were sustenance.

(For the record, atheism provides more solace than religion as long as you're a grownup. It's the solace of knowing the world makes sense, with no omnibenevolent deity who still somehow allows plenty of evil to account for. The world doesn't stop turning and morality doesn't become meaningless, but things become _much_ simpler.)

[I'm Not Skippy]

His only real beef with mankind is the shit that gets carried out in His name. Wars. Bigotry. Televangelism. The big one though, is the factioning of the religions. He said, "Mankind got it all wrong by takin' a good idea and building a belief structure out of it."

— Rufus the 13th apostle, from the movie Dogma.

[Jamie E]

Hard. Sorry that you had such a poor experience with judgmental people, that sucks.

We are very Assemblies of God and totally read the Bible to the kids, they seem to crave it. The best part is at night when they say "pray for me mommy!" It's just very basic I put my hands on their head or hug them and simply say "Lord, I thank you for the blessing that [name] is, thank you for making me his/her mom and for making him/her my son/daughter. In Jesus name, Amen" It just helps to remind me that kids are blessings and helps to affirm them. Since I started this in the Fall, they behave much better and are more confident. It's neat. i hope they choose a good Bible believing church one day, that is my greatest hope for them. Eh, religion smligion!

[Shannon H]

My BFF went through a very fervent bible-thumping stage where it was clear she felt I was doomed to Hell (for being Catholic!) and that was a horrible time. Thank goodness she has mellowed or the friendship would have ended. So I can imagine what a wedge that puts between you and your mom! Personally, I think people should worry about their own eternal soul and not those of others.

I would also like to lend my voice to the chorus recommending the Unitarian Universalist church. It sounds like you want to give your kids "something" without all the organization and judgment and baggage.

[Joel Maners]

"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it."

-Abraham Lincoln

I always loved this quote by Abe Lincoln. Although I am a Christian, I don't really consider myself to be religious. I teach my kids that God cares about how we live our lives. Lost is not as much about where you spend your afterlife as it is about how you are living your life here and now. Also heaven is not so much a place as it is a relationship.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Jill in Atlanta -- Awesome. In fact, that's what a lot of secular parenting experts say to do -- don't just not do anything -- give them somethings (plural).

Submommy -- I agree that there is definitely various groups of Christians -- and it's not so much that I'm concerned about the Bible -- there are great stories to be told from it, my concern is how they are presented to my daughter. As a parent, we want to be able to filter certain things -- i.e. Noah -- super cool. Jesus dying on the cross -- um, not so much right now.

[submommy]

Ooh. Hot topic. I am a Christian, so here's my take.....

It seems that in the world, Christians are REALLY divided on the term 'judgement.' there's the bit in the Bible about "Judge not, lest you be judged.' This is where the rub comes in.

So, for me, the person carrying the sign at a soldier's funeral that says "God hates gays" is not behaving as that person should if he/she truly believes.

The God I know is love. To love, and to fill a need where you see a need (feeding people, etc). It's through our heartfelt deeds that we become closer God. I don't help out because I'm afraid if I don't the afterlife might be a little toasty. I do it because I want to share my blessings.

Proseletyzing isn't my gig.

Now, I have gay friends, non-believer friends, Jewish friends, and I let them be. If they want to talk about faith with me, I will. If they don't - fine, pour me another glass of wine. :)

Your little ones learning about the stories in the Bible doesn't have to be "Oh no! They're going to learn to be what I don't want!" It can be - "look, they're learning about selflessnes, love, etc." If it concerns you that it's one sided, there are MANY resources out there that can assist you in presenting more than one view.

[Jill in Atlanta]

As a Unitarian myself, but with inlaws who worry about my unbaptized children, I try to teach then to be open. For instance, when Bug comes home from Baptist Preschool and talks about "Jesus and the Bad Guys", I say "Yes, your grandparents think Jesus was God's son. Our family believes he was a wonderful man who taught us to be generous, kind and helpful. What other things have you learned that Jesus taught us?"

Our minister spoke recently about the topic. Since UU's are non-dogmatic, we tend to assume that our kids will figure out what they believe on their own. His point was that they need some structure- a starting framework- from us. Instead of avoiding the topic and letting all the relatives and schools teach our children, to get in there and tell our kids what YOU believe... "and when you're grown up you can decide what you believe."

[the new girl]

Oh, Lord.

Heh.

I guess there's no such thing as a 'free' babysitter.

[LiteralDan]

I'm not religious at all, but if it helps, you can take solace in the idea that your mom just loves you all enough to have trouble "watching you endangering your mortal souls" without trying to "help".

Just think of it as an alternate voice, and balance it with whatever other views you want.

I agree with your ideas about organized religion-- we only go to church when someone's being married in one.

If God's all they say He is, then He'll love and respect someone living a life as a kinder, more understanding person than many of the devout followers of some ancient earthly people's ideas of what it takes to get to heaven.

[Christy]

Hubs is furious when my family gives DD Bible Storybooks and teaches her Jesus Songs. He can't stand the "brainwashing" to start that young.

I was raised that way. I understand it. It's all they know. The kids songs and rhymes...they're all about Jesus, Moses, Noah, and Paul.

Never Job, though. Poor Job.

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

The only thing I guess I can say is, the reason she (and me too) pray for you, and she worries for your "eternal soul" as you put it, is because she loves you so much. When you truly believe in something, of course you want others to believe it too, because if you really believe, you feel that is what is "right". I mean, you wouldn't believe in it if you thought it was wrong. So even though you might not believe, or you have different views, and you're not sure what you'd like your kids to believe, we only do it because we want the best for you. And I know it goes both ways. I'm a Christian - I believe that God sent his only Son to die for my sins so that they are paid for and I can go to Heaven one day to reside with Him. And I'm sure people that I know who may not believe that would love me to believe what they believe, and it's only because they care about me and want me to be safe and happy. And on that level, I appreciate it. So I guess what I'm saying, it's one of those things that everybody has differing opinions on, and the best way to deal with it is to just remember that if it's someone who really loves you, then just keep remembering that love. There will always be people who just want to make you believe what they believe, regardless of whether they love you or even know you, of course, and I personally always try to keep my beliefs to myself unless the subject comes up in some way, and even then I always make sure to just say what I believe and why, and let other take what they want from that. I don't push people. It's not my place to judge. Everyone believes something for a reason.

*jumps down from soapbox*

Sorry about that, didn't mean to give a speech there. Just know that we love you and worry about you because of that love. It comes with the territory. And I'm sure that's how your mom feels too. And as for teaching your kids this stuff, one day they will figure out what they really truly believe, and it may be the same as your beliefs, it may be what we believe, or it may be something totally different. I guess all you can do is instill the wisdom in them to make good and smart choices, to think for themselves, and through those choices to be happy and lead fulfilled lives. And I know that with your love and our love combined, that can happen. :)

[Amanda]

You do what works for you. I'm an Atheist, a mother, a volunteer, a donator, a do-gooder. Somehow none of that stuff matters to some people.

[Stacey]

I am an ex-Catholic wiccan. A witch. My parents give my kids Bible storybooks & they worry about their spiritual upbringing but we don't talk about it. I don't mind the storybooks. I don't mind them learning about Jesus. I've even bought a Veggie Tale DVD or 2 for the boys. The message that we should love & help one another is good message, no matter what god is featured in it. The ones aimed at small kids seem harmless to me. As they get older my agnostic DH will insist they look deeper & learn more and I will continue to add stories & myths of other gods. What is important to me is that they believe in the Divine, how they choose to express that is up to them.

You should check around for a Unitarian Universalist church. They are wonderful places for people who find other forms of Christianity too rigid. They even welcome us pagans.

[Cheryl]

My mom is generally pretty good about keeping her religion to herself nowadays, at least where my kids are concerned. She asked my permission before she gave my son the Bible story book for Easter. But I probably won't let my kids spend a few weeks with her every summer like my nieces and nephews do. Not unless I'm there. Like you, I don't know what I'll be telling my kids about religion. We're not atheists at all, but we don't really go in for the whole organized religion thing for the same reasons as you.

[Jen]

In my bok teaching your kids to be good and kind counts for about 100% more than teaching them Bible stories. My FIL buys Bible-ish stuff for my kids and it almost always goes to Goodwill. It's just not something that I feel my children would benefit from. I get that my FIL is concerned about my children's eternal souls but seriously? A copy of "101 Bible Stories for Kids" is not going to change the way I feel or the way I raise them.

M FIL is especially adamant with the Bible pushing lately. Ever since I became a surrogate mother for a gay couple he's certain that I've damned my children for life by teaching them that being gay is ok (gasp!) and that what matters most is that parents are loving and caring and not that they're straight (shocking!) It's made for some fun get togethers.

[Kayla]

I will not touch on the religion topic because to ME it is important. BUT that is ME..

I just wanted to say - sorry about your sister....

Keila

[b]

Could you treat the bible and it's stories as you would a Greek or African myth? Mythology is interesting and entertaining to all children.

I am Catholic, by the way, and my parents taught us about all religions of the world as a cultural lesson. We studied all the "Great Flood" and "Creation" stories from Native Americans and around the world. It really didn't interfere with my faith formation at all. I think if you present the information as a legend you will be giving your mom a gift of respect and your kids the gift of understanding.

[Zellmer]

I wasn't raised in a religious household and I don't feel I'm the lesser for it. I also wonder how to teach religion to my children because I wouldn't know how. I think if you teach your children to love one another, and be kind to others, you're doing what any religion would teach them anyway.

[Karen]

You should be a Unitarian.

Seriously.

[MrsWaltz]

I just have to ask if that ill-disguised storybook contained any talking vegetables....? Because while I enjoy the funny legumes and the overt message in the ones my MIL has bought for the kids, it's the insidious little messages that bother me. Well, that and the bad science. (Which, frankly, I should have expected, huh?)

[Amanda]

Oh how true! I think your mother and my in laws must run in the same circles. My in laws never miss a moment to teach my 6yo about the Bible. I'm surprised they havent' told him I'm going to hell, but I figure they're too good and "christian" for that. I think you can be a good person without organized religion.

[Christina]

Amen to that!
Sorry, just had to.

My ex has taken our kids to his church for many years now. I don't like it (the church) and I believe they are a bit "out there" in their teachings but I've always been the "heathen" voice of reason. I've made sure to point out that they are going to touch a lot of people in their lives and they need to have an open mind. They are strong in their beliefs but they don't follow all they have been taught by the church. They take from it what they need and leave the rest. I'm so proud of them. BTW: They are 21, 19 and 17. And they love their "heathen" mother.