Not Exactly the Conversation I Wanted to Have With My Mom at 5am On the Way to the Airport With Both Kids Awake in the Car

"And can I suggest that you get Drew circumcised because I never realized how many bladder infections a woman could have until I married your father and you know, you should really pee before and after intercourse and I had to take sulfate tablets all the time because I got so many bladder infections so you should really do your son's wife a favor and get him circumcised because that foreskin on his penis is a little red right now."

Or, I could teach him how to keep it clean when he gets older. PS: This pregnant mother of two thanks you for the tips on intercourse, Mom, as well as the horrible indelible images of you and dad having sex a lot. Like I needed something else to make me barf.

Comments

[stacy]

My son is intact and my inlaws and mother never even noticed for the first 18 months of his life. It wasn't until it came up in random conversation that my mother became horrified. I mean she saw the damn thing 4, maybe 5 times over the last two years and never noticed? Has this woman ever had sex? ugh.

[SherE1]

Yeah, I'm not sure why our moms think that just because we're adults, we can handle hearing about their sex lives (or lack thereof). It's NEVER ok for them to talk about it - NEVER!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

AND PS -- I don't believe there is a correlation.

Perhaps if had kept his penis to himself (I truly believe he cheated on my mom many a time), that might have made the difference.

Alas, I left that out of the conversation.

Maybe it was good that she did it at 5am so I was barely coherent.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I'm just pretty sure he had a dirty penis.

And that means I've had to think about it.

And that is just plain wrong.

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Gack! I will use my awesome willpower to not drag out my no circ'ing soap box.

Perhaps you should have turned the psychological tables Kristin? I mean, think about it from a mental point of view. What was up (or down) with their sex life that she was so pissed off that she'd get a bladder infection so many times?

[Jamie E]

Having two uncut boys...the more I learn the happier I am about the decision. Does your mom get that you can only remove it once? Unless the guy wants to go thru a somewhat painful reconstruction later? There are only so many decisions you can make for your kids, I am so glad my sister only had girls-then I'd be competing with the way SHE raises her boys...urgh! Good for you btw!

[Sara]

Reminds me of the time my mom informed me that during menopause, you can get "a little dry." And that if her husband were "better at it" he would get more. And that she was pleased to find out while dating him that it was "really big." I guess she figured that I was old enough to be told these things, but clearly she was WRONG.

[Dana]

I can't stop laughing. I keep remembering the time my mother tried to talk to me about sex after I got married and she said it was painful the first time she and my dad had intercourse (which makes me giggle. My mother won't say the word "sex" in front of me).

I was like "Eww! Shut up!". Then my dad says, "You shut up. If we didn't do THAT you wouldn't be here!"

That may be true, but it doesn't make it any less uncomfortable to hear aboout!

[Redneck Mommy]

Good god, if my mom ever started talking to me about my father having a dirty peen, I think I'd keel over dead.

That is not an image I need bouncing around in my head.

[Motherofbun]

Eeek! And when you're in a car there's no place to hide or run away. Well, a replay of THAT conversation will keep you awake (and icked out) for the rest of the day!

[jaelithe]

Ahem. As you know from my stint on your radio show, I have, indeed, experienced both types, if you know what I mean, and I can say without hesitation that I suffered no unpleasant side effects.

[Christina]

So how long until Q tells her daddy "Drew's penis is a little red."?

Who brings up that topic with a 3 year old in the backseat? Did she forget that preschoolers repeat EVERYTHING?

[Michelle]

Oh god, I'm such as asshole. I read that wrong!

I'm so anti-MIL that I thought you were talking about you MIL!!!

SORRY!!!

[Michelle]

And the reason you haven't said to this woman, "Go fuck yourself" is what?

It's been high time for how many months/years?

She's "lost" her baby boy to you, so she's trying to claim the penis of her baby boy's son. Very sick and Freudian if you ask me.

That's the only thing I don't hate about my MIL. She didn't have it done to my hubby who was born in 1973 (in the South!). Now that's something.

[mothergoosemouse]

She's conspiring with your huz, isn't she?

[Roxie]

On my last day in the hosp. after having my 2nd son. Some old nurse came in to go over what to do at home, when she came to the circumcision part, she paused and then said "YOU DIDNT HAVE HIM CUT?? THATS JUST UNCLEAN!" I resonded "well, we're dirty people anyway"

[Mom101]

I am just blown away that this hasn't devolved into a circ flame war yet, which nearly overshadows the ew factor of that entire conversation.

[b]

Gross. Why do parents forget that we are never old enough to hear them admit to having sex?

[kablina]

Yep, I don't believe that has anything to do with one's partner being circ'd, unless, as someone mentioned, there's a serious lack of attention to hygiene going on.

I came up with a reply to comments about this, having 3 uncirc'd sons now: We're going to let them make that decision themselves, later, when they are old enough to do so.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

SciFi Dad -

OR, she just hasn't told you... (heh)

[mamaloo]

So how does the (presumably) icky uncut member give a woman a bladder infection? I think your mom was having sex wrong. It's not supposed to go in THAT hole!

[SciFi Dad]

Uh... uncut man here, and in eight years of unprotected sex with my wife (shh... we haven't been married eight years) she has never had one bladder infection. But she's probably just really lucky or something.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

"you should really do your son's wife a favor and get him circumcised because that foreskin on his penis is a little red right now".

What, do you plan to marry your son off next week?

I do think parents go crazy with age.

[Mara]

FWIW, I get bladder infections and UTI's a lot, but my husband is circ'ed. So were the men I was with previously. I think some women are just more prone to them for whatever reason, and it is probably not due to the hubby's equipment... unless he's really unsanitary or something, which could apply to any guy, circed or not.

[Amanda]

I walked in on my parents having sex when I was 17 . . . I started crying. No, I mean BAWLING. The image of my dads hairy ass is still burned into my brain 14 years later.

[TheFeministBreeder]

I have a friend who has chronic bladder infections. Drs can't figure out why, and they've tried everything. Now this makes me wonder if her husband isn't circumsized?

I guess I found something to Google for the day.

[Cassie]

I don't care how old I am, I still don't want to hear about anyone in my family having sex or talking like that! My uncle apparently thinks its okay to talk about sex in front of me now (now that I'm pregnant and have obviously had sex is the reasoning I suppose). I do NOT want to think about him and my aunt getting it on!

[RubiaLala]

That is hilarious!

[Christy]

Wow. Lovely images to dream about en route to SanFran. Just the way you want to spend your time in First Class...

[Nicole]

That's just wrong on so many levels.

And because I'm so juvenile, every time I think about circumcision, I think about that scene in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" where the Rabbi has the mini guillotine gives a demonstration with a carrot on how he "clips the tip!"

:)

[MrsWaltz]

Just so you know, my uncircumcised son is now 6 and my mother-in-law is STILL harping on this issue (at any and all times, and let me tell you, dinnertime is actually much worse than 5am). So be prepared to continue hearing it for many more years. Some grandmothers seem to have an unhealthy concern for their grandson's penises...
Wish I had some advice for a response that would cease the conversation, but I don't. Let me know if you happen to get any good tips from anyone; I could use them.

[Bill]

My wife isn't circumcised and we haven't had any problems. What? It's not the same thing? Oh. :)

Why do everyone's parents go crazy as they get older?

[LiteralDan]

I agree-- that's just not a good conversation at all. Having it at 5am, in the car, and around the kids is just piling on.

Does she read your blog? lol

[hthr]

You always need to be on guard en route to the airport ... they don't have to deal with the anger/silent treatment that is sure to follow from telling you what to do. gah...you're so not alone there...

[Rebecca]

My mother has been a nurse for 40 years and is constantly advising me to have my son circumcised too. I informed her that modern nurses have actually boycotted circumcisions,so there :P

[Suburban Oblivion]

And to think these are the kinds of things I miss out on by having no relationship with mine. I'm so jealous :P

[Kathy from NJ]

My husband was not circumcised, we've been together since October 1969 and it never caused any problems.

[Amanda]

That's why there's a rule about not talking to mommy in our house in the mornings. You should make this rule and extend it to your mom. I have 2 early bird boys who think 6am is a perfectly acceptable wake up time. I don't do mornings at all. They can ask me for breakfast and tell me if they're sick or bleeding until I'm ready to deal with other human life forms (after caffeine).

[Caren Story]

Thats terrible! She could have at lease emailed it to you if she really felt the need to explain it that way...ewww....

[ImpostorMom]

Um....ew

I'm not sure that's a conversation I want to have at any time of day, much less 5am.