Okay. So Maybe I'm Not As Grown Up As I Thought.

It's only fair that after I write a mature and all-growed-up post about understanding my truly good fortune in this extremely difficult world we live in my husband received word that he must indeed do 45 days with the Guard unit in Delaware.

Yes. I know it's not 90 days. And I know it's not a year deployment.

But it still sucks.

To be clear, I'm not moving up there. I ordered moving announcements for God sakes. I'M NOT MOVING.

After a few days of going it on my own again, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. The weather has been gorgeous so we've been able to enjoy our deck and our yard and the most genius invention ever made for two children under 3: THE WATER AND SAND TABLE.

And I'm actually getting things done -- scheduling midwife and pediatrician appointments, interviewing doulas, getting preschool applications in, drilling and screwing in a freaking lion proof baby gate. Now I'm most certainly not scrubbing baseboards and my hands have yet to touch the vacuum, but the house is picked up at night. The kids aren't reciting Shakespeare yet, but Drew is waving "hi" and "bye" to all passers by, including stray dogs and the UPS man.

And I'm only staying up to midnight so I can do that thing called "work." Technically, if I can keep my brain in Central Time Zone, that's only 11pm! Not bad at all.

Thankfully, the Messiah has returned -- at least to my home in the form of a lovely older Brazilian woman who is dying to babysit. Alternating visits from Michael Vartan and Aidan Shaw (Sex and the City), in the form of a large pink vibrating cone, are set to begin early next week. And hello, Grey's Anatomy!

Truth be told, it will be nice to have an extra excuse to visit my friends and my mom. And if I'm desperate for blog fodder and need a good reality check, the in-laws. And being pregnant in Philly, ala water ice, cheese steaks, and pizza, isn't so bad.

But I do wish we could all be together again. That he could be with me at the ultrasound when we find out who has been craving salads and fruit. And go shopping for furniture. And choose paint. And pick out porch chairs.

We've got a lot of shit to settle. Not just with this house, but with our relationship. Admittedly, the 15-minute a night phone conversations don't hurt what has been a rocky four months. But every time I see him, it's like we're starting over. We're treading water.

We're not getting anywhere.

But it is what it is. Now off to gaze into the night sky at the beautiful bright stars.

Comments

[MommyMoments]

I'm so sorry you have to go it alone for a while... I remember those days when my hubby was in the USMC. I hated deployments. He's not in anymore, and almost never leaves home, and we still have our rocky months... and months... It gets better... I wish I could reach thru the www and give you a big hug...

p.s. nice cone!

[Vicky]

I am in the same boat. I keep getting these miserable crying jags too about how much there is to be done at our place and how little time we have between his regular job, the house flipping business we have and his trips overseas for work. We aren't connecting and I feel a bit at sea and alone.

It sucks. I'm trying to hang in there but some days are just worse than others.

[Ella]

Hi - delurking here because I'm starting to understand that bloggers can (maybe?) see who (sorta?) is reading their diaries and I'd imagine that would be a little freaky, especially because we (lurkers) could be freaky people (which I guess I am, but of the normal mom variety, not the lock the door and get a restraining order variety). So no comment specific to this post, just saying hello and thanks for getting another mom voice out there for those of us like me who've, due to kids' school schedules and baby's nap schedules, etc etc have felt entirely held hostage this winter...and have found some company in reading that our normal mom experiences are just that. Anyway, thanks!
Good luck with your time solo parenting.

[ellen]

I always think these kind of comments are annoying, but here goes - what kind of water and sand table do you have? I just read somewhere else that it's the best thing they've bought for their 2/3 year old and I haven't seen one.

[Zen]

A lot of marriage is treading water, but most of it is done during the babyland years. Soon enough you'll realize you were in shallow water the whole time and can get up, walk to shore, and shake the sand out of your butt. Not that you have sand up your butt. I'm just saying. Shallow water. Not that you are shallow. It's just...

Oh, jeez. Some delurking comment I got here.

[canape]

And I was just bitching about my husband being gone for 7 days.

I'm so sorry, Kristen. I wish he didn't have to go.

[SherE1]

It really IS tough being a military wife. I'm not one but my Dad was in the Navy so I remember all the moving and him being gone often. I always wondered how my Mom did it. Props to you for staying strong.

I was trying to convince my husband to let me buy the water/sand table and he said no eff-ing way. Boo! What a party pooper!

[Hyphen Mama]

My husband leaves for ground school TOMORROW. I've been crying myself a river about being alone with 2 kids for so long, but now I'm going to go buy a water and sand table!

[ScientistMother]

I feel for you. I have no idea how you manage so many days on your own. It will be ok, because you do love your husband and he loves you. More importantly, you're aware of the issues and dealing with them, instead of sticking your head in the sand. good luck.

[Kayla]

I have a question that is only slightly related to your current post. HOW do you go about finding midwives and doulas in your area.

I am in the NJ Metro area and considering a water birth. I have no idea how to go about it. Clearly I am going to do research adn read up on it all to find out if this is even an option. However, I feel clueless when it comes to finding out who, what, and where? Any suggestions.

YOU ROCK and love your post.

[Christina]

On the other hand, you can arrange your dishes in your cabinets however you please without him rearranging them, right?

Long distance is hard, and I can see how it would be tough to constantly change between a long distance and an in-your-face relationship. Hopefully you can weather through this period and work on your relationship more when he comes back home.

[H.E. Eigler]

That really sucks to be doing it on your own because you must be so tired! But maybe some time to yourselves will help.

[mothergoosemouse]

Mmmmm...Michael Vartan.

I think I need a water and sand table. I mean, my kids do.

[Heather]

Pregnancy hormones often don't help when things are rocky anyway! My hubby is counting down the days for when he can "get his wife back" instead of this hormone-crazy woman who gets mad about little things.

Hey, at least I know I'm irrational I guess.

[mrs. chicken]

Not to dismiss how you feel (I would freak out), but I think a lot of marriage is treading water. I feel that way a lot and we see each other all the time.

On the other hand, I can't imagine having to be without my partner for such extended periods of time. Hoping that his absences grow less frequent and that you finally get to be a family. Because you deserve that.

[Oh, The Joys]

Oh. Your comments go UP. You were RESPONDING to Kathy.

I'm so quick.

[Oh, The Joys]

(Can I call you Kathy, too? Heh.)

Let's do something with the short peeps.... (or leave them with Brazillians) Yes?

[b]

You are NOT treading water. At some point you will realize the current has taken the two of your further than you thought. I know, I've been there. We'll probably go there again. It's worth it, I know it is b/c my parents have done it and they still hold hands and dance in the kitchen 43 years later. It wasn't alway easy for them either.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Hey Kathy -

Not a bad idea! We've actually got family up there, so I probably would just stay with them.

And it's actually not Dover :)

[Kathy from NJ]

Just curious, did he do the two week survival training yet (usually in Washington state)? My nephew is in the ANG - he flies the C-5. Maybe for visiting in Delaware you can do a Bossy-type thing and ask other bloggers to host you & the kids for one or two nights. Also many of the larger bases (and I pretty sure Dover AFB is pretty big) have very affordable hotels on base.