This is My "Mommy Blog."

You'll always remember my name, right Mommy?, she asked me yesterday, floating through the kitchen in her fairy wings and knee socks.

Of course I'll remember your name, I told her. 

*****

When you make it through the blur of babydom, it's surprising how much is easily forgotten. Pictures capture brief, fleeting snippets of time - some posed, some not - all goofy, joyous, and proud.

But for each of the 10,000 other moments that were steeped in frustration and confusion, I have no physical record. They sit in my mind's eye, a flat canvas in my head that is slowly fading. Its vivid animation lost in the annals of my tired mind.

The rough feeling of the bald spot on the back of her head that we thought would never grow back. The ache in my arms from rocking her to sleep every night that I thought I'd always have to do. The salty taste of my midnight tears as I held her in the ER after she broke her leg.

That is the beauty of motherhood.

The rough edges that are never quite sanded. The sharp points that bruise but bring texture. The remnants and scraps that don't fit anywhere else.

I package these edges, points, and scraps as best I can, in tidy little stories. Sometimes funny. Sometimes not. For times when she and he and the one soon to be ask me "Do you remember, mama?" and I can no longer laugh or cry and say "Yes, little one..." and recount it like it was yesterday.

For that time when I might stare at their faces, now older and wiser, and grasp their sweet hands in mine and not be able to tell them one single story about their life. Or mine.

They will change and grow and leave and become.

And whether they ask me every day, or never ask at all, and whether I remember their name, or am left to live inside my own head, staring blankly out at a life I do not know, I want them to know my story. And more importantly, I want them to know theirs.

These words will live on past my memory of my daughter's name.

This is my mommy blog.

Comments

[Greer]

This is such a beautiful and inspiring story!

[tαylor; [flowerchild.]♥]

You're probably thinking why a 13 year old would be reading blogs like this one..and better yet taking in the knowledge and words typed on this screen, ..which is by-the way beautifully told.
*I've never lived in the kind of moment you've lived in - (of course) - for i'm only thirteen.
♥But..blogs like this...
well, help me understand the nature of adultry/motherhood.
Of course I can't magically popinto the screen and soak up the feelings and emotion in this story- and understand it., or better yet - live through it.
But, for now all i have is knowledge.
+When I'm 25- or so..
I'll reach this point in my life.
I'll know what to do - and what to say.
Of course the feeling might be a lot to take in at the time, but blogs like this would help me
understand the nature of it.
& when i feel the wonderful feeling that I'll feel - I just might be onto something :)

taylornichelledavidson.[♥]

[tracey]

now I am a sobbing puddle of mommy tears. this was an equisite post K.

[caramama]

Beautifully said. And thank you for saying it.

[Bobita]

Wow.

I absolutely burst into tears at the last line. Perfect in every way.

[Lauren Horsley]

This post has just re-arranged my priorities! I've been neglecting my "mommy blog" about my family lately to work extra hard on a "mommy advice" blog I'm trying to get off the ground. But it's my memories of my little ones that will keep me warm at night when all is said and done. Thanks for the wake-up call.

[Tater and Tot]

Perfect.

[Christy]

Wow. This is my first time on your blog but I felt compelled to say that you make me proud to read Mommy Blogs every day. You go girl!

[ohne Schufa]

I like my mother. I wishesh this mothers day. It would have been so wonderful even for my mother. Mothers were facing the same challenges and loneliness.

[submommy]

Can't....type....weeping....

[ramblin'red]

Perfectly stated.

Exactly why I began blogging.

[Tara-Lynn]

Love this post! All so very true...

[Jennifer]

I'm reading your blog for the first time, and WOW, this is one amazing post. It expresses perfectly everything I feel but could never express quite as eloquently as this.

[Binky]

Beautiful post about a sentiment I think about a lot. If I didn't have writing, I'm not sure I'd have any memories at all.

[Mom101]

Why am I crying? Ack, why?

[In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

Amen, Kristen, amen.

[Janine]

How true. I did actually scrapbook my oldest sons trip to the ER, which I guess is a little weird.

[Amy in Ohio]

I love your "mommy blog". Beautiful.

[FishyGirl]

I think this is the best post you've ever written, Kristen. Beautiful.

[beth]

Thank You!

[Dorene]

Beautifully written. And so very, very true.

[Rachel]

And now I'm crying.
That was beautiful Kristin- though it totally needs a kleenex alert or something at the top.

[BOSSY]

Words living on past remembering anyone's name: for Bossy that happened a couple of years ago.

[Emily]

Lovely...

[Heather]

EXACTLY!

[Melanie]

Beautiful! Well said.

[Undomestic Diva]

REPRESENT.

Nicely said.

[Miss Britt]

That was amazing.

[White Hot Magik]

Exactly!

[Angie in Texas]

you gave me goosebumps.

[Pamela]

My mother died in 1998, and it's these things -- stories from my childhood, details about big events in my growing up -- that I miss the most. Like her, without a mommy blog, they are gone forever.

[Clink]

I went from tears of laughter (TNG's post this morning) to actual tears. This went right to my heart.

[jodifur]

Beautiful. And oh so true.

[Amanda]

*SOB* You made me CRY!

[SciFi Dad]

That pretty much summed it up for me too. Well said, and even more well written.

[the new girl]

Oh, AWESOME.

Did I say AWESOME?

Because I meant AWESOME.

[Zellmer]

What a beautifully written post. And such a true sentiment.

[Heidi]

Can I just say that this blog is a breath of fresh air for those of us who do not look at motherhood as a perfect experience.

I love you! (not in the creapy stocker sort of way, and not in that lesbian way either)

You ROCK!

[the farmers wife]

Mommy blogging serves an important purpose beyond simply chronicling your children's childhood. Of course, I'm sure you know this.

My children are quite grown (25 & 27) and I wished and longed for something like the internet back when they were young. As moms we were truly isolated.

It would have been so wonderful to be able to "meet up" with other moms and who were facing the same challenges and loneliness. It might have saved me from the depression that struck.

My question is, do you read beyond your demographic? Do you read blogs written by older women who have already traveled through child rearing? I'm just curious if there's a multi-generational cross-blogging thing going on or does everyone stay in their zone?

- Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

[VDog]

Great writing. Well said.

Now I just have to keep up with *my* mommy blog. heh.

[Felicia]

That was breathtakingly awesome! You go girl! By the way saw the Today show thing. YOU LOOKED GREAT!!!

Felicia

[mamagingertree]

Beautifully written. Exactly why I started to blog. My own mother sugar coats everything. I want my kids to know all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly.

[jeanie]

Yep - this CERTAINLY beats going through the 8 years of photos and putting them in plastic sleeves with little fades comments beside.

[Jana]

Besides the love, this is one of the best things that a mother can give.

Your words said it all.

[Lotta]

So many moms told me "write it down" or "take a picture" because you think you'll remember this but you won't. And it's true. I would give anything to time travel back so I could sit and smell their baby heads.

[Maternal Spark]

What an incredible post. You've captured it so well, and there ARE so many little things that will be forgotten. I too feel compelled to journal and write and photograph as much as I can. Great writing, thank you :)

[Kamrin]

(crying on keyboard)
Perfect. So perfectly written. So perfectly true.
Thank you for verbalizing it.

[All Adither]

Mommy Blogs Unite! MBU.

[dcrmom]

Beautiful.

[mothergoosemouse]

It's blogging that makes me feel as if I'm adequately documenting my children's lives, even if their baby books are blank and the photos are still stuffed in envelopes.

Thanks for putting it so beautifully.

[lmayes]

Perfect. Exactly.

[Christina]

Couldn't be said any better than that.

[McMama]

Beautiful. And perfect.

[mrs. chicken]

Exactly. Lovely.

[Marlynn]

Beautifully written! I love this post. Thank you.

[Jenny]

BRAVO Kristen. Standing O.

[Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You]

Perfectly said, Kristen. Perfect.

[soapbox mom (formerly bmgmom)]

Oooo, that is absolutely beautiful. Yes. That's what it's all about.
Fabulous post.

[Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You]

Perfectly said, Kristen. Perfect.