The War of the [Decorative] Roses

This weekend my husband and I had a knock-down drag 'em out fight because I bought a new kitchen set without his input.

You would have thought I had sex with some dude on the kitchen set by the way he reacted.

It's an ongoing issue that has caused me much decorating strife throughout our marriage. It started when I discovered a slew of extremely scary knick knacks while packing his apartment up before we moved in together. I mean, a single dude with knick knacks other than a few beer steins is a little weird in itself, but the fact that they included a decorative glass bowl full of origami (apparently made with love by an ex-girlfriend) and a wooden representation of the front of his high school was extremely disconcerting.

It first actually affected our relationship when I was decorating Quinlan's nursery with a cute, subtle animal theme and he brought home some fucking Disney Babies border from Big Lots and insisted on putting it up in the room.

"But it was only 99 cents!" he explained.

"That's because no one else in their right might would buy it and put it up on their wall" I replied.

My husband must have his hand in every decorating purchase and every design decision, right down to which quilt goes on my daughter's bed. Granted, it wouldn't be so bad if he was home more than two days a week and he had consistent good taste. But for the most part (save a few items that we've actually agreed on), his taste is a pattern called "Good Deal" or the "Must Be On Sale" Model.

It's not that he doesn't want quality items. He just has absolutely no desire to pay anywhere near full price for them. So instead of buying items that we truly need (which I tend to think warrant sometimes bypassing the "Best Deal in History), we don't buy anything at all.

Now that's great when you're cruising a store for a golf shirt and some underpants that you don't really need, but not so great when your family is still sitting on some crappy couch you bought after pilot training when you were 23 and probably had super single sex on for a good solid 5 years.

He raids the Ross wall art sale aisle, which has included a $10 "God Bless This Home" picture and a Celtic Cross with gold accents, just so we have something to stare at while we sit on the aforementioned couch and accent chair, also known as a "Joey & Chandler" navy blue leather recliner.

A few months back I got brave and bought a coffee table set from Pier One (on sale) and a cool decorative mirror while he was out of town. I still hear about both purchases, even though anytime I let people venture past our door, it's the first two things they mention loving.

Surprise! Only the in-laws have mentioned the beautiful Celtic Cross.

So when I told him about the kitchen set, the one that would be replacing our old crappy one that only has two chairs so we have to use my daughter's bedroom desk chair (nice touch, right?), I shouldn't have been surprised that he freaked out. Of course, he had already seen it and had said in the store that he liked it. And since he's never home, I figured why not check one thing off the 100 + item list that we try to cram into our very short weekends together and just buy it.

But that didn't matter. He still had a few choice words for me.

So I told him I got the delivery and taxes knocked off the already low floor model price and all was well with the world.

I just didn't happen to mention I had to give the salesman head in exchange.

Comments

[Jasi]

My husband is okay at decorating. I'm the style reject. I'm okay, I just don't have -any- idea how to match colors. At all.

[caramama]

Hysterical!

We have a similar issue, for different reasons. My hubby really cares about how things looks and wants to participate in the buying, but we've got very different tastes. We usually meet in the middle on things we both can agree to.

But... We had hand-me-down furniture in the family room for almost two years. I really really wanted particular couch that he said he didn't really like (for looks, not that he'd tried it). So we bought nothing. And he hated the hand-me-down couch because it was so uncomfortable. Finally, he told me to buy whatever I wanted for the room because he was sick of the old furniture (and my complaining hehe). I bought the couch I loved, and guess what? He loves it! It's SO comfortable! He also loves the shelves I bought.

I'm on a roll... what can I get next???

Point? Complain more. And occasionally flip out about how the room doesn't work. They cave quicker.

[Heidi]

I don't think men care about the BJs as long as you get the good deal. LOL

[ArtGirl]

My uncle died recently and all us neices and nephews were given the opportunity to take a few items from his house. My uncles house was filled with gorgeous antiques. My husband's choice? "Let's take the big TV!" I felt like asking him, "Should we see if he has a waterbed, too? Or a massage chair?"

[Jamie E]

What? The nerve of your honesty....such a lonely word. No marriage is without frustration, it's nice to hear the imperfect life-cuz I am sure everyone of your women readers can relate. I am just happy to hear that it ended happily for you, the salesman and your hubby.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I'm easy, JaL. I mean, if I give head for a kitchen set, who knows what I'd do for an entire house full of furniture.

[Just a Lurker]

Do you need any other furniture?

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Well, crap. I never thought about negotiating for free stuff when I was young and giving all that (free) head.

J/K, mom!

[Shannon]

All trolls aside, one would think the hubs would be relieved to not have to spend his few days home schlepping through stores, kids and pg wife in tow, trying to make a decision on what set to get. My DH would just be concerned that it was sturdy enough for whatever activities we choose to embark upon it. (get your mind out of the gutter, I meant arts and crafts with the kids!)

[deb]

as long as you didn't give him head (or as i affectionately refer to it-hummin the bobo) on the new kitchen set.

[swirl girl]

Hubby gets two rooms to decorate. The garage and the 'throne' room!

www.swirlgirlspearls.blogspot.com

ps- we ditched the neon bar signs and beer steins ages ago.

[Anne]

It's definitely a pilot thing. You know the Grand Canyon was formed when a pilot dropped a quarter? He's still looking for it. And please don't make any decisions until he gets back.

[Jennifer]

My husband occasionally picks up an item for our house.
For example, a shower curtain that was literally the color of Cheetos, purchased because it was "cheap." To which we had the old "It was cheap" "But it's ugly!" "But it was cheap!" argument that seems to happen everytime he buys something for the house.

[Luann]

methinks Katie is your mother in law in disguise.

[dorothy]

last sentence = hello, Diet Coke up the nose.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Hooray for the Internet -- I always knew you had a fucking sense of humor.

Now I had better watch all my Neil Patrick Harris references.

[MommyMoments]

Wow.. i feel super lucky.. Hubby & I actually agree on most things each other wishes to purchase.. Similar tastes... WOOT.. Mind you when Hubby was in the USMC, and got deployed anywhere, he'd come home to a completely rearranged/mostly remodeled home... thank goodness it only happened once every couple of years...

[Karen (Submommy)]

One more thought.....because I can't help myself.

My hubby is a good man. He's an honest man. He works hard, and he's an amazing father.

He's also a human being and we don't always see eye to eye on things like speakers. And afterwards, it makes a funny story.

Lighten up a tad, Katie.

[Jenk]

I constantly hear it about how I like to paint walls an actual color instead of leaving them white.

If it were up to the Husband we would have white walls, white floors, white couches, white rugs. We'd be living in Toddler Hell.

I just go for what I like and pretend to listen to the bitching. I like to spend that time day dreaming about chance encounters with Hugh Laurie.

[margalit]

A good friend of mine is married to the biggest cheapskate on the planet. They bring in well over 200K/year together, but he will not allow her to spend ONE cent on anything for the house without his expressed permission. But he gets furniture for the house often...from the dump. I'm not making this up, the man hangs out at the dump on weekends and grabs what other people are tossing out.

Men!

[maegan]

My parents are the same way ... they're re-doing their kitchen at the moment. My stepmom is one of those people who would rather pay someone to design the kitchen, as long as it looks nice she doesn't mind. My father has to micromanage everything, from the hardware to the finishes. Which wouldn't be too bad if he wasn't currently in Baghdad. Yes, he is designing their kitchen via email from thousands of miles away. It's taken six months to even pick out the cupboards.

[Mrs. Flinger]

My husband had a spreadsheet (noshit) about what garbage can we were going to get.

Of course, I uttered the words, "I'm not ovulating" and took a positive pregnancy test three weeks later, so I guess I have the upper hand.

And now I'm going to clickclickclick and contribute to the fund. ;-)

[VDog]

I thought we were *supposed* to belittle our husbands?? Isn't that how we keep them in line? ;)

Thank GAWD I don't have this problem - huz picked out ONE couch in the house and that's it!

[the internet]

Dear [katie],

You posting privileges on the blog [Motherhood Uncensored] have been revoked in light of the following infractions:

[x] rampant stupidity
[x] poor humor
[ ] tasteless Neil Patrick Harris reference
[x] clear use of a keyboard under the influence of paint thinner
[ ] Boston fan

Though not immediately reconcilable, progress may be made by:

[x] placing your computer in an oven
[ ] drinking Dave's insanity sauce
[ ] sending money to the retarded kid actors fund
[x] seeking education. maybe reading. start small. think sesame street.
[ ] moving out of Boston
[x] making friends

In addition, please try not to read anything that you might find confusing or difficult to comprehend (specifically, anything away from kids.yahoo.com), as we've observed it to incite aggravation in similar cases.

Good day,
The Internet.

[Amanda]

Luckily, the hubz does not care what I buy or decorate with as long as he has "his room" to go to. BTW, "his room" is currently pink from when we bought our house and he's not even in a big hurry to paint it. LOL.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Emily -- Free furniture?? That's always a good reason to hand out blow jobs.

[Suebob]

You are disgusting! I hate you! Please write some more posts so I can come back here and spend some more time hating on you! My life is rich and full, yes it is!

[Karen (Submommy)]

So, I just read my own comment, and perhaps a little self-editing would do me some good.

a cow?

Where am I? Did I cross over in my mind with PW?

[Karen (Submommy)]

This sounds like a similar argument that hubs and I had RE: gigantic "my penis is bigger than yours" black and faux wood speakers that he wanted right in the front room where they would a cow positively assault every visitor that dared darken our doorstep with their hugeness, ugliness and SOUND.

I won.

And, even if he had a hissy fit about it - you did too. Heh.

[katie]

So because your blog makes half the money means it is OK for you to constantly belittle him? Would you care if he bitched about you so crudely at his work?

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Katie -- I actually make half the money that comes into the house.

And feel free to click around and pity him more. It'll pay for nice seat cushions to go with my new table and chairs.

[Smilf]

LMAO - I guess this should make me happy that my husband doesn't give a rat's ass about our home furnishing purchases eh? HA! Love your blog!

[katie]

Boy, you are disgusting. You have no respect for your husband, his opinions or his hard earned money. I pity him.

[Emily]

Wow I guess I didn't realise how lucky I am to have a husband with good taste and who likes to buy stuff for the house. He is quite practical but he has a good eye and is often right about how something will work. Guess that means I have no excuse for blowing salesmen!

[Sheri]

DH decided to play a great trick on me while we were registering, he claimed he loved black laquer furniture and African art. I don't have much love for either. I ended up crying. I couldn't imagine waking up in my bedroom everyday with some funky mask on my wall and my shiny black furniture.

Turned out he was joking. And I do the decorating here.

Glad to hear you can seat your entire family at your kitchen table.

[Rachael]

Wow, I feel lucky now. My husband sometimes helps, but when we furnished after moving from a one bedroom condo to a three bedroom house, I picked almost everything! He has a few things he wants around - some of them are a little hokey, but for the most part our house ends up how I want it. I won't take THAT for granted anymore...

[Jessica]

My husband is still, seven years later, bitter about the fact that I chose, purchased, and hung curtains in our bedroom while he was away. He hates, hates, hates the curtains, but the only acceptable alternative in his mind is Roman shades, which we priced when we first moved into the house, and he rejected as "too expensive." So, if it were up to him, we would have spent the last eight years with a master bedroom with no window coverings AT ALL. And that would have been preferable to him to the lovely drapes and sheers that I purchased at a huge discount at a once-a-year sale by the manufacturer. Call me crazy, but I'm just not that into being awakened by the rising sun at 5 a.m. or having to strategically arrange to get dressed somewhere other than my own bedroom, so that people on the street below don't get an eyeful through the bank of huge windows that is an entire wall of our bedroom.

[Sean]

I would love it if someone decorated so I didn't have to!

[Jessica]

hilarious!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

"Go ahead honey you pick" would make me orgasm, Destiny. Those are words that turn any woman on, I think.

[Average Jane]

My husband has very questionable taste in furnishings, but fortunately he leaves most of our decorating to me. I got a little worried when he mentioned neon beer signs when we began discussing our new TV room...

[Vicki]

LMAO!! I don't have this problem. My hubby and I have the EXACT same taste in almost everything. The only things we don't agree on are the shades of wood stain we like. He goes darker, I go lighter. But we can usually meet in the middle. My hubby actually has excellent taste. My only objection is his stuffed deer head and when we buy our house instead of rent, he's gonna get a room just for his *crap*...I mean stuff.

[Meg]

guess i got lucky all i had to do was make sure that a few Greenbay Packer things made it in the decorating, that thankfully i could pick and then i could do whatever i wanted.

[Destiny]

I so can relate. I thought guys were suposed to be like, "Whatever honey, you pick" or at least not notice when we do venture to buy something. But NO. I had to marry the guy that likes to make joint decisions about EVERYTHING. I didn't know he was like this until we were registering for our wedding registery... world war 3 in Target and Dillards. Sorry, but I so relate.

[mothergoosemouse]

Kyle will not be happy until every square inch of our walls are covered, a la TGI Fridays.

[J from Ireland]

Ha ha thats very funny, best of luck to you dealing with it.

[Stacey]

Mine has furniture issues too. It's not that he wants the marked down stuff, that would be a step up. The man is 41 years old, been married for 15 years, has 2 kids and is still scamming friends & relatives second hand furniture! Our current sofa set belonged to my parents. They bought it when I was 21. I have a gently used 20 year old sofa set! Before that the sofa can from a friend who was moving to NYC, he'd gotten it from his grandma who had originally bought it from a used furniture place.
First thing I'm doing when he dies is use the insurance money to buy me my first ever brand new, no one else has slept on it or had sex on it sofa.

[Awesome Mom]

This post could have been written by me. We FINALLY just bought couches for our house after ditching our nasty old ones when we moved. It was a constant back and forth about price and him wanting hideously overstuffed awful colored couches (but they were cheap). It was rough going but we ended up with a set on clearance that we had looked at weeks ago. Luckily with the economy the way it is we did not have to worry about it getting snapped up super quick.

[Chelle]

What does a guy have against having nice things? I would like to have nice things but they always end up ruined by either the kid or the cats so I'm waiting until all are gone before I start.

[Undomestic Diva]

I can't put a single nail hole in our precious walls without Candy Ass having a heart attack.

But the best is when you actually do buy something together and even though he was a part of the purchase, somehow you get the resentment afterwards when it doesn't turn out to be the super-duper-deluxe whatever.

Not that I'm bitter.

[Jerri Ann]

whatever works hahahaha

[Bethiclaus]

Heh. My husband seems to have the opposite situation. I don't want him to feel like it's my house and he just lives here, so I try to get his input about home purchases. It's not even that he doesn't care. He just doesn't want to spend any time looking at stuff with me. Good for me to see that it could be harder.

[Becky]

Oh, I get all fired up when my hubby tries to get in the way of my decorating. He is so frugal, and really doesn't see the need for two adults to have adult furniture, so we have had some choice words about this as well!

I think we've finally reached an agreement. He gets the bar in the basement, I get the rest of the house. :)
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

[Bethany]

I will consider myself lucky! My husband doesn't care about the house decor as long as he has a place to plop his ass.

[Susan Getgood]

We're currently having a similar debate over a picnic table. We need something for our house in Vermont and it would be an understatement to say that we do not agree about what to get. If he had his way we'd have something like the plastic and aluminum monstrosity that graces our deck at home (a relic of his 1st marriage).

[Christina]

I generally run big decorating purchases past my husband, although he rarely has much of an opinion. It's generally the "go with whatever you think is best" opinion from him most of the time.

But occasionally he has a very strong opinion about something random like an end table or a bookcase, so I don't think I could ever pick something out without him looking at it first.

[Brighton]

I used to be married to a man just like that- turned out he was gay. (and no, I'm not kidding)

Now my new husband lets me decorate my home my way. His words were, "Why the hell would I care about wall colours, I'm a guy". Exactly.

Enjoy the table. Head is a small price to pay : )

[Alison]

Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

If it's any consolation, my husband has quite similar taste. I ignore him.

[Jaci]

Oh, I hear you! It is a huge fight just to get him to rearrange furniture, let alone let me buy decorations.

I should have known I was in for it when his apartment was covered with his mom's homemade doilies and Star Wars action figures. Blech. When I shoved the doilies in a drawer, he said, "But they've always gone there. It looks weird without them." When the Star Wars figures went in a box, I had to talk him into it for "protection of his investment". Men.

[Mrs. Chicken]

My husband has great taste, but he would dither all day about what we should get. You should have seen us trying to choose a nursery color for the new guy. He questioned me right up until it dried and now it is so perfect that he had to concede that I was right.

I know it hurt him, and I was glad. :)

[jaelithe]

I am so glad my husband admits he has no taste most of the time and lets me decorate.

(I did have to hide his velvet wizard poster, though. Yes, I am serious.)

[Janet]

I'm married to a cheap bastard too. It's gotten better over 18 years (perhaps because I make as much money as he does) but now I find myself explaining/apologizing/giving a heads up about purchases. It's a control thing but one that falls under the 'pick your fights' category.

[b]

My husband's gripe is that I don't put enough pictures of the family up on the wall. Never mind the sort of frames I find "wall worthy" are always "too expensive" and "We could get something just like that at Wal-Mart for 1/2 the price."

[sandi]

Hehehehe.. you made me snort this early in the morning!:)

I am glad you went ahead and purchased it!

[Dawn]

I hear your pain! My DH and I once got into a knock-down-drag-him-out fight in Target over what bath mat to purchase... a bath mat for crying out loud! I couldn't believe how much testosterone he lost during that argument...

[psumommy]

Wait- is he more upset about not getting on a clearance sale, or that he wasn't part of the decision?

My hubby calls me up and says things like "Honey! Today was trash day- you'll never guess what I found for the kids!" (In his defense...he actually did find an awesome train table for my son this way.)

[Jess]

LMAO well as long as you go the delivery charge and the taxes knocked off having to blow the salesman should not be too big of an issue.

[Yup it's B scale]

Control issues? No, just being married to a "B" scale pilot is all. My wife is an FA and was married to a pilot and she says their cheapness is legendary.

It's so bad that the mechanics at Flight Ops glue quarters to the floor outside the Pilots lounge and watch all of the regional jockeys bend down and try to get them off of the floor.

[Juli]

LMAO!! Holy cow, it must have something to do with being a pilot! Mine is the same way! So is my FIL, lol. My MIL told me to just buy it when he's gone, let it sit in the garage or storeroom for a while (like a week, lol), then when he asks, tell him we've had it for a while. :X ROFL!!! I feel your pain! Mine's gotten better, though, b/c he's been told on numerous occasions that such purchases may be the deciding factor on him ever having sex again.

[MrsWaltz]

It's hell being married to the kind of man who notices $h!t like that, isn't it? Why can't they just be obligingly oblivious like the rest of their species....?!

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Does someone have control issues?

[divrchk]

When I met my husband, my wife had put fake flower arrangements, including swags, all over his house. He was OK with how she had decorated his house. When we moved in together, I dealt with them... However, since he's military and we move all the time, they never saw the light of day in our next home and his taste has been improving ever since!

[The New Girl]

Oh. no. he didn't!

OMG. Very funny post, btw.

If that's any consolation.

[Amanda]

Good thing your husband isn't deployed. Mine got deployed right after we moved into a new house. About 15 months later, it was painted, decorated, and sans our red "Joey and Chandler" recliner that I've hated since I moved in with him.