Droopers.

Let's just say, hypothetically of course, that a certain husband with a widely known affliction comes home from being away for seven straight days to relieve his tired, pregnant wife for one full day and in trying to "make a move" calls her boobs "Droopers."

How would you, again hypothetically, direct this mom to respond?

Okay shameless pimpage here, but my AllTop button is a finalist -- thanks go to Prescott from Imperfect Parent for making my "words" come (heh) alive. Go check it out and PLEASE VOTE. First of all, it's hilarious (I promise) and for all the work he's done, he deserves an iPod Touch. You can vote once a day every day. (Yes, you have to register and it's a little annoying but humor me).

Comments

[lurker]

I am not sure about naming the "girls," but I have been advised that men all name "Mr. Tiny" so that we won't have a stranger making 80% of our decisions for us. Just saying ...

[Lotta]

Say nothing. Then the next time you're getting busy look down at his dick and say, "Hey shorty!"

[ArtGirl]

Tell him the FedEx guy likes your boobs just the way they are.

[Modern Baby Blankets]

Men. Why do they have to name everything??

[Jennifer H]

SciFi dad beat me to what I was going to say...

[Amy]

Three words: two angry inches.

[Angela]

Wow...Just wow.

I might have said that if he didn't like it, I'd be more than happy to get a boob job...after he got snipped. There's just something about even mentioning a vasectomy that has my husband running for the hills.

[Jamie E]

my daughter asked me if her boobs would be floppy like mine when they got bigger. I told her not right away.

[Cecilia]

Droopers? Is that the same as a size 36 long - oops - I mean a 36D?

[Manic Mommy]

"D Cell"? Damn, I'm underpowered.

[alicia]

I think my new nickname for his penis would be "my pwetty widdle gherkin", said in most annoying baby voice.

[Becky]

So, tell us, how did you actually respond? :)
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

[kat]

Any time my husband said anything "off" during my pregnancy, I would burst into tears. Boy, that trained him fast.
Of course, now, it doesn't work so well. But if he kills the mood, he doesn't get any.

[Karen (Submommy)]

"Ok, soft & puny, let's go!"

How's that?

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Ok, I totally voted for you. Are you really from Illinois??

Steph

[mom, again]

my husband named my belly.

no, I don't mean my pregnant belly. I mean, the leftover still hanging around though the kid was schoolaged belly.

[dana]

I think you should find a horrible awful name for his penis and use it in public -- does he embarrass easily?

Suddenly "Princess Sophia" comes to mind. Damn that Kate Hudson movie.

[Morgan]

Ohhh man! I would have no idea how to respond...

My husband recently called me Bertha (as in... Big Bertha -- yyeahhhh), which didn't go over so well in this hormonal, butt-expanding state I'm in. When I said, "WHY would you think that would be okay to say?!" he replied with, "Well, I just meant... you're going to... give... birth?"

Yeah, no.

[Bree]

man, what a snot. my husband made some pretty unappreciated comments when I was pregnant as well -- all "in fun" according to him. *sigh* I think I'm with MamaLaina on how to respond to "Mr.canbereplacedbyDcellbatteries". At least, when I bring that up, it gets *my* husband to shut up every time. ;-) Good luck!!

[jennielynn]

Oh wow. I thought my hubs was tactless. I hope his foot isn't taking up all the room in his mouth. He may need to get Mr. Tiny in there as well.

[Rachael]

I agree with Jen, I think the way to go here is to hold it over his head. Forever.

[Wendy]

My husband laughed and told me the other day that I look like one of those native women on the Discovery channel. He said this when I was sitting on the couch without shirt or bra.

At least he didn't say it right before sex. But really he doesn't have to say it then. Picking my boob up from under my arm so he can get it in his mouth *always* makes me feel sexy. :P

www.notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com

[bek]

I know it is your life and not funny, but your husband makes me laugh b/c I can actually HEAR him say that. I realize I don't know you, but I have been reading so long..I can't help it. At least you have something to blog about..

And, btw, that midwife needs to be slapped. I have a newborn with Down Syndrome (we found out at 20 weeks) but she had NO markers. None at all. We had an amnio for something else and voila, found the T21... if anything the medical community should DOWNPLAY the chances w/ the markers. ROughly only 40 -50% of T21 kids have the markers and just b/c you hae the markers doesn't mean anything really... I wish they would stop doing that to parents...

Hang in there..

[Jen]

The first time my husband and I were "together" he took one look at the space between my boobs and, wide-eyed, said, "Wow! You could fit a third one in there." I cried like a baby and 8 years later "third-boob" is our code for anything really stupid and hurful that he says. So, since you'll never be able to foget it anyway I suggest holding it over his head forever.

[Jill in Atlanta]

After the "Mr.canbereplacedbyDcellbatteries" suggestion, what's left? I'd also send him packing to the sofa or actual doghouse (if I had one).

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Mr. Canbereplacedbybatteries:

HAHAHAHA.

And oh so true. Sigh.

[MamaLaina]

Hypothetically (of course), I would ask him where he and Mr.canbereplacedbyDcellbatteries are going to sleep tonight because you and The Drooper girls will be unavailable for visitation for quite some time.

[Undomestic Diva]

With one big ka-ra-taaaay chop to the scrotum.

[Mrs. Schmitty]

With a swift kick to his droopers!

[Sheri]

What would I say???

Before or after I hit him????

[the new girl]

Oh LORD.

Don't you wish they had MEDS for that condition?

I'm with SciFi Dad.

[Catherine]

I wouldn't respond. To any of his "moves". EVER. AGAIN. I really think your husband wins the award for saying the dumbest shit. Mine's pretty bad though-when I was pregnant he said we should go to Hawaii (???) so he could enter me in Sumo wrestling contests. Men are idiots.

[Lisa]

I might be inclined to tell him that I hadn't realized until recently, and didn't want to say anything to hurt his feelings, but he's droopy too, must be an age thing... then I might point out a gray hair on his sac... and ask him if I can pull it. Cuz I personally don't want to look at an aging sac... all gray and droopy, getting wrinkled... yikes.

[SciFi Dad]

11 comments and none of you ladies has come up with it? OK well then I'll have to...

You tell him that's the new name for his dick, because it isn't going to be called anything but "Drooper" tonight.

[Kayla]

Hmm..Of course I would remind him what a little dick he has when he says something clever like "my dick ain't little" I will punch him dead in the nuts.

Hypothetically of course!

[Awesome Mom]

Um well a frying pan to the head sounds about right.

[Michele]

My husband once used a conversation about how we should start our own business picking up dog poop as foreplay. So I wont judge.

Droopers? OK, I am judging.

[Multi-Tasking Mommy]

I think I would just laugh at his feeble attempt :)

[Dani]

I have to say there would be violence involved.

[carolyn]

The Look. The tired, pregnant, oh no you di'n't look.

[deb]

ummmm...a gentle kick in the regions of his goody trail

[akakarma]

Oops, there goes my libido too! Darn because I wanted some....

[sandi]

Screw you? that might come out first.. or umm.. thanks a lot Brad Pitt maybe?? :) just sayin...

[ng]

Hmm... I might be inclined to call his penis "Mr. Tiny."

[mom2divas]

The word Fu@k would be somewhere (probably several times) in the "conversation".