Sideways

After waaaaaaaaaaay too many bad interactions with my midwife, I decided to kick her to the curb (or the stirrups) and find someone new -- someone cooler, someone closer, and someone with a fucking sense of humor.

"And, do you hang out at any crack houses or meth labs in your free time?" she asked me.

Oh, we're going to get along famously.

Hathor-fetus has been quite the elusive one, head bumping me in my ribs and kicking me in my bladder, which led the new midwife to do a quick ultrasound to confirm that the girl is lying sideways. With much optimism, she's pretty sure that the baby will slide down in a few weeks to that lovely head down, feet kicking my ribs to hell position.

And if not, we'll worry about it then.

It's amazing how a lot, if not all, of my concerns have dissipated just from switching over to a new midwife, and talking to my doula.

Too bad it didn't suck away my hormonal mood swings.

Welcome to the pissy-bitter-don't fuck with me trimester! Need to tell someone off? Call me.

Now I get to worry about the good stuff. Like who's going to watch my kids when I go into labor. And what the baby is going to sleep in since we don't own a bassient or extra crib.

And what the hell we're going to name her.

At this point, Blog is sounding really damn good.

--

*I'm updating the Blog the Recession page with new participants and prizes, as well as my links sidebar with some cool links and contests -- including this one that asks a question that I asked readers on my blog awhile back: Are you THAT Family? (The prizes are two $250 visa gift cards. Definitely participate).

But you're all clicking through, so you should know this already, right?

Comments

[emily]

You look great!! I hated name suggestions, as I knew exactly what I was naming my babies and did not want any opinions. But if you don't know yet- I'll throw a couple out that I like... Piper, Isla, Jacy, and Orangejello. Good luck!

[Kayt]

Awww, baby belly! I've been lurking for a bit, but I can't help but unlurk for a moment. I'm 22 weeks pregnant with our first, a boy, and I look at *least* that pregnant already. Your belly is so cute.

We're having James in December, but he would have been Daphne or Sylvia if he was a girl. If you like unusual names, http://appellationmountain.net is a great place to get reasonable but unusual inspiration. Good luck!

[Karyn]

You look incredible. My belly is three times that size and I've not been pregnant since spring of 2004.

Can we hear more about the naming wars? I love wading through baby names. What are the options? Besides Blog, I mean. And Nortorious.

[rachel]

Your belly is adorable.
Glad you've gotten someone new and with a sense of humor. That is so important!

[Kara]

If you have a minute check out the Amby Baby website. Our three month old loves it, and he really, honest to God, does sleep better in it. I sleep with it right next to my bed and since you love to travel sooooo much, it is really handy for that too. We just spent a month back with my folks and took it with us, forgoing the usual problem of baby getting used to sleeping in something different. Just my 2 cents.

[Jennifer A]

Your new midwife reminds me when I was in the hospital two years ago, after they thought I had a stroke and person after person asked me if I did drugs. I finally said to one nurse, yeah, I have a meth lab in the back of my van, run a test if you don't believe me.
I may have to borrow you to deal with a co-worked. Me telling him off has left no impression

[Wendy]

I'm glad I'm not the only one in the don't-fuck-with-me hormonal trimester. It's gonna be a fun 8 weeks around here. I wonder if it's possible to bite your OWN head off?

[Jamie E]

Huzzah! Hi there third trimester sister, ain't it grand? Congrats on the new midwife and hope you find that perfect name for your angel.

[Marylin]

I just clicked through to you from one of my friends' Blog the Recession badges, something I'm definitely up for participating in, thanks for thinking it up!

Ya look great in your belly shot - such a cute lil tum :)

Hope all goes well for you with the rest of the pregnancy!

[just beth]

How about Beth? Like Bethany, for instance. It's a LOVELY name. And most Beth's are just SO COOL.

:-)

You are gorgeous, by the way. Sideways baby and everything.

xo

b.

[TNG]

That's a cute belly in your beige world.

ps. You want I should send your Moses Basket back to you?

[Angella]

I am of the opinion that each subsequent pregnancy should consist of a shorter gestation period. The novelty of the first pregnancy is long gone...

We liked the name Naomi, but after having a Nathan named our daughter Emily. Isabella was a runner-up. Common names, the last two, but classic. Naomi is traditional but not as common.

Picking baby names was TORTURE for us. Good luck!

Also. Here's hoping she turns!

[Susie]

I try to get all my friends to name their girls Evangeline. You got your nicknames of Eva or Angel and it is unique and beautiful. So far no one has done it and I am done having babies.

Really pretty photo.

[prescott]

I'm partial to "Crayon".

[Claudious]

Congrats on getting a new mid-wife, you look amazing! The last trimester is the most frustrating and painful time (and that's speaking as a husband, I can hardly imagine it as the lady)

[Lucrecia]

That is the only thing I liked about the last trimester - just saying whatever was on my mind and not giving a flying fuck if anyone cared. That and making my husband go buy me Ben & Jerrys on any given whim!

[Tara R]

you can have our crib... as long as you can get it to your place ... I should mention I live in northeastern Saskatchewan, Canada :)

[Leah]

You look great! As for girl names, I am partial to Isabella (my daughters name) but here are some others I liked:

Amelia (mia)
Emma
Ella
Emily
Addison

[Dana]

Just so you know....I hate how fucking gorgeous you are. Seriously! How do you do it? When I was 7 months pregnant, I looked like a swallowed Jonah AND the whale.

You do know I really don't hate you right?

And yay to the new midwife. That other bitch was crazy.

[Christina]

I won't bug you with girl names, because you know I like Shakespeare girl names, but I will say if she continues to remain sideways, let me know and I will share my tricks with you. I managed to turn Mira at 36 weeks, since she was trying to follow in her sister's birthplan by being breech. I know just about every way possible to turn a baby.

(And I highly recommend the Arm's Reach co-sleeper. We loved ours. Get it on eBay - far cheaper.)

[NG]

Babies can sleep in a drawer for the first few months, right? I'm voting you name her, "Three."

[Amy @Taste Like Crazy]

I'm personally partial to Caroline but I might be just a bit biased. ;)

Having been 32 wks just a couple of weeks ago, I can say with great authority that you look wonderful.

Bravo to you for standing up for yourself and getting a new provider.

[Amanda]

There's a "pissy don't fuck with me" trimester? When does it end? I've got a 7 year old and a 21 month old, and I'm still in that trimester LOL. Maybe it's because they're both boys and run around like little hooligans at home.

[Theresa]

You look so wonderful. I never had that cute, round preg belly. I was just HUGE. EVERYWHERE!!!

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

Also, I'm glad you switched because Fuck that bitch in her fucking ear hole. That's all.

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

MINE IS TOO! Sideways! Ugh! So uncomfortable! I feel like one of those photos of the Cranes when they swallow you can see the fish all stretched out in their necks. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, my Doctor said she should turn by 32 weeks. Uh... my 32 week appointment is Monday and still no turning. Que Sera, I suppose.

So I'm with you. Literally because I'm pretty sure we share a due date.

I wish I was one of those earth-mamas who posed naked and pregnant to celebrate their growing bodies. Instead I just want to cry.

[Rachael]

I am SO glad you switched! Those stories were bad. Love the belly :-)

[Emily]

God I love how you kick ass (and look great doing it)! Good on you for ditching the humourless midwife - I would have responded to the meth lab question completely deadpan with "Only on weekends" -crazy beeeotch! belly is adorable...

[Vicky]

BTW, we can't decide on a name yet either and so we are opting for - wait for it- Couch Manhattan.

No, you cannot have it.

[Vicky]

32 weeks on your third kid and you look like that? You rock! I looked like that at 32 weeks first kid.

I too am entering that trimester full of low toned Clint Eastwood talking, slitty eyes, fickle behavior and general bitchiness.
It's oodles of fun for the whole family.

[Katie]

i have an Amby bed and highly recommend them. i bought it on ebay, slightly used. love it.

[Alexandra Hancock]

Yay for cute belly pictures! I hope she doesn't beat on your lungs too bad. Jesse is 6 ft and I am 5'2" so you can only imagine what super human lengths my son was inside of me. god I was glad to push him out and get my tummy back.

Is it bad that I am excited to read your blog posts from here on out. Crazy pregnant hormones = good times!

[Tina]

I just love how open and honest you are it is refreshing. No bs going on here.No sugar coated gum drops. I love it and may I say you sure do make one lovely pregnant person. Not like me I looked like someone took a blimp and shoved it up my ass and it bulged out everywhere.Good luck with the new midwife I envy you for having the balls to do it natural.You are woman hear you roar.

[Jane]

Very cute pic Kristen!

So glad that you got rid of bitchy politically incorrect midwife #1. I just caught up on the oriental comment.
Get a bassinet off of craigslist or some other site like that. We sold our $200 barely used bassinet for $40 on craigslist a few years ago. It's the best place to find good cheap baby gear that people only use for a few weeks/months.
Also, I'd rethink the name Blog! What about Mulan? :)

[Melissa P.]

You look great!

How about Isabella and call her Belle?

[scatteredmom]

I'm Canadian so I can't enter the Are You That Family contest, but I wrote a blog post about it anyway. It'll be posted tomorrow (August 9)

[Jen]

Adorable tummy shot!

[Elisa]

So glad you found a midwife who doesn't bug the crap out of you. You'd think they'd take things a bit lighter, wouldn't you? Positive thinking and peaceful pregnancy all that.

[caramama]

First of all, you look fantastic!

I'm so glad you found a new, good, and funny midwife!

Also, I have a tub like that, but in my third trimester, I could not get enough hot water to cover my belly. Apparently our tub (and my pregnant body) is bigger than the hot water heater. Grrr. I hope you don't have that problem.

Finally, you are the queen of all blogdom if you name your child Blog. HA!

[Issa]

Dam it and here I was thinking that Blog was a great boy name.

I've got girl names coming out the yin yang. Not a boy name to save my life.

[Wendy]

Good for you for getting a new mid-wife. The other sucked rocks. You still have some time to figure out a name and all the details. Don't stress it too much.

How about Golby or Colby for a name. The first one has Blog in it, but sounds kinda weird. So that's why I said Colby.

[LiteralDan]

Take comfort in the fact that a lot of people who aren't necessarily pregnant at the moment are sending you bitter, angry thoughts at you looking so good when so pregnant.

[Kris J]

Awww. And I didn't know you were in Arkansas

Me too!

[Kris]

You look amazing! Congrats on your new zen (ha!) state after finding a way kick ass new midwife. Hope the girl child slides down for ya soon, b/c who doesn't love a few broken ribs to hang over the kid's head? As for the pissy,don't fuck w/ me trimester - give 'em hell, while you still have a visible excuse ;)

[Miss Britt]

Oh please, PLEASE name your baby Blog.

[Jen]

You look great.
I think you should name her..wait - I shouldn't tell people what to name their babies!
Good Luck with that - I'm sure it'll be perfect.

[illahee]

sadly for me, my 'don't fuck with me' trimester was the first one. *sigh* you look great, i'm insanely jealous.

:( about the 'that family' contest. sadly (again), am not in the US. too bad!

[motherbumper]

I think you should name the baby Katie (totally biased here). And now that Kayla has pointed it out, I want to move into your tub - is it for rent for a wee family of three?

[Lynette]

you are alllll baby! I remember the last trimester (aka...the please is it over yet? phase)

[Juli]

You look great! Happy :-) Glad you found a new midwive. :-)

[The Yummy Mummy Cooks Gourmet]

Ah! The "pissy bitter don't fuck with me" trimester. Yes, yes. I remember. (I just shuddered thinking about it)

You look awesome by the way. Huge. But awesome. You'd never know you were anything, but in a calm state of zen.

I'm new. Love your blog and how many times your say "fuck" which I think is cool.

I linked you and I'll be back for more swearing.

Kim

[tata]

My last pregnancy (with boy), I became infuriatingly non-confrontational, even docile. I'm not docile, dammit! So good for you for telling everyone off! Give it to whomever pisses you off a little extra for me, wontcha?!

[Kayla]

Notice I never said anything about getting out... Think about it.. you get in and you are done, perfect excuse for the husband "Honey I did not cook because I got stuck in the tub"

Hugs

[Jill (CDJ)]

How cute are you!?!?

And speaking of the pissy-bitter-don't-fuck-with-me trimester... I'm thinking someone needs to market fake pregnant bellies that women can wear around when they're having a particularly nasty don't-fuck-with-me-day, because who's going to argue with a pregnant woman (other than my husband, of course)?

[mrs. chicken]

You look fantastic. Hoping your girl slides into place, but if not, I'm your go-to girl for c-section questions and queries! :)

[Motherhood Uncensored]

HAHA Kayla. It is an awesome tub.

Although these days, once I get in, I can JUST barely get out.

[Kayla]

Leave it to me to completely ignore you and your belly, and go straight for the tub!!! MY GOD you are so lucky.. I think with a tub like that I would lose my job because I would never ever come in to work.

Your belly is so cute.

Girl Names - I think Kayla kicks ass;)