You Try Getting Your Husband to Wear a Vibrating Leather Cock Ring

If you've read my blog for any amount of time, then it's not a secret that I write a sex column. And while the material is not literally lifted from the walls of our bedroom, closet, or whatever kinky places people think I have sex in, I do tend to use my own sexual experiences as material.

(Duh).

The only problem is that when you're barely having sex, it's sort of hard to come up with new stuff to write about.

And it's even worse when you're on a deadline for Sex Toy Smackdown: Couples Edition.

Now the truth of the matter is, sex toys are actually great for pregnancy, when, save you few weirdos who find pregnant sex to be the equivalent of the rapture (well, if you're into Jesus and all), intercourse is pretty damn uncomfortable.

But, when the sex toys involve someone else (either you or him) actually wearing them during sex, it becomes a bit more complicated, mainly because the last thing you want, especially after not really having sex for awhile, is to be all crraaazzzzzzzzzy in the bedroom. Crazy is great when you can move around on your own.

It's not so great when sex feels like someone is giving you a vaginal exam with a paper towel roll.

Even so, I'm determined to write this column and therefore must convince my husband to wear the extremely popular vibrating leather cock ring -- leather because apparently silicone and pubic hair do not mix well.

Youch.

I know my life should be so terrible that I have to beg my husband to wear a sex toy and have sex with me. Woe is me. 

So, the first time I brought it up he said "Can you not say the word 'cock' around the children?" Of course, they were asleep in the backseat of the car. But because I like to be annoying, I just kept saying "cock ring" over and over again.

And that was the end of that discussion.

And the last time I brought it up, we avoided it altogether and just tried the female smackdown competitor, also known as the We-Vibe, which according to my super secret sex toy tester is fantastic, particularly for post-partum mamas.

For very pregnant moms? Well, it's not the greatest when used with someone else.

So, that leaves us with the damn Vibrating Leather Cock Ring.

And based on how this thing looks, I think it requires at least one or both parties to be drunk because damned if either of us can put it on with a straight sober face.

But if my sources are correct, then it's definitely worth the hassle.

So he's just going to have to grin and bear it. Or in this case, wear it.

Comments

[Alexis]

the we vibe is the Greatest !!

[Retro Jordans]

Have found your web page. My pal mentioned it to me before, yet never got around to checking it out until now. I must express, I’m floored. I really enjoyed reading through your posts and will absolutely be back to get more.

[Adam & Eve, Cock Rings]

"I just kept saying "cock ring" over and over again."

LOL!

[Sex Toy Hunter]

Thinking about the leather cock rings, I think it's better to use it with a condoms or I am just lazy enough to think how to clean well.

Anyway, I love your post. That is one of a heck of an experience.

[Becki]

I would pay good money to see how many people found this blog after Googling "Vibrating leather cock ring."

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Dear Neil -

Please don't talk about my husband's cock.

LMFAO.

MU

[rachel]

Can't wait to hear the review. Someone was 'plurking' about that not too long ago and they raved.

[Neil]

I'm a little naive about these things, so I very curious to hear about this experience from your husband's POV.

Let me explain why.

Recently, my mother bought me some leather sandals that were on sale at TJ Maxx. I have never worn sandals in all my life, being a sneaker-type-of-guy. A few weeks ago, I went into Manhattan to visit a friend and we were walking in Central Park, and the heels of my feet were both incredibly uncomfortable, so much that I could hardly walk. I looked down and saw that the leather strap had irritating my skin to the point of blisters. I told my friend that these TJ Maxx sandals were a piece of crap, but he said "not necessarily" and that my reaction to the sandals was "typical." He said that I had to work them in, much like the leather baseball gloves we used in Little League together, so the leather gets softer.

He was right. Eventually, my heel became less sensitive and the leather strap a little softer, and now I can walk miles in my TJ Maxx leather sandals.

Which brings me to your husband's cock. Did it take to the leather immediately, or did it take a while for it to adjust to the leather, much in the same way as my heel needed sufficient time to get used to the strap of the leather sandal?

[motherbumper]

Now I'm going to walk around all day thinking the words "vibrating leather cock ring" and you know I will inappropriately blurt it out at some point.

[Jayme]

My personal favorite is the Diving Dolphin, very powerful (we don't really use the "high" setting), cheap, and the cords don't get in the way. We've had ours a few years now.
http://www.nitetimetoys.com/toys/detail/diving-dolphin.php

[Karen (Submommy)]

Cock ring. Is that, like, a guy-brator?

[Maura]

Love it! Can't wait to hear how the experiment comes off.....

[bridge]

Laughing here:
Things I cannot get my husband to wear, and a cock ring goes without saying ::sigh::
1) Cologne
2) Rubbers (thank god for hte vasectomy).
3) Sunscreen
4) Clogs
5) The color salmon

[the weirdgirl]

Actually, my husband surprised me with one of the silicon ones and it was fine (you know, on the hair). That leather one looks pretty, but think about cleaning it! Yuck!

[Vicky]

I like how the ad says its "stylish" like it's what all the men are wearing this fall.

[Vicki]

LOL. My hubby said that thing made his "junk" go numb. Must have had the vibration set too high for him, huh? It sure didn't bother me...oh, yeah!!

[susie]

Maybe try calling it the "turbo jet pack" - sounds more appealing than cock ring.

[Mrs B.]

Just found your blog, and all I can say is:

bwahahahahahahahaaha!

[Scouts Honor]

Our kids found our silver bullet silicone type ring and apparently played with it for quite a while. Took all the kink out of it. Gah!

[RhoRho]

So refreshing to find so many women in one place admitting to the sex. The truth is out! Some of us (mothers) do still actually like it!

[Kolleen]

LOLOLOLOLOL I know from my poor DH's experience...the silicone ones definately don't mix with pubic hair LOLOLOLOL

[Meg]

Oh man! I kind of wish I tested sex toys for a living now! Have a good night!

[Christina]

The things we do for research.

At least it's tax deductible, right? I mean, it is for work and all.

[The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess]

Sexwhile pregnant? Hell no!! My dr. actually prescribed it in our last weeks to "move thing along" and I looked at her like she'd grown a thrid head! You have got to e kidding me. I can't beat any explanation better than "giving you a vaginal exam with a paper towel roll"

[Claudious]

I have to suggest that it's a good experience, though I like the idea of not leather, as I like to have things clean and I have feelings about how clean I can get leather. For a good time I really like trojan's vibrating ring, more dispsable when the batteries run out.

[ali]

we've never tried mantoys. i wonder how the husband would react?

[mu]

lawschoolmom -- you have a vibrating finger? Do tell!

[Undomestic Diva]

Somehow, it was OK for my husband to buy me a super-deluxe-hot-pink-with-a-pearl-necklace-trapped-in-the-middle-of-it-vibrator for Mother's Day one year, but ask him to incorporate any "male" sex toy and he looks at me like I'm a fuh-reak!

Hypocrite!

[lawschoolmom]

Not a fan of sex toys so I have no advice whatsoever. I'm not even sure WHY you would need to use a vibrating cock ring when a well-placed finger does the trick just fine.

[PunditMom]

You life is so much more interesting than mine.

Now how can I incorporate "cock ring" into a political blog post? ;O

[Jim]

Bwahaha...you should start calling his cock 'Fido' after he puts it on.

Well, maybe after you're both done. I think the 'fido' comment before may cause premature ring removal.

[Kayla Meow]

I'm afraid my husband is SOOO much more vanilla than I am... so I'm afraid I have NO material, whatsoever. :( But I will definitely start keeping up on your column!!!

[ML]

I've been reading for only a short time and DID somehow miss the fact that you write a sex column. I couldn't finish today's blog before I told you that I sell sex toys and this leather thing concerns me. We have nice squashy-softie toys for couples that are made from less S/M ish materials. I'd be glad to hook you up with some products - or some humorous material to use for your column!!

[Scott]

This was too funny! We've tried the rings ourselves but never the leather one. Hhhmmm.....

[Destiny]

HAHA!

[the new girl]

BBAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

And also:

BBWWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

[Lynette]

Well I went to the Erotic Expo here in LA and bought the screaming O rings. Which are the equivalent of the leather ones, but you know...not leather. I think my husband is in love. With me or the rings, not sure. :)

[Wendy]

I didn't think it was all it was cracked up to be, but maybe it was because we wanted to see if we liked it by getting the cheap, disposable one from Wal-Mart. I think we'll try again, though! lol

[anna]

Oh yeah, vaginal exam with paper towel roll, that sounds familiar. Those were tough days.

[Christy]

Paper towel roll, eh? That most definitely does not sound comfortable!

Good luck with the ring toss. I'm headed to look them up right now!

[Super Secret Toy Tester]

Straight from the post-partum horse's mouth: the We-Vibe rocks.

[mamainterrupted]

New to this blog and had read a few of your other posts, thinking "ok, kinda funny . . ." but THIS! Now I get the 'uncensored' part. I will certainly be back for more!!

[Robin @ Party of Five]

A friend of mine just bought an Eager Beaver and while we were browsing the site we saw the vibrating cock ring. Hmm..maybe it's my turn to order something..

[Motherhood Uncensored]

www.babeland.com Jill.

They're worth every penny. Or so I hear.

*ahem*

[Jill]

Good luck with that. And where can I get me one of the We-Vibes? ;-)

[sam {temptingmama}]

Um. Yeah. Good luck with that.

Take one for the team sista!

(Just try not to compose your review while you're getting it on. That's a key way to ruin the mood. LOL)

[prescott]

Just tell him if he doesn't wear it you're going to do a column on pegging instead.

[Manic Mommy]

I love that you vacillate between selfish laundry and vibrating cock rings. "Uncensored" defines you.

[Cece]

OMG this is so funny! About a year or two ago I took my husband to Vegas for his bday & bought some sex stuff to surprise him with, one being a cock ring. I put it on him, drunk, and totally did it wrong. I hurt him and kept trying & trying. Eventually he (practiacally) threw me off to show me how its suppose to go on. Who knew? Not me that's for sure. lol We've never used it again, too much work.

[Katie]

Try?? How about how to get the damn thing off him so I can get some sleep?

[Misti]

You have to ask him more than once to wear it? I probably wouldn't even get the request out and my husband would already have it on and buzzing...

[Jamie E]

"But because I like to be annoying, I just kept saying "cock ring" over and over again."

ROFL-you just made my day! Glad I am not the only one. Hope you get him in the saddle soon!

[Shawn]

This is a very, very, very interesting blog.