Motherhood Uncensored

Teach Your Children Well

I'm incredibly indebted to you, the amazingly warm blogosphere, for lifting me up and carrying me into another day and not making me feel bad for not wanting to apologize but rather fling my middle finger high in the air towards the direction of Philadelphia (not anywhere near these folks, of course).

I'm happy to report that I have found a babysitter. And the power of pinot grigio and a warm bath. Thank you thank you thank you.

With Quinlan (like many of her bloggy peers) possibly starting germ central preschool next month and a shit-ton of bloggers with kids starting kindergarten, I figured it might be appropo to talk about school from the flip side -- that is, from the mouths of teachers.

I'll be talking about everything from mentally and physically preparing your kids for school, to what teachers would really like parents to know about their job tonight on my radio podcast from 9-10pm EST tonight.

I'm so pleased that Lara David, blogger and high-school teacher turned pre-school teacher extraordinaire, and author and one of my favorite dads and guests Robert Wilder will be joining me to discuss everything you wanted (or didn't want to know) about school plus Robert's new book "Tales from the Teacher's Lounge."

Click here to listen live or if you're able to call in (646) 915-8634, I'd love to hear from you. And please leave a comment or email me a question, and you'll be entered to win a copy of Robert's book.

And if you don't want to miss a show, make sure to subscribe via iTunes (Motherhood Uncensored) and sign up for my podcast feed.

Feelin' Racy?

Click here to hear the show. I apologize for the variance in volume level. Stick with it -- it's well worth it.

Who knew a post about the annoying charming Southern drawl could get so many hot and sexy, yet clearly uncomfortable panties in a wad?

Well, I suppose you are right. There are way more things to pick on the South about, so why not leave the drawl alone and go for the things that are really annoying -- like how gay folks can't adopt children in Mississippi or how many Southern high schools still allow segregated proms.

Yeah. The drawl thing was way funnier.

But it's all quite appropo, since this topic of race, ethnicity, and culture as it relates to blogging has been circling the blogosphere for the last few weeks. The thoughtful posts* have discussed not only the obvious imbalance in numbers between blogs written by folks of color and those written by white-identified folks, but also how the PR/Marketing contingency has overlooked this subset of bloggers.

I'll be speaking with Jason from Daddy in a Strange Land and Rice Daddies, and Glennia from Silent I and Kimchi Mamas about their experiences as bloggers of color, and the issues surrounding their perception of inclusion/exclusion in the blogosphere. I'll also be joined by Kelly from Mocha Momma, who will also be sharing her experiences, most significantly regarding the PR/Marketing debacle.

I'd love to hear your comments and questions as they relate to this topic:

Are you a blogger of color and if so, do you think this affects your readership (who reads you and who you read), as well as other aspects of the blogging community (including PR pitches for fantastic products like blueberry juice and granola bars)? Are you a white-identified blogger and if so, how do you feel about the imbalance of bloggers of minority culture?

Feel free to call in during the live show tonight**: 9-10pm EST (646) 915-8634 and/or download the show via iTunes at any time (Motherhood Uncensored). Get updates by subscribing to my feed. And if you prefer, leave a comment/question here or via email.

*Roxana linked up all the posts, so I'm just linking here. I encourage you to visit and read through the posts. You know, when you have an extra 14,000 minutes. But truly, they are excellent reads.

**It's my first show from the new house. The new house where I have no babysitter or husband, and where the movers will have probably just finished up leaving all my wordly belongings all over my house.

All is Well Until You Screw Them Up

**Edited. Thanks to the bloggers who called in and shared their stories. You can hear the show by clicking on the media player at the top right of my blog. And feel free to continue to share your stories, questions, and comments here.

Congrats to Susanna, Courtney, Malky, Jennifer, Elizabeth, Kristie, Tiffany, Erika, Kivey, & Sara. You'll all be getting copies of this book!

I'm fairly certain that if I can at least make it out of Casa de Inlaws, I have a decent chance of raising a fairly well adjusted child. I know life happens, as does shit, but for the most part, I think I'm a pretty decent parent.

Of course, so did my dad. In fact, he vowed to be a better parent than his father was to him. But then he started drinking and the vow he made got lost in his abusive tendencies.

I always hoped and believed that my father would one day come around and apologize for being so terribly awful. It was the hopeful daughter in me that knew he could never leave things as they were. But that was not the case. I had to put my foot down and finally decide that even if there was an apology or an outstretched hand, it would not be enough to make up for all the years of hurt.

Our business was terribly unfinished. My hopes of a happy ending dashed. And since he died in 1998, I've struggled (some days worse than others) to figure out what the hell happened, and mostly, how to make damn sure it would never ever happen to me and my kids.

I'm not the only generation in my family that has dealt with parental estrangment. My mother doesn't speak to her parents, and thus I don't speak with my grandparents. I respect her decision and clearly she has every reason not to speak with them, however, I often wonder if a resolution would ever be possible, and if, in her case, it might be cultural. 

So, tonight I'll be talking with Karen Rani formerly of Troll Baby now Vodkarella about her own experiences of being "Motherless" or really, parenting without an involved parent of her own. And I'll also be talking with author Dr. Joshua Coleman about his book "When Parents Hurt." He offers compassionate strategies when parents and their grown children don't get along, as well as other helpful tidbits such as learning how you were parenting affects how you parent, learning how to not kill parent your teenager, and a bazillion other things that you'll just have to get the book to find out.

Clearly, this book is not just for parents with troubling relationships, it's for ones who don't want to have one with their kids when they get older. Best to start early not screwing them up, right?

You can listen live from 9-10pm EST, and download later (if you missed it) via iTunes (click that nifty button up there in my right sidebar).

As always, I'd love for you to call in (646) 915-8634 and share your own stories, particularly if you're estranged or in difficult relationships with your own parents. What's it like to be a parent without an active healthy parent yourself? Do you see a relationship between you and your parents in the future? How does this affect your own children? How does the way you were parenting (good, bad, or ugly) affect how you parent your own children?

Can I use the word parent anymore times in a sentence? (ha)

I'll be giving away 10 free copies of Dr. Coleman's book to callers as well as folks who email me a question (or leave a comment -- if more than 10 leave a comment, I'll pick 10 winners at random). If you're looking for some reviews of the book, click here.   

And make sure to check out my exciting podcast special, including an appearance from everyone's favorite sex columnist for parents Live at BlogherCon!

Ducks Are More High Maintenance Than You'd Think

**Sorry for the technical difficulties. The archives should be up and running later on, so you can try to catch what you missed! See the media player over there -->**

I've got a lawyer, professor, and a queen all prepared to drop their gloves and get down and dirty about the duck tonight. If you still think I should return the duck *cough* Suebob *cough*, or if you got another opinion of what I should do with my duck (be nice, I've already got a few things shoved up my ass, thank you), then call in. I'm giving away a free t-shirt to a lucky random caller.

Plus, I'm just dying to discuss some ridiculous comments that lend themselves to a deeper discussion on parenting ethics. (Honestly, I totally get the returning the duck thing, but not turning because you didn't turn your signal on? C'mon. Live a little!)

Do we really have to practice what we preach? What are our parenting deal breakers? Can our ethics change as we grow as humans? And where to do we draw the line in terms of "following the rules?" 

Listen live from 10-11pm EST and call in (646) 915-8634. You can download past shows via iTunes. Feel free to email me your questions/comments, or leave them here. And if you miss the show, you can listen to the archives or the most recent show by clicking on the media player in my upper right hand sidebar.

What's Worse Than Your Father-in-Law Walking in On You While You're Having Sex With Your Husband

Other than being eaten by a Velociraptor? Not much. Particularly now as I try to avoid him making some ridiculous apology. Until I'm able to not throw-up a little in my mouth every time I think about it, I'm perfectly fine with not have any interactions with him. At all.

So, to take my mind off my nakedness being exposed, I'll be doing my Father's Day Radio Show (how appropo, right?), with special guests Kevin Burke (founder of Light Iris -- the parent's google -- and father of 2), and author Robert Wilder. I'll be giving away an autographed copy of Robert's book "Daddy Needs a Drink." We'll be talking about fatherhood, if anyone really cares about Father's Day, some cool picks for dads, and who really needs a drink more -- moms or dads.

I hope you'll join me -- 9-10pm EST -- Call in (646) 915-8634 or listen via iTunes. Make sure to subscribe to my feed so you don't miss any shows! And as always, leave me comments or questions here.

Also, check out our kick-butt blog blast sponsored by these folks set for this Friday. You could win $200 in Amex GCs and Cash for a fabulous date night out. And we've got another one coming up June 8 where you can win a Blogher 2-day pass. So mark your calendar and spread the word!

And I'm giving away a Goodfather DVD and $25 Starbucks card. Phew.

Now back to hiding. (And you think I'm kidding).

Being Good for the Sake of Being Good and Not Because You'll Go to Hell if You Don't

I've got way too much to say about religion and not enough time.

Fear. Comfort. Wars. Peace. Death. Eternal Life. Guilt.

Religion served me well when I had nowhere else to turn. It also made me feel incredibly guilty and angry at times. And it continues to be an issue of great confusion, not only in my life as a person, but in my role as a parent desiring to raise good citizens, caring humans, and empathic people.

And while I understand the role of religion (or at least, its original purpose), I truly believe that spirituality can be achieved without religion. That my life can have meaning without Jesus, Bibles, or anything else.

But by losing religion, I lose a lot of the American culture -- not as a whole but as part of my family, most of whom are greatly tied to the church. And I wonder if my children, while perhaps not missing out on the fire, brimstone, and confessions, might miss out on the community and the goodness of believing in something greater.

So tonight, I welcome guests Julie as well as Dale McGowan, editor of Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion. He'll be joined by contributing author and well-known humanist writer, blogger, and mom Noell Hyman. We'll be discussing various topics, including explaining religious holidays, death and dying, and the notion of being good just for the sake of being good.

You can download via iTunes or listen live here. 9-10pm EST

Call in and join the discussion: (646) 915-8634. Or leave a comment or drop me an email. 

Guilty As Charged

There's nothing like religion and motherhood to make even the most innocent person feel totally guilty. Coincidence? I wonder.

That's why I decided to stop attending church during college. The rules of my religion said "no sex before marriage" and that just wasn't for me.

And I didn't want to feel guilty.

Then when my kids came along, there was always a "right way" to do things. The books try to tell you there isn't -- they try to give us options, but we all know the pressure to be "right" when it comes to mothering.

If you can't breastfeed your kids, you're doing them a disservice by compromising their immune system and not giving them the "best" start. If you put your kid down, then you're not attaching yourself to them. And if you pick them up all the time, then you're spoiling them. If you use a leash then you're cruel and lazy, and if you don't and your kids run around like lunatics, you're not a responsible mother. If you are a stay-at-home-mom, then you're taking a step back for feminism. And if you're a work-out-of-home-mom, you're allowing someone else to raise raise your kids.

We read studies, articles, and books (oh those books) that tell us the way it should work. But that's only if you have that type of kid. And even then, it just might not work because you might not be that type of parent even if they are that type of kid. And in our confusion, frustration, and sleep deprivation, we can't separate out what's right and what's right for us.

There's too many variables for there to be one "right." My right, isn't your right, right? So why am I being held to YOUR standard?

Why do we hold ourselves to other peoples' standards? And why do people hold us their standards?

That's why drives our guilt, isn't it? If we were all just able to find our own right and live it with full abandon and disregard for what "so-and-so" says we should be doing, wouldn't we all be just a bit happier?

And they wonder why we're all running around in sweatsuits, pony tails, and mismatched socks.

I'm talking about this tonight with Jodi, who happily enjoys working part-time (and feels not one bit of guilt about it), but does feel guilty about not breastfeeding her son. And joining us later will be Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock (the best last name ever!), authors of Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Children. We'll be discussing how to take our guilt by the reins and channel it into something good. Like hot sex.

You can listen live from 9-10pm EST and feel free to call in (646) 915-8634, leave a comment here, or drop me an email -- especially if you've got a question or comment for the guests. And make sure to subscribe to my feed and listen via iTunes so you won't miss anything!

--

Speaking of podcasts, you can hear a cool, fancy, and edited masterpiece of an interview (not me, really, just my interviewer) with Crankmama. It's fun being on the "other" side of the mic.

Because It's My Horse and I Can Beat it to Death if I Want

*Updates. More guests!

We've all got opinions about everyone else's business. We leave our comments here, there, and everywhere. But then that person says "Hey. Put your money where your mouth is and talk to me about this on my radio show."

So, I dare you. I triple dog dare you.

Tonight I'll be talking with Rebecca (of Girls Gone Child and Straight from the Bottle) and Romi, Co-creators of True Mom Confessions (and a soon to be radio show) about their site and how it impacts the blogopshere, particularly for folks who don't feel comfy letting it all hang out on their own blog. With lots of places for moms to share their secrets, maybe we can just write happy, pretty stuff on our own blogs and save our asses in the long run.

Ha. Yeah right.

Later in the show, special guests Lara, Meg, and hopefully you will be discussion blog anonymity or lack thereof  as well as what we should or should not be writing on our blog from 9-10pm EST.

(646) 915-8634

Listen via iTunes (Motherhood Uncensored) or via the media player in my right sidebar while you twiddle your thumbs and watch American Idol. Feel free to email questions or leave comments here.

*The May 1 Show will feature Devra Renner and Aviva Pflock, authors of Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids. If you'd like to join me for the first half of the show, particularly if you've had trouble with mommy guilt, please comment or email me.

*Where are my Orlando bloggers at? Email me.

Stick Him With Your Best Shot

*If you missed the show, you can listen to it by clicking the media player in my right side bar. Enjoy!*

It has come to the time in my child's life where I must take him to the pediatrician and explain why I won't be enjoying the shot festival that comes at the 2-month well baby visit. I think I'd rather eat poop soup than go through the long winded explanation of why I've decided to hold off for a few months (er, years on a few of them) on the plethora of vaccinations our children undergo before they hit the ripe old age of two.

Go ahead. Accuse me of increasing the possibility of the next Diptheria outbreak in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

Even before my daughter was born, I did extensive research on vaccinations, namely because I had worked with children with autism, many of whose parents believed strongly against the MMR vaccination. I know there's no scientific link, however, the scores of parents weeping during my music therapy sessions, convinced that their children were fine prior to the MMR vaccination was worth more than a few research studies.

Yes. I'm a bleeding heart. And I believe in the subjectivity of the human experience that may not be captured in a research study.

Also, my husband's grandparents were convinced that their daughter (his aunt) was perfectly fine prior to getting the old DPT shot. She lived to the age of 12 with severe mental retardation.

And so, I was scared. I know that the DPT is now the DTaP. Big difference. I know that the benefits clearly outweigh the risks. I know that you can delay vaccinations and split them up. But I was a new mother, not so much fearful of having my daughter stuck with a needle, but more so the reactions her already seemingly messed up system was going to have.

And I refused them all.

Now with another child and a different outlook on medicine, I'm clearly in a different place. Trying to avoid feeling terribly guilty for perhaps not making the best parenting decision, I do plan on vaccinating my daughter with the shots I think are necessary at her next few well visits -- same with my son. I think. But I still feel as though I can never get an honest, straightforward, unbiased answer from a medical professional. One that doesn't entail eye rolling or judgment on their part when I ask for the MMR to be split up. Or when I ask which shots are totally necessary, unlike the useless Varicella.

I refuse to believe that I just have to bring my child into the peds office, hand them over, and look the other way. I choose to be informed, active, and involved. And if I have differing opinions, then I prefer to discuss them with someone who respects me, my voice, and my role as parent.

So this afternoon, I'll be speaking with blogger Allison and Dr. Jennifer Trachtenberg, author of Good Kids, Bad Habits. We'll be discussing vaccinations, as well as how to make informed choices regarding your kids' medical care, and lots of other interesting tidbits.

Feel free to leave a question or comment on this post, or call in (646) 915-8634. You can listen live 5-6pm EST via the media player here. Subscribe via iTunes and never miss a show!

I Spill Anything for Celebrities

If you're curious about my son's foreskin, listen to my radio show. I spilled the beans thanks to my new crush.

Yes. Over there in the left hand column.

And then go check out Erika's book -- she rocks hard. Really hard. And I'm not saying that just because she was on The Practice.

Ever Watch Dora With a Buzz?

I'll save all my thoughts on this well-discussed topic for the show tonight. Special Guest - author, blogger, and consummate cocktail mommy, Stefanie Wilder Taylor.

Many of you have emailed me to share your thoughts on the topic. I hope you'll grab a beer, glass of wine, or hell, shot o' tequila, and join us.

9-10 pm EST (646) 915-8634

Listen via the media player or subscribe via iTunes.

And if you want a good fucking laugh, read the comments to this post. SERIOUSLY.

It's Hip to Be Square or in my case, a Parallelogram

With the emergence of Babble and half a dozen other "hipsta - urban parent" blog outlets, I'm starting to realize that I'm far from cool.

Basically, I'm warm. Luke warm.

At one point in my life, I might have considered myself to be fairly "in-the-know" -- whatever that means exactly. It's such a subjective term and quite frankly if "cool" means anything close to what the mainstream is touting these days, then I'm sort of glad I'm not.

But if it means being funky, different, and downright fan-fucking-tabulous, then oh-how-I-wish to be cool.

At some level, it's hard not to be envious of the fabulous hipsters that write daily on all things supposedly relevant to my life as a parent. Do I care that Boston is the best place to have kids? Not really. Am I excited that PeeWee Herman is making a comeback? Eh. Not so much. But I still read it anyway.

Because let's face it...

Don't we all want to be just a little bit hip in our fairly average suburbia lives?

But as we strive to be the slim jean, ripped shirt, dark-rimmed glasses set that make the bad mom the new good, part of me (and a few other people) [added: okay... since I wrote this... about 14000 other people wrote about this here topic plus some huge Time article] can't help but think it becomes just a little bit tired, fairly exclusive, or perhaps, one dimensional.

Damnit. It's hard to be cool all the time.

And as I read I wonder... Is there no softer side? No room for flashing princess shoes? No shopping at Old Navy? No space for the weepy, overdramatic mother of a growing brood? Is that so totally UNCOOL now?

Or maybe that's what Clubmom and Babycenter are for...

Part of me enjoys the variety of blogs I write, and the various personas they represent. Do I curse and talk about balls for the majority of my day? God. I hope not. And I'm certainly not the uber indy shopper when I'm perusing the clearance racks at Target. Hello. Even Cool Moms do sales.

And so, I think that where I am, in this mix of suburban meets hipster-wanna-be meets child-led parent who just so happens to wear dark-rimmed glasses (at night, that is), is pretty darn cool. Sometimes I don't drink and I don't curse. Sometimes I crush hard on my kids, dress her in floofy dresses, and buy princess pillow cases.

Maybe it's time to let hip be square or whatever other shape you want it to be and let uncool be the new cool.

Motherhood Uncensored. Tragically un-hip and loving every fucking minute of it.

This Might Save You Big Bucks and 14 Years in Therapy

The show has been rescheduled for next week as one of the authors is ill. Make sure to join us next week!

It's no secret that the huz and I have had our moments. Many of them. Maybe it's because we were like most parents and focused on our upcoming arrival that we didn't think much about our own relationship and how much that was about to change.

I mean who really thinks about how much you're going to loathe the other person as you're scanning baby baths and strollers at Babies R' Us.

"Oh look at the cute little onesie. We're going to be pulling out each other's hair over who gets to put it on him in just a few months."

Yeah. If we all only knew, right?

Well, perhaps there's still time - a chance for all of us to improve husband/wife/spouse/partner relations that doesn't require me to give out 47 blow jobs and allows me some peace, quiet, and solitude.

According to the authors of Babyproofing Your Marriage, there is still a chance for all of us to make a little light, laugh just a bit more, and perhaps, slow down the aging that comes with being married with children. Two of the authors will be joining me on the air tonight to take your questions, entertain your comments, and discuss a topic that seems fairly pervasive amongst partnered/married parents today. Listen with your spousal unit -- just in time for Valentine's Day!

So, humor me and make my husband feel really bad that he proposed to me by putting my engagement ring under a bowl on the bed. Tell me the most romantic thing your spouse/ husband/ partner has ever done for you.

And then join me tonight from 9-10pm EST. Leave your comments here or drop me an email. Or even better. Call in! (646) 915-8634. Make sure to subscribe to my feed and listen via iTunes. You can always catch past shows by clicking on the media player in my upper left column.

PSSSSSSSSST. Did you vote for me yet? Yes. Go now. And if you don't like my speech... vote for Elizabeth or Jennster!? C'mon. Spread the love people!

In Lieu of Baby Gifts and Your "Get The Hell Out of That House" Comments

Go reply to my Blogher Contest entry. Yes. Scroll down. You'll see it. I promise. You have to be a member or join (hi. it's free and easy). You'll get a good laugh and apparently, the speech with the most replies wins a free ticket to Blogher 2007. Who said my in-laws didn't give me anything? And I'm up for some friendly competition -- write your own speech!

Have you voted yet? Many of my very esteemed blog colleagues and many I have yet to read are nominated for the Share the Love Blog Awards. Look. Just last year I was complaining about the nominees. To quote myself... "I'm glad to see that the love has been spread to asses that are not yet covered in smooches." Go check it out and vote!

And tonight I'm on with Crankmama and Stuntmother in our glorious MILF- Redux. Due to technical difficulties, we weren't able to do the show last time. Won't you be so kind to join us? 10-10:45pm EST. Click here to subscribe to the feed and here for info on how to download with iTunes. Make sure to check out my show schedule -- we've got lots of exciting stuff coming up this month.

If you can't join us live, send me your comments or questions via email, or leave them here. We'll discuss them live on the air and you can listen to them later.

And apparently, I am more uninformed than I thought since I had no idea Julie's new fantastic column "The Parental is Political" launched today at Imperfect Parent. My new year's resolution -- Be more politically informed. I guess I better start reading.

Got MILF? Now With More of the "F" Part

Apparently we had some technical difficulties, so the show has been rescheduled. I'll update with the new date (hopefully in the next few days before the baby decides to arrive). Stay tuned. It is sure to be a fabulous show!

Take one step into Motherhood Maternity and I swear I can feel my attractiveness factor drop 137 points.

Seriously. Trapeze shirts? Horizontal stripes? Matching pants sets?

C'mon?!

And so, I've made a decent attempt to maintain some level of fashion sense this time around - you know, laceless chucks, tummy hugging shirts, and jeans that I might actually wear after I'm pregnant.

But still, the fact remains, that showers are more infrequent than they should be, no matter how much weight you seem to lose there's still that tummy flab, and the post-breastfeeding boobs (unless you're this boob-a-licious mama) require implants and a lift IMMEDIATELY.

So, when someone thinks you're hot, sexy, or doable if when your nipples are pointing east and west (respectively), what's so wrong with that?

It seems that many of you do not despise the term MILF.

Mom. I'd. Like to. Fuck (for Russ who said my post was confusing if you don't know what that term is).

Hi. Google.

But there were a few whose stomachs it turns, a few who have decided to reclaim it (Damn tootin' I'm a MILF), and many of you who are damn proud to be one.

So, tonight, with the help of Crankmama and Stuntmother, we will discuss the pros and cons of MILF-age, or MILF-ishness, or whatever you want to call it.

Would you wear a MILF shirt? Do you shop for MILF-type clothing? Are YOU the epitome of a MILF? Inquiring minds want to know. And how do you stay true to your former hot self? Got any tips? Join me for what might be the labor inducing show I need -- 10-11 pm EST (or drop me an email, leave me a comment here) -- but seriously, call in and say hello! (646) 915-8634

Any hey. I'm not in labor yet so you can still enter my baby pool and actually win!

I'll have the finalists for the "Quote Your In-Laws" contest up tomorrow so make sure to come back and vote. And I picked a winner of the DS LITE! Is it you? Go check and see....

You Try Riding in a Car with a Screaming Toddler

I think it was Dutch that started the initial debate about dvd players in cars many months ago over at Blogging Baby. Of course, I can't seem to find his original post that, in true Dutch fashion, brought out the darkest side of many BB readers (which really doesn't take that much these days).

The debate about kids and television is just another of the 5,000 other things we all never really thought about until we had kids. Apparently television for kids under two is bad. Unless it's a monkey puppet dancing to Bach? Or a big yellow bird and his formerly imaginary friend?

Who knows?

My daughter never really watched television until maybe a year ago. And she still probably watches more than I'd like -- mostly PBS and a few Playhouse Disney shows. The Baby Einstein stuff never did much for her and so we didn't introduce television until I needed to get a shower more than twice a week. Seriously, it had nothing to do with the educational value of it; it was purely selfish on my part.

I'm all for folks who think television is evil and dvds are crack for babies. However, don't sit next to me on the bus because I know you haven't showered in a few days.

Heh.

But seriously, I'm sort of on the "it's fine in moderation and it's not totally evil unless you're showing your kid a Bratz dvd" side of the argument.

But then you get to the DVD in cars debate, which, totally unbeknownst to me is a huge deal. Who knew? Personally, we don't have one, and I don't foresee myself getting a car with a dvd player in them. I know that there's the argument that we were kids and we had to entertain ourselves without movies and damn that's why I love Moby Dick so much and I got a 1350 on my SATs.

Okay. Not really. But whatever happened to occupying your time with weird road trip games, Old Maid, and asking your parents "are we there yet" in 14 different languages?

Maybe for the older kid set dvds in cars could be considered lazy parenting. I will say the drive from Mississippi to Pennsylvania was made a lot easier thanks to my computer (read: player of Lady and the Tramp) at the tail ends of both days of driving. When sleep and food and candy did not cut it, the DVD player did.

I know. I'm evil. But that's just what we had to do.

And so, I'm curious. How do you feel about the issue?

Check out the show notes, click here to subscribe to my feed, or here to learn how to listen (and subscribe) via iTunes! We're talking about MILFs next week -- so stay tuned!

(646) 915-8634

Is Religion Supposed to Be Comfortable?

From listener and reader Johnathan ~

It's odd to hear you guys discussing whether you feel connected to a faith/religion or not based on how it fits with your view of the world (e.g., HerBadMother saying that the lack of empathy for Tanner's baptism troubles made her withdraw). Is religion supposed to be comfortable? happy? easy?  Or is it supposed to be about what you believe? What makes you so sure that God agrees with your way 
of doing things instead of the church/religion you are questioning?

I'm not quite sure whether we're supposed to fit into a religion or if we're supposed to find a religion that fits with us. And quite frankly, will we ever find a religion that is perfect - because, aren't we human, and therefore bound to have faults regardless of how high our supposed standing is within the church?

I wonder if it's not so much about being comfortable, but more that religion (and faith based beliefs) should hold some level of non-judgment and empathy. And that the beliefs of helping others, doing good, and living life to its fullest supersede the damn rules that we must follow for fear of hell and damnation.

My gripes with the Catholic church in particular have to do with priests (no females, non-married, and this denial that they are sexual humans, many of which are gay and that it's been used for many years as an escape for gay men who do not feel accepted in society), gay marriage (or lack thereof), the sorely lacking support of feminist values, and the notion that rules and regulations, mandatory attendance, confession, (etc.) seem to come ahead of your personal relationship with the God of your choosing,

Like right now, as I hear my MIL guilt my husband into going to confession tonight so he can take communion on Christmas Day. Because if he doesn't go to some priest and have confession, then he can't take communion. But he can say stupid shit and be an ass all the other days of the week.

Side note - Maybe he'll be exonerated for all the stupid shit he says. So maybe I should tell him to go to church.

I digress.

Perhaps it's my gripe with most Christian/Western religions, not just Catholicism. I suppose if I owned a pair of shoes that weren't comfortable I wouldn't wear them. And then, what's their use and role in my life except to sit in my closet and take up space?

Who knows? But for me. For now. I'll pass on religion and just do good for good's sake.

What about you? Is religion supposed to be comfortable?

Jesus is the Reason for the Season: Or is He? Parenting With or Without Religion

Updated with Show Notes

If I hear one more person say that they've taken Christ out of Christmas, I may have to hurl or vurp or whatever huge pregnant women do when they're pissed off.

My childhood was seeped in deep Christian religion of the praying to the sovereign Lord everyday and night for fear He will strike you down and give you a bad SAT score kind.

Yes. It was uplifting. Truly.

I read my Bible, I memorized the words, and I believed every bit of it. That is until I got to college, read a bit more, and realized that if I was going to believe in God, I had to believe that it shouldn't be so painful, difficult, and stressful.

And that it shouldn't rule my life, but rather be something hopeful to believe in.

Since then, my church attendance has been sporadic. I converted to Catholicism so that I could get married in a Catholic church (back when my husband was a cool nice guy and I was willing to make sacrifices). But this whole, "you have to go to church every Sunday but you can be a bitter nasty BITCH the rest of the time" (read: my mother-in-law) deal is not so much for me. Nor is the ritualism that goes along with it.

And so I don't go to church. I don't hate on folks that do - except when their religion causes them to judge others (including me) and say really stupid things like "I'm going to have to pray about that before I can decide whether to buy Coke or Sprite."

Um, okay.

But now having kids, I wonder what I'm going to do. My daughter goes to church with my in-laws, mainly for the donut afterwards, but isn't that how it starts? First the donuts, then the youth groups, and then all HELL (heh) breaks loose. I'm just not sure I want to go there yet or even, at all.

So what's your take? Do you raise your child in a specific religion or none at all? Are you the three Sunday a year church goer, or is church an avid part of your family life?

And please check out The Blog Exchange Home Page for more information on that project as well as a call for bloggers with opinions for future radio shows. And while you're at it, check out my reviews blog. Lots of great last minute gift ideas for the holidays.

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You can find show notes and the archived show (if you'd like to listen) here. And if you have any comments, please drop me an email. You can subscribe to my feed or listen via iTunes. It's simple and free.

It's All Just a Bunch of Bully

Have I ever mentioned Teha Smart?

Yes. She happens to be the bitch that beat the crap out of me in 5th grade at the American International School of Johannesburg. She and a bunch of other snippy little sixth graders. They locked me in the bathroom, tormented me in the halls, and chased me around at recess.

It really sucked.

That was my last year in school. The bullying combined with a few other reasons drove my parents to homeschool me. I'd taken to lying, crying, and begging to not have to go to school for another day.

I even failed history.

Sure. It was 5th grade history. But still. I failed it

There were other factors. My dad's drinking and hitting was one. Although I didn't realize it at the time. And so I was angry. Very angry. I didn't realize until later in my life that I was more hurt than anything else. Abandoned, abused, and hurt.

As someone who has worked with kids for many years, I've seen my fair share of angry ones. Bullies and the bullied. And I wonder, what are we going to do? How can we as parents help our kids be happy, fulfilled people?

So what's your take on bullying? Why are there so many angry kids around? Call in tonight and tell me, or leave me a comment here. 10-11pm EST.

The show notes are here! Please read and listen if you missed out. And you can always download via iTunes.

School Days: Updated

I decided to take my daughter to the Academy of Natural Sciences Museum last week. You know. Be the cool, awesome mom and drive her into downtown Philly and let her enjoy the free-flying butterflies and dinosaur bones.

And it was great. Except damn those 4,000 bratty school kids. Seriously, take one excursion to a place where children are running wild with nary a teacher to be found (or even worse, lots of teachers and still crazy children) and I swear I never want my child to go to school.

EVER.

I know there's more to school than field trips. There's germs, bullies, huge classrooms, and barely any arts classes.

Hehe.

Actually, I'm fairly supportive of public and private education, however, the more I interact with teachers, children, and their parents, the more I'm inclined to homeschool my genius daughter (I'm apparently an toddler IQ expert as well).

Sure. I was homeschooled, but for all the totally wrong reasons - shelter, protection, and religious fanaticism. And I swore I'd never ever ever homeschool my kids.

But now. With all the stories of bullying (hi, victim here myself of that shit), censorship, and you name whatever else they encounter by the 6th grade and homeschool is not looking so bad.

So, what's your take on the school issue? And I'm not just talking about K-12. We're talking toddler yoga vs good old library reading times, college-prep preschools vs. "hey-go-play-with-some-damn-kids-for-fun" with Alex, and a homeschooling vs private/public schooling debate with PhatMommy and Pundit Mom. You don't want to miss this one, people.

And if you can't stay up late, then leave me your comments. Are you pro-homeschooling? Take your tots to lots of classes? Pick the best possible pre-school out there? Let me know!

10-11pm EST. Click here or here for directions on how to listen via iTunes.

The show notes are up here. Make sure to subscribe to my feed and listen next week!

One is a Lonely Number: Blog Talk Radio Show Notes - November 28

It seems like you just popped the baby out and folks (particularly moms) are already asking you when the next one is coming. I always wonder, did they actually ever have children themselves? Labor? Delivery? NO SLEEP!

However, it's enough for folks to decide to stick with one (for now or maybe always). There's something to be said about folks knowing their own limits and saying "I'm fine with one, thank you." They get your full attention, you can spend your time focused on them, and you won't feel spread thin when it comes to dealing with two or more.

But, that's selfish, right? Julie called in to discuss this whole notion of having another one so the kids learn social skills. Sure, it's attractive to have another so you don't have to leave the house and deal with germs, however, it's a bit much to assume they'll learn any and all social skills by playin with a sibling.

Tania discussed her decision to stick with one for now, simply due to lack of desire and enjoyment of her current child. She discussed being able to see the possibility for more down the road, but also discussed feeling happy with one and not believing her daughter was lacking or would lack anything in the future for being an only child.

Lena added that although as an only child she never felt lonely, neglectful, OR had the inability to share, she did feel that she was missing something as an adult. And with her now 5-year-old begging her for another child, she strongly desires another one so her daughter can have a mate - for the present and the future.

Certainly life changes - deaths, births, and everything in between - can motivate a person to decide to have another one, however, the issue stands that folks become so judgmental of someone who decides to have one. I imagine there's a bit more sympathy for people who can't have another one - but the stereotype of "the only child" which is debunked frequently in literature (and by Lena herself -- a fine blogger and lovely person to boot) is still perpetuated.

Thanks to Jana for calling in and sharing her thoughts as a mom of a 1 and 3 year old. She gives us (or me) hope that 2 can be easier and that it is nice to see her two children bond and play together.

Just remember. Folks who choose to have one are for the most part making an informed decision. And unless hubby sneaks off and gets clipped, they can always decide to have more. Certainly motivating factors (like Lena's situation) can influence a decision of someone who is perfectly happy with one.

I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Of course, I have no idea why I'm pregnant with #2 if that's my motto. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Really, for me, it's about giving my daughter a sibling and extending our family. Otherwise, I'm not sure I could physically or emotionally do it again.

Plus, I have blogging this time and I'm depending on YOU folks to help me out.

Stay tuned next week for a debate on schooling - from tot yoga to homeschooling - we're covering it all. If you have a topic or comment, email me at coolmompicks@gmail.com. As always, thanks for listening!

Subscribe to my podcast feed here.

and listen to the show here:

And don't forget that you can listen via itunes for all you fancy mac people and windows too! I'll post the link to the show when it's up and ready to go. 

The Real Moms of the Blogosphere

Mom bloggers around these parts have been accused of being unable to disagree. You know, unless we write about circumcision, kid leashes, or Madonna, apparently we all agree on everything because we're just moms.

And that's what moms do.

Done laughing yet?

We all know, at one level or another, that not everyone is going to agree. I just don't think we agree on everything. But rather than flame each other bitterly we don't comment. Or say something funny like "cute baby picture" and run for the hills. Or we write stupid posts about them on our own blog (except some of us link the blogs we are speaking of and then they figure it out and it sort of defeats the purpose of basking in our passive-aggressiveness).

Hey. I don't doubt that I royally piss people off, or that my rants about my husband get fairly annoying. It's okay. I can hear you.

"Get a fucking divorce already" you say to yourself as you click away and roll your eyes. "Go see a counselor and get back to writing something about a string being stuck in your butt."

So is it our right to just blast someone who annoys the piss out of us? Are we protected, thanks to the fairly anonymous blogosphere (if we choose it to be) to just let our true feelings shoot out of us like a post-drinking fest yak session?

Or can we be civil and gracious, even in our disagreement?

C'mon now. Isn't that what separates us from rabid animals... like Bill O' Reilly and Rush Limbaugh?

So, if you want to hear intelligent women debate the issues and talk about the stuff that really matters without flinging insults, listen tonight. We're talking about the decision to have more than one child with Cheeky Lotus and Mrs. Chicky.

Don't miss it! 10-11pm EST!

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If you are a practicing Jew (and are raising your kids as such) and/or practice an Eastern Religion of some kind, please email me. I'm doing a 2 hour holiday special and would like to speak with you about joining me on the air.

Parenting Boys and Who Cares About a Foreskin Anyway: November 21 Show Notes

We spend so much time worrying about our girls, I have to wonder if we're not missing the boat when it comes to our sons. What's with all the angry men? Why are we masculinizing our boys? What roles do we and our husbands play? There's no denying biology in some form or another, but there seems to be a disconnect when it comes to the toys we're providing for our boys. Amy Jo from Binkytown called in to discuss her own 2-year-old son's penchant for all things transportation. Cori aka Mrs. Fortune also added that her husband seems to be a bit more "strong-minded" when it comes to their son, even more so than he was with his own older daughter.

Both discussed this notion that when we buy girls trucks and race cars, it's cool, however, getting a boy a doll is often frowned upon. Perhaps we need more boys with dolls -- I wonder if we'd have less clueless, emotionally unavailable men? Or maybe they are all bitter about their circumcisions.

We may never know that in particularly, but I sure learned more than I ever knew about the whole process thanks to special guests Bobita and Jaelithe. Their intelligent and well informed discussion was unmatched (seriously, no shit throwing -- what a concept?!); if you have the decision coming up, please take a listen to the show (see link below). Apparently, circumcision does prevent UTIs when done neonatally, however, it's imperative that folks do it early. Certainly the procedure itself might outweigh the decision to worry about a little uti, but when done correctly by an experienced surgeon (with anesthetic), it's not as painful with little to no bleeding.

Holding your crotches yet, men?

The benefits to remaining in tact are certainly linked to the pleasure factor, as well as the number of folks getting botched circumcisions by unexperienced doctors. Both ladies indicated that hygiene is in fant important - particularly as the child reaches the age of 5 and beyond. Many doctors are not privvy to this, and so it's imperative that parents make sure they are informed if they choose for their son to remain in tact. Circumcision is still the norm in this country, mainly due to dads wanting their sons to look like them. Religious reasons are still prevalent, however, it's often hygiene that is sited for the reasoning for circumcision.

Whatever your decision, both ladies strongly suggested you do your research, talk to your doctor, as well as with your spouse. It's a body part, for goodness sakes. Thanks to Kate, Debbie, and Izzy for weighing in on the issues.

Stay tuned next week when we discuss the decision to stick with only one kid, or continue to populate the world with special guests Lena and Mrs. Chicky.

And many thanks for listening and calling in. If you have a topic or something you'd like to discuss, drop me an email: coolmompicks@gmail.com.

Listen here if you missed the show:

Subscribe to the feed here. And I should be on itunes as well!

Feminism at its Finest: November 14 Show Notes

Call me a novice folks, but my apologies for hitting the "totally overtime" milestone there with my first show. Shame on me. I have to blame my two extremely intelligent guests, Catherine and Julie, for their thoughtful comments on the topic of Feminism as it relates to parenting, as well as the lovely callers who took time out of their evening to share their own comments on this timely topic that is apparently of great interest to many of you.

If you missed the show, you can listen here.

Subscribe to my podcast feed here.

But clearly you missed some great discussion regarding the whole clueless husband issue -- nature vs nurture?, encouraging fathers to make the choice to be an active father, teamwork (assigning jobs), going into the trenches together, and my word of advice, blogging first, discussing second. It sure does wonders for airing out the hormones and bitchy backtalk that never does me any good. Thanks to Suebob, Pickleness, Roxana, and Stuntmother for calling in.

We had to skip the always popular "racy girl's clothing" segment - which we'll hopefully touch on next week - for the infamous and fairly tame debate. Perhaps a new definition of feminism is in order, as well as the ability for folks with similar beliefs, even similar "identifications" to disagree. Also, what about the idea that perhaps we are limited as women (thanks to biology for the most part) and maybe that's okay. Does concept hurt feminism as we know it? Or is there a new conservative feminist emerging (conservative not meaning republican, folks).

And wouldn't it be nice for us to be able to just compliment our daughters for all that is good about them, without having to worry about whether they're in for a life of trying to please others or hoping that their existence doesn't have to be about breaking new ground (not that breaking new ground is a bad thing - just sometimes it's nice not to have to dig your own path every single time). Thanks to Bobita, Jennster and Callie for calling in.

If you've got topics that you'd like discussed/debated/or ranted about, feel free to drop me an email: coolmompicks@gmail.com.

Thanks for listening... Until next week where we will be discussing Parenting Sons, and debating the ever popular topic of circumcision with guests Bobita and Jaelithe. I hope you'll listen and join in the discussion.

Um, Is This Thing On?

Updated below

I'm far from bored. I've got plenty going on. You know, hiding burnt pots, removing my bras that hang above me in the kitchen, and attempting to survive another 4 months with my in-laws before I have to move back down South again until the summer (yes, anyone in Little Rock?).

Oh. And answering my own phone. Apparently they are answering my cell phone now.

Seriously. WHO DOES THAT?

I guess the same people who hang bras in the kitchen to dry. Bras that are not their own.

But that's not why I decided to start a Blog Talk Radio show.

Basically, after doing a few stints here, and reading your comments to my posts on what you've shared are "the things that matter to you," I realize there might just be something to taking these topics to a different forum. One with immediate interaction and reaction, with intelligent, funny, and frank discussion might lead to understanding, relief, support, and here's hoping - laughter.

I'm no parenting expert nor do I claim to be the most fantastically hilarious and entertaining person you'll ever listen to or read.

But, I do think there's someting to be said about talking frankly about parenting, on blogs and on the air.

So, every Tuesday night, starting tonight, from 10-11pm EST, I will sit in front of my computer with ear against a phone and talk about what I think you might want to hear.

Tonight it's: Feminist Parenting: The good, the bad, and the Husbands...

Frank and funny talk about clueless husbands, racy girls toys and clothing, and a friendly debate with herbadmother and mothergoosemouse (yay!).

Feel free to listen, share, and/or call in. It's free. And I'd love to hear your voice and comments on the topics each week. I'll be posting the MP3s from the shows at the bottom of these posts each week so folks can listen if they choose. And I believe you can subscribe to the feeds as well.

It's just a start. Hopefully of something great.

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If you want a "real" post from me, click here. And the debate portion of the show will be on around 10:40pm EST... But I promise lots of interesting goodness before then. If you can't listen, feel free to send money and an apology - or just catch the reruns - I'll post them here tomorrow.