Motherhood Uncensored: And All I Got Was a Direct Ticket to Hell

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September 17, 2007

And All I Got Was a Direct Ticket to Hell

So let me get this straight. She auctions off a bunch of pokemon cards that her kids snuck in her cart (but then she bought) and gets a bazillion hits and national recognition.

I accidentally take home a $6.95 duck that I don't even try to sell and I get tens of comments telling me I'm promoting thievery of the worst kind.

Sheesh, people. The thanks I get for ridding the shelves of Made-in-China toys.

Next time, I'm going to try to take Mei Lan.

Accidentally, of course. (I wonder how much I could get for her on eBay?).

So, I've decided to take a cue from my fellow mom blogger/entrepreneur and auction off the duck. That's right. "Danny" the duck (as it says on the tag attached to his ass) is up for grabs.

It's too damn hot here in Georgia. And I'm sick of grits.

(Thanks for idea, Suebob)

But the best part is that I'm donating all the proceeds to support my dear friend and your favorite blogger's Walk, er Casual Stroll for Tanner.

(Don't know Tanner? Read this post). Or this.

Raffle tickets are $1 a piece -- simply paypal me whatever you can spare to [email protected]. Make sure to include your address (which I promise not to sell -- hey, I do have some morals) and your blog url (if you have one).

I'll put all the names in a hat (the more tickets you buy, the more chances you have to win) and the lucky winner will be the new owner of the duck.

And Motherhood Uncensored condoms.

Any duck who's worth his weight in feathers supports safe sex.

And a clitoral, g-spot, male/female stimulator (because I just happen to have an extra sample on hand).

Even ducks get lonely.

*PLUS: Southern Comfort for Mama Needs It Chocolate Lotion AND Lickable Massage Oil. All natural, handmade, and not-tested on animals. (Available in the shop 10/1). Thanks Mel!

*A brandnew masthead (you know you need it) from Amy's catalog! They'll even load it up on your blog.

*Two $10 Gift Cards to Starbucks courtesy of Sharon.

Please spread the word by swiping a button code at the bottom of this post. Raffle tickets can be bought through September 29 (Catherine's walk is September 30). Unfortunately, these donations are not tax deductible. You can donate the "official" way, but then you won't get a stolen duck and some rubbers.

Er, a Rubber duck (HA!).

(And if you have stolen items to sweeten the pot, or bought ones, or handmade ones that are highly covetable even moreso than the infamous duck, feel free to email me). I'll be updating this post regularly with the generous peoples' links who have contributed money as well as stuff.

Not only to support Tanner. But thievery of the very best kind.

Potential Duck Owners (Show Them Some Love, Will Ya?)

Kris

Posted at 08:00 AM in Mom Rants | Permalink

Comments

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Posted by: Endalcolo | August 16, 2008 at 05:43 AM

What a great idea! I love that I can help Tanner too!

Posted by: Fairly Odd Mother | September 22, 2007 at 09:51 PM

I'm in! Posting buttons and paypaling now.

Posted by: Christine | September 21, 2007 at 09:54 PM

Paypal sent! You're a great friend!

Posted by: Lori | September 21, 2007 at 12:22 PM

You rock.

Paypaling in support to you right now

S
xoxo

Posted by: Sandra | September 20, 2007 at 10:47 PM

Just sent in some money via PayPal and would like to offer up (2) $10 Starbucks gift cards for you to raffle off as well. I didn't steal them, but they ARE from Christmas of last year...isn't re-gifting as heinous of a crime as shoplifting?

Posted by: Sharon | September 20, 2007 at 01:15 PM

Paypal winding its way toward you right now - will figure out the Duck code soon....

Posted by: FishyGirl | September 19, 2007 at 04:01 PM

Just Paypal'd you....i soooo want that Toy.....um i mean the duck...ya thats it

Posted by: geena | September 19, 2007 at 11:39 AM

I'd totally donate my Altoids, but you know I immediately ate them. I had to destroy the evidence you know.

I NEED that duck!

Posted by: LawyerMama | September 18, 2007 at 03:06 PM

Stolen poultry and a sex toy? I am SO IN! I'll post the button, and hit paypal.

Posted by: Michele | September 17, 2007 at 10:12 PM

I PayPal'd you and posted the badge. The duck's cute, but what I really want is that Nexus :)

Posted by: Elizabeth | September 17, 2007 at 08:19 PM

You should totally appeal to the anti-duck-thieves out there by suggesting that if they buy the little yellow bastard...they can return it to the store from whence it came!!!

Then, all would be right in the world, once again!

Posted by: Bobita | September 17, 2007 at 07:28 PM

Awesome idea.

And that's one ugly fucking duck for $6.95

Posted by: Mom101 | September 17, 2007 at 05:05 PM

I think it's unfair as well. Pokemon Shpokemon. I'll call the National Enquirer, if I were you.

Quack.

Posted by: MamaLee | September 17, 2007 at 03:39 PM

Sent a few bucks your way...

Posted by: motherofbun | September 17, 2007 at 03:26 PM

Look for my donation, should be there any minute. And I heart you.

Posted by: Mrs. Chicken | September 17, 2007 at 01:16 PM

Shit, it comes with a toy?! I may just have to buy a ticket or two.

Posted by: mothergoosemouse | September 17, 2007 at 12:49 PM

No worries, Alison. I'll just make sure to amend my post to make sure it's clear that I AM THE THIEF and she is not.

Posted by: Kristen | September 17, 2007 at 12:44 PM

I'm not trying to be a party pooper or anything; I don't give a shit if your kid steals toys or not. But, from my understanding the other lady paid for the cards, the kids snuck them in the basket and she ended up paying for them with the rest of the groceries. Anyway, I hope you end up on the radio here, because the stations all suuuuuck!

Posted by: Alison of a Gun (in atlanta!) | September 17, 2007 at 12:38 PM

This is awesome. What a way to start my Monday. :)

Posted by: Ute | September 17, 2007 at 12:06 PM

I never win anything STIMULATING.

Posted by: Oh, The Joys | September 17, 2007 at 11:17 AM

Posted the button. I'll get to paypal later today, I hope. Good Luck!!! Maybe I can clean out the babies room and send the overflow to you :) I don't know what I would do with the stolen duck, most likely go to jail for receiving stolen property!!!

Posted by: justmylife | September 17, 2007 at 11:06 AM

Count me in. I'm heading over to paypal you. :)

Posted by: Dana | September 17, 2007 at 10:42 AM

That's one cool duck. Who knew they used condoms!

Posted by: PunditMom | September 17, 2007 at 10:35 AM

You. Are. The. AWESOMEST.

Posted by: Her Bad Mother | September 17, 2007 at 10:30 AM

Thanks Amy.

I think I'm flattered :)

Posted by: Kristen | September 17, 2007 at 09:44 AM

I considered sicking my dad on the Pokemon lady, too, but I figured that she wouldn't react as hilariously as you did. :)

Posted by: Amy | September 17, 2007 at 09:37 AM